Into the Woods

By Alexa Sinclaire

FORD

I’m not supposed to sleep with my employees. But how about fall in love with them? I’ve loved Charlie Alford since the day I met her. Now she’s leaving and I’ve only got once chance to get her to see we’re meant for each other, one chance to get past her walls and show her how great we’d be together. My method might be unconventional but it’s a shot I’m willing to take. In the end, she’ll love me. And if she doesn’t, I know she’ll definitely hate me.

CHARLIE

Ford Gross is the one man in my life that hasn’t tried to get into my panties. Of course he’s the only man I’ve truly wanted. My whole life I’ve been reminded over and over again how little I’m worth and the message has stuck. With Ford, it’s different. I’m different. But one night with Ford changes everything. He’s making me an offer I can’t refuse. But if I accept it means I’ll become everything I’ve always avoided and he’ll join the ranks of men that have used me and thrown me away.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Evernight Publishing
• Release date: Nov 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9781773390826

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Published by EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ® at Smashwords

www.evernightpublishing.com

Copyright© 2016 Alexa Sinclaire

ISBN: 978-1-77339-082-6

Cover Artist: Jay Aheer

Editor: Katelyn Uplinger

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

DEDICATION

To all the Charlies out there trying to find out their own path in life.

INTO THE WOODS

Lust in the Woods, 2

Alexa Sinclaire

Copyright © 2016

Prologue

Charlie

You’re not good enough.

There’s a horrible catch-22 when you find yourself faced with the same message over and over again. There are those people who hear it and think why bother and then there are those who manage to misinterpret it to mean if they try harder, even though they’ve been told their efforts won’t matter, it might make them better, stronger, or smarter.

It’s most often not even a direct message. It’s more like a slow growing mold.

You’re not good enough.

You’ll never be good enough.

Two things happen to a person when they are deprived of any sort of support. Either they strive and fight for whatever’s missing, ensuring they never go without, or they become convinced they don’t need whatever’s missing, believing they can survive on tiny amounts. I’m not talking about water or food, shelter, or air. I’m talking about what makes us strive to keep going—love, affection, money, family, desire for success. Whatever. It’s usually a mix of some of those things. Ideally, a complicated balance between all of them and then some.

So what happens when none of those things exist? What happens when all you get is water, food, shelter, and air? For a while, not a lot. But the slow growing mold develops and sinks into everything. It gets in between the folds of your jacket, sinks into your hair and under your nails. It becomes a part of you, something you’ve never lived without. And you just stop noticing it because it’s not part of you.

You can’t remember a time when it wasn’t there. It’s all you’ve ever known and because of the ingrown familiarity, you stop seeing it for what it is—a parasitical dangerous fungus that eventually destroys everything around it. Instead, it just becomes part of who you are and you stop thinking it’s a problem. It’s just you.

We’ve all heard those success stories about the kid who grew up wearing Goodwill clothes and living on food stamps but still fought their way to the top of the food chain and now own a Bugatti, have overcome their fears with regular therapy, and are well-rounded, wealthy, successful individuals with clear goals and effective plans on how to achieve them. Yeah, those people are the outliers.

What you don’t hear about is the kid who grew up next door, in the exact same situation, and never escaped, not because they weren’t provided the same opportunities, but because they didn’t know there was a different way to live. They didn’t know they were even allowed to dream about living a different life, living a different way. Those kids, those are the ones whose stories no one likes to talk about.

They are not the exciting outliers providing inspiration and hope. They are the ones who prove, despite all the anecdotal evidence about grit and perseverance, that demographics determine their fate, everyone’s fate, really. Because that’s the horrible reality everyone likes to hide from.

Let’s run through some of those lovely statistics, shall we? If you are born into poverty, you most likely will live and die in poverty. If you are born into a broken home, you will most likely go on to create your own broken home. If you’re unlucky enough to have parents who are addicts, or whatever sort, you are most likely to struggle with addiction at some point in your life. The list is endless.

Endless.

So what are we supposed to do, in the face of insurmountable evidence that life will probably be pretty tough and crappy, despite the best will or the biggest dreams?

Nothing.

Just do the best you can, and maybe you’ll get lucky, although statistically it would be ludicrous to pin any hope on luck. Try and smile and take it one day at a time. Find joy in the little pleasures in life. Buy an adult coloring book and look for mindfulness. Order another cupcake because icing is a magical thing and can make any day brighter. Do what feels good, like having sex, and looking up in the sky when the sun is shining.

It took me a long time to figure this out.

It took me a long time to notice the mold in my hair, my lungs, at the bottom of my bag, sneaking into the credit card folds, covering the spare change and tampons. And even now I know it’s there, I don’t know how to get rid of it. There’s no cleaning service I can call who will simply fumigate my life and then hand me back the keys and tell me I’m set. Ready to go. I looked. There’s no company that does it.

A long time ago, I figured out there were a few life rules that if I followed, I would probably be okay. Unfortunately, I learned those rules could only take me so far and actually they weren’t the best rules to live by. Not by a long shot. But they were all I had. They were my lifeline to a normal, healthy life. Sure, sometimes my rules meant I got relegated to the sidelines, sometimes I ended up doing things I didn’t really want to do to please others, and often times it meant putting my own emotions aside in order to stick by my rules. The long game always seemed worth it. Stability, safety, security, and hopefully, one day, love. Weren’t those things worth sacrificing for? Even if those sacrifices were small parts of yourself?

Now, I’m trying out something new. I’m finding new rules.

It’s not easy. It’s the opposite of easy. And that’s what I’m doing—the opposite of easy.

***

Ford

I’ve watched her for years. Silently supporting her the best I can. There’s no point pretending she secretly harbors feelings for me. I know that’s ridiculous. And even if she did, I doubt she’d act on them. I’m not the kind of guy she goes for.

The two things my father taught me before he kicked me out of the house were the two things I’ve never managed to do. The first is that any man who knows what he wants only has himself to blame if he doesn’t get it.

The second is a real man is tough.

That one’s pretty obvious. Although surprisingly hard to actually live up to. Especially when toughness for my father literally translates into muscle mass, fat bank accounts, and counting how much easy pussy you can tap. Graduating college, coming home and telling my dad I had no interest in taking my place in the family business was met with derision. Further confessing to wanting to open a coffee shop after spending six months living in South America was met with flat out rejection. He didn’t take away my trust fund, but I wasn’t welcome in the house anymore. In the yelling that ensued before the door slammed behind me, as I was exiled from my family home, he reminded me of all the other ways I’d failed him: I wasn’t an athlete, I wasn’t a ladies’ man, and now I wasn’t even going to make any real money. I was barely a man in his eyes.

What the hell kind of man was I?

It’s hard to see past that kind of accusation. But I did and now I’m happy.

Sort of.

I want Charlie. And for the first time I’ve realized maybe there’s some truth in my dad’s first rule. The only person standing in the way of getting Charlie is me. I’m her boss and her friend. Now that her best friend’s gone, I know Charlie’s lonely and doing what she always does—throwing herself into the arms of men who don’t even want her. Sure, they want her for a night, an afternoon, hell probably just an hour or two if they can convince her with their bullshit. But they don’t want her.

But I do. I want her. I want everything about her. I want her to see me for the man I am. Somehow I’ve managed to friend-zone myself with her. The only woman I’ve actually wanted and she doesn’t even get it when I flirt with her.

All that’s about to change. Because I’ve realized, after too many years of hoping, taking it slow and steady with Charlie isn’t getting me anywhere. I used to tell myself I kept my feelings low-key out of respect for her but the truth is I didn’t have the balls to take what I wanted. To tell her we would be perfect together. To point out the man of her dreams is right in front of her. Slow and steady is worthless when the woman of your dreams is literally about to walk out of your life forever.

Chapter One

Charlie

Standing in the small bathroom of my apartment, I quickly ran through the list of things I needed to do before my date tonight. I was running a bit late but only because I’d stayed up late talking to Katy on the phone and hadn’t given myself enough makeup time to cover my eye bags. She was in Paris, living the most ridiculously romantic adventure with her boyfriend Sam. The man had literally flown across the world to win her heart.

I missed her like hell and if it meant staying up late, despite having worked all day and still trying to look good for my date, it was still totally worth it. Katy didn’t know about my past but she also wasn’t an idiot,