Vicariously

By La'ShayeMarie Nevels

Vicariously is a story told by a woman who has spent her life afraid to live. She has grown tired of worrying about what others think. She is no longer looking for approval or even acceptance. Her fight was from within. Her fear of being seen was overwhelming. With lots of encouragement from her husband she can experience things she has never experienced, act in ways she would have never thought to act and see her as she has never seen herself before.

This book is about a shy young lady who spends most of her time trapped inside a box. She meets a young man, who makes an unbelievable connection with her. A connection that makes her want to explore a side of her that no one has ever seen that she never knew she had. She does this by taking on a character that she finds in a book. She lives a little through the eyes of the character while finding so many of this character’s desires within herself. She finds the strength to pull herself out of her shell by living through the book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665529426

Book preview

© 2021 La’ShayeMarie Nevels. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/03/2021

ISBN: 978-1-6655-2943-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-2942-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021912116

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Kandice

Man meets Woman

Officially dating

He returns home

No, he didn’t

The scenic route

Memories

Happy Birthday Edward

Hidden path

Feeling Sexy

Anytime, Anyplace

Seductress

Make it Caliente

Ear Kandi

Sandy beach

Snowy night

Family gathering

Going Up

The pole

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I wanted to do so many things with my life. I had so many dreams and aspirations. I have spent most if not all my life just existing. Afraid to live, afraid to laugh, afraid to love and afraid to take risks, I have been through trials and tribulations that have changed my attitude allowing my curiosity to be peaked. I wonder what would happen if I thought outside of my box, outside of my character just a little. Not such a dramatic change that those who know me can no longer say no she wouldn’t do that but just enough of a change that you would have to say really let me ask her if she has done this or that.

I have always been a quiet individual. I never wanted to draw attention to myself. Always wanting to live in my cozy little box, afraid to find out if I had a wild side, let alone explore it. I made excuses for not wanting to try different things. I just did not have the confidence to do so. I wondered what others would think of my trying this or saying that. I knew that I did have a wild side, but I kept it hidden as I did with that sex kitten inside me. I had to I am the only girl in a family of boys. So, my shell had to be hardened. The words sexy, desirable, beautiful, vulnerable, voluptuous, or adventurous were not in my vocabulary. I am very shy if a man looked at me in interest or not, I would immediately drop my head and hoped that he was not looking at me. I never gave myself a chance and I tried not to take a chance. I was afraid to be soft, sexy and inviting. I was afraid to be vulnerable or as we would say be a girlie girl. It was safer to keep that side of me hidden deep inside. Through my life’s experiences, I have come to realize that life is too short. It was not until I met the inspiration for this book that I have decided now is the time.

This book has allowed me to live vicariously through its characters and take a brief walk on the wild side, not afraid to take chances, to live instead of just existing allowing spontaneity to peak through, to live outside of the box. I hope that this book allows your inner goddess to speak out if not forever at least for a moment.

My inspiration comes from the things I wanted to say and do with an incredibly special person. My husband, I thank you for your inspiration, your time, and your experiments.

I thank my wonderful children, Ky-Ree, Malique and Armani, who are not the direct inspiration for my writing this book. They are, however, my inspiration in everything that I do. I have lived through them since their births. I have tried to encourage them with everything they did. I never wanted them to feel as if they could not do anything. I have tried to limit and control their surroundings because I always wanted them to be positively encouraged. I need them to know that they can do anything that they set their minds to. All that I did not do I want for them. They are the high lights of my life. I would not change a single thing about them. I love my young men.

To the one person in my later years, who has become more of a friend and supporter while remaining my mother has encouraged me to write resulting in this book and the inspiration for more to come. I thank you for your encouragement. The things you could have said including don’t do it. Thank you so very much for allowing me to feel that it is okay to take some risk to find just a little happiness in the short time that we are here on earth.

I humbly thank those failed attempts at relationships for allowing me the chance to see the things within me that I needed to change and for allowing me the insight into the good the bad and the ugly of those relationships so that I may see what makes me happy.

I hope that you enjoy my transformation as much as I have enjoyed transforming. Thank you.

INTRODUCTION

Kandice Montgomery, a quiet young woman born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. Although this has been her home since birth, she longed to venture off, exploring things she has not experienced. She often closed her eyes and found herself swimming in the waters of the Caribbean islands, speaking the language of love in Paris, or having a spot of tea in England. Kandice longed to travel outside of the state, even though she had not seen all that her state had to offer. All she knew was unpredictable weather and places she did not want to see. Yes, she knew that there were beautiful places in Ohio that she had not seen for example, corkscrew falls in Hocking Hills and the Franklin castle but she longed to travel out of her state and experience life in other places.

Kandice kept to herself. She did not get into fads. She was not very fashionable. So shy that she did not like talking to people in fact she did not trust people easily. She dared not share her thoughts or her feelings with another. She did not think anyone cared enough to want to hear or listen to them. She did not know exactly what she enjoyed. She never took the time to find out. The things she did enjoy she kept to herself as to not bring attention to them or to herself in hopes of avoiding judgment and being ridiculed.

She kept things simple and limited to only the things she has experienced such as cool evenings, sunrises, sunsets, her porch swing, a glass of wine and a good book. And most times she would allow her imagination, her glass of wine and her love of music to run away with her. Her mind would fill with thoughts of wonder. She often wondered what it would feel like to be adventurous, to be seen as beautiful, sexy and alluring. But for a woman with so much imagination, it saddens her that she cannot make her thoughts her reality.

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KANDICE

My name is not important, what is important though is the process we take to find ourselves for each of us to grow we must first learn who we are. Some of us find it quicker than others and some of us must go through some thangz to really let go and be who we are meant or desire to be. When we have discovered who we are we must accept who we are then and only then will we be able to demand to be accepted for who we are.

I am a thirty-something-year-old African American woman. I keep to myself. I stay out of trouble. I live a mundane life for which I love I just wish that I dared to live a little ok a lot. I wonder what it would feel like to be adventurous, seen as beautiful, sexy and alluring. My experiences in life are limited to sunrises, sunsets, porch swings, my imagination and my glass of wine. One would wonder why a young lady my age would choose to live secluded or can anyone be so shy as to withdraw from the people around her. It is simple really isolation is easy. I have not found anyone I could trust, and fear takes over everything else. I wish that I were not so afraid of what I thought people were thinking about me. I wish that I could have lived as I imagined and not as a fear of what others may have thought of me. I simply wish or wanted to live as if nothing mattered only what was in that moment while still being safe and not afraid.

Who am I? Really? A quiet young woman born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. Although this has been my home since birth, I longed to venture off, explore things that I have yet to experience. I often close my eyes and find myself swimming in the waters of the Caribbean islands, speaking the language of love in Paris, or having a spot of tea in England. I would love to travel outside of the state, even though I have not seen all that my state had to offer. All I know is unpredictable weather and places I did not want to see. Yes, there are some beautiful places in Ohio like Hocking Hills that I have not seen but I longed to travel and experience life.

Kandice kept to herself. She did not get into fads. She was not very fashionable. So shy that she did not like talking to people in fact she did not trust people easily. She dared not share her thoughts or her feelings with another. She did not think anyone cared enough to want to hear or listen to them. She did not know exactly what she enjoyed. She never took the time to find out. The things she did enjoy she kept to herself as to not bring attention to them. She kept things simple a glass of red wine, a cool evening sitting on the porch listening to her music or reading a good book. In her dreams, she is this beautiful woman who has been around the world and back and has experienced all that life had to offer. In her dreams she is sexy, inviting, alluring and confident. To her sadness, she cannot make her dreams a reality…, until she makes her routine visit to her favorite library and discovers a book that describes a confident woman with an unforgettable experience that she makes all her own.

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MAN MEETS WOMAN

Good morning Kandice the librarian speaks as she enters. Good morning Kandice replies has anything good come in today? Yes, Kandice spoken with all the excitement of a toddler receiving a new toy a new book from a new author. I knew that you would want this one I made sure that I put one aside for you. It promises to be an excellent read it comes from France. A French author huh Kandice replies have you read it yet? No, I haven’t in fact when I put it aside, for you I also put a copy away for me. And you know that I’mma begin reading it tonight. Kandice looks at the cover as the librarian hands her the book. I have a few more books to find thanks, happy reading she replies while she makes her way to the other books, she is interested in. While she is making her choices, she notices that a handsome young man is watching her every move. She cannot help but wonder why he has chosen her to stalk. She finds a table back in the corner away from his view and takes a sigh of relief when she knows that he can no longer see her and begins looking through her selection to decide which she would like to take home with her.

A few minutes have passed, a sudden noise disturbs her briefly. She finds that the gentleman she was hiding from has sat at the table across from her and is watching her again. She quickly looks away trying not to look at him. She slowly turns back to find him still watching her. He Emerges from his chair as if he will approach her. So shy and fearing his approach she abruptly stands, gathers her things, throws her written list of books that she has collected along with her library card you got me, and races to the exit leaving the young man standing there, watching her flee. With her heart still beating fast she wonders if he was planning to approach her and what was he going to say. She takes a deep breath and calms herself while making her way home. With her nerves under control, I am home, she thinks". Her thoughts run away with her as she unlocks her door. She wonders why she was so afraid of him approaching her. No one is this shy. What is wrong with me? Laying her books on the couch and kicking her shoes off. She makes her way to her bedroom to get comfortable. She continues to overthink about the experience