Beware of the Emu!

By Merv Lambert

Another fantastic book of stories about M, the invisible computer-generated emu. In this collection, we visit Switzerland (and have a scary cable-car encounter), time-travel to 1960s Manchester, joust with King Henry the Eighth and see some highly amusing magic. As expected, in every story in which he appears M never misses a chance to produce his own brand of comical antics.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AUK Kids
• Release date: Nov 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781782344094

Book preview

1988.

Snow Emus

Emma, M’s emu ‘girl-friend’ had never seen snow before. She was fascinated by it. Winter had begun early in England that year. M of course was in a happy, dazed state. He was going round with a sort of permanent smile on his beak. ‘Who would have thought it?’ he thought. ‘Good old Auntie Flo! She had somehow managed to transport Emma from Oztralia (as he thought of it) via an e-mail.’ Now he found himself spending most of his time outside, either in the back garden or in the one in front of the house, as she watched the white flakes floating down from the sky. He hoped she would begin to pay a little more attention to him, and so far he had not had the chance to impress her with his collection of wigs, but for the moment she seemed absolutely obsessed by snow.

It did not take Olivia long to realise what was bothering M, so she said to Colin, Why don’t you look in your special book for a snowy adventure? Obviously I can’t take part in it, and Charlotte’s too little, but you and Sammy could take them.

Hmm, Colin examined the idea. Then he went to find the book, which was lying on a glass-topped coffee-table in the lounge. As he leafed through the pages, he heard Olivia call to M and Emma. Moments later they were standing behind him with Sammy. The phoenix bookmark seemed to flutter gently in his pocket. Perhaps it was making up its mind. Still idly turning the pages, Colin stopped at a photograph that suddenly appeared on page 489. It showed a snowy scene in a mountain village, possibly in Austria or Switzerland. Emma stepped forward excitedly, and tapped the picture gently with the tip of her beak. The magic phoenix bookmark glowed quickly as if in agreement. There was a loud pop and a small flash.

Indeed Emma had her wish. It was snowing steadily. It was also obviously early evening, as people were making their way back from the slopes with their skis. Darkness was falling, but the streets and building of the pretty mountain village were well lit. Sammy woofed happily. He liked the snow too.

Colin scratched his head, and found that he was wearing a fur hat to go with his heavy, warm winter coat and thick gloves. He gazed round what he assumed must be the village square. Some of the shops displayed the square Swiss flag with a small white cross on a red background. A tall, elegant building bore the words Oberkirkl - Rathaus. Colin knew this wasn’t a house full of rats. It was simply the German word for town hall or the place where things were discussed, and Oberkirkl was the name of the village. Sammy woofed again, and ran forward excitedly. He had seen somebody he knew.

Why, hello, Sammy!

The little dog had trotted up to a tall fair-haired young man, who was now making a great fuss of him. Sammy was wagging his tail happily. The young man, who was crouching down, looked up. Is that you, Colin? he asked.

Yes, replied Colin, stepping forward to shake the young man’s outstretched hand. Hello, Kurt. We met at Billy and Jilly’s house.

Of course, enthused Kurt. The family invited us to visit them, when we came over in the summer. We actually met them the year before in Italy.

Colin found he had no need of the bookmark’s help to understand this young German. Kurt’s English was excellent.

Where are you staying, Colin? And where are your lovely wife and little daughter?

I’ve only just arrived, and I haven’t fixed up anywhere to stay yet. I’m on my own. He glanced over at the two emus, who seemed quite happy just to be there in this Alpine village. He went on, Olivia’s at home with Charlotte. She’s expecting our second child.

Oh, congratulations, Colin! But come now. No need to book into a hotel or guest-house. You must come and stay with me. My family are here with some friends at our own chalet. We come here every year. Kurt insisted that Colin accept his invitation. It was then that Colin realised that he had a small suitcase standing on the snow-covered pavement next to him. The phoenix, as always, had thought of what he needed. He picked it up, and followed Kurt with Sammy trotting beside him and two invisible emus strolling along behind them.

When they arrived at the chalet, Colin gasped. It’s huge! he said.

Yes, we have twenty rooms, smiled Kurt. You’ll be very welcome.

In fact Kurt’s parents Dietrich and Ilsa, his younger brother Jurgen and his sister Helga all made him feel very welcome. Finally Kurt introduced his friends Natalie, her brother Gregor, and two tall young men called Roger and Hansi. Everyone made a fuss of Sammy, and he spent a very happy evening with them all. Only he knew when the two emus eventually came in in the early hours of the morning. He could tell from their smiling beaks that they had no doubt been up to some emu mischief. In fact they had climbed to the top of nearly every building and slid down the steeply sloping roofs on the snow gathering there. One or two passers-by had noticed a sudden plop and the large indentations in the snow on the pavements but merely assumed it was just some snow falling from the roofs, and none would ever have imagined that it was the impact of two invisible emus landing. Each time this happened Emma and M stood giggling in emu-speak.

Because Kurt had offered to teach him to ski, Colin was looking forward to