First Beat

By Renee Lee Fisher

With every heartbeat...

Jillian:
From a loss of a baby, to a broken relationship, and then the discovery of a well-kept secret, Jillian is left feeling hollow.

Will she ever find happiness to fulfill her?

Raeford:
A young boy with a horrific beginning hides his past from everyone around him. He carries the pain of a broken heart after losing his first, treasured love.

Will he reveal what lies within him?
Can he ever replace the love he lost?

Their pasts could scar them and leave them weak if they let it, of those experiences could strengthen them enough to make sure they get the wondering ending they deserve.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Renee Lee Fisher
• Release date: Jun 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311235862

Renee Lee Fisher

USA TODAY Bestselling Author Renee Lee Fisher has the passion to put the pen to the paper and WRITE/CREATE. She is truly a romance junkie who loves to tell stories. She has written a variety of romantic works from novellas to novels. Her belief is that everyone should Indulge in LOVE.The first four of The Heartbeat Series of six planned Romance Novels. ROCK NOTES, LOVE NOTES, MUSIC NOTES, FIRST BEAT are completed and available. FIRST BASS and FIRST TASTE are yet to come.The Crossing Series (The Knot Hole, The Passage and The Muse) will take you on an endearing time travel romance from present day to centuries past.If you love a Suspense Romance - read Derailed. It is a sweet suspense that stands alone.Looking ahead, there will be many more romantic scenarios to come.Renee resides in Eagleville, PA with her loving husband Michael of many years and her cats Leo and Lincoln. She love to travel often and engage in meeting new people who provide her with future inspiration for stories.

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Drumsticks

Prologue – The Big People

It’s snowing outside, and the flakes are big. Most of the kids are nervous this morning, not from the snow but the visitors coming here today. I have been in the home for a long time and have sort of grown up faster. I feel like the big brother of them all. I try to calm several of the kids by pulling them to watch the snow falling down. I see their eyes open wide thinking of the large snowballs they will make later.

There are many spots where the paint is peeling around the large front windows and I make sure the kids do not touch or pick at those spots. I was told that long ago. Many of us want to build the first snowman of the winter in the front yard of our home. There is plenty of snow on the ground and still falling so it may be fun if we all build a fort or an igloo. If we all pack the snow tight, maybe it won’t melt so fast. This morning at breakfast, we heard we are having visitors today. They are the Big People. If we all behave, we can play outside in the snow afterwards.

Today is a good day that happens for us kids. When the Big People come to visit us in our home called the Winslow Foster Care Center someone finds a new home. We all cheer and love those at the WFCC as they have made it a nice home for us. The Shaws are the leaders of the home. Sometimes others come and help them. The house is very large and we have a big play yard. We get lots of good food like macaroni and cheese and pizza and my favorite French fries with lots of ketchup. I squeeze out all the ketchup from the bottle and you can hardly see a French fry on my plate.

We each have a bed although we share rooms and toys. Some days people drop off toys and clothes on the front porch. Each of us get new clothes out of the brown bags, the toys we all share. We are all brothers and sisters under one big roof. I like when we have people visit us because they hug us so tightly and that feels good.

We all had to clean up our play area yesterday, stack our toys neatly. Make certain to place all the books on the shelf standing upright. This morning the Shaws told us all to take extra care in brushing our teeth, combing our hair in place and getting dressed to look our best. Some of us have already been through a day with the Big People visiting. I have been here the most and I know what to do. I know when the Big People have left that I can make noise as some call it, but to me it is music.

My head is already thinking of a song; it is kind of mushy but I see her in my head when I think of the sounds I would play on my drums. I look across at all my brothers and sisters and especially to her, Little Red. She makes me smile even when she looks away. Little Red is very shy. She is quiet and plays alone or with me. She comes and sits by me while I play the drums and she claps when I finish hitting them. Her little hands cupped together make me feel good inside. Other times she looks so sad, I want to make her happy again. When I see that look on her face, I move away from the seat in front of the drum set and hand her the sticks. Hesitantly she takes them, but then she pounds on the drum. She is having fun and her green eyes widen as she shows me her happy smile. I am looking forward to playing in the snow with her later. I can imagine how the snowflakes will hit her red hair and melt instantly. My smile is huge, not because the Big People have arrived, but because she is part of my life here.

We are all told to be quiet now and each of us respond with holding one finger to our lips for a moment to show we understand. Our hands drop to our laps just as the Big People enter the room. They are friendly, greet some of us, and continue to look around and smile at each of us. Our visitors are walking about the room meeting with many of my brothers and sisters. Most times the Big People don’t meet me. They go for the younger kids. I am okay with that now. I am a good kid. I follow the house rules. I try to help the Shaws as much as I can. I am thankful to be here.

We were all told that if the Big People pick us we will go and live a very nice life. I am happy here and glad when the others have a chance for a new home. Little Red has moved toward the back of the room and hidden in the corner where the Big People cannot see her. She is behind the bookshelf. I get up even though I am supposed to stay seated and I go to her. I take her hand, but she pulls back as she does not want to leave her safe place. I look into her eyes and then I whisper to her, Little Red they would love you. They seem really nice. She is nervous and about to ask me something… I think I know her question already. I nod to her yes and tell her to calm her, I think they will be a good new family. I gently push her out from the bookcase area and into the center of the room causing the Big People to turn and take notice of her. I knew they would see her, and they walk to meet her. Little Red is small so the Big People are kneeling down to talk to her. They slowly take her small hand into theirs and she smiles. I hear her soft voice talking to them but cannot hear what she is saying. She laughs and they do the same.

The Shaws approach the Big People and they stand up and talk for a moment. They all lower their heads to look down at Little Red. I watch her look up to them and she seems happy, but then she turns to me and I see her with a very sad face. I was sure they would love her… I now feel bad I pushed her into the center of the room. I did not mean to make her frown. I am about to go to her, when she speaks. Bye bye Raymond, I will miss you. It’s the loudest I have ever heard her speak. They did love her. Mrs. Shaw reaches for Little Red’s hand but she pulls back and runs to me. She hugs me tight. I spin her around in my arms not letting her slip from my hold until I have to put her down. I know she is dizzy and moves slowly away from me but her eyes are steady on mine until that last moment when she leaves my sight and exits the room. I will not ever forget her. Little Red won today, she got a new family.

The Big People are gone now and we have been allowed to change into layers of warm clothes. It is cold outside and the snow is wet. I am trying to have a fun time with my family here, but I miss her already. My chest always felt warmer when Little Red was near.

Drumsticks

Chapter One – Little Red

Twenty-Three Years Ago

The first day she arrived at our home, we all just stood and stared at her red, glowing hair that framed her cute face. Most of us here were dark haired, darker skinned and her milky complexion and flaming hair stood out. Some of us had slightly lighter skin, but hers was the whitest. I took to her immediately. I was going to take care of her, look out for her. A few of my newer brothers that have not been here a long time might be mean to her. I did not want that to happen. Sometimes they liked to tease and play games with the newest kids, so I knew I needed to watch over her.

The first few days she cried and cried and her red eyes matched her red hair. I asked her one day, Why are you crying so much?

Her lips shook as if she was nervous or cold and she answered me in a soft voice. She held her eyes to the ceiling. My mommy and daddy are up in heaven. I miss them and want to see them. I want to be with them but I can’t. Why can’t we go up to heaven, or why can’t they come here and get me? Her tears fell down her pink cheeks as she looked to me for answers.

My parents are in heaven too, so at least you and I are here together. Looks like we share something already. Raymond tilted his head and gave her a comforting smile.

I remember overhearing Mr. and Mrs. Shaw talking about a little girl that was arriving soon. Her parents died suddenly in a car wreck and unfortunately, there was not another family member to care for her. That was similar to what happened to me. There was no one to take care of me, and the Winslow Foster Care Center took me in. We’re both special I told her and her tears slowed. I knew she and I could lean on each other when sad. Little Red was the nickname I instantly gave her. The first time I called her Little Red she turned up the edges of her mouth in the cutest smile that melted my heart.

Little Red and I bonded quickly…I felt helpful when she would ask me to help her get a book high on the bookshelf. I was thankful that she chose to come sit next to me to watch a movie with all the other kids seated in the same room. I loved how my name, Raymond, came out in her shy voice.

Our first few playtimes, Little Red stayed to herself but after a while she asked me to play some games with her or read a book she selected from the shelf. She told me her parents always read her a bedtime story. She missed that. I was happy to read every page, and I did not miss a word from the title on the book cover to the very end. When I looked up after finishing a page, she looked happy. If I had her attention for the entire time I read, I would read forever if she selected more books.

From the start, I felt like an older brother to her and made certain that no one took any toys from her while she was playing with them and did not change the television while she was smiling at the screen. I caught her watching me as I set the dinner table for all of us kids. Little Red was no more than five years old and since I was nine, I felt being older, she looked up to me, but also I kept a close watch over her. I felt proud I was able to be there for Little Red. I recalled words my mother told me years ago. She had tucked the sheet tightly around me in my bed, the single mattress on the floor that was lumpy in places and ripped on all the corners.

Raymond you’re a big boy, I am so proud of all the things you do for yourself. My mother kissed my forehead, I felt rewarded for being a good son to her and not causing any trouble. At the foster home, I stepped up and helped the Shaws when I could. They let me take on more tasks in the house. I set the table nightly for dinner and helped to get the younger children into their seats. Before Little Red came to the home, I read many nights to the other younger children until they were sleepy. Usually after that, I went into my bed and thought about the day that passed. I was comfortable in my framed bed with the smooth mattress that did not have a rip anywhere on it. I kept a lot of my sadness deep inside where no one could see it. Sometimes late at night when everyone was sleeping, I would think about my mother. Most of the time I could see her in the kitchen cooking and perhaps that is why I enjoy helping the Shaws with setting the table. I never complained when we have to clear our plates after we ate. I usually grabbed those plates next to me to stack tall. At first I only took a few because I didn’t want to break any, but then each time after I tried to stack one more and make my pile higher. The Shaws have often placed an extra oatmeal raisin cookie, which is my favorite, in the kitchen next to where I piled the dirty dishes.

I learned at the home to be a helper and somehow I became the head brother to the children. They looked up to me. I had seen that with Little Red. Every time a new kid arrived, they were upset. I felt their pain but I made a friendly smile and touched their hand hoping they would feel welcomed and they would soon find out just as I did that everything was going to be all right. The Shaws often tapped my shoulder and nodded their heads letting me know they were thankful for what I was doing.

One big moment for me was when we had cold weather outside and Little Red came to me to get help zippering her coat. I tugged it slightly to remove it because it was stuck at first. When I successfully zipped her in all snug, she gave me back a beautiful smile. That was all I needed. Her smile lit me up inside, gave me the warmth in my heart. I knew I would be double-checking her coat to make sure it zipped up before our next time playing outdoors.

Later that evening Little Red was at my side helping me set the dinner table. She laid the napkins down by each plate and waited for me to place the silverware on top. When we were all done I put up my hand. She raised hers and looked confused. I wanted to give her a high five for us doing the set up together. I slapped my hand to hers and told her we did it. She happily hit my hand as if she was clapping.

Little Red felt like family because I knew it was my job to take care of her like I did the other younger children, but she never felt like my sister. It was different from that. She was my focus.

She and I fell into a groove. She sat with me as I beat on the toy drums, and she would move to my sounds. One day I caught her picking up the sticks to bang on the drums. Go head, give it a hit, I told her. I watched as she tapped them lightly. No, harder. She looked at me with worry in her eyes as if she expected to get into trouble. Little Red, it’s okay. Go ahead and hit them, its playtime. I watched as she gripped the sticks tightly and hit the drum. Then she hit it again and again and did not stop and tears rolled from her eyes. Little Red, what’s wrong? Please don’t cry. I asked her as I took the sticks from her tiny fingers.

I’m so sad. I’m sad Raymond, that my parents are gone.

Sweet Little Red, it will get better, I promise. I held her in my arms for the first time. I brushed her red hair from her face. Yep I cared for her immediately.

*     *     *

I knew almost exactly what time she would enter the big playroom daily. One day I waited, excited to show her a new song I made up on the drums. However, she was late. I was not worried because I knew the Big People had not come and taken her as theirs, but I was hoping she was okay. Slowly, the playroom door opened. She looked at me and then away. My smile dropped as her eyes turned away from me. I called out to her and she went the opposite way. I did not want to scare her, so I left her alone. Several times, I caught her looking out the window past me but I knew she saw me. We always sat together for lunch, but this day she sat alone until one of the other brothers in the house sat across from her. I was hurt inside. I felt sad like missing my mother. I picked at my food on my plate. I was not feeling hungry because something felt odd with her and me. I took my lunch and went to her to see why she was ignoring me.

Hey, are you okay? I asked her as I eased myself to her side on the bench. She just nodded back at me and continued to pick at her sandwich. She kept putting tiny bird feeding pieces into her mouth one after another, so she did not have to talk back.

She’s fine as you see Raymond, so you don’t have to guard her. Jerome taunted. Jerome was one year younger than me. His stay at the home was not going to be too long. He was waiting for his aunt from another city to come get him. He came into the home bossy. From the first day Jerome arrived, Raymond watched the younger children to make certain he did not upset them.

I don’t guard her, I look after her so no one hurts her, I said to him. Then I heard her usually soft voice come out strong. Stop! Little Red did not want us to fight about her. She whispered in my ear, I thought I wouldn’t play with you today and try to be grown up like you are, but Raymond, I want to play with you. I missed being with you. My face smiled around the moon at that moment. I thought it was silly she was trying to do that but then again her telling me that was just so cute. What are you talking about? Jerome asked in a loud voice. Neither of us responded and he shook his head and left our table. I smiled at Little Red and I knew she was smiling back my way. Yes, she and I formed a bond and I liked it. I liked her. I would not say she was my girlfriend but she was a girl and certainly my friend, my closest friend in this entire house.

Drumsticks

Chapter Two – Raymond Finds Hope

Twenty-Five Years Ago

So long ago, but so clear in my adult mind. Strong arms carried me from the police car up the steps and into a home, I did not recognize. I took notice of the street we lived on and our neighbors and this was not familiar to me. I had been brought to a very large home. It had heat and I felt the warmth instantly once I was carried inside. I was wrapped tightly inside a worn plaid, grey and blue blanket that had many ripped holes that my mother patched over many times. I was scared and cold, my lips quivering. I had been saved and removed from my mother’s home that had no warmth, only that of her love. It was often cold in the house and I wore extra clothes to bed. It was wintertime because there was ice hanging in pointed spears on the porch. When my mother was not looking, I would stand by the porch railing, remove an icicle, and lick it. It was probably nasty water frozen from the roof, but I was just a kid and it tasted okay.

I was a child that paid attention to things going on around me. I always listened to people talking as they walked past our house. I often concentrated on the music I heard coming from one of the neighbors’ on the hot days when the windows were open. I also moved my head to the beat of the sounds from the radio my mother played in the house when she cooked or cleaned while my father was not home. I listened that particular day for many hours. My senses were in overload. Even when I moved my legs to stretch them I thought that sounded loud but it was my imagination.

When I did hear voices again, it was actually inside the house. It was a detailed recap of the conversation from our neighbor. They had placed the emergency call to authorities claiming the walls they lived within were paper-thin and there was a disturbance on the other side. Complaining in detail about the arguing coming from our home. It got worse they described as they heard loud banging sounds and then silence. The neighbors’ story continued. The following day, they began to hear soft, faint cries, that of a young child whimpering. That was me; I know they must have heard my crying because I could not contain my hunger and fear being alone in the closet for so long. I tried to be a good boy so I would not be hit and when I heard my dad yell very loudly from the front door to my mother in the kitchen. I heard his anger. My mother pulled me close and told me to run and hide. It was not time for questions just to do what she asked of me and not to come out until she came for me. I heard her telling my father I was not at home that I was playing at a friend’s home down the street while she was fixing dinner. I did not want to leave her because she seemed upset and I knew he usually hit her and then a few times he slapped me in the head or the back when I went to