Disconsolate

By Stephanie Kaleto

Brooke is a 22-year-old young woman whose only goal is to get better. However, her new boyfriend’s ex, Crystal, wants to do nothing but make Brooke miserable. With the risk of darkness closing in on Brooke, once again, she has one of two choices: to fight for her happiness or to simply give up. Emotional and romantic, DISCONSOLATE gives many reasons to believe there’s always a light in the darkness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stephanie Kaleto
• Release date: Oct 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370370085

Stephanie Kaleto

Stephanie Kaleto is a young Detroit native currently residing in Mississippi. As a teenager, her writing bloomed from English class essays to poetry. From poetry, it blossomed into short stories, fan fiction, and more poetry. As she delved deeper into her writing, she realized a love had grown that she didn’t realize existed. Her first published story, a short story entitled “Anniversary Revenge”, was written with fellow author Scott Prussing under the pen name of Karly Aragon. From there, she has continued to write fan fiction, until she reached her first full-length novel, Disconsolate. While pursuing her Creative Writing BFA degree, she took four short pieces she wrote and compiled them to make the publication entitled "To Love and Leave Behind" available on Smashwords. While she hasn’t released anything else yet, promise shows within her that there is plenty more to come. Outside of writing, Stephanie is a full-time mother to her two sons. She is a bookworm, a music lover, and also enjoys spending time with her family. You can find her on many social media sites such as Twitter and Instagram... but she can also be contacted by email.

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Disconsolate

By: Stephanie Kaleto

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

Copyright © 2016 Stephanie Kaleto

All rights reserved

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Cover image and design by Štefan at Štefan Štefančík Photography. www.facebook.com/stefancikphotography

Printed in the United States of America

Acknowledgments

**First Edition Acknowledgments**

This is insane (in a good way)! I never thought in a million years I could ever finish a book I've started (terrible habit... I know) and yet here it is... complete AND published for the entire world to see! I'm seriously happy dancing right this minute as you're reading this!

It took a lot of hard work to get here, and not just from me. So, I would like to take this time to give thanks to those who have helped me to get this book to where it is!

Savannah, Geri, Charlei, Milena, Katie B, Sarah R, Sarah T, Krystal C, Jesse, Kris, MeChelle, Holly, Scott and Meagan – Each of you took a look at this story for me and told me what you thought. You made a very insecure mom's dream come true when you told me that it's great and that I should share it with the world. Thank you so much for that. It means everything to me.

Nickie – Who is actually getting married the day this book gets released for the very first time (Aug 22nd) and helped me pick a release day. Congratulations girl! And thank you so much for always being there for me. Love you lots!

Catie – If we hadn't had the discussion we had about writing, I don't think Disconsolate would have existed. Thank you for the encouragement. This story is here because of your wonderful words.

Hope – My brilliant cousin! Thank you so very much for every bit of research, all the time you took to read and reread this story and discuss editing with me, plus all the research you did to help me make the publishing dream a reality. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You truly are a rock star. You dreamed this dream with me! I love you!

Thank you to my family for always telling me that I could do anything I set my mind to. I set my mind to this, and in time I've gone from I love writing to I love my job because I spend my time writing. I am so happy to finally be doing something I love to do!

Thank you to everyone else who has been there through this with encouragement, prayers, good thoughts, hopes and dreams. It is also because of you that I had the repeat encouragement to put this story out there. I love you all.

And biggest of all, if you're reading this... thank you for doing so! With every read this gets, I know in my heart that it is potentially another person that this story could impact somehow. If it does impact you, please know that I am so glad that it has, because people fight and lose battles similar to the one you are about to read every single day.

For those of you who are currently in a battle similar to the one you are about to read, please know that you are not alone. Know that you are loved and cared about. Know that there is someone in the world that will move Heaven and Earth for you. Know that no matter what happens, you will always have the strength to stand up and fight for what you deserve. The world may be filled with ups and downs, but no matter what happens you will get through it. Getting up and battling through each and every day takes a bravery not many have, and you need to know that things will get better. Hopefully you believe me when I say that it does get better. It always does. It always will, no matter how bad things get. There will always be light in the darkness.

Xo, 

Stephanie 

***

It's been a year since I wrote these words to be published in this book, and it's been an insanely wild ride since then. I've gotten some wonderful reviews on this book, and I know that the more the word gets out the more people could enjoy it. So, let me ask you a favor. If you purchase this book and you absolutely love it, tell someone. Tell a friend, a family member, a loved one, a stranger, anyone. If you see someone struggling with anxiety and depression and you think there's a chance these words could help them: tell them. Don't let your words go unsaid. Even the smallest of things can help someone struggling with such mental illnesses. And you could change their life by doing so. Really, you could. I'm not crazy, okay? You could help someone. Inspiration comes in many forms: music, writing, simply being there for someone to talk to, smiling at someone, anything. You could help them. And through you, these words could help someone. Sometimes it's hard to see how real something is until you know (or know of) someone that gives you their own piece of reality. And I'm gonna give you a small dose of mine... ready?

Brooke and I have something in common...

I battle anxiety and depression daily, and it's not an easy battle. I took my struggle, thoughts I've had, feelings I've felt, and I let them run rampant within this story. All of this story IS fiction. Don't misunderstand that, okay? The only thing real about this story is the struggle. A lot of the things Brooke says at her support group meetings are things I've thought about my depression. a lot of her feelings on her depression are things I've felt. That IS real.

Things got so much better for me, and I have had friends by my side to help me through it my entire life. I also relied on an amazing song I found when I was a teen, My Reply by The Ataris. It helped me a great deal, and it could help someone else. In fact, I hope it does. I truly hope it helps someone else the same way it helped me, because I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for that song.

Please, if you're struggling with anxiety and depression and losing the battle – tell someone. Speak up. Don't let your words go unheard. There is hope for you, even if you don't believe that right now. There is really light in the darkness. I promise. Sometimes you just need to let someone help you carry the weight of it and lift you up. So let someone. It's okay to do it. Don't let anyone make you believe any different because they're wrong. You can get through this.

Thank you Jamie and Claire for beta reading for me! You two did a fantastic job, and I'm so thankful to have had your help on this!

Thank you MaryAnn for giving it the final look-over! I appreciate it greatly!

Thank you Julie at SJ's Book Blog for always being so supportive and helping with the advertising for the book, posting about it in various groups and getting many pages to share it on Facebook! You are a rock star, girl, and I couldn't have gotten it this far without you!

Thank you Diane at For the Love of Pimping for your support and encouragement! You've done so much for this book as well when it comes to Facebook, and I know it wouldn't be where it is today if it wasn't for you!

Thank you Štefan Štefančík Photography for the cover and for the beautiful image! You did a wonderful job on it, and I absolutely adore it!

Thank you Shereen for being so supportive! Southern Bound Book Shop will always be the first place I think of to set up a signing in any future book release! It was thanks to you that I got my first signing last December (2015), and things have been so unbelievably amazing since! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Thank you to my Nouna for encouraging me to do whatever I want to do and follow my dreams in life.

Thank you to my mom for being there to help me in many ways when it comes to starting my writing career! I wouldn't be where I am without you!

Thank you Stephen for encouraging me and being my shoulder to lean on when I called you in tears numerous times during editing, as well as giving me the kick in the butt I needed when it was draining me of energy. You're amazing!

Thank you Sara for also encouraging me and answering all my off-the-wall questions, even if the answer was sometimes 'I don't know'.

Thank you Katie for trying to help me find beta readers when I needed them, and for encouraging me! And yes, your training is DEFINITELY working!

Thank you to my family and friends for being so supportive of me through this journey! This may only be the beginning, and we have a long road ahead of us, but I am so very excited to see what lies ahead! This is an amazing journey I'm on, and I'm so glad to have you with me as I embark on it. Nothing is going to be the same from here, and I am looking forward to every second of it. I could not possibly thank any of you enough!

Xo, 

Stephanie 

Contacting The Author

Ways to contact the author:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/skaletoauthor

Twitter: www.twitter.com/tigger_mom023

Instagram: @tiggermom023

Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/tiggermom023

Email: [e-mail]

Website: skaletoauthor.wordpress.com

Help By SaraJune McFall

Help

Self-conscious. 

Trapped within.

Mental hysteria.

Save me from myself.

Lost. 

Find me.

Lonely. 

Love me.

Erased. 

Remember me.

Broken. 

Fix me.

SaraJune McFall

Chapter One

Brooke

She took a deep breath as Joseph, one of the other members spoke.

It's so hard being near someone who knows about my suicide attempt, he said.

Brooke exhaled, her mind zoned out. She could understand why he felt that way. There was no need to listen to him explain why. Still, she did nonetheless. Twenty-two-year-old Brooke Moore was sitting in a support group because this is what she did every week – attend meetings for people who have attempted suicide. It was a typical day for all of them. A few people were refusing to talk because they weren't ready – Lisa, the therapist's way of saying that they didn't realize it was the effect of a problem they all had. Each week groups as small as two or three to as large as thirty people gather together to discuss their fears, expectations, feelings, and various other things.

What about you, Brooke? She was jerked out of her thoughts by Lisa's voice. Would you like to share today? Brooke hesitated as she glanced around the room, her heartbeat quickening due to being put on the spot.

Hi, Brooke stood up and gave the group an awkward half-wave. I'm Brooke, and it's been close to three years since I tried to kill myself. She winced at her own words, looking around the room. Her nerves were fighting to get the best of her. Her medium-length red-violet hair was up in a messy bun, and she was wearing a lavender tee shirt with a black cardigan over it. She sported a pretty golden tan from the amount of time she spent outside – usually at the park down the street from her house. 

It's hard to believe it's been so long, she glanced around at the other people sitting around her as she spoke, still fearing judgment despite being in what Lisa considered a 'safe space' since Brooke hardly believed in it. I'm afraid of relapsing, she admitted. "Of getting so down that I get stuck in the mindset that death is the only way out. That death is the only thing that will make me feel better. It'll fix it." A tear fell down her face, and she brushed it away.

"I'm so scared, because I know I want to live my life, you know? she sniffled, following it with a deep breath. I want to be happy and carefree and normal. I want to be able to sit on the couch with someone I love and watch a movie all snuggled up under a blanket on a rainy day. Or even because it's cold outside. I want to fall in love and get married someday." Brooke felt herself grin, but it quickly faded.

I don't want my life to end because I was too depressed to care about living, she stared at the linoleum floor. "But I often still find myself in that bathroom, mentally, blood on the floor and feeling light-headed. It scares the ever-loving hell out of me. I don't want to die at my own hands, ever, and I know that, but it feels as if my mind doesn't. Does that even make any sense?" she felt pain in her chest. Like her heart had been broken at the thoughts she'd spoken.

It does to me, Dalton, a young man who looked to be about seventeen, answered. Brooke focused her attention more on him. I feel that way a lot. Like, I know I don't want to die, but my mind doesn't know that. Or my mind doesn't care. I'm having trouble figuring out which.

Brooke nodded.

That's exactly it! she exclaimed, feeling excited that someone understood and explained it a little better than she could. That's exactly how I feel.

It's hard to get past that mentality though, Lilly, a young woman a few seats down from Brooke added. "You go through the thought process for so long, and you