Matchmaking Advice From Your Grandma Zelda (The Collection from the Matchmaker Mysteries): Goodnight Mysteries, #13

By Elise Sax

The complete collection of Grandma Zelda's matchmaking advice from the bestselling Matchmaking Mysteries series. All of her words of wisdom are here, and as a bonus, Yiddish definitions and introductions by Elise Sax and Grandma Zelda are included. Zelda's humorous words of wisdom about love and life are a shot of happiness, sure to brighten anyone's day.

Matchmaker Mysteries…Sometimes love comes with a few dead ends.

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"Elise Sax will win your heart."—New York Times bestselling author Jill Shalvis
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"Sax will make you laugh. Her larger-than-life characters jump off the page and make crazy seem like a fun place to hang out."—New York Times bestselling author Christie Craig

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"With quirky characters reminiscent of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series and a small-town heroine redolent of Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse" --RT Book Reviews
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"Fans of laugh-out-loud romantic suspense will enjoy this new author as she joins the ranks of Janet Evanovich, Katie MacAllister, and Jennifer Crusie."—Booklist, on An Affair to Dismember
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Elise Sax
• Release date: Jul 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386243700

Book preview

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Matchmaking Advice

From Your Grandma Zelda

The Collection from the Matchmaker Mysteries Series

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elise sax

Matchmaking Advice from Your Grandma Zelda (The Collection from the Matchmaker Mysteries Series) is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2018 by Elise Sax

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1719544504

Published in the United States by 13 Lakes Publishing

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Cover design: Elizabeth Mackey

Formatted by: Jesse Kimmel-Freeman

Printed in the United States of America

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For my Grandma Zelda…

Also by Elise Sax

Matchmaker Mysteries Series

Matchmaking Advice from Your Grandma Zelda

Road to Matchmaker

An Affair to Dismember

Citizen Pain

The Wizards of Saws

Field of Screams

From Fear to Eternity

West Side Gory

Scareplane

It Happened One Fright

The Big Kill

It’s a Wonderful Knife

Ship of Ghouls

Goodnight Mysteries Series

Die Noon

Five Wishes Series

Going Down

Man Candy

Hot Wired

Just Sacked

Wicked Ride

Five Wishes Series

Three More Wishes Series

Blown Away

Inn & Out

Quick Bang

Three More Wishes Series

Forever Series

Forever Now

Bounty

Switched

Moving Violations

Also by Elise Sax

Introduction

Introduction

The Lessons

Also by Elise Sax

About the Author

Introduction

by Elise Sax

Years ago, when I was working as a private investigator, I was in my home office on the phone, interviewing someone. While he spoke, I looked out the window at the house across the street with the falling down roof, and a story popped into my mind. Gladie—don’t call me Gladys—Burger was born.

I knew Gladie would be a matchmaker with commitment issues. I also knew I wanted to give her a mentor and a support system, someone who would be committed to Gladie and someone Gladie could trust.

Who better to trust than her grandmother? For me, the name came quickly. Grandma Zelda. As my family pointed out, that was my grandmother’s name! But the matchmaker Grandma Zelda is nothing like my Grandma Zelda. My Grandma was no shut-in. She traveled the world into her seventies. True, she wasn’t a big health food fan, but she wasn’t a psychic, either. I had a lot of good times with my grandmother. I slept over at her house every Wednesday (I think it was Wednesday), and she would let me watch Charlie’s Angels. She used to pick me up from school and take me to fancy restaurants for lunch. When I would worry I wasn’t dressed well enough, she would say: Who cares? We got the money, and that’s all that matters. I tell my kids the same thing when I take them to fancy restaurants (my favorite thing to do in the whole world).

Each chapter in the Matchmaker Mysteries Series begins with a little advice from Grandma Zelda. I have no idea where these come from, since I have absolutely no wisdom about men or relationships. But Grandma Zelda sure does!

I hope you enjoy this compilation of Grandma Zelda’s matchmaking advice. It also has Yiddish definitions, so you can finally understand what this woman is going on about!

--Elise Sax

Introduction

by Grandma Zelda

Hello, dollies! Hello, bubbelehs! I’m so glad you’ve decided to read my Matchmaking Advice. I wrote these lessons for my granddaughter, but she’s agreed to share it with the world. It’s not just for matchmakers. It’s for anyone who’s interested in love and the possibility of a life-long relationship. There’s a whole bunch of lessons here. Sometimes, there are two of the same lesson or even three! Listen… I know love; I don’t know numbers. So, maybe there’s three Lesson #10s. Not a problem. Think of it as buy two and get one free. Enjoy my advice, and here’s some more advice: You are loved. You’re made of love. Share it with the world.

--Grandma Zelda

The Lessons

Lesson 1

Welcome to Zelda’s Matchmaking, dolly! I’m so glad that you said yes and moved in with me. You have the gift, bubbeleh. As you know, you come from a long line of matchmakers, and you’re the next in line. You’re going to make beautiful love matches. Now, I have to warn you that there’s a learning curve to this business, but I know that within a year, you’ll be the queen of love. I’ve written this short book of matchmaking advice for you, but you don’t need it. You’ve got the instinct, and my helpful hints aren’t going to make a difference. But here are my little lessons. Take them or leave them. I love you, dolly. Don’t forget… you have the gift. You can do this. With me or without me.

Bubeleh / Bubbeleh

(Little grandmother - term of endearment)

Lesson 2

Happy accidents are really happy, bubeleh. In this business, we need all the help we can get, and the most-welcome help comes out of thin air without any effort on our part. Years ago, I was trying to match Joyce Temkin. In the modern parlance, Joyce was a hard bitch. There’s not a lot of men who are interested in a hard bitch, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t match her. Then, one sunny day, I invited Joyce over for an al fresco lunch in the backyard. In the middle of our meal, I went inside to get more lemonade. At that very moment, dolly, high over our heads, a man jumped out of a plane, and his parachute didn’t open. You could call that an unhappy incident, but it worked out really well. Wouldn’t you know it, that meshuggener landed right on Joyce. They shared a room in the trauma unit over in San Diego and fell in love. It turned out that Joyce wasn’t nearly as hard as we thought. If she had been, the parachutist would have been a goner.

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Lesson 3

My grandfather died when I was a little girl. I don’t remember much about him, but he was a big man, and he never came downstairs before he was fully dressed in a pressed suit, tie, and pocket square. And then he was dead. The day after his funeral, I was in my grandmother’s bathroom, which is my bathroom now, and there he was. Big and dressed in his best suit, he was staring back at me in the mirror. As you can imagine, I didn’t say a word to him, and he didn’t say a word to me. Probably because he was dead. But even when he was alive, he didn’t say a word to me. So, it wasn’t a big, loving reunion scene or anything, bubbeleh. He stared at me in the