My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy

By Andrea Askowitz

In this memoir of her 40 weeks and five days in hell, Andrea Askowitz takes an unflinching look at her pregnant life from struggling with hormones to poor body image to a self imposed exile from family to take us on a ride through the turbulence of single lesbian motherhood. Along the way we meet her liberal parents as they struggle with their daughter's choices, the lover she longs to reconnect with who goes M.I.A. before the pregnancy, the friends who turn out to be no help at all and strangers who offer up some unlikely kindness. Andrea presents herself real, raw, impossibly cranky yet deeply touching with her self-deprecating dark sense of humor that will make you wince or better yet send you into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cleis Press
• Release date: Apr 3, 2008
• ISBN: 9781573444934

Reviews for My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy

[stephbayless · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Have you ever been pregnant? Have you ever known anyone who was pregnant? Wasn’t it wonderful to sit around (or watch someone sitting around) rubbing your swelling belly dreaming lazily of the day your little bundle of joy would enter the world and you could finally introduce them to their lovingly decorated nursery? What?! Your pregnancy wasn’t like that? You didn’t get to lay about like a Grecian Goddess with a small army waiting on you? You actually had to keep living your regular life? If it isn’t the truth, why do so many authors portray pregnancy as taking place in this fantasy land separate from the real world with bills, work, stretch marks, and heartburn? Well, this memoir is not like that. In My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy, author Andrea Askowitz shows you the day to day life of a woman dealing with life and love in addition to insemination, pregnancy, and birth. Add being a single lesbian into that mix and you have found yourself in a very demanding situation. With her very dry and sarcastic humor, Askowitz takes the reader through her tumultuous pregnancy in a way that wraps the reader up in her life. You root for her, you scoff at some of her choices, and you understand her attitude. Most of all, you laugh. Personally, I loved the honesty of this book. Askowitz’s ability to look back on her situation with such honesty was refreshing to see in a genre often filled with romanticized versions of the nine months that so many people experience. This book is highly recommended for anyone looking for a good laugh and an honest look at the ups and downs of modern pregnancy.

[schatzi_5 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I wish that I had enjoyed this memoir more. Askowitz is brutally honest about her pregnancy, her ex-girlfriend, her friends, her family, and a friend who died of cancer. She really holds nothing back. And there were definitely some funny parts. But I found her tone very whiny - and I can't fault her for that, since the summary on the back actually uses the word "whiny" to describe the book - and very self-absorbed. I just couldn't relate. She did, however, seem to grow towards the end of the book, especially once she had the child.

[staffoa · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I was laughing from page one! What a quick and delightful read appropriate for anyone considering parenthood---alone or with another. The fact that Andrea is a lesbian is just a small portion of the tale. Andrea is alone, afraid (at times), moody (often), and contemplative. It's a great mix and a joy to read--as a mother of 3 who can relate to the pregnancy, but not to the loneliness and fear. In retrospect, Andrea spins this into quite a lovely tale. I would love to read a sequel on how Andrea deals with parenthood!!

[rastaphrog · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

To start, for the random passerby who doesn't know me, I'm going to state that I am male. While I try my best to not be sexist, the fact that I'm male is going to influence how I think and react to some things in life.In this book, we read about Andrea Askowitz's journey to motherhood. Like many other women today, she's doing it on her own and we read about all that's involved in doing it solo. Andrea doesn't hold back, sometimes being graphic in details about what's involved from walking in to be artificially inseminated to actually giving birth. And unlike many books/stories that are out there about the joys of pregnancy, and the "glorious" lives those women have during it, here we see it for what it really is. Nine months of slowly coming to think the birds have it right just laying eggs.While this book is touted as a memoir of the time she was pregnant and after giving birth, it's also a journey of self discovery. Yes, she's lonely and miserable, but as time passes she realizes just why. She has, as the saying goes "Pissed in her own coffee." At times she feels the same way all pregnant women must feel for at least some of their pregnancy, but it seems like she takes greater offense at some of the things her family and friends say and do than she should. While I'll grant her some leeway in that SOME of what they do isn't always nice, from my reading it seems it's more a matter of them just dealing with their own day to day lives versus doing them intentionally.Now, while this book will oft times have you feeling sorry for Andrea, it will also have you laughing at how she deals with some things. Life, after all, has it's humorous moments, whether we want it to or not. She's not afraid to let us see how she makes a fool of herself at times, or how something will make you laugh no matter how down you may be.All that said, this book was a highly enjoyable read. Male or female, straight or gay, if you're looking for something that may be different from your normal taste in reading, this is worth the time.

[stephivist · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Have you ever been pregnant? Have you ever known anyone who was pregnant? Wasn’t it wonderful to sit around (or watch someone sitting around) rubbing your swelling belly dreaming lazily of the day your little bundle of joy would enter the world and you could finally introduce them to their lovingly decorated nursery? What?! Your pregnancy wasn’t like that? You didn’t get to lay about like a Grecian Goddess with a small army waiting on you? You actually had to keep living your regular life? If it isn’t the truth, why do so many authors portray pregnancy as taking place in this fantasy land separate from the real world with bills, work, stretch marks, and heartburn? Well, this memoir is not like that. In My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy, author Andrea Askowitz shows you the day to day life of a woman dealing with life and love in addition to insemination, pregnancy, and birth. Add being a single lesbian into that mix and you have found yourself in a very demanding situation. With her very dry and sarcastic humor, Askowitz takes the reader through her tumultuous pregnancy in a way that wraps the reader up in her life. You root for her, you scoff at some of her choices, and you understand her attitude. Most of all, you laugh. Personally, I loved the honesty of this book. Askowitz’s ability to look back on her situation with such honesty was refreshing to see in a genre often filled with romanticized versions of the nine months that so many people experience. This book is highly recommended for anyone looking for a good laugh and an honest look at the ups and downs of modern pregnancy.

[brianna_h_2 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy is author, Andrea Askowitz’s brutally honest memoir recounting the months she spent trying to get pregnant, actually pregnant, and as a new mother. As can be easily discerned from the title, Andrea did not enjoy being pregnant and she makes no effort to sugarcoat her experience. Askowitz is frank and extremely open in describing the messy and oftentimes unpleasant experiences involved with pregnancy and child birth. What makes My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy work as a memoir is the balance that Askowitz manages to maintain between candid description of her opinions and admission that those opinions might have been skewed by her own gloom. Askowitz pulls no punches in describing her bitter disappoint with her friends, her ex-girlfriend, and her family; however, her harsh judgments are tempered by her acknowledgment that her estimations were not always fair and that she was a big pain in the neck. Askowitz’s ability to call herself out on her own issues makes her endearing and likeable. Askowitz’s ability to be so unguarded in her writing oftentimes results in uproarious hilarity. Her recounting of her arguments and passive-aggressive altercations with her therapist will leave readers in stitches. She is candid, annoying, funny, loving, infuriating, and a whole host of other contradicting descriptions that make a person complicated and interesting. Overall, this is a thoroughly enjoyable memoir that lifts the curtain on the rosy, glowing pregnancy façade that is usually presented to reveal the difficult, hard, and ugly side of pregnancy.I do, however, feel a responsibility to future readers to mention that this might not be the book for those who consider themselves exceptionally squeamish, prudish, or easily offended.

[meags_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Around my age (the youthful bliss of 24), the baby question comes up a lot, especially after marriage. Actually, I think the questions began before we actually got married, but those questions were all from other people, on the outside looking in. The question I'm talking about comes from within myself. Am I ready to have babies? Do I ever really want babies? Can I stand the pain of childbirth? What do I do with a baby? Can I handle the responsibility? All those questions melt into the big one, which doesn't really fit into one particular sentence. I can't say personally that I've felt the urge that I hear supposedly happens to women when their biological clock's alarm rings, but the "baby thoughts", so-to-speak, still hover in the background of my brain at all times.Reading My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy by Andrea Askowitz brought these things to the surface once again. I thought the book was a crudely honest look at pregnancy, especially the physical aspects. Despite not having lived it, I feel as though I have through her descriptions. Or that I can at least begin to understand what may lie in store for me down the road. And let me tell you, it ain't pretty. This book is not for squeamish men, despite the lesbian overtones. A few girlie action scenes are not going to be worth it for most guys out there. (Well for those that like that type of thing.) She describes the nausea, the constipation, the heartburn, the anxiety and depression, and then the actual birthing process. It sounds utterly miserable. And painful. Her friend sympathizes, saying, "Doesn't it feel like you shat your ass inside out?" (p219) But after she has the child and the birthing wounds heal, her writing style changes from sardonic to serene. Like she can do anything after having given birth.While we certainly have rather large differences between our life experiences (i.e., the whole lesbian thing) which makes pregnancy somewhat more difficult for her, I could empathize with her in a lot of ways. She seemed bitter towards her friends during most of the book, often feeling that they didn't care for her and make an effort to be sensitive to her condition. These friends forgot appointments, promised to visit and didn't, and loads of other things. This mindset is one that is easy to fall into when you become "me-centered" but the harsh reality is that people don't think about you nearly as much as you might think they do. Generally when friends do these things, it's not out of spite but just human forgetfulness and imperfection. Near the end of the book, after Andrea holds her baby girl Natasha in her arms, she starts to see things differently. She starts to realize that while she was accusing her friends of being self-centered, maybe she was acting the same way: "Maybe I didn't ask Robin how she was feeling. I certainly didn't ask Kate. With Tashi I have no choice. I have to consider her first. Tashi makes me better." (p231)Pregnancy and giving birth seem to be rites of passage for women. Maybe it makes a woman her complete self, along with a romantic relationship and a career or life passion. A third piece of the pie that gives women the impetus to get up out of bed each day. I'm not sure if that convinces me to make my own 9-month (and consequently 18 year) journey just yet, but it is very impressive that a woman like Andrea Askowitz can undertake this on her own, and come out of the experience empowered. Right now when I consider having a baby it just seems scary and painful, but I hope that when I'm ready, I will also feel empowered.

[rslynch_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed this book because I felt such a connection that can only come from a shared journey. While I am not a lesbian, I am the mother of two girls. The bumpy road of pregnancy and all of the resulting negativity, pregnancy brain, and insecurity felt like transcriptions from the journal I wish I'd kept. It was a relief to find that I am not the only one who has experienced the bad with the good. In a way, I am happy to see she strugggled, because she will have more to remember about the experience than an extra passenger for nine months who liked to kick. Instead, she learned about her baby and herself. And she found peace and happiness. In short, she became hole in a trial by fire.That said, I highly recommend this book and look forward to reading more of Askowitz's work. Although I believe this is her first book, I'm sure it will not be her only one. She has a gift for writing in a warm and funny tone that makes the reader her friend by the end of the first page. We do not share all of the same beliefs, but I pulled for her just the same.