Dr. Duke Beauregard's Guide to Sleazy Living

By Dr. Duke Beauregard

Yes, it's here - a guide for people who want to know the ins and outs of sleazy living. From schmoozing to scented oils and all points in between, this book shows the way to a morally ambiguous life. This is indeed a manifesto of sleaziness.

Dr. Duke Beauregard proves that sleaziness is indeed something that can be learned from a book.

Dr. Duke Beauregard is not a medical doctor; however, he has earned a PhD in good times with an emphasis on partying down.

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Tradition Books
• Release date: Dec 21, 2003
• ISBN: 9781932420197

Book preview

sleaziness!

C’mon, you know you want to be

sleazy!

You know you’ve seen him.

You know, the guy who just slides by in life, getting laid whenever he wants. The guy who doesn’t let social constructs like manners or taste get in the way of his good time. Sometimes, he’s hung over. Sometimes he’s sporting gold chains. Sometimes he’s wearing tight clothes. Whatever his situation it is, whether it be riding on top of the world or in complete disarray, he oozes confidence and, as a result, opportunity and women always flock to his side.

And he just happens to be the sleaziest guy you know.

This is no coincidence.

Or how about that gal you’ve seen hanging out at the club. She’s always there and has her pick of any guy she wants. Whenever she feels like having a little company, all she has to do is give the signal and she gets picked up. She wears slinky, revealing clothing without one thought of shame or modesty. She thinks nothing of flashing a little boob or showing a little ass if she thinks that it will be to her benefit. Or maybe she does it just because she feels like it. Regardless, she’s always out on the town, drinking to her hearts content on the generosity of losers like you who have only one thing on their minds. She’s only got one thing on her mind as well. And it ain’t you, Romeo. She’s all about having a good time and she’s not afraid to use what she’s got to get it. She understands her power.

These people are sleazes and while we are taught by society to revile them, we all secretly wish we could be them. We want the freedom from the constraints of good taste and manners that they enjoy. We want the confidence that comes from not caring what people who don’t matter think. We want the ability to not let anything stand in the way of our good time whatever it may be. Sleazes are the people who we all want to be but are either too afraid or not knowledgeable enough to emulate. These are the people who aren’t afraid to kick it loose and let it all hang out.

Whether we’re married or single, all of us out there want that freedom to be sleazy, but due to our responsible upbringings and ingrained concepts of self-respect, we just can’t seem to make it work. We’re just too uptight. The mere thought of wearing our pants too tight or showing off a little chest hair makes us feel so guilty that we can’t help but start watching TBN. This is why the only way that we can ever achieve a decent level of sleaziness is either by association or accident. We just happen into it, not even realizing that we’re doing it. That’s why we’re so appalled when we wake up the next morning with some girl that we would never normally be seen with in proper light. We quickly forget the fact that she bought the drinks last night.

This book is a guide for those of us who weren’t lucky enough to be brought up on the fringes of decency, those of us who were cursed with a good upbringing and morals. This is for those of us who aren’t afraid to go out there and grab what is rightfully ours.

I know for a fact that the conservativeness that surrounded my childhood was a great hindrance to me when I set out on my quest for unbridled hedonism and carousing. The guilt was excruciating in the beginning, but through careful self analysis and soul searching, I finally found a way to come to grips with myself. I had to not only re-invent but also reprogram myself. I realized that I, myself, was the only obstacle that was standing in the way of me having a sleazy good time. Those tight pants weren’t going to put themselves on me. I had to put them on. It was me that had to wear the gold medallion. It was me that had to initiate the threesome. I had to realize that if I was to become a sleaze, then the effort would be mine entirely. My success as a sleaze rested upon how much permission I was going to give myself to succeed. It was then that I decided to step out of the way and allow myself to pass. After that, I was unstoppable. Social mores would not stop me. I no longer knew the meaning of the words bad taste. The tanning bed became my office. Threesomes became as routine as going to the grocery store. My freak flag was made of polyester and I proudly waved it all around the nude beach. It was then that I truly became a bona fide sleaze.

At this point, you’re probably wondering why a person would even want to become a sleaze. It seems like an awfully lot of trouble, right? This is easy. Everybody likes freedom and being a sleaze means freedom to have a good time. Just because it’s difficult at first doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it. Because it is. A sleaze doesn’t let the fact that something might not be socially acceptable get in his way. We’ll get into more detail on this later.

While this book is geared more towards single wannabe sleazes, married wannabe sleazes can use the same rules and apply them to their lives just as easily. Sleaziness has no boundaries and can be practiced by anyone regardless of his race, sex, marital status or creed.

If I can just help one person overcome his hesitancy about allowing himself to get the party started, I will have succeeded. Remember life is your oyster, you just have to know how to open it.

I’m just here to tell you that sleaziness is something you can learn from a book.

The Road to Sleazy – My Story

You’re probably asking yourself, just what makes me such a damned expert when it comes to sleaziness?

It’s because I know from personal experience, Junior.

Just take a look at me living the good life. You see me out on the town, surrounded by a bevy of beauties, without one wit of concern for the opinions of morally constricted individuals. What you don’t see is that less than two decades ago, I was an uptight, priggish goody-two-shoes. I was that person who wants to put pants on piano legs. I couldn’t go to KFC because I was afraid to say the words breast or leg. I was a prude in every sense of the word. I was the kind of guy whom I wouldn’t even speak to today. Unless, I could get something out of him, that is.

So what happened? What made me do a complete about face?

It wasn’t something that happened overnight. This much I can tell you. I didn’t just decide to become a sleaze. I was so uptight that I would never have been able to make a decision like that. Besides, I wouldn’t even have know how or where to start. It was a change that occurred over several months, culminating with a single life changing event.

At the time, I was a happy young man who lived in ignorant bliss. I played the organ at church and I volunteered down at the homeless shelter. I was kind to every person I saw. I was just an all around nice guy. In other words, I was a complete wuss. A doormat. A stick in the mud.