Adventures with Maezy and Boone: A Tale of WHOA!

By D.L. Munyun

This book is no ordinary journey of enlightenment on the topic of elderly parent care. It is based on the unanticipated misadventures that came with caring for my own parents after moving them from independent to assisted living. Follow me now, if you dare, as we wind our way along this loopy road of real-life drama and dodge pothole after pothole, only to end up back where we began. Along the way, you will encounter a wicked witch, attend a Mardi Gras Ball, learn about hygiene's connection to health, shop like you've never shopped before, and be wowed by the food of the ancients: pizza! But beware: brutal truths and questionable behavior lie ahead. Proceed with caution, dear reader!

Based on the former blog: adventures-elderlyparentcare.info.

• Language: English
• Publisher: D.L. Munyun
• Release date: Dec 7, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370099351

D.L. Munyun

Married: YesOffspring: 2 daughtersAge: I can't be truthful here.Skills: Legal billing and secretarialCollege: University of New OrleansHigh School: Riverdale High School and Grace King High SchoolAspirations: To be a published writerPublished ebook: Adventures with Maezy and Boone: A Tale of WHOA!

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Adventures with Maezy and Boone: A Tale of Whoa!

Moving my Elderly Parents from Independent to Assisted Living…and Back!

By D.L. Munyun

Copyright 2016 D.L. Munyun

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Table of Contents

Maezy and Boone

Adventure 1: The Call for Help

Adventure 2: The Wicked Witch of the South

Adventure 3: The Man-Friend Request

Adventure 4: Life as Normal at the ALC

Adventure 5: Getting the Boot

Adventure 6: The Search for Spitaroxyl

Adventure 7: The Man-Friend Nightmare

Adventure 8: The Victorian Nightmare

Adventure 9: The Victorian Nightmare Continued

Adventure 10: Thong Gone Wrong

Adventure 11: Dr. Hekyll and Mr. Jyde

Adventure 12: The Curse of the Motorized Maezy

Adventure 13: Maezy Brings the Mardi Gras Bling

Adventure 14: A Maezy 9-1-1

Adventure 15: Laugh Therapy - Boone v. the Blues

Adventure 16: A Pizza 9-1-1

Adventure 17: Maezy’s Amazing No-Broke-Bones Brew

Adventure 18: GEEZ! It’s Genetic?!

Adventure 19: A Camouflaged Blessing

Adventure 20: Strike 3! Maezy-the-Minx Is OUT!

Acknowledgements

References

Maezy and Boone

This is a story about elderly parent care that chronicles the nightmares adventures that I have survived with moving my own parents from independent living to assisted living and back. To date, the innocent, as well as the guilty, are alive and well, and shall, therefore, remain anonymous. I will herein refer to my mother as Maezy, because, as I was about to learn, she’s a Mae West-ish kind of crazy. Mae West, the incomparable vaudeville performer, playwright, and Hollywood movie vixen from the 1930’s, was a paragon of promiscuity.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

It's not the men in your life that matter, it's the life in your men.

There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.

- Mae West

My father will be known in this adventure as Boone because he referred to himself as such whenever he chopped firewood with a hatchet on outdoor family camping trips. Boone was an avid fan of the 1960's TV series, Daniel Boone, which was loosely based on the real-life 1760’s American frontiersman. In the show's introduction (with the help of early special effects), TV-Boone hurled a hatchet at the trunk of a very large tree and split it completely in two. Daddy-Boone connected. Some wisdom from the American frontier:

All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife.

- Daniel Boone

(The good ole days.)

Both of my parents were in their early eighties throughout this tale of Whoa!

The Call for Help

It was in August of 2012, when my father first asked for my help. My parents were then living in the state of Macadamia and had a housekeeper who visited every two weeks to vacuum, mop, and dust. Laundry, however, was becoming a load, and grocery shopping required traveling on a busy highway. Further, when their friends scattered with the winds of Hurricane Katrina in 2005, they no longer went anywhere or did anything socially. When I visited on weekends, Maezy would be wearing a paper-thin moo-moo dress, and Boone - funky red shorts and a white T-shirt. My mother's hair was straight and worn down, while the white T-shirt and red shorts seemed to be stuck on my dad.

My short-fused brother, TNT, lived a block down from my parents on the same street. My sister, Pandora, a grandmother of four, lived about 15 minutes away. As for me, the youngest of the three, I had a 45-minute drive from a neighboring state.

When first approached with this call for help, I thought, No problem. I can take this on. Sure, I worked a 40-hour week, but paying monthly bills, a little grocery shopping here and a doctor appointment there, seemed workable. Both of my daughters were teenagers and doing their own thing. How hard could it be? I considered it an honor, and I was going to be there for my parents. Turns out, I didn't know squat about caring for the elderly. To say that I was unprepared for this undertaking was an understatement. I was to become the proverbial deer in headlights, Daughter-Deerest.

The adventure began with the approach of Hurricane Isaac at the end of August 2012, when Maezy and Boone asked if they could evacuate to my house to ride out the storm. Of course, they could evacuate to my house! I lived 50 miles westward above sea level with my husband and two teen-aged daughters. We had stocked up on canned foods, bottled water, batteries, and candles and had battened down everything outside of the house to prevent any flying projectiles. We then hunkered down and hoped we wouldn’t lose electricity. (Luckily, we didn't.)

Hurricane Isaac blew through and three days later, Maezy and Boone did not appear the least bit eager to return to their home in Macadamia. On the fourth day, Boone asked to speak with me. We sat in the living room, where he told me that it was getting too difficult for him and Maezy to live alone. He related that his mental faculties were beginning to fail him, and that he felt as though dementia may be setting in.

I asked Boone about TNT helping since he lived just down the block, but he didn’t want to bother TNT. I then mentioned that Pandora lived just 15 minutes away, but he didn’t want to bother Pandora either. Okay. We then discussed agencies such as Visiting Angels, etc., but he did not want a stranger in his house, so that wouldn't work either. He stressed that he wanted me to handle his finances and not some visiting angel. Hmmm. I asked if he and Maezy would consider moving closer to where I lived so that I could take better care of them, and Boone decided that it might be best for them to do so. Maezy then entered the room.

She asked what we were discussing, and I explained the gist of the conversation. Maezy's lower lip began to quiver, and she declared that she was NOT ready to leave her house in Macadamia! She had designed it. TNT had helped build it, and there was an unbreakable emotional attachment! I told her that I would just research some facilities in the nearby area, and her