Life Without the BS: Rants, Raves, and Other Crazy Stuff

By Nick Vulich

Life Without the BS is a humorous look at life, marriage, kids, education, and a few other bugaboos including politics, religion, and sex and dating.

If you've got an axe to grind against the Obama, Hillary, Rush, or Anne Coulter--we've got you covered there, too.

I don't want to give away the farm, but here a few tastes of what you'll find inside.

Let me warn--It's finger licking good. Once you start reading you won't want to stop.

On people -

As Americans, we're guaranteed the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Only problem is what gets my rocks off doesn't even register on the happiness scale for some crazy ass bastards out there. Believe it or not, people are different, some a little more so than others.

On sex and dating -

Everything I know about sex and dating I learned from perusing the Craigslist ads.

Don't get me wrong, I used to have a pretty good idea of how to handle myself around the opposite sex, but after twenty years of marriage, I figured I better polish up my dating skills before putting myself back on the market.

Apparently the new ritual is for the guy to post a picture of his thingy on Craigslist, along with a catchy slogan like, "I've got a really big package for you," or "Cum take a ride on my rocket."

If everything measures up, the female will email back a picture of her "boom box" or "tater tots."
Last time I was in the dating game it took a minimum of three dates to get that far.

But, as they say, everything moves faster in the internet age.

On education -

I think the biggest flaw in our educational system is we keep turning out class after class of graduates who aren't trained to perform the most in demand jobs.

Think about it, we teach kids how to read, write, conjugate verbs, and perform long division, but we don't teach them how to run a cash register, sweep the parking lot, or roundup shopping carts.

Perhaps the most important phrase any high school or college graduate can learn is, "Would you like fries with that?"

On kids -

I'm not saying God should be singled out for negligence, but who releases new products without warning labels, disclosures, product FAQs, and such? Am I the only one who thinks every new baby should come with a handbook on proper care and handling? A troubleshooting CD wouldn't hurt, either.

And, how about a warning sticker stamped across their ass? That's not chocolate frosting shooting out of there! 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nick Vulich
• Release date: Jan 10, 2015
• ISBN: 9781507082997

Book preview

Life Without the BS

Rants, Raves & Other Crazy Stuff

Copyright © 2014 / 2017 Nick Vulich

All rights reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.

The people, places, products, and companies mentioned in this book are all figments of my imagination. Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental.

Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Getting started

Happiness is Wishing for Things You Can Never Have, and Still Trying

If Jobs Are So Easy to Find, How Come Everyone Doesn’t Have One?

Marriage Is God’s Way of Punishing You Before Sending You to Heaven or Hell

Getting Shit Done Is Easier Said Than Done

Don’t Sweat the Big Stuff, It’s the Little Shit That’ll Kill You

Looks Aren’t Everything, but Try Finding a Date Once You’ve Lost Them

If It Wasn’t for Sex Dating Would Be a Lost Art

Why Control Guns? It’s the Bullets We Should Be Worried About

Marijuana – The Other Rocky Mountain High

Help! I’m Being Held Prisoner by My Television

Would You Like to Supersize That?

Religion is Seeing What Your Eyes Can’t Believe

Politics 101: Liberals, Conservatives, and Other Strange Life Forms

War, Terrorism & Other Minor Nuisances

Is the New York Times Racist?

Such a Nice Looking Lady, It’s a Shame about All of the Crazy Shit Spilling out of Her Mouth

Education Makes Us Think We’re Smarter than We Really Are

My Advice to the Class of 2015

Kids Are God’s Way of Letting Us Know What Comes Around Goes Around

Money’s Not Everything, but Try to Get a Date Without It

Retirement is a Fantasy Everyone Reaches for but Very Few People Find

Death, Dying, and Other Sad Shit

If You Didn’t Bother to Read Anything Else, Be Sure to Read This

Getting started

SOME DAYS YOU’RE THE dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.

Anonymous

................

I feel like a kid in a candy store writing this book.

There’s so much good material out there—politics, the economy, Iraq, Iran, Hillary, Rush, and The Obama. I don’t think the getting has been this good since Nixon misplaced that eighteen minutes of tape.

You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried.

................

According to a Quinnipiac University poll Barack Obama was ranked as the worst President we’ve had since World War II. Thirty-three percent of respondents ranked him dead last, coming in behind George W. Bush who scored 28 percent of the vote. Believe it or not, the President most Americans think did the best job since WWII is Ronald Reagan, the Great Miss-Communicator.

I don’t know about you, but if I was Obama I wouldn’t be able to get a wink of sleep. Worse than George W. Bush?

...............

I’ve been on this planet for over fifty years now. During that time, I’ve spent a lot of time watching television and a lot of time on the internet. The only problem is the older I get the harder it is to remember what’s real and what’s not, and whether I’m supposed to root for the good guys or the bad guys.

Our parents had it so much easier.

John Wayne, Roy Rogers, and Audie Murphy always wore white hats. The good guy always ended up with the girl by the end of the movie, and politicians were basically honest.

Today all the lines are blurred.

These days good guys can wear black hats, women are attracted to the bad guy, and even the best politician would likely set off a lie detector if he walked within fifty feet of it. The best role models most of us have for parenting are either Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin.

WTF?

...............

This book, if you care to call it that, is a collection of essays, rants, and short ramblings.  I’m not going to say it’s all true. At the same time, I’d deny any hints to the contrary.

Just as in life, much of what you believe, or disbelieve, is as much a matter of opinion, as it is of fact.

And, just as in real life, one of your God-given rights is to decide for yourself what is real, and what I may have misunderstood or imagined.

Let the lies begin...

Happiness is Wishing for Things You Can Never Have, and Still Trying

MOST FOLKS ARE AS HAPPY as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

...............

As Americans, we’re guaranteed the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

The only problem is what gets my rocks off doesn’t even register on the happiness scale for some crazy ass bastards out there.

Believe it or not, people are different, some a