Scotland Is For Loners: A Misanthrope's Travelogue

By Alexander Zwick

Not everyone loves to travel with family and friends. There's a certain freedom that comes with being on your own in a new place, far from all that you know. No waking up according to someone else's schedule, no eating at a restaurant that doesn't particularly appeal to you, and no getting sick and tired of your significant other or BFF. The only annoying travelers you may encounter on your journey into a strange new land? Everyone else. Join Alexander Zwick on his solo expedition through Scotland, as he gives his humorous yet honest take on the realities of modern travel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alexander Zwick
• Release date: Jul 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310300479

Book preview

DEDICATION

To everyone who said, You’re going to Scotland by yourself?!

INTRODUCTION

Why Scotland? Two years ago, I went to England by myself. I faced fears of driving on the left side of the road, on the right side of the car. I faced the challenge of being a fussy eater in a country known for having odd foods like black pudding. And I faced the anxiety of being an introvert and a misanthrope (someone who generally doesn’t like people, which is only a slight exaggeration), on a trip that involved interacting with all sorts of people, often in crowded, tourist-packed hot spots.

It was one of the most amazing and memorable experiences of my life.

So now, how to experience that thrill all over again? Was it possible? I craved a place with historic sites, but a language I could speak and understand. Cool weather would be nice, too. Scotland fit the bill.

As I said in my previous book, England Is For Loners, going on my own was something I had sort of always done. Not only was there no one I really wanted to spend that much time (slightly over two weeks) with, but being on my own allowed me the most flexibility. If I changed my mind at the last minute about a particular restaurant or destination, I wouldn’t have to consult with anyone. Plus, as I said before, it’s hard to get annoyed with your companion when there isn’t one.

For the England trip, I had started preparing about eight months beforehand. I’m not only a misanthrope but also an obsessive-compulsive when it comes to details. I do appreciate spontaneity and acting in the moment, but only within certain confines. I find it far more valuable to know that the restaurant I’m going to will be a winner, even before I step through the door. Plus, who wants to be driving in a foreign land and getting stuck somewhere, not knowing what to do, leading to frustration, and worse yet, panic? During the relatively shorter span (about 6 months) of planning before this trip, I spent hours narrowing down destinations and attractions, and narrowing them down again, as even a time period of two weeks has its limitations when you’re talking about an entire country full of so many historic sites.

I had previously purchased a GPS unit for the England trip, which hadn’t let me down for the most part, so I would use it again. I programmed it ahead of time, as I had on the England trip, with the UK postcode or specific address when possible, for every place I’d be driving to, including a car park (parking lot or parking structure, in UK-speak) that would be nearby my chosen attractions, as well as second and third backup car parks, just in case mine was full, unable to be found, or closed. I created a document of over 50 pages detailing every specific place I would go to, including restaurants I had chosen based on locations, cuisine, online menus, and recommendations on TripAdvisor. I took time to learn what foods were common, what I would like, and what I wouldn’t. I calculated walking and driving times using the invaluable Google Maps, and printed out maps of individual sections of most cities I would be going to, so that I would know exactly how to get from place to place. I studied the United Kingdom Driving Code, and visited multiple websites and viewed diagrams on how to properly use a roundabout, and what various signs meant.

I converted currency ahead of time, getting 1,000 pounds from the bank (last time I had accidentally gotten Euros, but corrected the mistake before I began the trip). I verified that I knew the passwords for my chip and pin credit card, even though on my England trip, I usually still had to sign for everything since I had an American card. I researched what the best option was for connecting to the internet and making phone calls overseas and prepared accordingly. I had researched which tourist passes were the most cost effective, and purchased them way in advance. I also researched and booked every hotel based on location and TripAdvisor ratings. I purchased any attraction admissions online if I could, if it would make things easier once I got there. I felt I was ready. I wasn’t as nervous as the previous time, until I got to the car rental place. But that comes later.

DAY 1

I began my adventure on a Sunday morning in June by waking up at 4:30 in the morning for a 7:10 departure from Burbank Airport. I used the Uber app, and after a wrong turn (Sargis, the driver, seemed very frustrated with the Uber’s GPS), I arrived at the airport about 25 minutes later, with plenty of time. In fact, it was so early still that the ticket agents were not yet there. When they finally showed up (just after 5:30), one helped me check in my luggage without trouble. She made sure that the luggage would be going through to Chicago, even though there was a stop in between.

I then headed to security and waited for my Delta flight. Aboard, the thin man next to me kept to himself and stayed off the armrest completely. I slept some of the way, as I recall. We landed in Salt Lake City about

10 am, Utah time, and I boarded the next flight not too long after, for an 11:30 departure to Chicago. For this flight, and most of those on this trip, I had used miles and was able to travel via first class. But the perks weren’t amazing. A larger seat (with no seat next to mine, as it was a relatively smaller plane) and several soft drinks, as well as a lunch of pastrami on sourdough, I think. It wasn’t great, but not bad.

We landed a few hours later, at 3:45 pm in Chicago. There I retrieved my luggage at the baggage claim, and took an intra-airport train to get to my next terminal. There, I waited in a long line at Virgin Atlantic Airlines, behind at least a dozen red-suited flight attendants, mostly women, who were speaking with British accents. A tall African-American man who worked for the airline directed me to another line, and I was able to check in for my flight from Chicago to London, in their upper class cabin. I wanted to check my luggage through to the next flight after that, too, which was a short flight from London to Edinburgh, but the gate agent said it wasn’t coming up as being able to be checked through, so maybe there was a large gap of time between the flights. That went along with some of what I had researched on the subject, so I didn’t complain.

The plane itself was quite luxurious and modern. Upper class passengers took a left as they boarded the plane, while mere commoners took a right. As we boarded, I saw the onboard bar which I had read about. I then walked to my seat, 1A, on the left front of the plane. It was actually a pod of sorts, at a slight angle away from the window, facing more toward the aisle. It was equipped with a seat that converted to a flat bed, a movable TV screen with data on the flight’s progress as well as free movies, USB/charging ports, a leg rest (when the seat was not in bed mode), and a few other amenities. I was immediately given champagne and a glass of water, which I followed later with more champagne and more water.

The pilot told us that because of some inclement weather, we would have to queue up to leave the airport, and it would be another 25 or 30 minutes. I’m pretty sure that wait was about an hour. I filled up my time by watching Birdman and American Sniper, which I was surprised were free, as they were pretty recently released.

During the wait, I was also given a menu from which to choose items for dinner, as well as glass of merlot (which had a lengthy description that the flight attendant read to me), as well as a breakfast menu with check-off boxes. I opted to be woken for breakfast, which would be a little over an hour before we landed, I was told. Our flight, scheduled for 5:55 pm, ended up leaving around 7.

I received my wine. My table received a table cloth and a bowl of crisps, also known as potato chips. After I finished the first bowl, I was given another. I then received my meal on a tray. There were some kind of Asian ribs (sans bone, thankfully) that I had apparently selected over something else, and some kind of wet, flat vegetable, maybe bok choy. It was decent. I had to turn down the offer of more wine several times, as I had had enough, and I knew I would have to get to sleep soon and didn’t want to be hung over a few hours later. But I did give in and have the dessert. I think it was a chocolate cake of some sort, with ice cream. Again, it was just fine.

They took my tray, and I think some kind of after dinner cheese was offered, but I turned it down. The flight attendant asked if I