Show Some Love: How To Be a Friend to Someone in Recovery

By Daphne Tarango

You want to help, but you don’t know how. Do you talk to your loved one? Do you check up? Do you stand idly by? Or do you keep your distance until she gets her life in order?

Whether your loved one continues to make unhealthy choices or has decided to get help, recovery leader Daphne Tarango wants to help you. After years in recovery, Daphne has analyzed feedback from people in recovery and their loved ones. She shares what she gleaned in Show Some Love: How to Be a Friend to Someone in Recovery. The book offers insights to those whose loved ones are on a destructive path. Daphne helps you to understand what your loved one might be thinking and feeling that prompts her poor choices. She provides tips on how to assure your loved one of your love, despite her actions.

Show Some Love also provides tips on how to interact with your loved one after she has decided to get help. Daphne helps you understand what your loved one will experience through each stage of recovery: Looking up, Looking in, and Looking out. She offers guidelines on how to show love during those stages, as well as ways to pray for your loved one every step of the way.

Additionally, Daphne offers guidelines on how to show yourself some love as you travel the recovery journey with your loved one. Show Some Love can help you reduce well-meaning missteps. With what you learn from this book, you can be better equipped to help your loved one on the road to wholeness and freedom and, ultimately, to help your relationship grow closer.

Ready to show some love?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daphne Tarango
• Release date: Dec 19, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310424373

Daphne Tarango

Daphne Tarango is a freelance writer who comforts hurting women with the comfort she has received from God. Daphne inspires women to take biblical steps to personal growth and freedom. She also writes about her struggles with chronic illness and pain.Daphne's work has appeared in Just Between Us, {in}courage (a division of DaySpring), Living Better 50+, The Gabriel, Inspired Women Magazine, Ruby for Women, Rest Ministries, and Mentoring Moments for Christian Women. Daphne contributed three chapters in the compilation Women of the Secret Place (Ambassador International, 2012). The thankfulness journal, Dragonflies, Ketchup, and Late-Night Phone Calls, is her first book.Daphne speaks at recovery events. She was a leader in a local Christ-centered recovery program, where she facilitated open-share and step study groups.Daphne lives in the Southeastern United States. She retired from corporate life at a Fortune 500 company to become a stay-at-home mom. She is the President of Lakeland Christian Writers, a chapter of American Christian Writers (ACW).Daphne enjoys solitude; nature walks; journaling; experimenting in the kitchen; the arts; and spending time with her newlywed husband, her three children, their basset hound Dudleigh, and ornery Kitty-Kitty too.

Book preview

Advance Praise for Show Some Love

"In Show Some Love, Daphne Tarango not only helps the reader to understand the recovery process, but how we can help those going through it. She gives real life examples from those who have been there. Most importantly, she teaches us what to say and what not to say to be the best support you can be. You will learn to avoid pushing away those who need your help the most. You will also learn how to love yourself so you will be in the best position to help your loved ones. For anyone wanting to help a loved one going through any kind of recovery, this is a must have resource!"

—Carley Cooper, author of Cocoa with Jesus: My Story of Survival Through Abuse and Mental Illness

In this amazing book, Daphne takes away the guesswork of what to say and what not to say, what to do and what not to do, with first-hand examples of the outcome. This makes it easier to be a Friend to a loved one in recovery. Enlightening!

—Evelynne Rosario, author of Finally Free From Hell, a book for the abused and the abused sympathizer, and President of Invincible Women Sorority

"If you're struggling to help a family member who battles with addiction, then you have found the perfect book. Being in recovery myself, I stand behind the great advice given in Show Some Love."

—Heather Lemarr, Motivational Track Coordinator, Cumberland Hope Community Center, a residential addiction recovery center for adult women seeking recovery from their addictions, Kentucky

"Show Some Love keeps it simple and real. It stays close to the heart of the matter: Loving is not always giving someone what they want. It's meeting their needs, while not allowing your own to suffer in the interim. The format is great, offering times of self-reflection and journaling at the end of each section. Real people sharing real stories makes it believable and easy to accept, reassuring ‘I’m not the only one’ as pertinent to the reader.

Daphne has produced a work that extends assistance to all who are involved in a loved one's addiction or emotional challenges. The reader can easily learn what to say and do to help, as well as what not to say or do, and how to offer love without enabling the addict. I see a common thread that runs throughout Show Some Love and the work I do in domestic violence awareness. The root cause of each problem is a drive to obtain power and control. God should never be our co-pilot. If He is, after reading Show Some Love you will realize it's time to trade seats with Him. God is my Pilot. He should maintain the power and control. Within the pages of Show Some Love is a roadmap to the path of letting go and letting God."

—Carolyn Hennecy, Advocate, Consultant and Trainer regarding abusive relationships, domestic violence and child sexual abuse. Author of Orange Blossom Wishes: Child Molested, Woman Abused and BELEAVEING: Safely Leaving Abusive Relationships

‘Extra Grace Required’ describes most addicts. Their behaviors shove people away instead of drawing them close. How can we befriend someone in self-destruction mode? Daphne’s insightful book answers that question. Her three-step process to reach out to those in active addiction or recovery is based on her own journey to wholeness.

—Sharron Cosby, author of Praying for Your Addicted Loved One: 90 in 90 and mother of a recovering addict

Show Some Love:

How to Be a Friend to Someone in Recovery

Daphne E. Tarango

Published by Comfort Station Publications at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Daphne Tarango

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is available in print at most online retailers.

Show Some Love: How to Be a Friend to Someone in Recovery

Front and back cover photography and design Copyright © 2014 Suzanne Williams.

Back cover head shot of Daphne Tarango Copyright © 2014 Sarah L. Farnsworth.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked (NIrV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Reader’s Version®, NIrV® Copyright © 1995, 1996, 1998 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIrV and New International Reader’s Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my Lord and Savior,

Jesus Christ,

to all those in recovery, and

to the families who stand by them.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Disclaimer

Pre-Recovery

Looking Up

Looking In

Accountability

Inventory

Addressing hurts and habits

Amends

Looking Out

Loving Yourself

A Final Note

Thank You

Survey Questions

About Daphne

Daphne’s Books

Connect with Daphne

Acknowledgments

Thank you to the many people who encourage, motivate, and support me in my writing efforts.

To my writing group: Thank you for your feedback at our monthly meetings in person, online, and via telephone. Your quick turnaround time for feedback has helped me to improve on the concept, title, and cover of this book.

To my