The Pursuit of Happiness

By Anthony Kearney

This book uses a new theory of self and personality to explore and explain the mystery of happiness. The author, a teacher, psychologist and cognitive behaviour therapist, explains how the key to happiness is understanding your reality and how it relates to the past, present and future, including love, sexuality, employment, education and work. Partly written as an antidote to feminist extremism, The Pursuit of Happiness will help readers, whatever their age, culture, ethnicity, wealth or physical condition, to plan a route to a happier future - first by exploring what happiness really means and how today’s society has lost sight of it, and then by setting out in a variety of real-life situations how it can and should be achieved. The key is a new concept developed by the author called the RDF – the Reality Differential Factor, designed to explore, and exploit, the realisation that happiness is relative.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mereo Books
• Release date: Jun 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781861510723

Book preview

Anthony Kearney

THE PURSUIT OF

HAPPINESS

New insights into the human condition

Copyright © 2016 by Anthony Kearney

Published by Mereo

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Anthony Kearney has asserted his right under the Copyright Designs and Patents A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not by way of trade or otherwise be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover, other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

ISBN: 978-1-86151-072-3

Also by Anthony Kearney:

Life Begins at 60

(Mereo, 2016)

CONTENTS

Introduction

1 The Evolution of Psychology

2 Discover your Self

3 Women on Top

4 Holidays

5 Education and Survival

6 Touch

7 Wild Women and Feminism

8 Culture

9 Employment

10 Politics

11 Children

12 Crime, Education and Punishment

13 Pot Pourri

14 Sport Psychology (An RDF view)

Finale

INTRODUCTION

This is a completely original book. In order to put yourself on the road to happiness, no matter where you are, who you are or what you are, it has been written to help you understand amazing new insights into the human condition. Whatever your age, culture, ethnicity, wealth or physical situation, this book will help you plan your route to happiness.

First, this book teaches what happiness is. Then from it you can work out what sort of person you are, and finally, by understanding your need for elation and depression, you can change your life to give maximum happiness.

After qualifying in psychology and then taking on further education, I found that even when sailing across the Atlantic I still had one of my Open University lecturer’s last words ringing in my ears: ‘Keep doing psychology’. It was when crossing the Atlantic Ridge and watching my mast break that the germ of an idea was born. Now, 15 or so years on, I can share with you my years of study and the revelation of the theory of Reality Differential Factors (RDFs) and the Self structure. It is now essential for you to understand the following before you start the book, especially if you are psychologically qualified or have knowledge of psychotherapy.

THE KEYS TO THE SECRET OF HAPPINESS

I have used the term Happiness to describe a state of equanimity which you might recognise as happiness. The state of equanimity which you might call Happiness I refer to as Zone of Equanimity (ZOE) . This zone varies in width with age and is bounded on one side by Depression and on the other by Elation. It is normal for you and essential for you as a person to move from side to side within the Zone. The person is made up of four Selves, each of which is independent of the other but capable of working with one of the others to ensure inputs to the ZOE to create, increase or reduce happiness. These are the Biological Self, the Cognitive Self, the Social or Chameleon Self and the Psyche or Spiritual Self. I am a Cognitive, Biological person. As a child I was forced into being a Biological Self person and later circumstances made me almost completely a Cognitive self person. Both these inputs made me a ‘happy person’.

THE MECHANICS OF HAPPINESS

The ZOE is affected by Positive and Negative inputs. Positive inputs are low RDFs. Negative inputs are high RDFs. This example shows how the inputs work. You may care to work out which self is doing the work. Imagine that, for no reason whatsoever, a stranger gives me five pounds. I feel really elated. Someone might say that I am happy. The next day I notice the stranger and he walks up to me again and gives me some money. This time I get four pounds and I am not so elated. Now the difference between four pounds and five pounds is one pound, a fairly insignificant amount, but I am considerably less happy. From this simple example you can see the birth of differential factors (DFs). These are all the inputs from an existing situation compared to better, real, imaginary future or past, situation pushing me towards elation.

At the time of the four-pound gift I compared that reality with how it was with the five-pound gift. The outcome is the development of a differential in inputs (RDFs). Clearly some factors are exactly the same even if a little lower in effect than our ideal input from the five pounds. For the four pounds therefore I had low RDFs or Positive inputs. The next day the stranger walks towards me again and puts his hand in his pocket. Positive RDFs start to rise. He takes from his pocket 10p and gives it to me, he then walks away. I am shocked, amazed, disappointed, in fact there is nothing in his gesture to cheer me up. I am depressed as I realize 10p is all I am going to get. What is happening to me? The reality differential is high and in this situation I am receiving High RDFs of Negative inputs. In my Zone of Equanimity (ZOE) I am pushed towards the depression side by the Selves in operation. Most obvious of these is the Social Self and the Biological Self. The cause of any high RDFs affects people differently.

DEFINITIONS

Low Reality Differential Factors (low RDFs) - think of these for the moment as ‘positive’ things leading to elation.

High Reality Differential Factors (high RDFs) - think of these as ‘negative’ things leading to depression.

Reality Differential Factor Analysis (RDA or RDF Analysis) - think of this as an assessment of you as a person which is designed to demonstrate how balanced or unbalanced your life is.

Reality Analysis (R.A.) - the possible basis for therapy. Depression - a state of more high RDFs than low RDFs giving you a Zone of Equanimity centred in the depression side of the ZOE.

Elation - a state of more low RDFs than high RDFs, giving you a zone of equanimity centred in the elation side of the ZOE.

Zone of Equanimity (ZOE) - this is the zone in which we exist. It has four domains, each of which can contribute to the state of the ZOE.

Each of these domains has a part of itself which interacts with the external world. These parts of each domain I have called Selves. Therefore it follows that a personality is constructed by one, some or all the selves. As you will see it is possible to judge by observation and listening to a person which Self is communicating with the external world and which Self, if this is the case, dominates the others, giving the individual’s personality a distinctive character. You will see how personality changes with circumstances in order for the ZOE to gain maximum low RDFs.

The above you may regard as the first part of the book. The second part is devoted to Life situations and the gaining of low or high RDFs. The areas for discussion are wide and include sex, sport, crime, politics, employment and children, just to mention a few. You should try to get this introduction understood.

RDF theory and the Self theory lead to self-analysis. You might think that this book is a basis for a new therapy or will be a valuable tool in such therapies as CBT. Certainly, understanding your Person is a good start towards happiness and a sound basis for therapy.

As everything in this book is new, you need to read it slowly. As you move to a new topic try to imagine which Selves are in operation, which factors are available and whether these factors are positive or negative. After a while, without trying, you will find that you are starting to analyse yourself. The effect on your consciousness will amaze you. Without realising it, the confidence of understanding may cause you to change your life, your job and the way you think about other people and how they act.

During the production of this book many people have been subjected to my theory in ‘bits’, and in all cases it has made them stop dead in their life tracks. When I introduced some of my then embryonic theory in a TV talk show, I was assailed from all sides from the participants wanting to know what sort of person they were. Some were pleased, some were relieved and one woman was so angry that she tried to get to me from across the studio floor. You may find this book social dynamite.

POSTSCRIPT TO THE INTRODUCTION

People have said that instead of using the term Zone of Equanimity (ZOE) I should just call it Zone of Happiness, as this will make it simpler and better understood. I do not believe that the inquisitive people who read this book with a view to changing their understanding of themselves are in fact ‘simple people’. Of course Happiness is in the Zone of Equanimity, but it is not the simple constant favoured by politicians. Each Self has its own form of ‘happiness’. The Biological Self shows a common view of happiness, laughing, joking and being silly. The Social Self is contextual in its happiness and is usually seen in group enjoyment. The Cognitive Self sees the funny side of a situation in a quiet, amusing and sometimes superior way. The Psyche Self is often working unconsciously and warms the Zone with feelings of intense joy or wonder. I shall keep the term Zone of Equanimity to keep you aware of the nature of happiness.

People have also said that Reality Differential Factors (RDFs) high and low should be called ‘bad things’ and ‘good things’. This implies that for all people at all times inputs are constant, either good or bad. This is plainly nonsense. Cold food in a hot country may be a ‘good’ thing but in a cold country outdoors a ‘bad’ thing, unless you are starving. There are no universal good or bad things for individuals. Once again the effect of any inputs will depend on the mix of Selves of that person and the resulting personality. A climb to the top of a mountain will give some massive positive inputs to one person while another may have both positive and negative inputs. Inputs are subjective, and rarely does one have one input to the Selves in operation. Because RDFs are individually assessed a person’s past history has an effect on interpretation. The fit professional mountaineer will have different inputs from those of the young, frightened, unfit beginner.

Therefore, I shall retain all the terms as they give a clear idea of what is happening. I hope that this further explanation will firm up your understanding of RDF and the Four Self theory.

A final point; this book is for men and women. For convenience I shall often refer to men only, but unless I state otherwise women are included in the text.

CHAPTER 1

THE EVOLUTION OF PSYCHOLOGY

EMBRYONIC SOCIETY

The beginning of society is lost to memory because of the passage of time. No one knows when society started or whether the starting of detectable society was merely the last occasion out of a number. We are told by archaeological anthropologists that one race of early man was the Neanderthal, and that he lived in small family groups. He is often depicted as being not too bright. He had great difficulty in making himself understood because he had no language, apparently. In fact, in a recent television production on how he was supposed to live we have Neanderthal man and woman depicted in modern feminist terms. Did feminism start so long ago? I doubt it, but from the way the man was depicted the soft, gentle hand of feminism was evident. The producers of the programme probably would say that modern audiences expect all television to reflect the world as it is, even if we are talking about the past. It certainly does that and ensures that the apparent normality of feminist society in the western developed world is maintained.

‘Why’ you ask, ‘was a fairy tale on feminism dressed up to be a serious documentary on human life or a document on human history and life?’ The answer is sad, very sad. Producers cannot be objective about male and female relationships. They are culturally brainwashed by the effects of decades of feminism, a burden which is supported by a minority of men and women.

The Neanderthal’s story was in two parts. The first was about how he and she lived. The second was how they were taken over by the society of Cro-Magnon man and woman. This is how the story went: the Neanderthal men went hunting but were unsuccessful. The Neanderthal woman and her little girl went hunting too and they were successful and brought home the food. The men were depicted as stupid beyond belief. Later we were shown a man trying to catch fish with his hands by a scooping method in the water. Out of the wood appears Cro-Magnon man, who looks like a cross between Rudolph Nureyev and an angel. In an instant he has thrown a spear and given the caught fish to the Neanderthal man, who, with confused, amazed eyes can only gape at the deed.

The next event is the Neanderthal woman copulating with one of the Cro-Magnon men while eating food given in payment. Thus in the space of a few minutes the causes of prostitution are laid at the doors of all the men who followed that event, and the ills of society are evidently due to men and their relationships with other men. Women were often exploited despite being better hunters, cooks and clothes makers, at least, if we are to believe the makers of the programme. The Neanderthal man appears to be only good at producing more children and little else.

Let me now give you my idea of early man and early society before spreading before you something of today’s society. Since in some areas of the world the Neanderthal species was destroyed and in other areas subsumed, with Cro-Magnon man into a new species, I shall talk only in general terms about men and women in early society.

EARLY SOCIETY

In the beginning came life. A common social psychology view of society goes something like this: ‘After some natural catastrophe our forefathers were forced to live on the ground instead of in the trees.’ So what was the state of affairs at this time? It was most likely that men and women started social life in very small units, probably three or four men and women and they were nomadic, that is to say they lived wherever they found food. Almost certainly they hunted together as a group, sharing the adventures and tribulations of the hunt. If they had any children who were able to run around, say six years upwards, then they would also be involved in the hunt. Men would have been valued because fit active men were limited. More baby boys died at childbirth than girls and men were constantly being killed by beasts and external food and territory conflicts. Naturally there developed some division of labour. Women would find that because they were constantly getting pregnant, they took an intermittent role in hunting and fighting and were often placed in safe hiding when danger threatened. The preferred situation for all parties was to be involved in the hunt, and like sexual activity it created good feelings (positive inputs). At a point in time when handfuls of families started to live together, ideas on morality were based on biological needs, the women were shared between all the men and every man was available to any woman. This would work quite well until two women wanted the same man at the same time. Initially the outcome would have been decided by a fight. The resulting victor, bloodied and scratched, would then present herself to the man of her desire. He had no choice, because to reject this particular woman would earn her wrath and cause her to look elsewhere, perhaps never to return. Men after a week away did not want a problem when having to take a mate who looked like something dragged backwards through a hedge. They also did not want to fight each other for a mate on arrival at home after working together so cooperatively for food.

Peace in the village was down to the women, because they had a greater vested interest, therefore women realised that to get mates they should look their best and let the men choose. The psychological effect on the women of having to look good for the return of the men was that it made them feel good. With the day of the men’s return uncertain and with the possibility of new men joining the group as well as the death of some of the men, the ritual of looking good became a necessary part of life. Women competed against each other to look their best. Problems in early society were never far away; as soon as men got used to picking a mate, she became pregnant and on occasions would not be interested in sex. Despite couples copulating around her, the pregnant women or one with small children would have her interests firmly fixed on thoughts of children and babies. But how was she to maintain the interest of the man, which had become essential to the stability of her emotional state? She did not want the sex act, but she did want the advantages it gave her. The answer, as any feminine woman knows, is kindness to her man, together with providing sexual relief every so often. The simple route to this was massage, caressing tenderness, food and some form of sexual satisfaction. Later that day, if her man wanted ordinary sex with a female who offered herself, they would know their bond or relationship still held them together and she would not be too concerned if she knew her man was ‘playing away’.

What then was the beginning like? We can of course only form a guess. I think things would have been very different from the cartoon caveman world portrayed in the 1940s and 50s and the reality of the start of the 21st century. Indeed it may well be that men were happy and their RDFs were quite low. It is likely that man and his mate had a harmonious relationship based on a number of needs. These needs were the same for each, and also different. Men and women lived together for convenience. They hunted together, with men cooperating naturally with other men. Because their children relied on the woman for survival, they became inseparable from one another. In Africa at the present time there are still children as old as five suckling their mothers, and so it probably was at the dawn of civilisation. With women tied to looking after children for 12 to 15 years, men could not rely on these women to assist in hunts. Circumstances forced the men to leave their women and join other men hunting for food. Both men and women would fight, and both would have been killed in order for the victor to have a stronger family unit. Women would end up with two mates, and so occasionally would men. Relationships under these circumstances would be fragile, and both men and women would be looking to satisfy their own vested interests. With both sexes involved in open relationships, it is a miracle that groups of men and women actually started to live together on group sites.

Clearly the advantages outweighed the disadvantages. Men could go off hunting, taking with them the odd free woman. Children of both sexes probably accompanied men. Children performed a useful service by carrying things and helping to maintain the camp near the hunting site. It is quite possible that hides were constructed in the hunting area, as well as temporary homes. Chance was probably the initial reason why food plants started to grow at the camp site. The first farmers may well have been children, and these children developed the skills needed to cultivate as the adult men hunted and caught animals. Old men would have encouraged the youngsters and have been instrumental in starting the idea of cultivation on one site. I cannot imagine young, healthy men wanting to sit at home with empty stomachs watching wheat grow. This is the job of old men, mothers and children.

The principle advantage to women of a group site was the absence of the need to carry children and look after them on long treks into unknown forested and mountainous regions. Moving to another village site would be discouraged by the women, as new dangers would be presented to their children and other additional work placed upon them.

But society started to evolve through the needs of both sexes. Edward T. Hall’s book The Silent Language makes the case for society being based on biological needs. Only by going back to a state where societies did not exist except in embryo form can we begin to understand his reasoning. This I shall try to do. It is in the embryo state of society that we see biological needs being dominant.

A feminist piece of propaganda about early societies is the image of a caveman with a club over his shoulder dragging a woman along by her hair. The idea is that the man has rushed out totally without control, found a female, bashed her over the head with his club and dragged her back to his lair for his own pleasures and to keep her there by fear and domination. When we look at men today and the way they court their women, we find that men endeavour to please the women, so they give them tenderness, engendering various good feelings, which surely would have been the situation within primitive society. It is unlikely that he would have brought her a bunch of flowers, because they would not represent security. He probably left food at her door and would demonstrate how essential he was to her and her family.

It is likely he would demonstrate his ability to control other men by his competitive skills, by fighting, running and throwing spears. He would have been fitter and stronger than other men but our female still might not have been convinced that any of the suitors would give her the pleasure she desired and the quality of the children she yearned for. She would therefore secretly try out as many suitors as possible, wanting the best to make her pregnant. This is what apparently happens today, especially in Britain, where we have the highest number of teenage births in Europe.

There is evidence all over the world of the importance of the male organ. Even today some people make a display feature of their penis, either to indicate their status or to show that they have reached an age where they can get an erection. The size of a man’s penis is a topic of conversation for women and the subject of admiration with men. Because it has the power of influencing men’s choice of leader and women’s choice of mate, the erect penis is banned from sight in the modern Western world. Perhaps far too many of our political leaders are uninspiring physically and do not have erections to be proud of. The youngest age at which an erection may first appear is around 11 years old, and the oldest is about 18. Boys should be aware how much the age of development of sexual ability varies.

Now since society’s existence relied on a constant supply of food, the dominating factors in the survival of society were memory and knowledge. The older men would have a wealth of experience of hunting and the effects of the weather and environment. They made the policy decisions, while the older women maintained the order of society. Necessity dictated the need to move around, so periodically the entire community would move to a new base. This movement was probably seasonal and may or may not have been to the same place each year.

The outstanding feature of this seasonal move was the sense of adventure which pervaded society, raising its morale. Why was the move an adventure? First, there was