Gypsy Nation

By J. Bango

What does one do when territorial government control tightens the noose around an already broken society? You spend more time in Hawaii of course.

The girls knew from the very beginning that no one was coming to help. Creating, instead of waiting, has been the mantra of choice ever since. In the final book of the Sideways to Paradise series, borders and dangerous restrictions in their world are nothing more than tollbooth gates, begging to be crashed and blazed through.

This is an important time marker where the future of these young and beautiful temptresses will be written. They take what they want in any manner they choose and make no excuses for doing so. Step inside for bold days and nights full of sarcasm and living out one’s dreams; in the way dreams are meant to be lived―wild and free.

Excerpt: “People usually upgrade movie channels or buy an espresso machine for variety, sir. Marital affairs are a little extreme, don’t you think?”

• Language: English
• Publisher: J. Bango
• Release date: May 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310924293

J. Bango

#Chicklit for admirers of smart & #sexy satire, #romcom banter and #erotic word flavor. Life is hard―kick its ass. Love your fetish. #Collegehumor gone wild.Author of new adult fiction and romantic comedies. Realistic plots for today's reader, laced in satire and sexy, adult humor. A self-improvement book and an illustrated children's short story book are also available.My novels tend to bend towards a real-time and satirical view of the world with regards to all relationships˗˗friendships, lovers, family, education, career, all of it. There is no normal despite the fact that some spend a lifetime pursuing it. Normalcy is in the dysfunction of life. It's there; that the real fun and our most memorable times are created. Without loose threads, there is no laughter, no surprise, no reason to seek out anything or anyone. Simply put, I love characters who do what they want to do and make no excuses about it. They thrive and grow on experiences, which is exactly what the goal should be˗˗total freedom with no regret.I am a voracious reader when I'm not writing. My interests vary quite a bit with what I read and I guess that's what keeps me constantly searching for new concepts and perceptions. Nothing wrong with the classics mind you. Discovery can be found everywhere and it's enjoyable to see the birthing of imagination in others as they put pen to paper.It's also fair to say that I am very much a lover of the solitude and beauty that nature offers. Whether it be a lone sandy beach in the tropics, the gorgeous high country in Arizona or the ominous forests of upstate New York, I enjoy all of it. From time to time, I'll frequent a local brewery for a stout or two, but I certainly would never throw my nose up at a nice glass of red in the night time hours. Especially a rainy night with that perfect new book. Cheers!

Book preview

The Jester Rules

Chapter 1

Taylor chose to take the night off and skip her shift at Diamond, asking if it was cool for her to hang out with Steven. I didn’t mind at all, of course. She hadn’t hooked up with him in a while and given how hard I worked her over the previous months, the girl deserved a treat. There was no better bonus in the world than getting pummeled by that man’s slab, so I left for the club alone. By now, they were into the second round—Taylor’s gorgeous black body, riding hard as they settled in for hours of rough passion together. Steven always lit up when I gave him the news of Taylor date night and rightfully so. I watched them fuck in the past many times and rest assured; the same sexual affinity exists between the two of them as it does between him and me. The difference is; he loves me.

My best friend hadn’t returned home to the valley in a few months now. After my projects settled, those I piled into her planner for almost a solid year’s time, there wasn’t all that much left for her to tackle. The restaurant has long since been up and running, Evie West is finished for the most part and three annual calendars have been completed. Obviously, I continue to keep her on the payroll. With the ideas that sprout in my mind at any given moment, I need to know she is on stand-by always.

A vacation in the islands was a must though and I insisted she fly out with me. What I didn’t expect so much, was her refusal to leave when I flew back to the Valley for the next Ball. Tay hitched herself to my side when at all possible, but clearly needed a change in scenery.

She found it too—his name is Vince. Not Vinny or Vincenzo, just Vince. Yes, he’s Italian and he’s very good at it. A super fine specimen who works construction on a crew at Steven’s development project. Tay and I were visiting the site one afternoon by invitation. Steven was excited for us to see the trenches being dug for all the water lines and such. I was more interested in where any future shoe stores might be located and that’s when Taylor spotted Vince. Five minutes into it, she was holding a hammer for him, and later that evening he was nailing her against a palm tree off the back patio. Those two, became thick as thieves overnight and I had to admit, the girl looks happy. Not a huge surprise; Vince is a dark featured pretty boy with a sick-ass bod. One hundred percent her dream man.

Little by little, new clothes and artwork for the walls accumulated in her guest bedroom. I use the word guest loosely as I’m not so sure she’s planning to leave. It’s easy to get sucked into Kona or anywhere else here for that matter. A totally different lifestyle and one in which Tay adapted to immediately. Steven had no problem with her moving in either. He loves her to death and is more than happy to have her around his house.

As far as he is concerned, after a long hiatus of being away, he began spending more time throughout all the islands again. Some of the dead end deals from the past reemerged with a new lifeblood and things were busy on his side now. I was grateful, obviously, even though it threw a huge obstacle in front of Layne and myself. That sucks. I won’t lie. I’m also not sure how much longer I can hang onto him with us barely able to get together. Whatever, though. Deal with it or don’t. I was clear from day one on what the situation entailed. When you start draping diamond necklaces over my neck, then maybe you can file a complaint. Until such a time, bitch up and meet me at your place when I can sneak away.

Anyway, Kayla still made the bi-weekly trips out with me and Elianna joined us these days as well. Her tribes and housing were all situated and running smoothly after quite a bit of work, freeing her own schedule up for half the month. Both girls rented a place together along with Jayden and Ivory. Jay’s old house was nice, but could never have accommodated all four girls comfortably. Especially, where Kayla and E are concerned. Living at Evie West, tends to spoil a person in the ways of all that is luxurious. Even Penny and Leonard have become pompous ducks; refusing to return to the workhouse or use the pond it took two weeks to dredge for them. Pond—million dollar pool oasis—it didn’t take long for them to see the better choice there. But, I digress. Kayla found a swank pad down the road from us and directly off the sand. In fact, any and all of them rode bikes when they stopped in to visit or party. Ivory being the odd girl out in that respect. Her visits often tended to become overnights and landing in Steven’s and my bed. Again, I was fine with his affinity for her too. She made him happy and always managed to take care of me first.

I guess what I’m saying is that my double life has become most cozy. The best of both worlds as I promised Jayden and Ivory it would be given a little time. That rainy day on the patio at the Grub Shack, when they tried to convince me over coffee of permanently jumping ship on the Valley. I still don’t think they can believe how I make it all work so smoothly. To me, it’s simple, and gives me two destinations and lifestyles to look forward to and I love it.

Kayla and E dig the back and forth as well. Both dance at Diamond Life and make a small fortune like the rest of us girls. As far as a stripper’s fortune can be perceived, that is to say. The manager here can’t bend over backward enough for me either, considering the quality of pussy I’ve recruited for him. I pretty much have the run of the place and do anything I choose to do. Bringing in a couple of award winning and internationally known porn stars and their delicious flesh under his roof, was icing on the cake. The girls greeted customers from framed lobby posters hanging in the clubs entrance, not to forget in entertainment advertisements also—both in print and online. For a hefty royalty fee, I should mention.

Kona grew to be our second home rather easily when the majority of us finally assembled here. You might even say that the division line became obscure or out-right non-existent at times.

Where do you get these outfits, Evie?

Can’t tell you.

Why? She asked, looking at me curiously.

"Because, Jay. If I tell you; before you know it, every girl here will be dressing this way."

Dressing? You call this camel toe, eyepatch, piece of material dressing?

A girl has to have her trademark look, I said, crossing my legs. Don’t hate. Where can I get a pair of those badass bone earrings?

"I knew you were going to ask that!"

Well?

I can’t, she answered, cowering in her seat.

See…trademark. You’re killing that poor jewelry makers business, by the way.

Okay, fair enough. Seriously though, aren’t you afraid this tiny string will break at any second?

Nope, I said, confidently.

Evie, this string is so thin. It makes those on a bikini look like the rope for a tugboat mooring.

She really did seem interested in a way that most weren’t. They commented always, but never seemed to take it much further. Except for Ally. She found my source and snapped up a small collections worth. Al wasn’t at all afraid of the waistline and micro tight wire. She is also the one person who possessed the detective skills to locate my source. To her credit, I’m happy to say, she respected the Evie trademark claim within our circle, and didn’t pour herself into the so-called suits in public. They were neatly put aside for nights of sneaking off to her underground clubs that only I was invited to accompany her.

Anyway, I decided Jay was safe enough to disclose the basic info to and that she probably wouldn’t take it any further. What could be the harm?

Do you swear that you will in no way make a mental note of this information once disclosed?

I swear, she said, raising her right hand.

No googling at a later date?

I will switch browsers if it makes you feel any better.

I looked around to make sure no one else was in earshot of us, before taking a long drink of my wine. Hemp.

Excuse me?

Hemp. Strongest thread material in all the land.

Get out. It can’t be that simple. I expected wire or…I don’t know, some secret NASA tech, or…

Fishing line? I smiled.

You get that a lot, huh.

All the time. No ma’am. Good old, American-made, organic plant stuff. Go ahead, give it a good yank.

Jay pulled at the string and then pulled again, taking me along with it each time.

That’s amazing.

Told you. I’m locked in here by a mini-armored vehicle.

I’ll say. A stealth one at that, Evie.

Oh, make no mistake, hot stuff, I said, crossing my legs in the opposite direction. I continued looking out on the floor and surveying my many drooling onlookers. My shit still comes up fast on dick radar.

So, I’ve noticed, she smiled. Anyway, where are the other girls?

Everyone took notice and I do mean all in attendance. Eye’s fastened themselves to me hard when I walked through this building still, and that was more important than the whereabouts of my friends. Commanding such looks of hard-core reverence and desire when being well past the eighteen-year-old threshold, it is not an easy task to accomplish. Usually, a woman finds herself screwed and decaying like a week old pastry. For whatever reason though, my hourglass has decided to hit the stop button. Those expressions of weakness on their faces—it does so make me burn with satisfaction, often to the point of being close to spontaneous orgasm.

Ummm…Kayla’s in private, E is on stage and Ivory…I have no idea where Ivory is right now.

Ivory what? she asked, walking up behind me.

Hey, you. Where have you been? Wine time, I said, shaking my glass at our chick in question.

Working. And, taking appointments for your sexy ass. Some guy is asking for you.

Is it something I’m interested in? Worth leaving the bar for anytime soon?

Actually, he does fit your requirements.

Oh yeah, I said, perking up. Do tell.

Good looking, nice bod…package unknown. Sorry, she said, frowning. Average money ranking, I’m guessing. No high roller, but worth the walk over I suppose. Oh, wedding band though.

Ahhh…you just had to bust my balls, honey. Didn’t you?

Miss Camel Toe Eyepatch means that figuratively, Ivory dear. Apparently, hemp is a sparse commodity and not available to hold real sacs.

Jayden! Big mouth! I knew it! I said, pointing at her.

Shit! Erase! Erase! She shouted frantically, crisscrossing her hands in front of me. Erase, Ivory!

Bad girl! I barked, as I glared at her.

What in the fuck is wrong with you two? Ivory stared at the both of us, maybe a little confused, but mostly scared at this point. She took a step away from Jay and me, moving towards the bar to order her own wine and break free from the retard launch pad.

Jayden pissed me off just enough to get up from my barstool and walk out to the floor, in the direction of the guy Ivory pointed out earlier. He, whom hadn’t stopped staring over at me the entire time. She was right; he did meet my criteria, although I could have done without the wedding ring right about now. It limits the length of the game as well as the deck used to deal. In other words, I wouldn’t be spending the night at his place, while Taylor continued draining my boyfriend of any and all bull semen. If nothing else, I’d reel in a new regular if I didn’t decide to play with this one. The closer I approached him; the easier it was to decide. From this point forward, it simply depended upon whether or not he put his mouth in a bear trap.

Hi there, I said, sitting in his lap and flirting with his hair. I hear you’re looking for me.

I am.

Well, you have me. What did you have in mind, handsome?

Actually, this may sound strange, but…

Strange? Are you a pervert?

No…no! I’m not. I promise. Nothing of the sort.

I’m sorry to hear that, I said, caressing his face and then removing my top. I like handsome perverts. You don’t find me attractive?

Oh, hell no!

No? That’s kind of rude, don’t you think?

No…I mean, yes.

So, you know you’re being rude and I’m supposed to continue this conversation?

I…wait. This is all wrong.

I totally fucked his world up in about fifteen seconds. He was married all right. A long road away from single life and hanging out with the boys on the weekends. Any poise he once held in situations like this, had been shoved under the mat of his overpriced home; replaced by yard chores and Sunday dinners at the in laws. His pain was deep already and I wouldn’t bury him any further—in the smooth operator grave he dug himself. I find it entertaining to a point; however, I’m not cruel.

Take a deep breath, sweetie, and we’ll start over. He did as I suggested while I reached for his hand and placed it on my ass. Now then, nice and easy. What are you interested in doing with me? Dances? Something else maybe?

"Is there…is there something else?"

There’s always something else, honey. It all depends. What were you thinking that made you so flustered? It must be good, I said, smiling down at him.

I was going to ask you out.

Like a date?

Yeah, a date.

Hmmm. I dragged my left nipple across his lips and rested it there, pushing forward until they finally opened and let me in. Don’t you think it would be appropriate to get dances from me in private before we discuss dates? His eyes darted from my tit resting in his mouth and then up to my own eyes, seemingly not sure what to do at the moment. Just nod yes, sweetie. I loaded you up with tasks here, so just keep it simple.

I led him towards the stairwell after we finally got the ball rolling. Awkward beginnings, for them, wasn’t entirely uncommon, and it was merely having a little patience in walking them through their intentions. The more they talked, the more convoluted things became, so it was best to fill the mouth with a tit and get the wallet open. Otherwise, it’s nothing more than a customer trying to play it cool with chitchat, and I have little patience for such things. Tick-tock and all, not to mention boredom.

Jayden watched me get up—pretended not to watch me is more like it—to which I pointed at her with a nasty glare again. She was quick with her erase mime again that proved to be nothing other than a pitiful as far as I was concerned. I shook my head in disgust and flipped her off, as my prisoner and I hit the first of the steps.

Kayla was still up here somewhere, but I couldn’t see where. The lighting in this area was much dimmer than the main floor and each couch was cordoned off and separate. You were able to make out whether or not a section was occupied if looking closely, but it was difficult. No walls per say; only shear fabric that was doubled or tripled up in density. It was designed for easy exit if a girl found herself in trouble, yet also provided privacy for anything you chose to do with a client. I did say anything. Diamond paid off the liquor board regularly and they didn’t bother us. If you wanted to suck or fuck someone, you were welcome to do so. The club existed as a destination that pleases everyone—customers, the girls and the owners. Cyber currency flowed large as a result and it was the very reason people came here, no matter what your role.

So then, handsome. Back to you and me, I said, removing my panties and letting him have a long stare at my pussy. How much are you spending with me tonight?

Uhhh…I’m not sure what’s appropriate, Evie.

Well, maybe if you told me what you want to do with me, I can help.

Honestly…to be honest, I’d like to have sex with you in a perfect world.

See, that wasn’t so hard, I said, straddling his lap.

I don’t have a ton of crypto to part with, Evie.

"That, might be a problem, sweetie."

That’s why I was hoping for a date.

I backed my head away and peered at him quietly. Shocked a little by such high school remark coming from a grown as man.

You thought you could fuck me for free if you took me out for a hamburger?

It sounds really bad when you say it like that.

Uh yeah, trust me, it didn’t sound any better coming from your mouth, Mister.

Look, he sighed, I haven’t done this in what seems like forever. Trying to pick up a pretty girl, I mean.

Okay, I said, trying to be flexible and not crush any future opportunities. It’s a possibility. A date where you rush me through dinner and then pretend to be interested in watching a movie at your place. Are you married?

Yes.

Yeah, I don’t date married guys, honey. Sorry.

I figured as much, Evie. No worries.

However, I added, I don’t care what you are inside this club. Did you bring a condom?

I did. It’s in my pocket.

You’re naughty, I said, pulling his shirt over his head. Suck on my tits, baby. I let him go for a while. He started slow, appreciating me in his mouth. Inevitably, his blood pressure rose as well as his cock beneath me; the light touch of his fingers on my ass cheeks turning desperate. "So, what can you afford without spending your wife’s grocery money for the month, you bad boy."

Maybe…a thousand…

Ouch, babe.

I know, I know. Listen, I’m not sure if you’re interested in ounces, but I can do five thousand. It’s part of our savings account.

Something tells me you’re going to be in trouble. Pull up your account on your phone, I said, reaching for my handbag and removing my own phone.

Side note: Ounces are the common term and shorter explanation for a new form of currency. If you remember, I began storing up on hard assets some time ago, specifically gold. The problem with gold is that large denomination coins and bars wouldn’t accomplish shit in bartering, if the bulk of my holdings in the cyber market followed the dollar and ended up in the toilet. Some genius started selling separate ounces; stand alones, and the concept took off like wildfire. I had even traded back a decent amount of my heavier weight already. The beauty of the new and lighter denominations is that you can maintain your ounces on site, or a designated offshore account will secure them for you. The latter option allows for a constant holding of hard asset gold to be converted to cyber credits whenever you choose to spend. Much in the same way as an ATM card operated in the past. This differs, however, in that funds are always backed and guaranteed, no matter what direction currencies tend to fluctuate. In short, if you have a stash of ounces, you are always liquid and can purchase anything, anywhere—and I obsessed over them.

The amount this guy was offering me wasn’t even noteworthy, considering my personal assets. I would take his ounces though. I already decided downstairs that I was going to fuck him, so in my mind, five thousand in gold was a gift of gratitude from him to me. Similar to receiving flowers, candy; all the small and meaningless bullshit that falls way short of jewelry on Valentine’s Day. Nothing more. See it the way you choose.

I handed him his phone after transferring the funds and instructed him to remove his pants.

Right here, Evie?

"Sure. Why not? I told you, I don’t date married men. I will be your girlfriend here though…for as long as you can last, sweetie. And trust me; I am very good at pleasing my mate. I laid myself on my back, sinking into the plush couch cushions and opening my legs for him. Ready to fuck me?"

Oh my God. You are so…so…

Shhhh…settle down, babe, I said, reaching for his waist. You’re good looking and I want to stay up here for a while with you. I want to enjoy this too, ya know. I don’t like quick, twenty minute fucks.

Twenty minutes? His voice labored, now looking at me as if I had just requested some nuclear fission equation.

Breathe and relax before we start. Remember, I’m your girlfriend. We’ve done this a hundred times together. Breathe.

Married guy, gradually pushed his dick inside me and then lowered himself down to my chest. He took it slow and that helped, but only resulted in four to five minutes after we began kissing. Fortunately, I carried condoms with me for such occasions. Despite my wanting this guy to find a groove after the initial panic settled; I was also in no hurry to see my friend, the bigmouth Jayden, anytime soon either. We rested together and I stroked his hair, hoping to relax him and charge his dick sooner than later. I liked being up here. Other than the music from below, it had a quietness to it—usually.

Evie, are you up here?

Yes, Kayla.

I’m on the couch behind you. I knew that was your voice. What are you doing?

Fucking, I said, rolling my eyes in the dark lounge.

Me too. The curtains between us started thrashing around suddenly. I could feel my face scrunching up, trying to figure out what she was up to on the other side.

What are you doing, Kayla?

Here…reach through. Let’s hold hands.

I am not holding your hand, you weirdo, I said, breaking out into a laugh. Just…just continue already. Freak.

You’re in a pissy mood, aren’t you?

Pissy isn’t the word I would have chosen, but it wasn’t a normal vibe kind of night either. I felt good to be honest, especially after getting laid. Something was off though. The crowd seemed different; maybe that part lent to interpretation, yet I knew my kind of men didn’t seem to be present. Normally, it never caused an issue. I had no plans on going back to the house after work, and for good reason—my bed being occupied and yielding an open ticket get-away for yours truly. And Layne, he had already been discarded in my mind as an option. For no particular reason other than I simply didn’t want to wear him. There were some appetizing guys scattered around, but none whom were pursuing me as was the usual case.

As I said, things were out of sorts in the smallest ways. The hours passed and I had no prospects for a random hookup at the end of the night. Maybe pissy is the correct verbiage. The lack of availability for what I wanted almost prompted me into asking married guy if his wife was in town. I felt the word urgent being written across my forehead and didn’t like it one bit.

My hopes and spirits raised a little after my shift ended. Several young and cute men struck up small conversations with me at the valet podium, as I waited for the Hummer to roll up. I totally put myself out there—hair twirling, lip biting, engaging in their mindless pick-up lines, even stepping towards them. Each discarded me abruptly when their own vehicles showed up, where I was left standing alone again. One lame ass fist pound broke the camel’s back and I realized how dead in the water my night had ended. Obviously, I wrote it off as my prospects assuming that I had to be unattainable. Fucking idiots. I’m just a girl who wants to be invited home in the middle of the night and have her brains fucked out by a complete stranger. It’s not a big mystery from where I see it.

The hummer finally pulled up and my keys were handed off to me. One last effort by way of a kiss on the cheek to valet dude. Have a nice night, and his fine ass walking away was my reward. A total bust in dick shopping. I left thoroughly disgusted, while checking my face in the mirror for possible hair loss or skin blotching.

This is sucky, I thought to myself, as I drove away from the parking lot. At home in the Valley, I never had to search for anyone to fuck me on any given night. Old boyfriends couldn’t keep out of my pants or bed, especially those now dating my girlfriends. I refer to Jeremy mainly, in that respect. The little cheater. So yummy though. Anyway, I pretty much gave up for the evening and decided it wasn’t anything some warm banana bread and basket of Spam Musubi to go couldn’t rectify. Food—sex—if you get your mind tuned in just so, one can put you to sleep being as happy as the other can.

I wondered if this is what guys felt like when they cruised home alone with nothing but their limp buddy in hand. So fucking sad. I spent a lot time thwarting off those evil fantasies of the future—where I roamed Evie West alone—talking to my birds and drinking myself into a stupor. No one should have to start their day like that, no matter how well off you had life by the balls when younger and desirable. It was probably just the depression creeping back in, but I seriously felt myself hunching forward and trying to remember if I packed a vibrator or not. Old age totally sucks. So much for the pat on the back I gave myself earlier at the club. I was not looking forward to my impending battles to come when hitting my late twenties; those bloodbaths I would be forced into with the grim reaper of hefty cock; trying to save my pussy from being exiled and starving. I am so going on the most serious of tramp rampages when arriving home in Scottsdale.

Keoki’s was lit up and jammed already. You could see it easily in the dark, being the only place on this stretch of road open at one o’clock in the morning.

When I first suggested that he open for the later phase of a split shift, I was met with the standard and negative disproval from my fat friend. Telling me incessantly how things are done differently on the islands and no one would ever come. A complete waste of time I was assured. Until, I reminded him that most people working at Diamond Life hailed from the mainland and enjoyed stuffing their faces at such hours. Let us not forget, how he also learned over the many months of hanging out with me, that my whims often became successful.

These days he dubbed me The Oracle, based on the fact that his cash register was three times as full at final close. I admit I shortened his accolade up somewhat. The long version presented was, The Oracle with a Bird Butt. Regardless, he begged to grope at my curves whenever I jumped behind the line. To his disliking, said opportunity had waned as of late, on account of his lazy ass having to finally break down and hire additional staff.

You heard correctly; a full second shift that now re-opened at eleven and ran until three A.M. or so. It was an out of the blue idea I came up with one afternoon after I stopped in for lunch. I was sitting at the counter bullshitting with him and watching Jay and Ivory cater to the domino crew.

As always, he scoffed at my idea and did nothing but offer more excuses—that is until he tried it on one particular Thursday evening. The girls and I spread the word and provided fliers for him in the locker room, whereby three hours later, we were all forced to apron up and work alongside him for an entire week. Dancers weren’t the only one’s showing up either. Customers from the club caught wind of it and began piling in as well, and not solely because they were hungry. What better way to try and lure hot pussy home with you after a long and expensive night.

Crabby fat boy said profits had tripled and he didn’t have to turn food over to the next day anymore. In fact, we ran out of food before everyone was served on the first two outings. Once again, Evie’s Midas touch prevails, when people shut the hell up long enough to listen.

Hey, rich guy, I said, taking a seat at the counter.

Evie! How are things at the nudie bar?

Fine. As far as currency goes, I mumbled.

What’s wrong? Someone steal your shoes or something?

Keoki looked at me seriously as he stood on the opposite side of the counter, tongs in hand and ready to pull more pork for a platter he was about to prepare. His comment wasn’t meant to be a joke. My love of shoes is well known and for what I spend on a pair, any theft would indeed toss me into a bitchy mood. A common observation or guess as it was, given the lack of info regarding tonight’s failed attempts to score. Telling him such a story would only delay my food order, so I let him think the shoe thing was a solid possibility.

Are you getting my shit together back there or what, big man?

Yeah, yeah…take it easy, chick. You’re a lot nicer when the sun is up, you know that?

That’s because I usually have a full belly in the day. You know how I get when I’m hungry.

True. This is different though, he said, eyeballing me detective-like. You only get mean when you’re horny. You said so yourself.

Do I look mean right now? I asked. He saw what everyone else probably saw: Danger Evie—ready to pounce on anything with a pretty face, nice bod and without a leash/girlfriend holding tight.

As a junkyard dog, gorgeous. I thought Steven was still in town.

He is. Taylor borrowed him for the evening. I won’t get within ten feet of the bed.

Seriously, he said, looking up as he bagged my food.

Yes sir. She bought a Taser recently.

She takes a Taser to bed? During sex?

I’m not interested in finding out. Tay enjoys strange things when her endorphins fire.

You chicks are all sexy as hell, Evie, he said, sliding my to-go package towards me. But, you all have head problems too.

FYI buddy, that statement doesn’t exactly paint you in a good light. You hang out with us.

I know this, believe me. You’re killing my reputation with the ladies.

"Please. You wish you had a reputation, good or bad."

It’s just a slump, he answered smugly, while sharpening knives against one another.

Slump my ass! When is the last time you got laid?

See what I mean. Downright angry and pitiful when you’re horny.

I felt horrible, suddenly. The poor guy was right and I completely jumped his shit, for no other reason than him being the only friend in sight. Bad Evie.

Awww, I said, standing up and leaning in towards him. I’m sorry, baby. Come here. I waived him in for a hug and then planted a smooch on his cheek. Tell you what, how about we take a walk out back by the smoker and you can feel me up for a few minutes.

You’ll get naked?

Don’t be a full on perv, I said, smiling and slapping lightly at his face.

Sorry, he sighed. I think my loneliness, as you heartlessly just pointed out in front of the entire restaurant, has made me sad and desperate.

He peered at me with this piss-poor guilt trip look that was supposed to make me cave. It worked like a charm too. The bastard hit me below the belt with a winner of a cheap con job and he knew I was too nice to say no. This was going to be slightly on the creepy side, but my big mouth was to blame. I could just tell him to fuck off and go home with my Spam. Although, I knew I’d feel ashamed for the remainder of the evening and probably not enjoy the only thing I had to look forward to—an unhealthy snack. Mental note: trying to suck others into your horny misery has an associated price tag. Don’t do that anymore. You end up in this kind of predicament, which is going to be sleazy work for sure.

Fine, I said, in his ear. Just this once though, so enjoy it now.

I forgive you, Evie. Let’s go.

I’m sure you do, I said, smirking at him. Quickly, I walked around the counter and began unbuttoning my shorts during the trip through the kitchen. I also think I threw up in my mouth a little.

There have been a lot of firsts in my life for sure. Especially in recent years. I must say that riding my friend in the nude, while staring into the blackened eyes of the pig next to me, did earn special recognition. And no, I am not speaking of Keoki when I mention the pig portion, despite that idea being subjective and changing from moment to moment. His break chair sat next to the large rotisserie that still held todays porker remnants. The sounds of the chain still turning it deliberately clanked occasionally, as its boss feverishly molested me with his hands and tongue. I’ve participated in many risqué and quirky interludes, but this—I’m fairly certain I don’t have to expound on this any further.

After letting him dress me (he asked—begged), undoubtedly, so he could continue fondling me; he was forced to disappear into the kitchen again. His night staff had called out his name several times during our steamy break in the dark. They were all still new to the rigors of the volume that pumped through the Shack at this hour and didn’t do so well when they drifted behind in orders. Myself, I took my to-go sack that waited under the heat lamp and headed out towards the parking lot. Apparently, I assumed the giver mode on this date; first at the club and now here. I didn’t mind, of course—at least I hadn’t in the past.

When all is said and done, I can always use an extra dose of karma points next to my name. Go ahead and footnote the whole cock grim reaper deal here again. And no, it doesn’t matter that I was laid two hours ago and bitching about it again. My two hours without dick is comparable to that of a year’s time in the life of a thirty year old. It hurts and I likened the feeling to that of cramps—the wanting of a cruel sickness to vanish.

See ya, Keoki.

Okay, Evie. Drive safe. And, try not getting tased or anything.

I will, I said, smiling and winking at him.

You chicks are scary, man.

"Bye, Keoki."

A few girls from the club caught me on my way out to the truck. Talk about shopping during the week, workouts at the gym and beach time, were predominantly on everyone’s mind and keeping me from my Spam Musubi. I chalked it up to more points, even though this giving a shit was getting old fast. Horny and hungry is more of a burden than one should be subjected to, plus; no one in this joint offered me a single glass of wine. At last, the blue color of the Hummer beckoned me home as I approached. Done. Or not.

Spam. Spam. It was a male voice behind me that I was sure I didn’t know.

Excuse me, I said, looking over my shoulder.

Across the hood of his car, stood a cute Hawaiian guy wearing a dark grey tank and smiling at me.

Spam Musubi. I can smell it. I was going to order it and then talked myself out of it.

Not me, I said, happily. I love this stuff.

What else do you have in there?

Banana bread, of course.

Of course, he smiled again. I’m Kai, by the way.

Kai was way handsome with a rock for a