Take What You Need (Chaos & Consent Book 3)

By Kyra Lennon

The nightmare is over, so why hasn’t the pain stopped?

When Ambra left the courtroom, she thought she’d reached the end of the most harrowing chapter of her life. Months later, though, the man who destroyed her refuses to loosen his grip. As if the visits in her nightmares weren’t enough, now he’s sending letters too.

On an end-of-year break to New York with Noah, his band, and their closest friends, all Ambra wants to do is have fun and forget. Instead, her memories continue to torment her until the only thing she can do is shut herself off from everyone.

With tensions between Ambra and Noah at an all-time high, Ambra is certain she’s in danger of losing him if she keeps pushing him away, but she just can’t find the words to explain why she’s so withdrawn.

When an unexpected ally helps Ambra to see her own strength, she realises what she needs to do, but is it too late to save her relationship with Noah after keeping him at arm’s length for so long?

After going through hell to finally be together, will they make it through the flames unscathed, or are they destined to crash and burn?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kyra Lennon
• Release date: Jan 12, 2024
• ISBN: 9798215034705

Kyra Lennon

Kyra Lennon was born on the South coast of England, and to this day, still lives by the sea. Fiction writing has always been her passion, but she also has numerous articles on a variety of topics published on prolific websites.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

AMBRA

Ambra,

I know I’m the last person you want to hear from, but you know what? When you’re stuck in a fucking cell for most of the day, you get a lot of time to think. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe the punishment isn’t having your rights taken away, but the torture of having to listen to your own thoughts almost constantly.

That’s what I’ve had the last few weeks, months, whatever. However long I’ve been here, I don’t even know anymore. A lot of time, anyway.

I understand why you ignored my first letter, and you’ll probably ignore this one too. Just so you know, this is the last time I’m going to try.

I need to explain what happened and tell you, face to face, that I never wanted to say the things I said in court about you. I had to say them. It was my only chance at walking away a free man.

I don’t belong in here, Ambra. I don’t. I know I made a mistake, but it was just one. One time. I don’t fucking deserve to be stuck in this place.

I just want a chance to see you. To explain everything to you.

Please.

Ben

I had read that letter so many times that I didn’t need to look at it anymore. I had it memorised. Just as well, because the piece of paper it had been written on had gotten creased and worn from the number of times I’d turned it over and over in my hands and a little stained from the teardrops that had dripped onto it.

The first letter from Ben had dropped onto my doormat a week after the trial ended. It was long. Talked about how sorry he was. Talked about how he’d felt–and I quote–‘weird’ seeing me in the courtroom after so long, and how he wished he hadn’t destroyed our friendship because I was special to him.

That was the first time he’d asked me to visit him.

Ha. Because what I really wanted to do was leave my home in Brighton and travel for six hours to visit the man who raped me.

The letter went unanswered, just like the second one would. That one had arrived a week and a half ago. And since then, I’d analysed it over and over again. Every word, until it played around my head on a continuous loop. Maybe if I’d told someone about the letter, it would have helped. But I didn’t want to. And I didn’t want to talk about Ben, or the trial, or what had happened to me anymore. All I’d done was talk about it. With friends, with family, with my counsellor. I just wanted it all to go away. A break from having it at the forefront of my mind. I only hoped Ben meant what he’d written. That he’d leave me alone after this one.

The one thing I couldn’t quite get past was what he could possibly have to say to me that he thought would make my life better. There was no explanation he could give that would erase his betrayal, and there was no apology that could make up for the anxiety, the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the sheer pain he’d caused.

No. He wanted me to visit to try to justify what he’d done, and maybe to try to ease his guilt, and I had no interest in helping him with that. That was something he had to live with. That and the five-year sentence he’d got for both what he did to me and for trying to hide evidence from the police. I’d been informed that it was unlikely he’d serve his full sentence, as long as he behaved himself while he was behind bars, and I hated that fact. But he was out of my way for now, and that had to be enough.

Since the trial had ended six weeks ago, everything in my life had become a little lighter. The intense weight of all that had happened to me and the worry of the trial had lessened knowing Ben was where he belonged. With that, I’d gotten a little of my self-esteem back because I’d fought for what was right. I was stronger.

Best of all, though, I had Noah now.

For the longest time, I’d wanted to keep him at a distance, but when that became impossible, all I could do was go with it and hope he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him.

And he did. I still wasn’t quite used to it yet… being in a relationship, especially with someone so well-known, but being with him made me feel safe and happy for the first time in over a year. The extended circle of friends he brought with him helped me to believe that, one day, I would fully find myself again, no matter how long it would take.

We’re here!

I was pulled from my thoughts by Harry’s excited yelp. Honestly, it was lucky any of us were still awake. It had been a long forty-eight hours.

Since Chaos In The Courtyard had been writing material for their new album for the last few months, their management team had decided to give them an end-of-year reward. Well, as much as work can be seen as a reward. A friend of Derek’s had a property with its own recording studio in the basement. Of course, they would be recording the album in full at a later date, but they planned to record a few acoustic tracks first to see how they would be received.

The reward part?

The house was situated in Adirondack Park—Saranac Lake, to be precise— in New York.

I’d flown into New York the day before with the band, plus Lucy and Jason, and also Jason’s brother, Drew, and his wife, Ellie. Rounding off our group was Drew and Ellie’s one-year-old daughter, Poppy. We’d crashed out in a hotel for the night before hiring three cars and taking the more than five-hour drive to Saranac Lake. We were all a little jet-lagged, but we just wanted to get to our destination so we could relax.

As Theo pulled up outside the property, I let out a small gasp.

It was stunning.

There was a slightly raised grass area, and a long driveway up to a garage at the side of the house. Five steps led to the front door, with two floor-to-ceiling windows on either side of it. The house was set on three levels; four if you counted the recording studio basement, and above what I assumed was the ground floor living area, protruding from the front of the house, there was a small balcony with a table and chairs. It would be perfect in the summer, when it was warm enough to sit out there. In December, though, I doubted we’d get much use from it.

I glanced at Noah, who was sitting beside me, and gave him an excited grin. A smile crept across his face. Like it? he asked.

It’s amazing!

As I looked back towards the house, the door opened, and Drew Brooks stepped out.

Holy hell.

I’d gotten used to being around Jason, and he was no longer ‘the guy from Razes Hell’, he was now a friend. But I was not used to Drew yet. He was all around more intimidating. Tall and stocky, with deep brown eyes, but having spoken to him a little on the plane, I soon realised he wasn’t really scary at all. Compared to Jason, he was quiet and much more reserved than his younger brother. Even so, he was still someone I used to have a poster of on my wall, and seeing him standing on the doorstep was many levels of strange.

Theo and Harry were already out of the car, unloading the bags from the back, and Noah and I exchanged another smile before getting out to help them. I shivered against the freezing cold air. I didn’t have my coat on as it was too warm in the car, but now I just wanted to get inside and warm up.

Drew came down the steps, pulling on his jacket as he met us. He picked up one of the suitcases. Glad you made it. The fire’s on, and Ellie’s making hot chocolate. We’ve been here half an hour, so the house is warming up already.

I guessed Lucy and Jason hadn’t got there yet, which was a bummer as they had one of my bags in their car. Just as well we’d opted for three cars since, between there being a band, two other guys, three women, and a baby, we’d managed to pack a lot of stuff.

The five of us dragged the bags up to the house and piled them into the hallway while we took off our shoes and let the warmth stave off the chill from being outdoors.

We didn’t designate bedrooms yet, Drew said. We’ll wait for Jason and Lucy, but we were thinking Ellie and I might be better in the attic room with Poppy. Just in case she cries in the night, so she won’t disturb you.

We all nodded our agreement and followed Drew through to the kitchen.

I was right; that room at the front of the house was a living area. The whole place seemed to have wooden floors throughout, and that particular room had three large sofas set back against the walls, with fluffy pillows on top. The fire was beginning to crackle, slowly heating the small room, and a large TV hung above it. As we walked through, we reached a small dining room with a table and chairs, and a half wall separated the kitchen. It was all decked out in white, with modern appliances all around, and, in the centre of it, pouring hot chocolate into mugs, stood Ellie.

She smiled up at us as we filed in. Drinks for everyone? she asked, and