How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

By Alan Sharland

Bullying in the workplace is an increasingly present phenomenon within relationships at work. However, the need to prove that bullying has occurred before action can be taken is an immediate obstacle to moving forward in difficult workplace relationships. The ambiguity and subjectivity associated with the concept of bullying becomes an obstacle to creating more effective responses to their situation for all involved in difficult workplace relationships.

Those who feel bullied, those who are accused of bullying and those who manage such situations can be distracted from attempts to resolve the situation by the subjectivity and confusion associated with the need for 'proof'. As a result a circle of blame will often arise that leaves all involved dissatisfied with the outcome - if a clear outcome is even possible.

This book recounts the experiences of the author, who works as a mediator and conflict coach, in which he has seen work colleagues involved in bullying allegations find ways of resolving their difficulties through a focus on discussing the detail of the behaviours involved in the situation rather than simply focus on proving bullying has or has not occurred.

The 'one size fits all' concept of bullying is usually inadequate as a description of the experiences of those involved in broken working relationships and the accusations and counter-accusations tend to maintain the broken relationship rather than mend it.

The book gives examples of dialogues that can occur, distilled from real-life discussions, that focus on creating more effective working relationships instead of allocation of blame, seeking retribution and retaliation.

The hypocrisy and ultimate ineffectiveness of traditional approaches to allegations of bullying is addressed from the start and the combative and retaliatory language associated with most literature about the topic is highlighted as an indication of how the phenomenon of bullying is self-perpetuating when it is responded to and discussed in this way.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alan Sharland
• Release date: Apr 11, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310809446

Alan Sharland

Alan Sharland is a Mediator, Conflict Coach and trainer in communication skills and conflict management skills. He has worked in this field for 20 years and has mediated in a wide variety of disputes, complaints and relationship breakdown situations.Alan came into the field of conflict resolution having been a teacher in central London, UK where he saw violence in the area of the school in which he taught Mathematics and often within the school itself. This led him to explore more effective means of responding to conflict and into the field of Mediation and training and facilitation, and later, the field of Conflict Coaching.For 11 years Alan was Director of a Community Mediation Service in West London, providing mediation in community disputes, mainly between neighbours, but also in workplace disputes and complaints made by individuals about organisations.Alan now provides his services via his organisation CAOS Conflict Management (www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk), working with individuals and organisations to support them in responding more effectively to communication and relationship breakdown and other forms of unresolved conflict. Through all of his work, his aim is to support the creation of 'Mindful Communication, Growth Through Conflict'."In my opinion there are few people in this country who are as skilled both as a practitioner and leading advocate of Conflict Management and Conflict Resolution as Alan Sharland. He has an excellent reputation in the field." - Marina Cantacuzino - Founder/Director of The Forgiveness Project (http://theforgivenessproject.com)

Book preview

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace

Stepping out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

Copyright 2015 Alan Sharland

Published by

CAOS Conflict Management Publishing

Smashwords Edition

The right of Alan Sharland to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988.

ISBN: 9781310809446

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1: The problem with bullying in the workplace and why traditional responses don’t work

Chapter 2: How bullying situations are resolved - observations from Mediation and Conflict Coaching

Chapter 3: So you feel you are being bullied? What can you do?

Chapter 4: So you are accused of being a bully? What can you do?

Chapter 5: So you are managing situations where allegations of bullying have occurred? What can you do?

Chapter 6: Objections to this approach

Chapter 7: Conclusion

About the author

Other books by this author

Connect with Alan Sharland

Acknowledgements

I would like to acknowledge the role my parents Marjorie and Derek Sharland played in helping me to see that difficulties in a relationship can be resolved without abuse or lingering resentment. I would also like to thank my partner Jayne for always being open to creating new, exciting ways of dealing with the inevitable challenges an intimate relationship brings.

I would like to thank the many colleagues I have had the pleasure of working alongside on the fascinating journey that is being a mediator and conflict coach, particularly Susie Adams my ‘mediation sister’ who has always supported, challenged and inspired me since we first worked together in 2000. And of course I would like to thank the participants in mediation and conflict coaching with whom I have worked for giving me the privilege of learning from them how the resolution of any difficult relationship, communication breakdown or other conflict situation is always possible.

Introduction:

Bullying has become an ever-present term in discussions about difficult workplace relationships. We hear that bullying is ‘on the rise’ and the challenges it poses for organisations can be almost insurmountable.

The literature about bullying is pervaded by aggressive titles suggesting that fighting back, confronting, combating, exposing, defeating, overcoming ‘the bully’ is the appropriate response, not recognising, it seems, the irony of such titles in that most complaints about bullying suggest aggressive behaviour by the alleged bully as part of the problem.

When you point a finger at someone, always remember there are three fingers pointing back at you - Anonymous

The intention of most approaches to bullying seems to be one of getting revenge, ‘giving them a taste of their own medicine’. In short, finding, or becoming, a bigger bully to bully the bully.

It is not surprising therefore that the responses to bullying are rarely effective or found to be satisfactory by those affected. No sooner has ‘action’ been taken, than the accusations become reversed and the original accuser or, at least, those who take up their cause, become the accused.

If you were to do a search on Google for ‘bullying punishments’ and look at the images section of the results you would see many examples of children and adults who have been deemed to be ‘bullies’ who have had to stand in public with a large sign in front of them with statements such as I am a Bully. Honk if you hate bullies (for a boy of around 10 years old). This mindset that seeks humiliation and shaming of