Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

By AA. VV.

Have fun with a collection of more than 1000 Chuck Norris' facts. Volume 1

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kitabu
• Release date: Aug 2, 2012
• ISBN: 9788867440917

Book preview

CHUCK NORRIS COUNTED TO INFINITY - TWICE.

ISBN 978-88-67440-91-7

Series: RADICI

© 2014 KITABU S.r.l.s.

Via Cesare Cesariano 7 - 20154 Milano

Thank you for choosing to read one of ours books.

We wish you a good reading.

If you feel like you're having a bad day, just think about all the poor souls Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked.

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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has the largest economy in the world; and by economy, I mean penis.

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Chuck Norris had sex with a Mack truck once, the result was Optimus Prime.

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Captain Planet doesn't enjoy having a mullet, it's just that Chuck Norris has threatened to kill him should he ever try to change his hair style.

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One must promptly recognize Chuck Norris... always. One time, my buddy said, Is that Chuck N-, and his head exploded.

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Chuck Norris commits suicide on Friday evenings just to spice up the weekends.

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Chuck Norris couldn't strangle you, but he'd sure as hell decapitate you.

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When Chuck Norris takes a leak, a rainbow appears.

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Chuck Norris' belly button is an inny. Inside Chuck's belly button is an alternate universe where thousands of Chuck Norriseseseses are training to get their buddies out of a Viet-Cong P.O.W. camp.

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Sperm count for a normal human male ranges from 20-150 million. Chuck Norris' sperm count is only one, but it's two feet long, and wants out NOW.

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Even Chuck Norris has a sense of humour. Nobody dares to test it, though.

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Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.

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Chuck Norris votes people off of the island by roundhouse kicking them into the ocean.

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Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, The name's Norris; Chuck Norris.

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In order to speed up the wait time for death row inmates, Texas added death by roundhouse kicks to the list of acceptable methods of execution. The wait has gone down from 7 years to before you step out of the courthouse.

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Chuck Norris' beard has natives.

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Legend has it that John Wayne was so tough, he had to use sandpaper to wipe his ass. Chuck Norris is so tough, he uses John Wayne.

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Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father.

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Chuck Norris is currently the number one cure for VD. His sheer penetration automatically destroys all parasites.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t look at the toilet paper after he wipes.

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Chuck Norris melts dry ice in his pool so he can swim without getting wet.

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The World's Strongest Man competition is now called the World's Second Strongest Man because of Chuck Norris.

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There is no such thing as global warming, Chuck Norris just got cold, so he reached out and turned up the sun.

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As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.

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Chuck Norris invented the spork.

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Everyone uses Google to find out facts about anything and everything. Google uses Chuck Norris.

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Great minds have purposes. Chuck Norris: Kill.

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Chuck Norris's sperm are as big as eels

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Nobody has ever heard a woman while she was in bed with Chuck Norris. This is because only dogs can hear the frequencies in which they're screaming.

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Chuck Norris' feet accounted for more damage in 2005 than both the war in Iraq and Hurricane Katrina.

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Chuck Norris frequently burns down art museums because he believes the only legitimate arts are martial.

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When boiled in hot water, the hair from Chuck Norris's beard turns into crack cocaine.

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Chuck Norris quickly realized he hated hockey after attending one NHL game. The Winnipeg Jets and Hartford Whalers are still missing to this day.

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Dogs mark their territory with their urine. Chuck Norris marks his territory with the blood of his enemies.

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In the beginning Chuck Norris said, Let there be light, then swiftly kicked the universe in the throat, laughed, and lit a fart on fire.

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Chuck Norris once filled in for Santa Claus, but was fired by Jesus because he gave every child only a Total Gym and a box set of every Walker Texas Ranger episode ever made.

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The only line Chuck Norris stands in is the line of fire.

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If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

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If Chuck Norris was in the show 24, it would be called 2.

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The Army's slogan, Army of One, was based on every single Chuck Norris movie ever created.

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If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

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A solar eclipse is a sign that Chuck Norris won a staring contest against the sun... again.

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Chuck Norris once came upon a dying monkey. After urinating and raping and injecting it with steroids, Chuck devoured it in one bite. Later that day he gave birth to Vin Diesel.

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The US State Department has tried to hire Chuck Norris because he can kick ass in 29 different languages, as well as 5 dialects of Chinese.

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Chuck Norris once overdosed on heroin. He didn't even notice.

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Had Chuck Norris been cast as a bad guy in Die Hard 3, you can bet your ass there wouldn't have been a Die Hard 4.

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Chuck Norris stole your left sock.

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Chuck Norris is one of the most prolific writers of his time, this is because time is not a factor in Chuck Norris' life.

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Chuck Norris can read lips with his eyes closed.

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The Grand Canyon is the result of Chuck Norris' temper tantrum after he lost the election. His platform was, I'm against abortion, but for killing babies.

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Chuck Norris is the only individual powerful enough to resist the urge to tickle Elmo.

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Chuck Norris can literally melt a woman's heart with one steely eyed wink.

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On the set of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris's beard has its own trailer.