Chain of pain

By marty1995

Sometimes we forget who we really are and what is our purpose in this life. Jossie forgot her purpose and lived a life full with hurt, pain and tears untill the day she ran intothe boy with angelic looking face and heavenly gorgeous smile... He will bring happy moments in her life full with joy only to break her heart where finally its pieces fall together...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marty Marlini
• Release date: Jun 24, 2016
• ISBN: 9781533745347

Book preview

DREAMS ARE NOT ALLOWED IF YOU

CLOSE YOUR EYES

In reality

TODAY – the present from life...

Watching how the sun shines, how it gives life to every single thing in this beautiful, wonderful world, feeling this warmness on my skin and listening the noise from the little children that are playing on the other side on the beach, enjoying in those careless days that they still have, free from the hardest struggles in life, I really cannot force myself not to think about the moments when I was left on the dark side of this world, with everything crushed, broken and gray...I was left only on myself and on the pain that was too big to bear, the misery and the repulsing that I used to get from others. That look in their eyes that for some reason always managed its way to hurt me. It was terrible, scary, hopeless part of my life in which I felt worse than being on the bottom, worse than being in prison and much worse than feeling dumps and myself. The only thing that kept me going, the only thing that kept me in life was the force that came from my heart. That heart of mine that no matter how many times was hurt, it was never too weak to give up, to stop fighting and leave it all what has to come to the faith and the hope of the sweetness of the new bright day. It had hope but it was too untamed, too much wild and too much cute. It had the habit to move on from the bad things in life and bury them right where they belong, in the past, because after all nobody can live in the past, and that is the law of life, the law of the nature, it’s the right and natural thing to do.

... 29Th JULY 1991...

The eyes are open and you know that the night is over, it is time for new sunshine. You feel your palms, you want to press until you feel the sharpness of the nails. Your knees are rigid, so you want to feel the life running through your body just to own your own right of being human. After all, these sensations flow to your brain even before they become impulses and that is the moment when you fight with your own guts, because over and over your right of being yourself was denied and you only got unbearable pain that lead you right where you are, in the bruised body that became vulnerable. Two different points fight inside of you, the one is what your nature show you and the other one is the one that you were served from the sweet taste of oranges. Time is running away. The clock is ticking. You got up from the bed and move around, smile with the PAIN.

I still remember perfectly that beautiful and sunny day. The storm that was sonorously ruling all over the town in the days before was gone. Only the leaves on the trees were still wet as everything around the town. The sun that morning was dominating, it was not laggard, it looked like it takes and charges for every minute that lost in the days before. It was summer but it looked beautiful like spring. So having in mind that I was less delicate than before while trying to fight with the corpulent doubt in my chest I decided to use that day and not waist it in vain going beyond my usual and mostly solitary way of living.

- Jossie - some boy touched my shoulder. I was anxiously sitting on the table, suddenly turned around and my cup with chamomile tea fell on the floor, like most of the times back then, because after all I still was lacking balance and better organization, being perfect definition of a bumpkin. Impulsively I moved my arm back towards me, after all he was a stranger. His long blonde curly hair, his hazel eyes, his smiling lips and incredibly strong charismatic face lines made him look almost like a factitious angel. His scent was quite alluring and leading into addictive game of shadows. The way he said my name was sweet and gentle, his body language was telling me that he is friendly, but yet he was still a stranger to me. He backed down and started cleaning the mess I made with my cup of tea. He looked so nice and caring at that moment. I knew that he knows me, but the problem was that I had no idea who he was. One small smile appeared on my face when he finished picking up the broken pieces of that cup.  That smile with a drop of shyness deserved to be a bit longer on my face, but something in me was telling me to cover it, to conceal it and to hide it as much as I can.

- What is wrong dear? - He asked me. - You were never so clumsy before...- He just dared to touch my neck and started moving his hand in very inappropriate way, starting to come bravely closer and closer to me. It was so shameless from his side. In the same time I felt confused and offended. The way he was playing with one piece of my hair was way too much daring so I just moved aside leaving his playful fingers in the air.

- Listen... - I said to him, having no idea what word is going to be next, had no idea what to say and how to put myself in all that uncomfortable situation. - Can you first tell me who you are? And from where do we know each other. See ...- I stopped for a second starring at the chalky u ground. - You seem like you know me but right now you are... stranger...

He changed the look in his eyes. From that friendly, caring, flirty, angel looking person I could notice that there is something wrong. This boy started measuring my body, my face, and my clothes and seemed to be feebly confused as much as me. He acted like he has no idea what to say. I could notice that he was eyeing me for some reason. According to me he should had no reason because I was the one with all my past erased, with all my memory gone and maybe if not for sure gone forever.

-Can you tell me your name girl? He just asked with his voice that now sounded much deeper than it did before.

- Jossie. I am Jossie La Woriuli. - I said to him. - And who are you? If I may know... the lack of plea was manageable.

He smiled.

-Hairlen.  I am Hairlen Sand, Joss... And I know you from the days when I was a high school student. I am here at vacation. You know... I lost every contact with you since that party...- He kept talking and talking with elation in his voice, for some things in my brain there was understanding but from the other half of his words I felt like he was talking to himself as funny as it may sound. Those details like the party he mentioned and his vacation as far for me were making me feel lost in my own shelf and like I was listening a song on the radio. Maybe a song is bad description. He just was acting friendly and still flirty for me.

- ... So a friend of mine told me that he saw you entering here in this restaurant. We were supposed to go and visit the beach, but you are more important to me than hanging out with him and staring at girls. You were always my favorite girl. And you still are, baby. So tell me how are you feeling now? Are you feeling ok? I mean I heard that you had that terrible accident and it almost it freaked the hell out of me. Sorry for this but I simply have to know. How much do you remember about your past? It is clear that you do not remember me.

- See Hairlen... - I started explaining a little about me to this, no matter what, no idea why, stranger. - I woke up in hospital before four years, when I was just seventeen years old with everything blank and white beside me. That is absolutely all you have to know, all I want to tell you and share with you. It took me almost two years to recover. To get my strength, my thoughts in order and to win over the fear of the unfamiliar.

- What was that unfamiliar to you? - He asked me lucidly.

- All. -  I answered.  - And I do not remember absolutely anything about my past. I only have memories from these last two years. -  I felt broken and sad, starting to stare at the floor.

- Hey, Jossie. - He picked up my head. - Look at me baby. You are alright now. You are fine. And believe me that I believe you will be fine. The recovery is on the way I guess. - A sparkle in his eyes appeared.  That warm thigh hug he gave me after he told me that words was the only right thing I needed at that moment and a long time before that. Yet I could not stop myself feeling hopeless and one tear went down my face,

- Don’t you even dare, love. Do not you even dare to cover any of that lines of your face with tears never again! As pure and innocent they seem to look, they are not for you.

- Thank you. It was the first thing that I could say to him. For... - he stopped me not allowing my pores to act.

- For telling you the truth and being honest, doing what my heart says that I have to do. No. No way my baby. You do not remember anything about me but you do not even have to...You will get the chance to know me all over. Once more. Once again. -  He smiled a bit ironically, a bit like the fact of his last words is in his advantage. - So where are you up to after this? Where do you plan to go... at home or ...?

-  I have no plans for today. Hmm ... no plans until this evening.  I come here every day around this time for lunch, and then from here is where I plan what is I have to do next. And for today I still have no idea what next ... - I smiled at him and Hairlen smiled back.

- What if I will be your planner for today? - He asked. - That is my preposition for you.

- My planner for today?

- Yes.

- Ok. Then do your work. - I started joking and feeling comfortable after being safe next to him.

- Ok. Ok. You have to know I never think too much about things. And I am always good at doing them right. -  Hairlen did that funny baby face and I started laughing. - He gave me good vibes. -  First. What do you think of going at a zoo? - He smiled.

- Hmm ... I never was in the zoo these last four years. Ok. It sounds like a good idea.

- Hahaha ... Eat your desert girl and we are headed up right to the zoo. You will have fun.

A few hours before this happen I was at my house choosing dress for the party later that day. Then I simply realized that whatever I choose will be fine. Put on my purple shorts, pink t-shirt, white trainers, put some make up on my face, took my purse and after walking about one hour I arrived at that restaurant, ordered my food and then he came. He touched my shoulder. He kind of gave me support. Maybe I did not even needed that but whatever,

I finished my vanilla cake, pay the bill along with the cost of the tea cup I accidentally broke and we left the restaurant. He was telling me a lot of things about himself. He told me that he was going to university in his last year of studying. He told me that he lives in some town in USA with his brother and his grandparents. His free time he used to spend working in a local library and sometimes working small part jobs in a local bar. His favorite hobbies were playing video games with his friends and his brother, skateboarding, swimming and for my big surprise cooking homemade ice cream. I seemed to be surprised from all the things he was telling me, I did not even wanted to think about the fact that he was a person that once I used to know and that once I knew all this things with a segment of a blank hole. I knew him.

Hairlen was gentle, caring, charming, a person for whom is easy to make me feel nice, safe, protected at the moment and he simply was radiant from the core. In our way to the zoo we just talked and talked and I decided to take his hand, give him a chance, show him that I am no longer that person I used to be, at the same time trying to tell him without using words that although I seem sarcastic, I am far from that. People change and for me the certitude in that was so strong and powerful. And yet not so guilty diminutive in its reflecting on the outside.

That day we went to the zoo, where we spent a couple of hours. It was fun playing with the animals and feeding them. We smiled and enjoyed every minute we spent together. It was simply magical, the fact that a stranger, or with some other words, a forgotten stranger can be so important in just few hours. All I wanted was for that innocent moments to last as much as possible and never to forget them. He was very kind towards me. He showed me that he cares, no matter that he knew I have no memories related to him. Later that day he got an invitation to join me to the party I was getting ready for those last few days and he accepted with a smile on his face. On the party we had a dance together. I was enchanted by him in all possible ways a girl can be enchanted by a boy she just met a few hours before. Hairlen was perfect, or the way he showed himself to me was perfect. In the days that followed I spend almost every day with him. Taking in mind that I was also on vacation there with my half – sister, Valerie and my step brother Paul it was quite easy to make place for him in my everyday schedule, simply because besides my everyday going to that restaurant and walking around the town I had no other thing to do.

My siblings met him and I was quite surprised when I found out that only Valerie said that she knows him, because he said that he knows me well, which by my calculations would mean that he also knows my step brother Paul.

-You have never told me about him. - Paul said. -  Or you never met us in person. It is quite weird.

- Me, from the other side, you have told me a few times, Jossie. - Valerie said while fighting with her cough. - But yet you were not so close with him... at least not so near and close as you both are now.

From the moment when I heard them saying these things I started thinking more and more about my past and the equipoise of my approach to all what was in my mind started to desert. I was wondering how much Hairlen is similar to it. I have no memories but from what others told me it was not so great. I used to do a lot of things that now I regret just by knowing one single thing about them. Just few words. My stepmom had told me that I used drugs in high school, that I used to hang out with very bad people, criminals, smoke, get drunk, don’t come home for days and be very bad girl. But something in me was much different back then since I woke up in the hospital, without my memory. I did not had even the taste of doing these things. All I wanted was to get better and show to the rest of the world that deep inside I am a good person, worthy of respect. Not that person that everyone was talking bad things, the person that now I am so ashamed I was. But I am different from what I was yesterday, much different from what I was like last Saturday so it is clear to me why I was so different from that girl and plus taking all the things that happened to me.

So I started to wonder if he, Hairlen was much more similar to the bad me, more than what I was although his inner aura was weird in a chronic order. The vibes he was showing were yelling no, but the vibes from my past from where he came were quite clear in their horizontal and were certificating yes. My present from the other side was not allowing me to question anything, not even the smallest intuition because the flame in me was already