Retirement Park Redo

By Patrick Harding

Not everybody got to graduate high school. Some of us dropped out to go to work, others got pregnant, or fought a war. A few of us might have been expelled for mowing obscenities into the school’s front lawn concerning the Principal and his secretary. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

For some of us high school was the worst time in our life. Our shortcomings were exposed during gym showers, so we got shoved in our locker for the weekend, and had to experience the Senior Prom from there! Of course, this could never have happened to future writers of e-books.

But it’s never too late to brush up on our Shakespeare just to try to figure out what he was thinking, with Juliet being fourteen and all. Or perhaps we feel we missed out, not knowing trigonometry. If only we could give high school a second try.

And for those of us who graduated and loved it, wouldn’t it be great to relive it all, fifty years later? And for those adolescent ugly ducklings who never fitted in, wouldn’t it do us good to relive it as a mature swan?

Fortunately, a Retirement Park is the perfect venue for this. In Management we already have a Principal and Vice Principal. In our Home Owners Association, we already elect a Student’s Council. We already have an elite bunch of cool kids, volunteering for everything - dinner clubs, blood drives, fashion shows. We already have line dancing cheerleaders. We already have jocks playing golf and pickle ball, getting all the girls at Happy Hour, and taking them to Inspiration Point in their souped-up golf carts.

And believe it or not, some parks hold an annual Seniors Prom!

Yes, retirement parks are giving us a chance at a do-over, whether we graduated or not. And we don’t even have to go to class! That’s an improvement.

But there are many more potential improvements that would make the experience even better. That’s what this is all about, making our second kick at the can more memorable than the first. And all it takes is a few baby steps.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patrick Harding
• Release date: May 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310237089

Patrick Harding

To contact the author please send an email to:[e-mail]

Book preview

RETIREMENT PARK REDO

Copyright 2016 Patrick Harding

Smashwords Edition

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Table Of Suggestions:

Introduction

TRANSFORMATIONS

1. Build a Wall to Keep Out Chihuahuas

2. Turn Your Park Into a Religious Community

3. Turn Your Park Into a Socialist Utopia

4. Turn Your Golf Course Into a Wildlife Sanctuary

5. Become a Mafia Retirement Park

6. Build a Time Machine Set at 1959

7. Bring Old Time Religion to Your Park

8. Exchange Your Golf Carts for Skateboards

9. Cut The Cord

ADDITIONS

10. Build a Tornado Shelter

11. Build a UFO Landing Pad.

12. Build Paradise Park University

13. Build a Casino

14. Build a Hospital

15. Buy A New Home in The Park

16. Turn Your Park Into a Nudist Colony!

17. Build a Cosmetic Surgery Complex

18. Build a Prison for Canadians

ACTIVITIES

19. Invest in a Tontine

20. The Viagra 500

21. Compulsory Ballroom Dance Lessons

22. Encourage Men to Get Lucky

23. Adult Education

24. Critter Hunts

25. Compulsory Dog Ownership

26. Make Him Nicer

27. Polygamy

FAR OUT!

28. Bring Your Grandkids to Live Here

29. Everyone Gets a Tattoo

30. Nobody Leaves

31. Turn Abandoned Homes into Meth Labs

32. Get Closer to Management

33. Get Rid of Foreigners

34. Road Trip to the Villages

35. Host a Zombie Apocalypse

36. Marital Counseling for All

A Last Word From the Author

INTRODUCTION

Not everybody got to graduate high school. Some of us dropped out to go to work, others got pregnant, or fought a war. A few of us might have been expelled for mowing obscenities into the school’s front lawn concerning the Principal and his secretary. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

For some of us high school was the worst time in our life. Our shortcomings were exposed during gym showers, so we got shoved in our locker for the weekend, and had to experience the Senior Prom from there! Of course, this could never have happened to future writers of e-books.

But it’s never too late to brush up on our Shakespeare just to try to figure out what he was thinking, with Juliet being fourteen and all. Or perhaps we feel we missed out, not knowing trigonometry. If only we could give high school a second try.

And for those of us who graduated and loved it, wouldn’t it be great to relive it all, fifty years later? And for those adolescent ugly ducklings who never fitted in, wouldn’t it do us good to relive it as a mature swan?

Fortunately, a Retirement Park is the perfect venue for this. In Management we already have a Principal and Vice Principal. In our Home Owners Association, we already elect a Student’s Council. We already have an elite bunch of cool kids, volunteering for everything - dinner clubs, blood drives, fashion shows. We already have line dancing cheerleaders. We already have jocks playing golf and pickle ball, getting all the girls at Happy Hour, and taking them to Inspiration Point in their souped-up golf carts.

And believe it or not, some parks hold an annual Seniors Prom!

Yes, retirement parks are giving us a chance at a do-over, whether we graduated or not. And we don’t even have to go to class! That’s an improvement.

But there are many more potential improvements that would make the experience even better. That’s what this is all about, making our second kick at the can more memorable than the first. And all it takes is a few baby steps. Such as:

1. BUILD A WALL TO KEEP OUT CHIHUAHUAS

Why? Remember a time when two lovable American dogs captured our imagination? Number one was Rin-Tin-Tin, the German Shepherd and World War One hero, who made the first silent dog films, finishing his career on television