Promise it All

By Emma Grayson

Caleb Kingston’s addiction got the best of him and he left everything important behind; including the one person he loved more than anything.

Lennox is left to fight through her heartache and pain as well as the crushing confusion she feels in the aftermath of Caleb’s departure. She finds it difficult to move forward because he didn’t just leave her behind, he also left their son, AJ.

Realizing Caleb will never leave the life of addiction behind and return to her and AJ, Lennox makes the painful choice to finally put Caleb and their love behind her. But when Caleb returns in a shocking and unexpected way, he changes her game plan and makes her question what she truly wants.

*Inspired by true events*

• Language: English
• Publisher: Emma Grayson
• Release date: Sep 30, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311229564

Emma Grayson

Emma Grayson is a Canadian author who resides outside of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with her family and seven year old son. She is Amazon’s Bestselling author of Unbeautifully Loved, the first book of the Breathe Again series, as well as it’s follow up, Unbearable Guilt. She is also the author of Take it All and Promise it All, a series inspired by real events of her life. Emma is currently working on a new novel, Erase my Scars, the first of a new trilogy. When Emma’s not writing she enjoys time with her son, coming up with new book plots, going to the movies, reading, enjoying time with family and friends, and watching rerun episodes of Criminal Minds and Sons of Anarchy. She loves to watch the food network, music of all kinds, coffee, all things purple, Oilers hockey, and doesn’t leave the house without her cell phone, Kobo, flip flops and a pack of gum.

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Promise it All

Copyright © 2014 Emma Grayson

Smashwords Edition

Cover Design: Meredith Blair of Author's Angels.

Cover Art: © Meredith Blair 2014.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

All rights reserved

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, (electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the author 0f this book. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, and incidents either are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked owners of products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

MORE FROM EMMA GRAYSON

BREATHE AGAIN SERIES

Unbeautifully Loved

Unbearable Guilt

BLINDED BY LOVE SERIES

Take it All

Promise it All

COMING SOON

Erase my Scars

DEDICATION

AUTHORS NOTE

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

~PART TWO~

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

EPILOGUE

PREVIEW TO ‘ERASE MY SCARS’

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the people who inspired each character… just because I love you all and without you by my side, I don’t know where I would be; this is my thank you.

AUTHORS NOTE

Dear readers,

Before you continue on to Promise it All, I just wanted to say thank you for taking an interest in my story and for sticking by my side and falling in love with Caleb and Lennox. As I’ve stated previously, this series is based on a part of my life that I wanted to share with you.

As you read my story you may question the things that happened or how fast they happened or the overall choices and decisions made, but all I can do is stress that this is how it (for the most part) happened. Some of you may not agree, some of you may be shocked, but I guess all I can say is this…

People do crazy things when it comes to love. You don’t know what you’re capable of until you experience that kind of love. I often get asked if I could go back and change any or everything that happened, would I?

The answer to that is an easy one—not a chance. I wouldn’t do anything differently. I’d still take the same road as I did before, only I wouldn’t have given up so quickly. I would have fought harder and not have given the option to separate. So I guess there is one thing I’d do differently.

That’s my regret. And, let me tell you, living every day with regret is an awful feeling. It’s very consuming to a person’s soul and their demeanor. It changes you, and it’s not something I would wish upon anyone, but unfortunately for me there is no rewind in life.

If there was, I don’t think we would get those life lessons. You know, those lessons that we learn and grow from, the ones that shape and mold us into who we become later in life? I know for a fact that everything in the last 9-10 years has molded me into the person I am today.

But, if I’m being honest, I still don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Knowing all that, one would think I’d want to have the chance to change the story, but I don’t. I have a lot of wonderful memories and an amazing son that came from it and I just couldn’t imagine my life without him. He’s the brightest thing in my life, the one thing I wake up for every morning, and having him made me strong—strong to get through some of the most difficult times.

Writing Take it All was a challenge as it stirred up a lot of memories that I wanted to keep buried, and it was difficult to have to deal with those emotions. When it came time to write Promise it All, I was still dealing with those emotions along with a new emotional roller coaster and it was honestly… touch and go; I thought I wasn’t going to finish it… but here we are with the conclusion to this story. Finally.

I hope you enjoy the rest of Caleb and Lennox’s journey and are able to understand the intensity of their love as well as the choices and decisions that were made because of it.

Sometimes love is powerful enough to conquer all… at least that’s what we hope for.

Happy reading,

Emma Grayson

PROLOGUE

Friday, May 16th 2014

Present day

TICK.

Tock.

The room was empty and silent, except for the sound of Heather, the receptionist, typing away on the computer. Lennox looked at the time on her phone; she still had another fifteen minutes before it was her turn.

Tick.

Tock.

The office was old and dusty with a musky smell. She thought the place could use a good cleaning and possibly a new air freshener, preferably the scent of fresh linen. The chair she sat in was well worn with the padding torn and barely there as the wooden base under her was becoming uncomfortable.

Just like it did every single time she sat on it twice a week for the last five months, but this time wasn’t anything like the times before.

Tick.

Tock.

Every time she came, she was prepared, she knew what she was going to say, she was ready to hold her emotions back, she was ready to put on a brave face and act as if everything was okay, that she was okay.

Not today.

Today she had no idea what to expect. For the first time she was going in completely blind and unprepared. She had no expectations, no words to express how she was feeling or what she was thinking, but worst of all she had no idea how she was going to control her emotions and put on a brave face and continue to act as if she was okay.

Lennox wasn’t okay, she was far from okay.

Tick.

Tock.

Sitting in the god-awful chair, staring at the off white wall in front of her, she only had one word floating around in her head.

Kryptonite.

Superman’s weakness.

Like him, everyone has a weakness. Everyone has something in their lives that no matter how hard they try to push it aside, they can’t. They end up falling into its momentum until they're on the ground without the strength to get back up again and live.

Tick.

Tock.

Lennox had fallen into her Kryptonite more than once, but this time she had more than just herself to lose. She struggled with wondering if the direction she was heading was right, if it was worth it, and if it was what she truly wanted.

She had perspective. She'd thought about every outcome possible, and she had done so more than once—more than twice. She thought about it every single day for the past three months. She was unfocused with everything in her life, and consumed with the possible outcomes of her day.

She knew nothing would be solved at the end of her time, or in a day or week or even in a month. She knew it could take months until she finally had clarity, and the thought of that killed her. She wasn’t the most patient person, but when it came to this specific topic she knew one thing for sure.

It was going to take time. It would also take work, patience, faith, hope, and most of all trust.

Trust… the hardest thing for her to give to anyone.

Tick.

Tock.

The chair next to Lennox suddenly wasn’t empty anymore as Heather stood up from her desk. He’ll see you now, she said.

Lennox nodded and stood to her feet, pulling her purse over her shoulder. Today was the first time she wasn’t going in alone. As they walked toward the mocha-colored door, Lennox laughed to herself as she thought about how it all started with a phone call.

A phone call she'd been waiting three years for. A phone call that changed everything.

CHAPTER ONE

Three months earlier

Friday, January 31st 2014

LENNOX, THE RECEPTIONIST, HEATHER, CALLED from behind her computer, He’ll see you now, go on in.

Thanks, she said then stood up and made her way toward the large, old brown door.

The building was old. She could tell just by looking at it from the outside, but when she walked inside, the smell gave it away. If that didn’t help, then the old, dirty brown rugs and creaking old doors did. Lennox had only been coming to the downtown office for about two months, and still wasn’t used to the musky smell that stuck in her nose for hours after she left.

Lennox approached the door, about to reach for the handle, when the door pulled open and his warm, welcoming smile greeted her. Hi, Lennox, come on in, he said, pulling the door open wider. Can I get you something to drink before we start? Coffee? Tea? Water maybe?

It was the same thing he asked to her every time they met. And just like every other time before, she replied with the same answer. No thank you, Dr. Stevens, I’m fine, she said with a shake of her head as she set her purse down next to the black swivel chair and took a seat across from him.

Her stomach twisted in every direction. She thought after coming twice a week for the past six weeks, she would feel comfortable and somewhat relaxed.

She didn’t, not even close.

It wasn’t that she hated coming to see him, or that she was forced to see him. It was all her idea and she was sitting there willingly. It more had to do with the fact that she was there, talking about her life and her personal issues with a stranger. Telling him things only she and some of her friends knew, all the while wondering if he was judging her for her choices the moment she walked out. But even so, she didn’t hold back in telling him anything. She was straight up and honest with him—completely raw with her words.

It was his job as a therapist to listen and be neutral ground for her. He was what she needed for the last two and a half years, but she didn’t know it then. She had spent all that time pushing everything aside and just trying to move on while she ignored her pain. She thought her friends were enough, that she could just turn to them and they would help her out. That’s what friends are for. She learned they could only do and take so much before there was nothing else left to offer.

When that happened she had no one to turn to. She put a smile on her face and just began to move forward with no looking back, burying the heartache and anger deeper and deeper.

She kept everything to herself. Every ounce of pain, every thought of regret, every tear that hit her pillow, every piece of her heart she lost each day.

She hid it all until it became too much. The pain and regret she could once hide no longer stayed buried. It stuck with her every hour of every day. Her once-in-a-while night cries turned into crying herself to sleep every night as the hole inside her heart and soul stretched and ripped more and more, the regret almost too painful to bear.

She needed someone to listen to her and help take the pain away, even if it wasn’t the one person she wanted the most.

Lennox sat back in the chair and crossed one leg over the other as she shoved her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie. Her eyes wandered over her therapist.

Dr. Jack Stevens. He was tall, slim, and thirty—only a few years older than Lennox, but the corners of his soft, brown eyes had crinkles that made him look older than he was. His hair was the color of sand and short—shorter than she liked on a man. He wasn’t bad looking, but not someone she would find overly attractive.

Not that she paid attention anymore—to anyone.

The sleeves of his white button down shirt were rolled up to his elbows, and his black dress pants perfectly pressed. She watched as he took a seat then turned ninety degrees and grabbed the file off the top of his desk, along with a black pen before he turned back toward her.

How are you, Lennox? his soft, smooth voice asked as he reached beside him for his coffee mug and lifted it to his lips.

World’s Greatest Boss in big black lettering faced her. She recognized the mug as the same as the one from the television show she watched every night at midnight. It was the same mug he drank out of every time she saw him and every time she saw it, she wondered if he was a fan of the show or just bought the mug for what it was—a mug.

You a fan? she blurted out, looking from his mug back up at him.

He glanced at the mug as he pulled it away from his lips. Yeah, guilty, he chuckled. You?

Lennox nodded. Yeah, up until Michael left anyways. Just not the same without him.

See, I never cared too much for him, Jim on the other hand, or Dwight, I liked. But I will agree it did change when Michael left.

Yeah, Jim’s definitely my favorite, the show wouldn’t have been as good without him or his relationship with Pam, Lennox said.

Dr. Stevens nodded. Speaking of relationship, he started.

Lennox knew the moment she said the word relationship he would turn the conversation around and get to the reason of their session—he was never one to stay off topic for long. It was one of the things she liked about him so much. He never lost focus during their sessions, no matter what the topic was, he always brought her back on track to the important things.

Lennox? he called.

She blinked. Yeah, sorry? she asked, relaxing into her chair more.

I asked how things were going since our talk on Wednesday? he asked, looking from her down to the piece of paper on the top of her file.

She shrugged and looked down at her lap as she said, Fine, I guess.

Dr. Stevens nodded then crossed his leg so his right ankle was resting on the top of his left knee. Our last talk you mentioned ending up in the hospital after Caleb left, the doctor told you that you were pregnant and then your friend Raine showed up and you soon after found out the test results were wrong?

Lennox nodded. Yeah, the wrong results were put in my file by accident or something like that, she said. They re-tested and the test came back negative.

How did that make you feel?

Back then? I honestly don’t remember. Half disappointed, half relieved maybe, it was a long time ago—six years ago actually.

That is some time ago, yes, he said. How did you deal with that and Caleb? he asked.

I stayed with Raine for a few days, I wasn’t ready to go home and deal with my parents' questions. I needed time to figure out what I was going to say. Plus they had been away that weekend and I didn’t want to be alone, she said, uncrossing her legs then crossing them again the other way.

That’s understandable. Everyone handles things in different ways, how long did you stay with him?

I don’t know, Lennox shrugged. A few days, ‘til Tuesday I think.

Then you went home, did you tell your parents about Caleb right away?

I didn’t exactly tell them, she said.

Dr. Stevens looked at her with furrowed brows, You didn’t tell them at all?

No I told them, I just wrote them a letter telling them what happened and that I didn’t want to talk about it and that I just needed to be left alone, she told him. I left it on the kitchen counter for them and then locked myself in my room for a day or two, maybe three—can’t really remember.

And how did they react to that? Dr. Stevens asked, tipping his head to the side and resting it on his propped up hand.

They didn’t really have much to say, they knew I didn’t want to talk. They made sure I knew they were there if I needed to talk and that I’d have their support no matter what happened.

They sound supportive and that they understood the situation well, respected your wishes and all.

Yeah, it was hard on them to see me hurting and not being able to help and be there for me like they wanted to.

You didn’t want that?

God, no, Lennox said, shaking her head. I’m not one to be emotional in front of my parents—hate crying or anything in front of them, or others.

I’ve seen that first hand a few times over the last few sessions, Dr. Stevens agreed with a nod. There’s been a few times when you’ve been talking and the emotions take over and you shut it down, reburying it.

I guess I do do that.

Why do you think that is?

Lennox shrugged her shoulders and her eyes dropped from his gaze down to her lap. It’s not that I don’t ever show emotions or cry or anything—I do, I mean I walk out of here and get into my Jeep and lose it—as much as I hate to admit it, I cry a lot; more than I like.

Lennox, this room is a safe place for you to let all your feelings out, the ones that sit inside you—the emotional burden you carry—so you leave here feeling somewhat lighter. That’s what these sessions are for, to help you, not to create more feelings for you to bottle up and hold in until you’re alone in your car. I’d like you to be able to let it all go in here—in this room that way when you walk out of here, you’re leaving all those emotions behind, Dr. Stevens said.

Okay, I’ll remember that.

Good, plus these walls have seen a lot of tears over the years, he said with a small crooked smile. And I do have lots of tissues. He gestured to the table next to him.

I see that, Lennox said, looking at the giant box of Kleenex sitting on his table.

Good, he said with a small nod. You ready to continue?

Lennox nodded.

How long was Caleb gone for?

Two weeks and one day—‘til Mother’s Day, actually, she said. I’d been trying to find him. I had gone to all the places I could think of—places he dealt out of, places he had mentioned to me in passing—just any place I could think of. I checked shelters, called around to some friends of his—none of them had heard from him, it almost came to a point where I had no more options left.

Almost?

You know my parents own a gas station where I live, she said.

You mentioned that, yes.

Well, I think it was a few days before Mother’s Day and this guy came in when I was on shift, he’s the brother of a girl I went to school with—not really friends, but civil when our paths crossed, Lennox shifted in her chair, anyways, her brother has a reputation around town and I saw it as an opportunity.

What kind of an opportunity?

The only one I had left in finding Caleb.

You asked him to help you out.

The things you do for the person you love. She sighed.

Did he help?

Lennox nodded. Surprisingly. He told me he’d keep his eyes and ears open and that he would call me if he heard anything.

Did he?

More or less.

Dr. Stevens looked at her confused as he wrote in her file.

He did, he just wanted a favor for doing so.

What kind of favor?

He needed a ride around here and there… he came to me asking and since I had asked him for a favor, I felt obligated to help him out.

Dr. Stevens bobbed his head up and down. I take it those rides weren’t to the store to buy groceries or anything like that, he said.

Not exactly, I mean he was buying things, just not groceries, if you catch my drift, she said. "Thinking about it now, it was stupid, but it was a small one