Cerco and the Little B's

By PTR Simmons

The book is a gentle partly fictional fantasy broadly based on the authors experiences in South Africa.
The main characters are the Pals, Henry, a tortoise (Highly Efficient Naturally Rational Yggdrasil), the Imps (which evolve from Implied statements (take lie out of imply and you get an imp and their adversaries Boney Beet, his Henchums and the Huns (take the truth put of an untruth and you get an uncouth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: PTR Simmons
• Release date: Nov 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311484314

PTR Simmons

Peter Semens was born spent his childhood in Sunderland (The land split assunder) and graduted in Landscape Design in Leeds. He joined and worked for a landscape practice in Leeds before moving on to Kuwait to lead an international consortium designing four beach recreation parks and New Towns where he played rugby for the Kuwait International team - often in Dubai where pubs could be found.. He returned to the UK to work in Glasgow where he started a Landscape Partnership which later specialised in Environmental Assessment before starting his own practice - LEDA(landscape Design and Landscape Assessment) , working mainly for government and Civil Engineers. He has worked in South Africa and America. He is now slowly growing up and is settled in Helensburgh after a spell on the shore of Loch Lomond. He. married Julie, has three children and five grandchildren.

Book preview

CERCO AND THE LITTLE B's

Copyright 2013 Peter Semens

Published by John T

ISBN 97813114

Authors Notes

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the authors imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental, and I do really like politicians, ecologists and conservationists, really I do.

Ebooks do not like footnotes, the alternative (hyperlinks) I find are a pain to organise and disturb the reading experience and therefore all text that would appear as a footnote in a Paperbook are included in square brackets.

Sorry.

Table of Contents

Prologue

This book is the sequel to 'Cerco' and is meant to stand on its own although in an ideal world would be read after the first, (but it's not ideal as we all know).

Many of the characters are similar to those n the first book, so that if you have read that (I don't understand why you are reading a second) you may find the first chapters boring. Well life's like that isn't it?

PLINK

Contents

Prologue

1 Introduction

2 Surf Axri Car and the little b's

3 Jammy

4 Settling in

5 Starting Up

6 The Storm Trooper

7 Serine Glop

8 Imps PPT and Sport

9 Foiled Jammy

10

Introduction

Charles Peesin (who,s nickname will become obvious) preferred to be known as Cerco, which came from Cercopethicus Mitus ( Blue faced monkey) - he got his nickname from a second form 'O' Level classroom incident when the plonker in front leaned backwards on his chair kicked an inkwell out of its resting hole and covered Cerco from hair to chin in blue pigmented gnats known as school ink.

Cerco an Inhabitant of Pittly Bay having moved from WitchBurn near the estuary of the River Weary in the north east of Eng Land was woken suddenly by his wife Jewel shaking him urgently.Uh, Blimey woman he shouted grumbling at being woken in the middle of the night - it was at least ten Of the Clock in the morning. Lace curtains twitched next door followed by a series of Tuts. Such things were unheard of in the polite confines of the village the inhabitants of which still severely resented the presence of that stewpot of crime and vile doings known as 'THE FAREGROUND!'

In fact Pittly Bay was a favourite haunt of the Jocks who flooded there from the steel mills and Shipyards of deepest Glass Chew for FAIR Fortnight. All of the denizens of Pittly Bay left the village at such times to avoid the horror of drunken orgies that followed in the wake of the Glass Chewers. Only the landlords of the local pubs loved this invasion of the northern masses. The locals all rented their houses, and although they deeply resented the invasion they were all happy that when the hoards left the houses were cleaner than they had ever been except for the pile of beer bottles and half bottles of Scutch. The 'bin men' did not come until Wednesday. Good help is so difficult to find these days moaned the denizens of the village quietly sipping a half of lager and lime at the local cricket ground next to the pub which used to be called Bowled 'Er Over' which the denizens complained bitterly about to the Council's Local Licensing Authority [CLAC] until the landlord changed the name to 'The Pie Rates (Allways Twopence for Sailors) [PRATS] which the locals were able to live with.

Wassup cried Cerco wassamatter leaping out of bed. "Lord F has been on the telephone he wants an answer. Lord Fs real name was Lord Frank Dwight an aristocratic Architect, (a Planner with brains and a sharp pencil) who worked? as a government advisor on buildings and things. He wants to know if SEXLESS wants to take on this project in Surf Avri Car.

SEXLESS (Science and Engineering eXtremes Lessens Energy Streams Simply). was a private company (had no shares so it didn't share with anyone, particularly Stuck Breakers). Its Directors were Cerco, Jewel' Opal, Rudie, Flo, Thleepy, Rick Hard Davy. Henry ( a tortoise) and of Course the Imps.

WOOF

Oh, of course and Bugger the thinking/talking dog.

No one led the company which is probably why it bumbled along happily not knowing what it was going to do next and had no idea where or when they might get some work.

Cerco was of average height, average build and nondescript hair . In fact he was average and difficult to identify by the police and other warlike tribes. He had trained as a miner at Prep School (as were all miners which helps to make them mild mannered chaps). Prep School for miners was not of course to prepare them for polite society but trained them how to support the mineshaft roof with preps (props in common English). Cerco was generally the wrong shape to be a miner who at his age had the shape of a tubby egg timer with broad shoulders, big thick thighs and hips and huge hands. Later, of course, he lost the timer and simply turned egg shaped as cold mutton and warm beer took its toll. Cerco wasn't built to be a proper miner so they put him onto surveying.

The Pals or Directors loved nicknames. Cercos real name was Charles Peesin, who,s nickname was once P ina C preferred to be known as Cerco, which came from Cercopethicus Mitus ( Blue faced monkey) - he got his nickname from a second form 'O' Level classroom incident when the plonker in front leaned backwards on his chair kicked an inkwell out of its resting hole and covered Cerco from hair to chin in blue pigmented gnats well known as school ink.

All of his friends had nicknames since they were preferred to their real names like William Eric Droop, Ernest Paul Dribble, Ernest Ube Filth (the Jew), Ian Charles Wassat, Ungrad Roglx Lttle ( his father was a pole ), the Fahr sisters , Geraldine Astley the Bhue sisters and the like, since the reading of the register would go something like:

Anderson A, Barnstable L D, until you came to, Big Bhue B, Little Bhue B, Dribble E P, Droop E Willie (to differentiate him from his brother Wilberforce), litttle Fhar T S, larger Fahr T S Little UR, Peesin C, UbeFilth E, Wassat I.C., and the like.

Bugger used to be the guide dog belonging to Shorty until his owner thought 'is it safe to cross the road?' . Bugger was distracted by a rather cute Collie in heat (otherwise known as a very warm bitch and which is frequently sold in a long bun with mustard and tomato sauce) ahead of them and only caught the thought 'cross the road'. The second last thing in Shorty's head was 'that sounds like a bus'. The last thing to enter his head was the headlight of the bus. Bugger was out of a job - he walked off leaving it on the road.

The Pals had been first attracted to one another by their rather strange eyes. Cerco's were nut brown, Rudies deep blue, Jewel's quartz grey, Opals Opal blue (of course) Amb dark brown and Diamante's clear white. They all had the ability to look angry, scared, excited, depressed and frightening using only their eyes, Cerco's eyes were reputed to be able to take the pips out of an orange without bothering to peel the thing. [This is probably untrue and arises from an incident by the roadside in which Cerco expressed a desire for fruit ("could murder an apple being his actual words) and a fruit wagon spilled part of its load and ran over an orange].

Ric Hard Davy's eyesight was very poor for a karate expert and was once set upon by two ruffians. I'd be careful if I was you he told his assailants I am a trained karate killer. Unfortunately his glasses fell off and he was beaten to a pulp. He hailed from a city that liked to be known as the Garden City of Scut Land - Eden Burgh which was ashamed of certain parts of the city not so garden-like such as Leaf which was pronounced Leith after a few too many drams. He eventually moved to Glass Chew, named after the hard men who lived there.

Henry, the tortoise (Highly Efficient Naturally Rational Yggdrasil), [The ydddrasil in mythology is the being binding together heaven, earth and hell ( if you don't believe it look it up!)].

It is a very fast and efficient form of sophisticated computer. Its shell is really a very large memory store that holds together the earth, heaven and hell on top of which are keys arranged in a more or less chequered pattern and used for typing.

He can speak with animals (but at the start not with humans - (he thought so quickly he didn't have time to get human words out). He communicates with humans by thought and sign language. If you see a tortoise lying on its back waving its arms around its telling you in sign language to 'put me upright you plonker'.

Its big drawback is its slowness of moment. He overcame his lack of natural speed by getting others to carry him around. He spent a lot of time munching on dead leaves and sleeping on a cushion in front of a coal burning fire.), which was just as well because there he was very handily placed to use to break lumps of coal.

He had