The Lighthouse Method: How Busy Overloaded Moms Can Get Unstuck and Figure Out What to Do with Their Lives

By Stacy S. Kim

Too many smart and talented moms dream of restarting or shifting careers but find it hard to turn those dreams into action. They often believe they should first analyze options and set goals. Yet, such thinking and planning are precisely what keeps them stuck!

What works instead is the opposite: The Lighthouse Method, which calls bright women to abandon maps, aim for the lighthouse, and row. In this long-form article, Dr. Stacy S. Kim, a social scientist-turned-life coach, describes how she and numerous clients discovered a fun and successful way to finally get unstuck and find rewarding new careers.

In this short ebooklet, she explains:

* why and how smart women get stuck
* how to set aside doubts and build confidence
* how to stop ruminating and do something small
* why less pain brings more gain

Dr. Kim shares real-life examples and brief explanations from research, giving overworked moms the reassurance they need to make The Lighthouse Method work for them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stacy S. Kim
• Release date: Jan 17, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311500564

Stacy S. Kim

Stacy S. Kim, Ph.D., founder of Life Junctions LLC, is a certified career and life coach helping high-achieving, deeply caring women and parents balance their ambitions, passions, and energy for the people they love. Through individual coaching services, a blog, a newsletter, and workshops, she translates research into concrete strategies in a style that is intellectually stimulating yet fun. She both energizes and reassures her clients, readers, and audiences, enabling them to pursue rewarding careers and live more fulfilling lives. Dr. Kim loves speaking to parents, schools, employee groups, and professional organizations. She can uplift, calm, and engage even the most weary or discouraged audience. Recent venues and groups include: the New York Times Parent Support Group, the Kramer Levin Naftalis & Frankel LLP Working Parents Affinity Group, the Merrill Lynch Women’s Exchange, the Mom Corps 30 Minute Mentor program, the Jewish Community Center in Manhattan, Lighthouse International, the Ethical Culture Fieldston School, the Mandell School, Rutgers Church Community Programs, and private homes. Dr. Kim has more than fifteen years’ experience in early childhood education and work-family research. She has worked for such institutions as Columbia University and the Families and Work Institute, where she coauthored Feeling Overworked: When Work Becomes Too Much with Ellen Galinsky and James T. Bond. Dr. Kim earned her doctorate in educational policy and leadership at the University of Pennsylvania; her coaching certification at the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC), an International Coach Federation-accredited program; and her bachelor’s degree at Northwestern University. Dr. Kim has appeared on media outlets such as NPR and CNN, and her work has been featured in print publications such as the Chicago Tribune. She was born and grew up in Seoul, Korea, and currently lives with her husband and two children in New York City.

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To Kyle

Copyright © 2015 by Stacy S. Kim, Ph.D.

Published 2015

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address Life Junctions.

For information, address:

Life Junctions LLC

180 West End Avenue, Suite 21E

New York, NY 10023

[e-mail]

The author has changed names and recognizable details in order to protect the privacy of clients who generously shared their stories to benefit the reader.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Decision Paralysis: A Symptom of Perfectionism

A New Way to Start: Get Your Feet Wet

The Lighthouse Method: Just Head Toward the Light

Less Pain, More Gain: Row with the Flow

Stroke-by-Stroke: Keep Your Eye on the Journey, Not the Destination

Switching Lighthouses: Adjust Your Direction

Lighthouses at Home: Turn Your Boat Around

A New Take on Quitting: Let Go of Anchors

A Flowchart: Lose the Map

Want More?

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Many of us believe that in order to succeed we need a plan; once we have a perfect plan, we can take perfect action. This belief pervades our thoughts; it is so ingrained in us we often don’t realize it is embedded in our operating system.

In many cases, good planning can serve you well. But if you’re unsure of what you want to achieve, this blind faith in planning can backfire. If you don’t know what your end goal is, it’s nearly impossible to come up with a plan, let alone a perfect one. Without a plan, it’s hard to figure out what your next step should be—and thus it’s easy to get stuck even before you start. Without even realizing our reliance on plans, we expend our energy trying to come up with one, even when it makes things more difficult for us—and when it is precisely what makes us stuck.

What works instead is something counterintuitive; it requires abandoning plans. It’s what I call The Lighthouse Method. I discovered the method in working with my clients, and the concept is simple: it’s about aiming for what you think you (might) want, setting aside doubts for the moment, and taking the next small action that might bring you closer to what you think you might want, rather than