Back to School with an Emu

By Merv Lambert

This fantastic edition to the Colin the Librarian series contains three new exciting stories.

Colin at Grumples or Back to School

Colin and M find themselves at Grumples Academy in the 1920s. This expensive private school with poor facilities and extremely bad teaching is run by the formidable Dr. Scrote, who is only interested in discipline. Colin in his role as a 12 year old boy becomes the friend of Harry Barking. In a series of hilarious scrapes Colin and M rescue Harry more than once. Finally Colin organises the great escape of the youngest boys and causes the closure of the school. Unfortunately Harry is not welcome at home. The next story shows us why.

Barking Mad

Colin and M help Harry Barking disrupt the plans of his awful stepmother to marry him off to any available wealthy woman. Instead he becomes engaged to Heather, who works in a florist’s shop in the nearby village. M also manages to disrupt the local foxhunt. The phoenix arranges the arrival of Colin’s wife Olivia and his Auntie Flo posing as the Duchess of Merseyside. Heather appears at the evening meal at Barkingham Hall, and causes trouble with her tennis racket. Harry angrily explains to his family that they have neglected and mistreated him for years. He disowns them and his inheritance. Finally Colin and M trap Harry’s two loathsome older step-brothers into proposing marriage to the twin sisters Drusilla and Hortensia. M also takes an interest in stamp collecting.

The Purple Heather Perps

A third encounter with Harry Barking leads Colin back to the 1920s. With the help of his two cousins Billy and Jilly, and of course M, he foils an attempt by Harry’s family to ruin the new garden centre that Harry and his wife Heather are just setting up. M takes an interest in swimming.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AUK Kids
• Release date: Feb 11, 2014
• ISBN: 9781783336142

Book preview

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Colin at Grumples or Back to School

Colin did not want to go back to school. Probably this was because he was already a grown man. However, that was where the phoenix on his magic bookmark had sent him apparently. He quickly checked what he was wearing, and to his horror saw that he was in grey short trousers and a complete school uniform including a white shirt and a dark blue blazer and tie. Fortunately though M, who was there with him wherever they were, was not wearing a school uniform. That would have looked ridiculous. Whoever heard of an emu wearing short trousers and a blazer? And such a ridiculous school cap! Of course, given the chance, M would probably have done so out of sheer curiosity and his own peculiar sense of fun. In fact everyone would have been alarmed, even when he was standing still because the garments would have appeared to be mysteriously suspended in mid-air, and, if he started moving, he would have caused panic or even a stampede.

Well, thought Colin, at least I’ve got a clue to the time factor here. I must be stranded in the earlier part of the 20th century, possibly the 1920s or 30s

He had never been very tall. At present he was shorter than he usually was, so he rubbed his chin. No stubble or beard met his fingers. Hmm! He was now probably about 12 years old, although in reality he was in his late twenties and married with children. Really! What was the phoenix up to this time? Colin had been alone at home, and had opened his special book at no particular page, when without warning there had been a tremendous red flash, and now here he was at the beginning of another adventure.

Next Colin glanced around the room he was in. Its walls were painted a horrible grubby green colour. The furnishings were simple - six small beds with a small locker or cupboard standing next to each one. He was the only person there until the door banged open, and a small fair-haired boy, who looked about 12 years old, burst in, carrying an old-fashioned suitcase, which was also not very big.

Hello! he shouted. I’m Harry Barking. Who are you?

Smiling, he thrust out his right hand for Colin to shake. It seemed a quaintly old-fashioned gesture, but Colin gave it a gentle shake, careful not to reveal the immense strength the magic phoenix bookmark gave him.

Colin introduced himself, but then said, Although I didn’t expect to be here.

Why not? was the reply. Grumples is one of the best private schools around or so they say, though I’m not so sure myself.

What do you mean? asked Colin.

Well, I thought they would be strict here, but so far strict seems the wrong word. Brutal fits better, but come on. I think we’ll be late for tea, I mean dinner. We’re probably in trouble already.

O.K. answered Colin, as he and M followed his new young friend down a corridor and into what was obviously the dining-room, where a crowd of boys of various ages, but none of them younger than Harry and Colin, were already seated at long tables.

A sharp voice rang out. I say, you two boys, you’re late!"

Then Harry cried, Ow! The owner of the voice, supposedly a prefect, had just clipped him across the ear. When he tried this on Colin, however, he winced in surprise, and shook his fingers in disbelief. It had been like hitting a rock.

I shouldn’t try that again, murmured Colin, whoever you think you are.

"Harbinger to you. Prefect Harbinger, was the sneering reply. You will both report to me at the Prefects’ Room at 6 o’clock." He was unaware of the emu next to him raising his eyebrows rather doubtfully.

Will we? smiled Colin. I look forward to that.

When he saw what the kitchen staff had put on their plates, he thought to himself, "Yes, it’s much as I expected - lumpy mashed potatoes, burned sausages, hard garden peas and thin gravy. Can it be improved? Immediately the magic phoenix bookmark, pulsed in his top pocket, and straight away the new boys all found that the food on their plates had suddenly become very tasty. They tucked in, and all of them,