Emerge Empower Embrace YOU; 3 simple steps to transforming your life and achieving authentic happiness

By Richard Muralee Krishnan

One of the major reasons for our inability to be authentically happy is because we may be trapped in an old Operating System in a time and age where it is no longer serving us. There seems to be a disconnect with the way our reality perceives things and what is. Hence, more often we fail to meet our so called expectations in life, work, relationships etc. Our internal Operating System, which was created by parents or guardians are mostly outdated because the environment is changing ever so fast. We all need to have an open source IOS to deal with the world. This book shares three concepts which is easy to understand and practice. Emerge - to step out from our old IOS and step up, meaning to upgrade the IOS. Empower - to create the alignment between what we want and what we belief. Most failures in achieving dreams and goals stem from this misalignment. Finally, Embrace - to learn the art of gratitude, acceptance and becoming happier day by day.

If happiness is a choice, how come so many people are unhappy? Did they choose to be unhappy? Probably not. Perhaps, they need help to upgrade their old thinking and allow the feelings to truly communicate the essence of what really matters to them. Learn the art of Emerging, Empowering and Embracing YOU (your own uniqueness). Learn the art of becoming self directed by letting go. Step out of bonsification and live free and limitless.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Richard Muralee Krishnan
• Release date: Aug 18, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310185458

Richard Muralee Krishnan

My given name is Muralidaran. But I am commonly known as Richard or Muralee. I am blessed with 3 daughters, my biggest teachers they are. I co-founded the Malaysian Shining Star Foundation. I have a company that offers corporate training and consultancy in the area of change management and leadership. I have always been interested in writing especially the last 10 years. I have written many short stories but never published them. I started writing my first book, Emerge Empower Embrace two years ago. It went through several rounds of modification. It is finally ready and will be launched in August.

Book preview

Emerge

Empower

Embrace

YOU

3 Simple steps to transforming your life and achieving authentic happiness

Richard Muralee

Copyright 2015 by Richard Muralee

All rights reserved

Published by Richard Muralee at Smashwords

Distributed by Smashwords

Cover design by Dhanishta Muralidaran

Painting by Allen Tan @ Truefaces Creations

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Richard Muralee

Visit my website at www.richardmuralee.com

First Published as an ebook: August 2015

ISBN: 9781310185458

I dedicate this book to

Jamuna Muralidaran,

Dhanishta Muralidaran &

Priyadutha Muralidaran.

To my three beautiful daughters with this simple message;

In the end, you are responsible for what you make out of life. The sooner you become self directed, the more time you’ll have to explore this abundant world and enjoy personal freedom to do the things you wish. Thank you for some of the wonderful lessons I have learnt from all you about being a father.

————Your Dad————

Contents

Acknowledgement

Introduction

What inspired me to write this book?

Emerge, Empower, Embrace…YOU

The objective of this book

How you can benefit from this book

The structure of this book

Reality Check

Part 1: Retrospection

Chapter 1: The struggle trap

From the cradle to school

Educating and teaching

Double trouble

Summary

Chapter 2: Bonsification

A bonsai

Bonsification of human potential

Breaking your pot

Summary

Chapter 3: Your reality

The beginning of Your Own Uniqueness (YOU)

Learning and experiencing

Conditioning - rewards & punishments

Internal operating system (IOS)

Summary

Chapter 4: Internal Operating System

Why Upgrade

Want & motivation

Your belief system

How important is belief?

Core Values

Input equals output

Summary

Chapter 5: Boundary Awareness

Types of personal boundaries

Healthy Boundary

Boundaries and relationships

Summary

Part 2: Claiming YOU (Your Own Uniqueness)

Chapter 6: Emerge

Step out and Step up

To Emerge

Emptying the cup

Stop, think, respond!

Emerging - your own uniqueness

Meditation

Summary

Chapter 7: Empower

Creating internal alignment

Whatever you believe, so shall it be

Changing belief - the heart of the IOS

Empower Your Own Uniqueness

Summary

Chapter 8: Embrace

One seed, plenty of fruits

Start with gratitude in you heart

Embracing everything

Forgive and embrace - it is easy

Embrace YOU

Summary

Part 3: Personal Transformation

Chapter 9: Finish Before You Start

Becoming self-directed

You are at the centre of your universe

Reinventing YOU

Questions you must ask

Finish before you start

Conceiving what you want

Summary

Chapter 10 - Get Physical

Transform dreams into realities

Flirts

Importance of Planning

Being externally connected

People - your main resource

Reversing your limiting beliefs

Summary

Thank you

Reading list

About the Author

Acknowledgement

First, my special thanks goes out to Audrey Lynn, Azah Ahmad and Michele Bliss for they believed in my work and gave me endless encouragement to get this book published. Everything happens twice; first in the mind, then in the physical reality. For many of us it happens once in the mind but never in reality. Personally I have had hundreds of great ideas but never got beyond that. I am sure it is an experience many of us can relate to. Likewise, writing a book had been in my mind for many years and finally became a reality in 2012 when I was returning from Yangon, Myanmar. Something happened when I was there conducting a workshop called Leading Over the Edge. It was a 3-day leadership workshop that I conducted for a client. It was a remarkable programme for the participants and self-enriching one for my co-facilitator Ramesh Subramaniam and personally, I understood humility as a totally new experience. I therefore owe it to Joseph Lopez - the organiser, my co-facilitator and the participants of LOE for collectively creating the spark to get the writing process going.

I would like to thank my soul mate Deborah Rodrigo for the love, support, encouragement and not giving up on my effort while the book was incubating for 18 months, Makissa Smeeton, who did the first round of converting my scribbles into word text, Tariqua Amina who constantly reminded me about my strength, Khai, Cynthia Rodrigo and Azlyn, my confidants and support system and my sister Geena who constantly prays for my wellbeing and success. Special thanks to Prema Achu, for the time we spent as a family unit. You have been one my longest fulltime teacher for seventeen years and I have learnt many valuable lessons about relationships and parenting in bringing up the three girls. You are truly special. To Jullai Tang who inspired me to work harder to get this book out by showing me ten cover designs to choose from. I am grateful to Sitharather Moorthy for challenging me in many ways to go beyond my own limitations and for giving me the opportunity to be the co-founder to the Malaysian Shining Star Foundation. To hash members of the PJ Hazards, my hash buddies, for the weekly laughter and the lessons to look at the lighter side of life. Finally, my heartfelt thanks to all my dear friends and participants of my numerous workshops…your friendship made a huge impact in my life.

Introduction

What inspired me to write this book?

Since 2009, I have been conducting a self-awareness workshop entitled CoreEmpowerment™. I have conducted this workshop in most parts of Malaysia, Myanmar, Singapore and Cambodia. It is a public workshop open to anyone interested in seeking solutions to their personal problems, mainly in relationships, career and personal development. Many people chose to attend this workshop and later passed the word around to their families and friends. The numbers kept growing. To me it was a sign that I was doing something right and that the participants were benefitting from it. Then I became dissatisfied and impatient with my own work. I was getting anxious because I felt I wasn’t doing enough to reach out to a larger audience. This feeling came to me especially when I visited Myanmar. There were so many people looking for solutions for their life’s problems and yet there was so little time to reach out to all of them. I then thought of writing this book.

I have had thoughts of writing a self-help book for many years. I even started writing on several occasions. Somehow I never got around to finishing a book. I wanted to write but I had no clear purpose and I could not feel the passion deeply enough. I knew that passion alone might not be sufficient. The urge was there but it came on and off. I later found out that I was suffering from writer’s block and self-limiting belief. Furthermore, when I read books that were so well written, I admired the authors and their insight, yet I did not believe in or envisage myself as a writer. Therefore my desire was conceived over and over but prematurely died because I lacked conviction. My turning point was in December 2012 when I was in Yangon conducting workshops Leading-Over-the-Edge. I was mentally exhausted but spiritually exhilarated.

I was in the plane at thirty-two thousand feet above sea level when I decided I would write the book. I guessed I had to walk the talk because I had been speaking about internal alignment for years and I had feelings of misalignment about writing. The light came on, the motivation kicked in, and the writing started for real. I completed the book in weeks. I had it all up there in my mind, the stories, the experiences and my own concept, which is an amalgamation of various theories and ideas from books I read and those I have come across during my time as a facilitator. After completing the first cut, the book was incubated for another eighteen months. As I wrote the book, my own faith was put to test. I was facing many career, relationships and financial challenges and I needed to put my personal philosophy to work. It was a test and a personal journey that I had to experience to verify the truth about what I wrote. I have shared many stories in this book about my personal learning curve and that of my close friends who have walked this journey with me. The stories will be told as examples on various topics throughout the book.

Then in late 2014, I revisited the manuscript once again. I was happy reading my own work but I was too critical of my own work at times. After months of embracing life’s challenges like never before, I allowed the moment to arrive when I was ready to put this book out. Despite what anyone said I decided that the book would be ready for publishing when I felt it was time. When I became to publish this book, the reality of publishing took me by surprise. All along I was thinking that writing the book was the most difficult part. But publishing a book a whole new dimension which I was totally unaware of. Thanks to Smashword.com, I am able to have this book out to public as an e-book.

Emerge, Empower, Embrace…YOU

This book is about self-change. The idea and philosophy behind the title was derived from my Core Empowerment workshop. I wanted to entitle the book Core Empowerment, but there are two other books that I know which have similar titles. Essentially my workshop touches on the three concepts emerge, empower and embrace, and I decided to call it this. These three simple steps to seeking personal freedom and authentic happiness are the idea behind the whole book. Let’s face it - we all seek happiness in whatever we do. There is always a reason for the choices we make in our lives, be they short-term or long-term, and happiness is certainly one of our driving forces. We also constantly seek the freedom to be able to do the things we want, but most often we are held back for a variety of reasons and end up doing things that are contrary to our personal freedom. We then forfeit our happiness. Yes, happiness is a choice. If it was that simple why are so many people are unhappy? As we grow older, we find that personal freedom and happiness are so far-fetched that they are almost beyond our reach. We face crossroads after crossroads only to grope in the dark with no sign of light at the end of the tunnel or worse still, not even a tunnel at sight.

Emerge, Empower, Embrace…YOU is a book that is written primarily for people who are going through difficult challenges in certain aspects of their life, struggling for meaning or searching for a purpose to make life more meaningful to them. Many of us are living mundane lives and find ourselves in a hopeless place with nothing really motivating or challenging to do. Some of us have problems laughing and even wearing a smile on a daily basis. Think about it - most of us are blessed in so many ways: we breathe, drink, eat, talk, walk and do things effortlessly.

Try this. Put down this book for a moment and take three deep breaths. Was it effortless or was it a struggle to breathe?

If breathing was a struggle, then you ought to see a physician and get it fixed. This book may not be helpful for you, I’m afraid. You could download an Apple app called Pranayama and make breathing effortless. But for most of us, breathing is effortless. Just like that, we do so many things effortlessly. But when it comes to major areas of our lives such as relationships, career, finance, lifestyle, etc., many of us are constantly stressed or struggling. The irony is that millions of people may have had a happy childhood but end up unhappy by the time they reach middle age. They could have been a live wire, full of vigour and enthusiasm when they were young, but turn cold by the time they hit their forties. They age quickly and feel as if the whole world’s problems are on their shoulders. Why is that? Worst of all, for millions of people life is a struggle, which begins in childhood. They even get accustomed to it and live as if there is no way out. However there are many examples of people who have broken out of this web of misery and poverty, even though the ratio is very small compared to those who have remained stuck and struggling. We live in a world of abundance. Today, we have technologies that can feed every man, woman and child on earth, according to Peter Diamandis in his book Abundance. And I have faith in this idea. Thousands of self-help books have been written to assist those who are seeking a way out. Yet so much help is still needed.

We are all good actors. We can put up a façade to hide the true self, which most of us do. Some of us experience happy moments, but those moments disappear very quickly and we are back to the struggling mode, quietly trying to find a way out. Like a bonsai in a pot, the roots are constantly going round in circles just trying to get out of the cluttered space. A bonsai does not know it is bonsified or why it grows the way it does. Likewise we may not know why we are struggling, because we play a big role in our own problem and have become accustomed to it. But the desire for something better is always there on the back burner. Step one is what I call emerge. In order to find a solution for our struggles, we need to identify and acknowledge the root causes. How do we do that? Well, many books have been written on this. I will share with you my own take on this, which has yielded results for many people.

But that is just the first step. When you step out or emerge, you will tend to see your struggles quite differently. No more rules or an instruction manual on what to do next. You are very much on your own. This is where things can get scary. Many people quickly get back into their old way of living because they are so familiar with it and it is comforting in a certain way. It’s like the circus elephant. In the wild, an elephant can change the entire landscape with its mighty strength, but in captivity it cannot uproot the small metal stump to which one of its leg is chained. We grow comfortable in our struggle, but it is still a struggle nonetheless. This is where we need to create an internal alignment within us. We all have the capacity to do it and I will show how I have done it myself. Creating the internal alignment to help empower you is Step Two.

Coming back to the story of the circus elephant, imagine if the elephant decided to emerge and empower itself with all its massive strength. But it’s a jungle out there! What does the circus elephant know about living in the jungle? It may seem like an illogical question, but that is exactly the dilemma the elephant will be facing. It is going to be a new experience being in the jungle as opposed to being in captivity, performing acts and tricks to entertain. Think about this: many of us are like a captive elephant. Why? It is because we do have enormous strength and the capabilities to do whatever we want to do, but instead we spend most of our lives living up to other people’s expectations of us. Why not explore the wilderness without expectation? Allow our internal compass to guide us and trust ourselves for once? Why not try new ways to deal with our life’s struggles? Why not make life effortless like the way we breathe? This is how we can embrace the change we embark upon. The third step is to embrace, to open up new possibilities with minimal expectations and make life effortless, starting with gratitude. Then personal freedom and authentic happiness are within your reach.

The objective of this book

This is a reach out book. As I mentioned earlier, I decided to write this book because I personally know many people are struggling in one or more areas of their lives. Relationships are a major area of stress. Some struggle in toxic relationships that are going nowhere but downhill. Does this sound familiar? You may have tried or wanted to throw in the towel and move on, but you feel stuck in a rut. Your relationship may be draining your energy, or you have created such high expectations of your partner that you are constantly disappointed. Or vice versa. Perhaps your spouse and children are simply driving you crazy, or you have a tyrant as a boss who pushes you to your limits, and to top it off, your colleagues are unsupportive or even hostile. You may be tired of living with your in-laws or your own parents who insist that you stay with them even after your marriage. There are multiple scenarios.

Some people may be suffering career setbacks. One of the biggest challenges faced by middle-aged people, is the destructive technologies syndrome. Peter Diamandis in his book Abundance cited numerous businesses that are adversely affected by technology. Many business owners and employees are suffering from diminishing profits that affect their livelihood. The smart phone alone has put many giant corporations out of business. Kodak is a classic example. Businesses big and small are facing enormous challenges trying to keep up. A teenager may come up with a product or an idea that can put a century-old business…out of business! Innovation can be destructive to some but welcomed by others. Businesses need to constantly evolve and employees may be feeling the heat under the collar.

There are yet others at crossroads and have reached point and are asking themselves, What’s all this about? Are you one of those who have started seriously questioning the purpose of your existence? From the time you awake until bedtime, it’s same old same old, every day. You may be questioning the façade you are tired of putting on for the world, yet letting go is difficult. You may be tired of the various juggling acts you perform in a day to please everybody around you but yourself. Perhaps there aren’t any major conflicts in your life; you just want to feel free and happy, but what sounds such a simple thing is a huge challenge.

The objective of this book is to help you make the change you have been seeking. Transform your life totally or change just the one or two things that are not going well for you. This is not a book that gives you advice. Rather, it is a book that allows you to become your own advisor. After