Mothership Zeta, Issue 1

By Mothership Zeta

The first ezine effort from the popular podcast production company, Escape Artists, Mothership Zeta offers speculative fiction that has a focus on fun. Fun is subjective, naturally, but we hope these short stories, reviews, and nonfiction pieces offer a look at the lighter side of science fiction, fantasy, and horror. Stories by Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam, Fade Manley, and more. Nonfiction by Dr. Pamela Gay and multi-award-winning author James Patrick Kelly.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mothership Zeta
• Release date: Oct 31, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310248573

Mothership Zeta

Mothership Zeta is the first ezine project to come out of Escape Artists (publisher of podcast magazines Escape Pod, Pseudopod, and Podcastle). We are an ebook-only zine that focuses on new fiction with a fun understone and reprints from the EA podcasts, along with nonfiction from experts in science fiction, science, and more! Mothership Zeta's team consists of Mur Lafferty, Sunil Patel, and Karen Bovenmyer.

Book preview

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/front-matter

Mothership Zeta Issue 1

October 2015

Mur Lafferty, Editor In Chief

Sunil Patel, Assistant Editor, Fiction

Karen Bovenmyer, Assistant Editor, Nonfiction

Mothership Zeta Issue 1

October 2015

Cover art Family Portrait copyright Frank Wu, 2015

Imma Gonna Finish You Off by Marina J. Lostetter first appeared in Galaxy’s Edge magazine, January 2014. It appeared in Escape Pod, July 2015 (http://escapepod.org/2015/07/28/ep501-imma-gonna-finish-you-off/).

Mothership Zeta is a part of Escape Artists, Inc. Please visit our sister magazines, Escape Pod (http://escapepod.org), Podcastle (http://podcastle.org), and Pseudopod (http://pseudopod.org).

Edited by Mur Lafferty

Published by Escape Artists, Inc. at Smashwords

Copyright 2015

Escape Artists, Inc.

PO Box 965609

Marietta, GA 30066

/contents

In this issue...

/welcome

Welcome to Issue 1 of Mothership Zeta!

/welcome

Welcome to Issue 1 of Mothership Zeta, the magazine dedicated to putting the fun back in science function, funtasy, and, uh, funror.

/fiction

The Customer Is Always Right

/fiction

Q&A: An AI Love Story

/non-fiction

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Dwarf Planets

/fiction

Panic Twice, Spin

/non-fiction

Why We Love Playing Flight Rising

/fiction

Imma Gonna Finish You Off

/fiction

Sleeping with Spirits

/non-fiction

The Story Doctor is (In)

/review

Series Review: Amelia Peabody, Egyptologist

/fiction

Bargain

/fiction

Places

/review

Favorite 2014-2015 Graphic Novels

/fiction

Tales of a Fourth Grade Shoggoth

/review

Movie Review: Turbo Kid: Why this BMX Blood Sparkle Unicorn Apocalypse will Blow your Mind

/review

Book Review: Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl

/review

Book Review: M. R. Carey’s The Girl with All the Gifts

/fiction

The Insect Forest

/coming

Coming soon!

/cons

CONVENTION WATCH:

/credits

Credits

/welcome

Welcome to Issue 1 of Mothership Zeta!

I’m so excited for this magazine to finally see the light of day. Carrying on the spirit of our sister magazine, the podcast Escape Pod, and publishing a magazine dedicated to fun stories is a huge thrill. Apart from our very excellent stories in this issue, you will find some nonfiction about science, book reviews, and a story doctor column.

It’s been an interesting process to define fun. For example, we wouldn’t say that XXX stories are fun, but in this issue we have a non-erotic, sexually explicit story that’s tons of fun. The fun part isn’t the sex. We have humorous stories, yes, but we also have a story that covers the uplifting part of the fun umbrella. (No I’m not going to say funbrella—I hate puns. Don’t let that turn you off from submitting, though, as Assistant Editor Sunil Patel loves them.) Finding the right stories for the magazine was difficult when we would get very good stories that weren’t fun, or amusing stories that weren’t very solid. It’s a balance you have to strike.

As a matter of fact, as our authors may tell you, the balance is quite difficult to strike. Almost as if writing a fun story is as difficult as writing a brilliant tearjerker.

Almost.

I also want to highlight our cover artist, Hugo Award winning artist Frank Wu. I spoke with Frank back in February about this project and asked if he would like to contribute; he said he was working on Family Portrait, and I wanted it immediately for our cover. It’s a real honor to be presenting his original work here for the first time.

This magazine will be quarterly, with website content appearing at mothershipzeta.org. Eventually, the stories you pay for here will appear for free there, but it won’t be instantly, and remember that you paying for this magazine means we can continue to pay our authors. Thank you! Keep an eye on the blog, though, as we will be posting other fun things in science fiction, fun stories we like from other magazines, and more!

Our next open submission period is coming in 2016! Watch the site for more information.

We hope you like our issue 1; thanks for checking us out!

Mur Lafferty

Editor

/welcome

Welcome to Issue 1 of Mothership Zeta, the magazine dedicated to putting the fun back in science function, funtasy, and, uh, funror.

We received over 800 stories in our first open call, and I loved reading submissions because they were so fun! If I was in a bad mood, I was sure to find a story that would lift my spirits. My incredible slush team of Cecilia Dockins, Kri Dontje, Robert Farnsworth, Sarah Hendrix, Andrew Kim, Victor Manuel, Sean Robinson, Holly Schofield, and Jean Shea has my eternal gratitude for diving in and returning with gems. What you’ll find in this and upcoming issues are the cream of the crop, the stories that grabbed us, impressed us, made us laugh and smile. We had to make some tough decisions, and I’m telling you, there are a lot of talented writers writing fun, uplifting stories—the overwhelming response to our call speaks for itself—and I hope to see those stories find suitable homes. Every story doesn’t have to be emotionally devastating. While I want Mothership Zeta to be the premier destination for these stories, I don’t want it to be the only destination: more fun stories for everyone, everywhere, I say!

In this first issue, you’ll get an indication of what fun means for us. Some stories are overtly humorous, but that’s not all we’re looking for. You’ll also find stories that are challenging and innovative, qualities one often finds in award-winning stories that make you cry. We also like having our hearts warmed, be it by artificial intelligence or sex ghosts.

I am proud of what we’ve put together, and I’m so excited to share these stories with you. I hope they bring light into your life.

Sunil Patel

Assistant Editor, Fiction

/fiction

Customer service, amirite? One of the worst jobs in the world, because no one enjoys doing it, and no one enjoys making use of it. But when you find someone like our little-seen protagonist in Anna Salonen’s story, who knows what they are doing and can get the job done efficiently and pleasantly, they’re worth their weight in gold.

The Customer Is Always Right

By Anna Salonen

Performance review, employee #34677, Jobe Wallis.

Transcript of The Incident.

(Ringing.)

Hello, you have contacted the AIs Incorporated customer service. How may I assist you?

This is Private Johnson calling from Arcadia, Bree’s World. I’m having trouble with the Annihilator5000 you sent me. (Sound of explosions, screaming, gunfire in the background.)

We are very sorry for any inconvenience you might have experienced pertaining to our product. Customer satisfaction is very important to us, and I will do everything I can to assist you. What is the problem, sir?

I’m in the middle of some heavy shit here, and it isn’t doing anything!

Did you try turning the android off and on again, sir?

Well, obviously! Do you think I’m an idiot, or something?

Of course not, sir. I apologize. Has it been connected to a power source for forty-eight hours, as recommended?

Yes, yes! The display says fully charged! Look, I’m kind of on the clock here. They’re coming, and I’m the only one left. I don’t get this thing working, I’m dead!

Let me check your order. Do you have your customer identification code?

No, I don’t have a goddam code! That piece of shit is paid for by the Coalition Marine Corps!

Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.

You calm down! I’m surrounded by hostiles and that thing was my ticket outta here! You gotta help me!

Of course, sir. Please open the control panel on the android’s left side.

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Please read me the serial number on the inside of the panel.

Okay...Um, three-two-double-five-oh?

Thank you. Are all of the lights registering green, sir?

Yes.

Do you see a big, red button?

Yeah.

Press that, and try the initializing sequence again.

Okay. (Whirring and clicking.) It’s doing something. The eyes lit up.

Good, now re-enter the command.

Oh God! They’re almost here! Okay, now it’s advancing! (Pause.) Wait a minute! It’s not firing!

What is it doing? Sir?

I dunno. It’s lit up like a goddam carousel at Christmastime. They’re gonna blow it up if it keeps doin’ that. Now it’s...waving? It’s surrounded. Those grubby aliens are pokin’ at it!

I’m certain it’s doing strategic calculations, sir. This model has received ninety-eight percent positive ratings on our multiweb site.

Wait. It’s doing something. I can’t believe it! It’s serving them grilled cheese sandwiches and lemonade!

I’m sorry, sir. I don’t believe that model is equipped with domestic functions.

Well, that’s what it’s doing! Oh hell! Those things are actually eating the sandwiches! (Long pause.)

Sir? Sir! What is the android doing now?

I dunno. It’s spinning around and blinking. What the hell is that? It looks like a disco ball? (Faint dance music.) Well, I’ll be!

"Sir? I’m looking at your order right now, and I think I know what happened: the model you ordered is designated 2001-20-F, and the DomesticDroid1001 is 2010-20-F. I’m very sorry for the mix-up, and the company will of course be willing to give you a full refund and a complimentary subscription to Amazing Androids magazine. We are sorry for any inconvenience—"

Yeah, yeah. I don’t care. Boy, can those aliens dance! Now it’s making margaritas. I’m going out there.

All right, sir. Would you like to fill out a customer survey? Sir?

(Dial tone.)

(Ringing.)

Hello, you have contacted the AIs Incorporated customer service. How may I assist you?

I’m calling about my order. I have the number right here: 5037943-328. I must tell you, I’m not satisfied, not satisfied at all!

I’m very sorry to hear that, ma’am. I’ll just call up your information on my terminal, here, and I’ll do what I can to assist you. (Pause.) Oh yes, the DomesticDroid1001, a very popular model.

"Yes. My cousin Sylvie recommended it, said it helped her out ever so much around the house, did the vacuuming and everything. Showed up that good-for-nothing husband of hers, he never bothers with anything, not like my Danny—"

Ma’am? I’m sorry to interrupt, but you said there’s a problem with our product?

Oh yes. Well, I asked it to take care of my darling Fifi and the unfeeling contraption vaporized her! I don’t know what I’ll do without my Fifi, I really don’t. How you can sell these things with a clear conscience...No! Stop it! Oh dear, oh dear, now it’s taking potshots at the parrot. (Sound of plasma weapons discharging and glass breaking.)