Secrets of the Suburbs

By Alisa Schindler

Secrets of the Suburbs is the story of Lindsey, a 42 year-old suburban mom who seems to have it all – doctor husband, two great kids, satisfying part-time work; all the spin classes, shopping and lunches she can fit into her busy schedule. 

But when a drunken moment with her friend’s husband opens up a well of desire, excitement and emotion that she didn’t even know existed, it throws her perfectly perfect life into turmoil. Because as Lindsey opens her heart and body to this forbidden passion; her eyes open as well, and she is forced to take a closer look at her life, her marriage and herself. 

Already her friends are starting to whisper, her husband is growing suspicious and there is a Secrets of the Shore Facebook page that just may be talking about her. 

Will Lindsey stay in her safe, pretty world with her seemingly perfect husband who just might have secrets of his own, or will she break every rule and follow her heart? 

Whatever she decides, she'd better figure it out fast because in small town suburbia nothing stays secret for very long. 

Sexy and engaging, with characters who seem like friends and issues that make you think about marriage, satisfaction and the lines we draw, Secrets of the Suburbs is the perfect book to curl up with next to your (sweet) snoring husband.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rocky Road Press
• Release date: Aug 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536525809

Book preview

Rocky Road Press

New York

Secrets of the Suburbs. Copyright © 2016 by Alisa Schindler. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, or the facilitation thereof, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

All rights reserved.

ISBN-10: 153529860X

ISBN-13: 978-1535298605

For Bruce,

who knows all my secrets

Acknowledgements

––––––––

An enormous thank you to my early readers who have supported and guided me with their words, wisdom and friendship – Stacy Deluca, Alyzia Sands, Jackie Stapleton, Pam Gawley, Beth Ain, Emily Preceruti, Christie O. Tate and Samantha Brinn Merel. And special shout out to my cousin and soul sister Mara Wolman who reminded me first, that I could write, and second, that I am good enough. To the blogging and freelance community who I have never met but I love. To graphic art master Heidi Nachimson for her awesome designs and for always being there to chat and chew, brainstorm, and help a friend. To Rachel Costello for my cover art which is totally badass. To my mom who thinks everything I do is a work of genius. Everyone should be so lucky to have a mom like mine as their cheerleader. To my boys for letting me hide away in the computer room to do what I needed to do. Thank you for your grudging patience, sticky smiles and warm hugs. I couldn’t be more proud and lucky to be your mom. And to my wonderful, supportive and extremely tolerant husband. You are my one and only. I love you.

secrets of the suburbs

You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone?

That’s common sense leaving your body. –Sassy ecards

CHAPTER 1

Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional – 41%

––––––––

In a mild state of panic, Lindsey focused all her energies on the one thing that had always given her a sense of calming comfort and control – herself. She blew out her hair, fussed with her face, and tossed clothes on and off her body, searching for the outfit that would make her look cool even if what she felt was hot and bothered. She knew she would see him later and the thought of it filled her with dread. Delicious dread.

The whole thing was completely ridiculous. Nothing happened. Nothing. So why was she in such turmoil to see a man she had seen practically daily for the last few years? Why was she driving herself crazy reliving that moment? It was so quick. A second. Not even a second. She probably misunderstood and imagined the whole thing. In fact she was certain of it, because she couldn’t even begin to contemplate the implications if she hadn’t. But of course, it was all she had contemplated since that quick connection, followed by a hasty retreat that left her feeling like she had been struck by lightning. 

She had definitely been a little tipsy. She had what? Two Grey Goose and tonics. Or was it three? So maybe she tipped over tipsy into solidly buzzed, and maybe the two of them had been a little looser on the usual restraints, but they always had an easy rapport. He was sharp and funny, occasionally at his wife’s expense, but honestly at anyone’s. They both played that game. It was all reasonably good-natured, absolutely good-humored and mildly flirtatious, but there was nothing for the peanut gallery to whisper about.

Besides, Lindsey told herself, they hung out all the time – at school functions, at sporting functions, in the neighborhood, as couples going out for dinner. They were all very comfortable with each other. So they were palling it up by the bar? There was nothing wrong or unusual about that.

Although they were doing a lot of laughing. One upping each other with tales of their children’s laziness and trading snarky remarks about random party goers. And when he commented that this woman Lydia was wearing a shirt that looked like someone threw up a parrot on her, Lindsey practically spit out her drink and fell off her chair, just managing to catch herself and instead knocking her bag and half its contents onto the floor.

Still kind of giddy with laughter and vodka, she bent down to collect the contents and he bent down to help.

I can’t believe I just did that. She giggled. I think I need to be cut off.

It’s no big deal. He flashed a mischievous grin. Girls have always fallen all over themselves for me.

Oh right. I can see them from here carpeting the floor. Impressive. She smirked, feeling young, clever and a little adventurous.

You mock my skills? He pretended offense, retrieving her cell that had fallen under the table.

Never. She laughed, but when he returned the phone to her, his hand lingered on hers just a second too long. Thanks, she said, looking up.

Their eyes met and flashed something completely new to their general easy way; something unsettling, something exciting, something very bad. The noise level was high, full of talk crashing into each other and Adele’s throaty, sexy Rolling in the Deep, undulating like a wave. Yet somehow it felt strangely quiet. Time suspended. Lindsey didn’t even get to truly process the current she felt in that second because then they were up, and casually, yet quickly deciding it was time to find their respective partners. 

She hovered around her husband Mitchell the rest of the evening, sipping water, feeling agitated. Was it me? She wondered. Did I overstep myself somehow in my drunken state?

On the way home from the party, Mitchell remarked on her quiet state. Are you okay? You were kind of quiet tonight.

Lindsey was thinking how happy she was that they hadn’t carpooled with their friends. She couldn’t imagine being in a car with him right now.

I was just thinking, Lindsey admitted, how tired I am, and how much we have to do tomorrow.

What’s tomorrow? Mitchell asked, and Lindsey marveled at his ability to remember the personal and medical histories of 20 consecutive patients daily, yet totally blank out on their weekend obligations.

Well, Liam has soccer at 9am. You’re going to that, right? I promised Riley we’d do a girly morning. Maybe get mani/pedis and a few errands done. She also has a birthday party in the afternoon and Liam has a play date. I was planning on dropping Riley and then stopping by my parents. They’re almost ready to move and I need to clean out my old room. You know, I’ve been putting it off.

Sure babe, he said easily, and Lindsey knew she’d have to remind him again in the morning. His hand rested on her thigh and Lindsey covered it with hers. She looked up to his glittering hazel eyes and suggestive smile on his strong jawline. I have a sexy husband, she thought, a sexy, doctor husband. Why aren’t we having more sex? She wondered. Lindsey gave his hand a squeeze. The night was not over yet.

That night was four days ago. Four days to go back and forth to the point of insanity trying to reconstruct what transpired in that second, if anything. Four days to agonize whether there was a look that somehow crossed the line from proper to improper, appropriate to inappropriate, friendly to suggestive.

Was she just drunk imagining?  They had known each other for years. The further away from it she got, the more silly the whole thing appeared. She was getting herself all worked up over nothing and she began to feel embarrassed; mostly because of her own ridiculous reaction, her body’s instant response and the last four days of fantasy that she had been guiltily indulging with relish. She needed to put that whole night behind her, especially since they would all probably be seeing each other in an hour at the school Art Show.

After finally settling on casual chic skinny jeans, heels and a cute off the shoulder burgundy top, Lindsey corralled the kids into the car with only moderate resistance. Mitchell would meet them there, since he was coming straight from work.

They should have been only ten minutes late, but Riley of course wasn’t happy with her outfit selection and needed to do a last minute change. Lindsey marveled how into fashion she was even though she was only eight years-old, but she never wondered where she got her tendencies.

Luckily, Liam at 10 years-old, had no such inclinations and refused to change the same dirty clothes he wore to soccer practice earlier. Lindsey was going to insist, but ultimately they ran out of time and it was one of those things that had to give. Besides, people generally gave a pass to dirty fourth grade boys.

They rushed in almost a half hour into it, not that they missed anything. There was no structure to the event. It was social and interactive, with art displayed all over the walls of the school, and parents’ left to haphazardly search for their child’s masterpieces.

Riley half dragged, half pulled Lindsey down the hall where she knew her work was hanging.

Come on, mom! she whined in complaint. You are so slow! Why did you wear those shoes?

Why did she wear these shoes? Lindsey wondered as well, although she knew exactly why she chose the sexy heels over the ballet flats. I’m moving as fast as I can, she said, and quickly maneuvered through the throngs of people. 

They wove in and around other parents and students, and Lindsey kept her steely game face on the whole time, although every so often she would spontaneously burst into a smile when she passed a friend, rolling her eyes with amusement at being her daughter’s pull toy.

Hey, she called out, tugging at the shirt of Diane Jameson, a queen in her town and also one of her closer friends. Spin tomorrow? 

Definitely, Diane agreed. Then Bloomingdale’s? It’s the friends and family sale.

I have some work to finish up tomorrow. Next week for sure.

Diane shook her head. Okay, but you’re missing out. All the good stuff will be mine already. 

All the good stuff is yours already. Lindsey laughed.

Diane gave a smug little shrug that she softened with a compliment. Well, not that cute top you’re wearing.

Lindsey tried to say thank you, but apparently Riley thought they had chit-chat enough. 

She saw Marnie and Bradley, Caren Lucci and her husband ‘what’s his name’ and many random parents she was friendly with but continued on, scanning heads, telling herself she was looking for Mitchell, but knowing perfectly well who she was really searching for yet terrified to see. He had to be here, she thought. It seemed like pretty much the whole town was.

She wanted to see his face, felt compelled to, maybe to confirm that they were normal and she was crazy. Or maybe, a tiny part of her brain acknowledged, she wanted to see if she would feel that rush again.

She pushed that disgusting thought away. Somehow in that one second, he had switched in her brain from a friend and friend’s husband to a person she needed to see, a person she was thinking about. She needed to turn that switch right off.

They came to an abrupt halt in front of Riley’s artwork which could only be described as an organized explosion of nature. Neither of her kids had any real art talent, but Riley, ever the perfectionist, always put in a solid effort. It may not be the prettiest piece on display, but no one could say her Falling for Fall montage was anything but respectable, having incorporated both real leaves and sticks into her hand-drawn neighborhood scene. Not a space was left unattended. 

After appreciating every aspect of Riley’s leaf work and color scheme, Lindsey had to literally force Liam into showing her where his piece was being exhibited. In contrast to her enthusiastic daughter, their trek over to his work was painfully slow, and the moment Lindsey tried to even utter a small compliment, he silenced her with Mom, please! So they stood quietly for a minute, appreciating the scene he created of small figures and colorful trees. It was actually quite good, but she wasn’t allowed to say anything of the sort.

They were on their way back for some further appreciation of Riley’s art, since apparently Lindsey had failed to notice the dog Riley had cleverly hidden somewhere in the leaves, when they ran into Mitchell, looking quite adorable in his button down shirt, chinos and loafers. He gave her a quick peck and a squeeze and then got busy gushing over Riley’s masterpiece.

They hung out for another half hour or so, allowing the kids to eat some pizza in the cafeteria and run around with their friends. Then someone who looked remarkably like her son, suggested ice cream and after some jumping and screaming with new puppy excitement, they agreed.

The kids hitched a ride with Mitchell since they liked his car better. Not that there was anything wrong with her car, Liam assured. It’s just that dad’s car is so much cooler. Uh, thanks.

Oh, don’t worry about me and my jalopy. I’ll just meet you there. You guys go on in your hot ride, Lindsey yelled after them. Friggin Porsche, she thought. I can’t believe I let him talk me into that. Doesn’t he care that he’s an over 40 guy in the suburbs with a sports car? A total cliché, she thought, and then headed out to her Volvo SUV.

She was almost at her car when she spotted them. They were with their kids and getting ready to leave as well. Now, she actually didn’t want to see him. She had found some relief to her nerves in the passage of time without a sighting. That, and the half a Xanax she took before leaving the house. But it was too late.

Lindsey! His wife, her friend Jeanie, called and hurried over with a kiss and small hug combination. Jeanie worked on two speeds fast and manic. How are you? I don’t know how we could have missed you guys in that madness in there. She laughed but it was a high, affected laugh, one for show. Jeanie was sweet, but also a little sour, the sensitive kind who was easily insulted.

Hey, where are Mitchell and the kids? Jeanie asked, her small, sharp eyes looking past her, darting left to right, as if they’d somehow mysteriously appear in the darkness.

Oh, they’re all in the fun man-mobile. I’m meeting them over at Lucky Dip for ice cream.

Lindsey sensed him in the background and her heart started pumping out less and less blood making her feel faint. Her instincts told her to run from this scene as fast as she could, but there was nothing she could do but finish up their pleasantries and hopefully make it to her car before she passed out. 

That sounds like a great idea! Jeanie smiled and then turned behind her, addressing her troops, Hey, everyone! Want to go to Lucky Dip?

Momentarily distracted by the cheering of her boys, Trevor and Elliot, Lindsey was totally caught off guard when John appeared by her side. Hey, he said softly, and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She smiled and hoped she didn’t look as uncomfortable as she felt.

Are you okay? Jeanie asked, eyeing her with concern. You look, I don’t know, maybe in pain?

Okay then, there it was. Apparently she did look as uncomfortable as she felt. She brushed it off and smiled wide. Oh no, I’m fine. Really. Thanks. So, I’ll see you guys at ice cream. Without waiting for a response, she turned and headed for her car. Once inside she breathed deeply to collect herself. Damn, he smelled good.

***

Lucky Dip was a charming old-fashioned ice cream shoppe nestled in between a popular overpriced seafood restaurant with only marginally good food, a family style Italian restaurant which wasn’t much better, a bait and tackle store and a Pilates studio run by a high intensity, low key instructor with a cult following. Out their store’s back windows a dock stretched out to nowhere and boats bobbed peacefully in moonlit waters.  With its waterfront setting, homemade chunky ice cream and jars of penny candy, Lucky Dip was definitely a shoppe shop. Lindsey had seen the view so many times and it never failed to impress, yet tonight for the first time, she felt the smallness of the town, the water all around her, and although it was irrational, it made her feel a little trapped.

She walked through the jingling doors and immediately saw two other families she knew who obviously got hoodwinked as well. She gave them a quick nod and headed over to Mitchell and the kids, already in line arguing over who was getting the best flavor. Mitchell felt strongly about Blueberry Crumble. Riley was at war with herself between the Chocolate Fudge and Cake Batter, and Liam remained fiercely loyal to his Cookie Crumb Dough, the only flavor he ever chose. Lindsey joined them on line and in argument. They had a kick ass Coffee Chip. She rarely indulged, but since she had dropped a few pounds in the last few days of anxiety, she allowed herself the much needed treat.

They had just placed their orders when Jeanie, John and their kids walked in. Lindsey instantly moved closer to Mitchell who smiled and warmly put an arm around her shoulder. It made her feel even more claustrophobic.

Jeanie and John’s boys were the same age as Lindsey and Mitchell’s kids and immediately bounced over to converse in the way children do, by doing stupid things and trying to best each other. The adults casually watched, disinclined to intervene unless they become too embarrassingly loud or disruptive to ignore.

It was all completely normal, Lindsey thought. She had definitely over-exaggerated one questionable second and played it out in some wacky desperate housewife fantasy for almost a week now. Pathetic. Totally pathetic. Whatever. No harm done. She was over it. She couldn’t even believe what she had been thinking. Not only were Jeanie and John her friends, but she had the most rocking, hot husband out there. She was a mother with two kids. She was happily married. She was a complete idiot.

Hey, are you guys going to Sean’s 40th birthday party next week? Jeanie asked. We should go together.

Sounds great, Mitchell said automatically. I don’t know how Diane is going to top Marnie’s party last week but I’m sure she’ll try.

At the mention of Marnie’s party the week before, Lindsey paled and glanced hastily at John who seemed completely unaffected. Feeling the beginnings of hives starting a slow crawl up her skin, she excused herself momentarily to assist Liam with his dripping cone. 

By the time she came back, they were still deep in conversation over Diane’s upcoming party. Everyone agreed it would be a good one. Diane was Shore Point royalty, and she didn’t like to be one-upped. She was the one-upper. Lindsey could only imagine what she had planned for next week. ‘Expect the Unexpected’ was her theme and that could mean anything.

All these young 40 year-olds and their parties, Lindsey added, rolling her eyes and joining the conversation. They were all a couple of years past 40. Only Diane and Marnie and their spouses were at the threshold of that milestone. When will they grow up?

I don’t know, John said, but I’m happy to chaperone these toddlers as long as there’s an open bar.

We’ll all drink to that, Mitchell agreed and the two men clinked their ice cream cones, while Lindsey and Jeanie exchanged an indulgent, ‘girls are so superior’ look.

You’ll pretty much drink to anything. Lindsey laughed and gave Mitchell a little nudge. 

The kids were all standing on one foot trying to jump in a circle and eat their dripping ice cream cones at the same time. How was it that the adults had finished their cones five minutes prior and the kids were still not even half way done? And more fascinatingly, had lost interest. Liam came over and handed Lindsey his unfinished cone. Another time she might have refused, made a snide comment about not being the garbage and instructed him to throw it away himself, but tonight she appreciated the distraction. 

Hey.

Jeanie startled Lindsey who had just snuck a last lick of Liam’s cone before tossing it in the trash. She definitely wasn’t herself.

Hey, Lindsey said.

So did you see the latest Secrets of the Shore post?

No! Lindsey said, her eyes wide. Tell me! Secrets of the Shore, or SOS as it was commonly called, was a secret Facebook page that spread the style and scandal in her town and some neighboring towns. She and her friends were addicted. 

Here, I’ll read it to you. Jeanie whipped her phone from her bag and within seconds of frantic finger tapping began to read,

So as I’m sure you all know, and if you don’t, well that means that you haven’t scored an invite to the hottest party coming to town. It’s sure to be the chi chi la la of Shore Point putting all other soirées to shame.  So if you’re one of the chosen few... hundred, I’ll see you there. And if you’re not, check in for my full report tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be full of stylish social climbers, sloshed suburbanites and if we’re lucky some fabulously inappropriate conduct.  Stay tuned...

Oh God, Lindsey beamed, taking Jeanie’s phone and going over the words. She must be talking about Diane!

I wish I knew who she was, Jeanie gushed, I’d invite her to one of our lunches immediately.

We’ll scope out the party and see if we can figure it out. Lindsey chuckled and then noticed the time. It’s getting late. We have to go.

Once the sticky hands, arms and faces had been unstuck, they all made their way towards their cars with the kids running ahead. Well this was nice, Lindsey said. And... She looked at her phone for time confirmation. Just past 8:30pm. Not too bad.

Great. Well, we’ll see you guys next week, if not around the block, Mitchell said agreeably and went to open his car for the kids to pile in. I’ll see you at home. He waved an off-hand goodbye to Lindsey, the wife in the uncool car.

Oh, Mitchell? Jeanie asked, following him. I have a question about my back. She probably was waiting to ask that all night, Lindsey thought. In fact, it probably had prompted the ice cream tag along.

Mitchell was always so good about things like that. He never minded offering his ‘doctorly’ advice. He really wanted to help people.

Did Jeanie hurt her back? Lindsey asked, turning towards John.

Yeah, John answered reflectively. She was lifting heavy boxes for storage that she shouldn’t have. I told her I would do it when I got home, but she can’t help herself. She has a need to organize everything and can’t wait. 

They stood there quietly. They always had such an easy rapport and had never been at a loss for conversation. The quiet grew.

Lindsey was afraid to look at him. So what, the ice cream freeze your tongue? Can’t talk? She joked awkwardly, trying to be normal and braving a glance up. His eyes were closed off slits, unreadable.

I’m trying my best here, he answered slowly.

Moments ago they were all laughing easily. All of a sudden there was a shift in the air, and it was suffocating. 

He looked stressed, like she had never seen him. His muscles, his whole body in fact, was stiff and tense.

John, what are you talking about? What are trying your best to do? She asked, her voice sounding strained and faraway, like it was coming from someone else. She could hear her heart beating, although she couldn’t believe it could beat at all. She was almost completely paralyzed with fear.

His eyes opened then and when they looked at her, they were so blue and sad and their quiet, intimate, honesty left her dizzy. I’m trying not to think about you.

CHapter 2

A good husband makes a good wife. - John Florio

––––––––

After John said what he said, they both stood in stunned silence, unsure of anything.  There were no words, no protocol. The whole world seemed a little off kilter - Mitchell talking to Jeanie, putting his hands on the small of her back, John’s kids banging on the window of their car to get their parents attention, her, standing in an awkward bubble of tension next to John.

Uh, I don’t know what to say to that, Lindsey whispered and stole a glance at him, but his eyes and face had retreated back to closed, unreadable slits. With his hands in his jean pockets, he looked at once the picture of easy going casualness and tight control.

I don’t expect you to say anything, he replied, as Jeanie made her way towards them.

Your husband is a saint, I tell you, she gushed. He knew just what I had done to myself. Told me to take a couple of Advil and it should be gone in a few days. If not, I must go and see him right away.  Jeanie smiled wide, almost clownishly, Lindsey noticed, like her mouth was stretched outside the seams.

Great. Well, I’m going. See you guys later. Definitely time to make her exit, Lindsey thought.

She walked around to stick her head in Mitchell’s car just before he pulled away. Well, Jeanie thinks you’re a saint, she said, trying to be normal.

Well, how lucky are you, then? He laughed, leaned over and kissed her cheek. See you at home.

Married to a saint. Great. Lindsey sighed. With the thoughts running through her head, she was going to need all the help she could get.

Lindsey was relieved to have the 10 minutes driving home with only the noise in her own brain distracting her, instead of the kids yelling in the back seat. Plus, she didn’t want to be next to Mitchell. She felt too disgusted with herself and guilty. She thought about all the time she and John had spent together over the last few years... the lazy afternoons at soccer games, the school events, afternoons at the park, birthday parties, the dinners out with groups of friends, the parties. Were they dating without realizing it?

They always had such an easy connection. Their conversations were natural, their flirting, light but safe. There was no doubt Lindsey found him attractive, but he was her friend’s husband, she wasn’t attracted to him.

That wasn’t true. She was attracted to him, but she had been attracted to a few men around town over the years and never thought