When my daughter was three years old and nearly died, I experienced a brief moment of complete surrender.
I watched as her organs slowly shut down, her body as it paled and withered; I heard her screams of pain in protest. I didn’t know what to do anymore, it was all too overwhelming. I just said to whatever higher powers existed: If you need to take her now, please do. This pain is too much for any of us, especially her, to bear. I let go of all my mothering ego needs in that moment.
Luckily, she survived. Sometimes I do have guilt over that moment. Why didn’t
