The Healing Circle

By Dr. Robert Rutledge, MD, Timothy Walker and PhD

How can you heal after a cancer diagnosis?

The Healing Circle helps readers to answer this question for themselves. The book integrates science, wisdom and compassion, and offers a practical approach and fresh perspective on how to heal at the levels of body, mind and spirit. The Healing Circle is primarily for those who have been given a cancer diagnosis and their loved ones, but is also highly relevant for medical professionals and everyone on the healing journey of life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9780986546549

Book preview

wholeness.

Before the Beginning

Awaken Heart was the title of the poster placed just outside the room where physicians review medical charts and dictate letters at our cancer centre. I stopped between seeing patients, curious to absorb these words set in a background of a powder-blue sky. As I read further, my mind seemed to expand and a feeling of calm, mixed with excitement and possibility, came over me. The poster was an advertisement for a stress reduction course offered by Dr. Timothy Walker, a local psychotherapist. Somehow I knew my life was about to change.

At that time, in 1998, I lived in two worlds. Early in my career, as a busy oncologist with a young family, working and teaching at a University hospital, I spent most of my time taking care of people who often shook with fear during their first appointment with me. Through really listening to them, and providing clear information and a treatment plan, I did my best to be a competent and compassionate physician. At medical rounds, in front of my colleagues, I was viewed as a promising physician-scientist.

But my inner world was much richer. I had started to facilitate a weekly cancer support group with the clinic social worker and knew of a space where peace and love seemed to grow, even in turbulent times. I learned healing was possible in a person’s life regardless of what was happening on their x-rays. I yearned for a way to marry these two worlds, to empower people by integrating the science of conventional medicine with the wisdom and experience arising in the support groups.

With poster in hand, I immediately set up an appointment with Dr. Walker. I learned Tim had studied mindfulness-based stress reduction with Jon Kabat-Zinn and had been teaching meditation and many other healing techniques for years. Tim drew on the vast teachings of the world’s spiritual traditions to present an inspiring message which is simple to understand and universal in appeal.

But what was most striking at our first meeting was his presence. Tim’s company brings a feeling of spaciousness, an expanded feeling of compassion and joy. It reminds me of being with some of my pediatric patients who are wise old souls in young bodies. With them, as with Tim, it’s as if the rest of the world falls away and time comes to a standstill. Tim taught me how to meditate and, over the last decade, his teachings continue to have a profound effect on my own spiritual growth.

During our first few meetings, we dreamed up a weekend cancer support group called the Skills for Healing Weekend Retreat and I began to garner support. The stars aligned. The hospital provided a wooden-floored ballroom free of charge. The Canadian Cancer Society donated $2500 so we could provide lunches and offer the retreat for free. We pinned up and mailed posters far and wide. I hummed with excitement as the big day approached.

The First Retreats

On a Friday evening in 1999, fifty strangers, with all types and stages of cancer, sat in a huge circle of chairs looking anxiously at each other. Tim and I probably appeared just as nervous as we stood up to introduce ourselves. I asked for a volunteer to be the first in the circle to tell a bit about their cancer story and to focus on what was most difficult.

A bright-eyed woman put up her hand and accepted the microphone. With her first few words, the bubble of anxiety surrounding the group disappeared, immediately replaced by a container of compassion. The intense energy of deep caring continued to grow and envelop our group, through our tears and laughter, as we sat, listened, and learned from one another.

By Sunday afternoon, gone were the furrowed brows of Friday evening, and people sat back in their chairs, their bodies relaxed and their faces shining. They exchanged phone numbers and email addresses as they made plans to get together again. I floated out of the ballroom at the end of the retreat, so grateful to have been infused with the love of these wonderful people.

After the first retreat, I figured I had just had a once-in-a-lifetime experience created by bringing together a unique group of old souls. Tim and I organized a second retreat six months later with some trepidation as to what would happen. But when we gathered in the circle, the same loving energy permeated the ballroom and the same magical transformation of forty strangers becoming one community occurred. At the end of the second retreat, an elderly chaplain in attendance commented that, in his thirty years of hospital ministry, he had never experienced the Presence of God as he had during that weekend.

Drawn to Share with Others

Tim and I have gone on to facilitate over 25 retreats in fifteen cities, across Canada and abroad, and the experience has been the same every time. Given the opportunity, it seems we humans naturally and deeply care for one another.

The feedback from the retreats has been tremendous. The high scores on the evaluation forms and follow-up questionnaires are telling, but don’t match the stories of people transformed by the retreats. Their willingness to take the next steps on the healing journey fills my heart with joy.

Because Tim and I have witnessed the benefits of teaching this integrated approach to over a thousand people, we now want to share this with a wider audience. We have formed a registered charity called the Healing and Cancer Foundation, hoping to freely offer the teachings to as many people as possible. We’ve videotaped eight retreats, creating documentaries and educational sets. We’ve transcribed the interviews and weekend footage of dozens of ordinary yet extraordinary retreat participants. We are continually awed by their lived wisdom and willingness to share the intimate details of their lives.

Reading this Book – Being at a Retreat

This book closely follows the experience of attending a ‘Skills for Healing Weekend Retreat.’ The chapters more or less alternate between the ‘teachings’ presented during the weekend and the true stories of people who have attended our program. You will ‘listen’ to the lectures and talks, learn from the experiential exercises, and sit in on both large and small group discussions. You will ‘meet’ people who will tell you their stories of how they have worked with the issues being discussed in each section.

The book is divided into four sections, approximating the material presented during the weekend.

Section I, from Friday evening, is called Empowering the Body. It covers a powerful and integrated approach to a cancer diagnosis, bringing together the best that conventional medicine has to offer with other practical and effective ways to empower yourself physically. Also included is clear advice about how to negotiate the medical system and the science supporting healthy lifestyle choices and the mind-body connection. Following this scientifically-proven advice and practicing the recommended healing skills maximizes the chances of recovery from cancer.

Section II, titled Settling the Mind, parallels the Saturday morning agenda, and covers mindfulness-based stress reduction and the power of loving kindness. You will learn how to recognize your unique stress reaction and tap into the relaxation response. Tim explains mindfulness and teaches meditation in a way that is simple yet profound. Practising the skills taught here is invaluable in unleashing your body’s innate healing potential.

Section III, Reframing Distressing Thoughts, covers the material taught on the Saturday afternoon of a retreat. The content is a unique combination of modern psychology, mindfulness and loving-kindness. Using multiple real-life examples, we teach how to develop a different perspective of your most difficult situations by drawing on your innate wisdom and kindness. Learning the skill of ‘reframing’ can have a transformative effect on how you feel about your life.

Section IV, Reclaiming our Wholeness, offers the experience of a Sunday at the retreat. During this time we introduce the concept that looking at your fears directly and embracing ‘negative’ emotions can open the possibility of healing your life at a deeper level. Recognizing that your wholeness already exists, we present ways to nurture your inner light on the spiritual path.

I’m excited to offer this book to you because it includes and goes beyond my perspective as an oncologist and presents a practical and integrated approach to the cancer diagnosis. This book focuses not only on physical healing, but also healing that occurs on the psychological and spiritual levels, and your capacity to transform the cancer journey into a journey of the spirit. This book is grounded in love - love for self, love for others, and love for life itself. With mindfulness you can cultivate the energy of loving-kindness to weave love and meaning right into the fabric of your life.

Perhaps, most importantly, I want to share with you the inspiring true stories of many of the retreat participants who have touched me so deeply. These ordinary yet remarkable people have integrated the philosophy of the weekend’s teachings into their lives, and demonstrate such courage and resilience through their struggles and triumphs. Each story is different, yet there are universal themes that go beyond the personal stories into the realm of possibility – releasing healing energies that can profoundly affect every aspect of your life.

SECTION I

Friday Evening • Empowering the Body

In this section of the book, you will sit in the healing circle with fifty strangers as they experience the opening exercises of a ‘Skills for Healing Weekend Retreat’. The evening includes hearing stories of some remarkable people and a lecture entitled ‘Complete Cancer Care’ which outlines a practical and effective approach to a cancer diagnosis.

Integrating conventional medical care with healthy lifestyle habits and wisdom-based healing techniques provides the best chance of healing and recovery from cancer. Through empowering yourself physically, developing the skill of mindfulness, and embracing an attitude of pro-activity and loving-kindness, you will begin to see how wisdom and self-care can manifest in the healing of your body.

To view a seven minute documentary about Andrew (the subject of chapter 5) visit the ‘video’ link at www.HealingandCancer.org

Chapter 1

My Healing Journey

We love because it’s the only true adventure.

Niki Giovanni

Friday evening. Rob introduces himself to the group by telling the story of how he was inspired to become an oncologist and to run cancer support groups.

When I was a medical student, I didn’t know what type of doctor I wanted to be. While psychiatry and working with people with addictions were interesting, what I really wanted to understand was how people cope with the stresses we all face. Medical school catered to my inclination to look at the world as a scientist but I felt there was more to life – something was beginning to awaken in me.

One day as I was browsing in the library, a book seemed to fall off the shelf into my hands. As I stood there, looking at this book, an inner electrical charge surged through me telling me to pay close attention. The book was called Love, Medicine and Miracles written by Dr. Bernie Siegel, a cancer surgeon from a prestigious medical school. Bernie was the type of physician who wanted to understand the human side of the cancer experience and was a pioneer in cancer support groups. He felt called to share the wisdom he had gained from his ‘exceptional’ patients, the ones who seemed to recover quickly from their treatments, whose tumours shrunk faster than expected, who lived longer than all expectations or who even defied the odds of being cured.

Bernie emphasized that his exceptional patients found meaning in their cancer experience and ways to express their love for the people in their lives and for life itself. The stories of ordinary people, showing great courage and strength in their cancer journey, touched me deeply. I remember crying as I read on the subway. From that point on I knew, more than anything, I wanted to be a cancer doctor and to run support groups for those dealing with the disease.

A Weekend with Bernie

At the end of medical school I learned Dr. Siegel was offering a cancer weekend program for people affected by cancer, followed by a two-day seminar for professionals who wanted to learn more about support groups. We were instructed to read several books including I Ching, a classic Chinese spiritual text, and a book edited by Ram Dass called How Can I Help?. It was as if I had been travelling through the desert for years and suddenly discovered water. I couldn’t wait to go.

At the weekend program, about 180 people affected by cancer gathered into what looked like a high-school auditorium. I sat in the front row like a keen medical student, wondering what great words of wisdom Bernie would offer this group. How would he inspire us? What lessons would he teach us?

Bernie appeared plainly dressed and, as he leaned into the microphone on Friday evening, his first words were Hi, I’m Bernie Siegel. I’d like to start out with each of you telling a little bit of your story. With that, he gestured to a man sitting in the back of the room You sir, can you start us off? To my amazement, each person stood up in turn and told a little bit of their story.

I remember a young man there with his mother who had ovarian cancer. He sobbed openly, worrying he would lose her. Most everyone was wiping tears from their eyes. Another woman had brought a dead chicken to the seminar and waved it at the group exclaiming that a sense of humour was critical to recovery – we all laughed along.

Story after story, each person shared from their heart and everyone listened intently. The energy in the room was both peaceful and vibrant, and I felt surrounded by compassion and caring. This was my first experience of the magic of a support group. By the time it was my turn, I told the group I had learned more about the human side of cancer in two short hours than I had in all of medical school.

Learning from my Patients

I returned to Ottawa to start my specialist training in Radiation Oncology with that same attitude of trying to learn from the people I was serving every day. More than just providing the best physical care and treating the whole person, I wanted to know how cancer was affecting their lives and what it really meant to them. I learned that listening to a person’s story can be therapeutic, and that being able to provide a space where people can share their scariest thoughts and darkest feelings provides a level of healing in and of itself.

Early on in my career, I attended a spirituality and health conference and, for the second time in my life, I felt like I was coming home. I committed myself to ask my patients about their spirituality in a respectful and non-judgmental way during the initial consultation.

The first patient I saw, on the Monday morning after the conference, was an elderly woman with a highly curable breast cancer. Slumped over in her chair, she seemed shaky and nervous. Being jet-lagged and a bit irritable, I just wanted to get to the end of the consultation so I could reassure her that the treatment would be easy and her chance of cure was high. But I forced myself to ask the question Are you comfortable talking about your spirituality or religion?

It was as if an inner light had been turned on in her. She sat up straighter in the chair and leaned forward; her face began to shine. Oh yes, Doctor! and she went on to recount how she was looking forward to seeing her deceased husband in Heaven. She told me of waking up on the day of her breast cancer surgery with the feeling that the spirit of her husband was lying in the bed beside her. She had felt a great sense of peace and no longer worried about the surgery that day. The presence began to leave and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder in the same way her husband had done in their life together. I was touched by her story, and felt I understood her so much better just by asking a simple question.

Many of my other patients shared their spiritual perspectives with me. Another woman, with an early breast cancer, seemed very relaxed during the initial consultation. She explained she wasn’t worried about dying but wanted to survive for her young son. She went on to say she didn’t pray to be cured of her cancer. Instead she prayed to God to be given the strength to face whatever arises. I was silenced by the power of this insight and kept thinking about her for days afterwards. Like this wise young woman, so many of my other patients have shared of themselves over the years and I am truly grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow from their wisdom.

The Science of the Body-Mind-Spirit Connection

While I was learning from my patients, I was also reviewing the scientific literature to understand what people needed to do to heal from their cancer. Over fifteen years ago, when I first began this investigation, the mainstream scientific community didn’t seem interested in health promotion. But in the last few years, science has been showing that simple effective health habits like exercise, a healthy diet, sleep, and relaxation techniques can make a tremendous difference in a person’s health, and even in the chance of recovery from cancer.

Science has also been proving the connection between body, mind and spirit. It was fascinating to read about the hundreds of published case reports of people who have undergone spontaneous remission from their cancer. In support of what Bernie Siegel wrote about in Love, Medicine and Miracles, these remarkable survivors possess certain attitudes and characteristics.

I learned they tap into their innate healing potential by living an authentic, autonomous, and peaceful life filled with purpose and love. They have a deep belief in their body’s ability to heal and yet don’t worry about future outcomes. They no longer view recurrence of their cancer or even death as a failure and instead put their energy into the things they can control. They listen to their own intuition and the feedback of their body in creating and following a recovery program. They release any sense of guilt about fully loving and supporting themselves. And they also reconnect with their sense of community and reclaim the joy that comes from being of service to others. In healing themselves, they facilitate healing in their loved ones.

I began to share these teachings at public talks and organized a weekly support group for people affected by a cancer diagnosis. (The full story of meeting Dr. Timothy Walker and how we created the ‘Skills for Healing Weekend Retreats’ is captured in the introductory chapter of this book.)

My Passion to Share

As I stand up in front of a group at the start of every retreat, I feel so grateful to each and every one of the participants for being there, and sharing their stories with me. I know I’m living the dream of a young medical student from twenty years ago. I love this work and feel that I have been buoyed along on my own spiritual journey by these ordinary yet remarkable people.

In the weeks and months preceding each retreat, I set the intention to be a compassionate and wise facilitator, and to be a clear conduit to the profound insights and perspectives I’ve learned from my patients and participants over the years. I also pray for each and every one of the attendees. I pray that they may gain knowledge and insight, that they may find strength and happiness, and that they may find healing in a way that is just right for them whether it be in body, mind or spirit.

May this also be so for you.

Chapter 2

Setting an Intention to Heal

For me, prayer is a surge of the heart

It is a simple look toward heaven

It is a cry of recognition and love

embracing both trial and joy.

St. Therese of Lisieux

After telling his story, Rob asks the participants to join him in a short visualization in which they ‘set an intention’ for themselves during the retreat. In the same way, you can set an intention for yourself as you begin reading this book.

To set an intention, you first need to drop into a peaceful and receptive state of mind. As you let go of worrying about the future by grounding yourself in the present moment, you are opening to a power much bigger than yourself. From here, you give rise to an aspiration for yourself, to see yourself working towards exactly what is right for you.

You can set an intention in more than one way. You can aspire for a change in your physical health. For example, your intention might be May I recover from this cancer or May I be strong, healthy and flexible. Alternatively, you might set an intention for psychological or spiritual well-being, such as May I be peaceful, wise and loving in my interactions with others.

The power of setting an intention is that it focuses your energy on a desired state of being. Instead of being pulled this way and that by all the distractions in your world, you focus and draw on the conscious and even more powerful subconscious forces in your psyche. As you drop more and more into the space of intention and align yourself with your deepest purpose, you become more receptive to the opportunities for healing the universe will provide.

However, setting an intention for the future is not just wishful or magical thinking. It changes your perception and physiology in the present. You empower yourself ‘in the now’. And then, after you set your intention, you let go of grasping for a particular outcome in the future.

Please join in setting an intention for yourself as you read the following visualization. This is best done if you sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor and you hands resting in your lap or on your thighs. You might want to have someone read this out for you while you sit.

Setting Your Intention – A Visualization

Start by connecting with the sensations in your body.

Bring your attention to your feet planted firmly on the ground.

Feel the sense of gravity and the weight of your body on the chair –

allow yourself to take up this space just as you are.

You can straighten your spine so there’s a sense of strength and solidity

at the back, and yet feel a soft openness at the front of your chest.

Feel as though the crown of your head is being drawn towards the sky.

And relax.

Take a few moments to focus on your breathing. You can ask yourself

How do I know I’m breathing? ..... watch with curiosity.

Watch your abdomen rise and fall. Or feel the sensations of the air going in and out of your mouth/nose and upper airway. Slow down and be curious.

Now begin to generate a feeling of compassion and peace in the middle of your chest. You might think of a loved one or of a little child or of a time when you felt great love and caring for someone special in your life.

Continue to generate the deep feeling of loving-kindness in your heart. You may think of your heart beginning to warm up, like the element on the stove – beginning to radiate an orange or golden energy of deep love that begins to fill up your whole chest.

Take a few moments to generate these deep feelings of compassion and caring.

Now imagine that you could direct this loving energy towards yourself.

You could direct it towards some physical ailment, or a part of your body that needs healing. Pause and feel it.

You could direct this loving energy towards an emotional or psychological problem. You could say May I find healing to this issue. Pause again.

You could direct this loving energy to a relationship in your life that needs healing.

Extend this sense of peace and love out to a family member or loved one or someone in your life that needs healing – at the level of body, mind or spirit. Pause and wish this for them with all your heart.

Then direct this golden heart energy to everyone else in the world who has been affected by cancer – both those with the diagnosis and their loved ones.

Now, with this limitless source of compassion, set an intention for yourself and release it into the universe.

Chapter 3

What is Healing?

We have what we seek.

It is there all the time, and if we give it time,

it will make itself known to us.

Thomas Merton

Friday evening. Fifty people sitting in a giant circle are listening attentively at the beginning of the weekend retreat. Most have been given a cancer diagnosis; others are their loved ones. They have traveled from near and far to spend this weekend together. Most have left behind busy lives, others long days spent on a couch. Some arrived early, happy to break the routine of retirement; others rushed in at the last moment from work or family responsibilities.

Some have been recently diagnosed, fresh out of surgery, their dressings hidden under brightly coloured blouses and sweaters. Others have traveled many arduous miles along the cancer journey. Some are bald or wear wigs and scarves that attest to ongoing chemotherapy. Others look perfectly well. Women and men, young and old, well-attired and casually dressed, all are waiting, a little nervous but excited to begin.

The people sitting in the circle on Friday evening are looking to us as the experts– the ones who will teach them how to heal their lives. In fact, the power lies with them. With lifetimes of experience, everyone in this circle has vast resources of wisdom and the potential to transform within themselves. Through their openness, their resolve to empower themselves, and their courage to walk into the unknown, they can discover their own path. They really are the experts in their own lives.

Tim, a therapist and spiritual teacher, honours the group and begins by explaining the meaning of healing:

The word healing comes from the same root word for ‘wholeness’, ‘health’ and ‘Holiness’. Healing means to move towards wholeness. To heal doesn’t necessarily mean to be cured of cancer – although that is always possible. As you heal your life, your physical health can improve dramatically and you can increase your chances of recovery.

Wholeness has to do with reclaiming all aspects of yourself – your body, mind and spirit - and bringing all these parts back together. When you heal you can connect more deeply with everyday life and something bigger than that - something that we might call spirituality. As you move towards wholeness, you begin to experience the depth of who you really are.

We each have tremendous wisdom for healing and transformation but sometimes we don’t have time to access it because life is so filled with details. We get caught up in stress and distraction and forget about wholeness and our capacity to heal.

This is why a retreat is a precious opportunity for us. It is a time when we can open up a door within ourselves to see what is there, to let in some fresh ideas and new possibilities. We can briefly step out of the rushing stream of our lives to find an island of peace and stillness, a place for calm reflection.

I believe that the moment we come through that door and enter into this circle of chairs—what I call a healing circle—we are entering into a sacred kind of space and time, a time where we can slow down enough to get to know ourselves more deeply, and a space where we can truly connect with others in a way that is real and satisfying. The healing circle is a space, like a gentle container, where we can practice loving ourselves and reclaim our already existing wholeness. The retreat allows us to uncover that treasure which is the healing power within our own human heart.

Jackie has been listening intensely but doesn’t understand the part about reclaiming her already existing wholeness. She is a 45-year-old mother of