Favashi

By BA Connors

Kyra wakes up one day to find out demons are real, her best friend isn't who she thought she was, and her mother's closest friend has been keeping secrets. She can except her fate and become Favashi and spend the rest of her life hunting demons, or she can run and hide and become the hunted. What choice does she really have, and who can she trust? The bonds between mother and daughter will be tested, the strength of friendship proven, and all kinds of chaos will be unleashed in this first book of The Worldly Gates Series. It's an emotional rollercoaster well worth the ride as Kyra learns to cope with the world she once knew falling apart around her and a much darker one rising in it's place.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BA Connors
• Release date: Sep 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311544278

BA Connors

It has been my dream to be a writer since I was just five years old sitting with my father as he read to me the Blak Stallion by Walter Farely. I knew then I wanted to be able to create such wonderful tales that could move people the way I was moved by the books my father read to me. It is a dream I have never given up on, and I have written many a story but never tried to publish until now. I am hoping in time to go back to some of my old stories and revise them and possibly publish them as well, but only time will tell. Right now I am working on my Worldy Gates Series, the first of which is now published and ready to set the scene for the following novels to come.

Book preview

Favashi

Book One of

The Worldly Gates Series

By

B.A.Connors

Copyright 2014 B.A.Connors

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, Licenses Notes

This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only. Then please return to smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter One

How did things get to this point? How did I find myself sucked into this world? Was it something I did or was it something done to me? I could say it all began one night my mom and I ran out for Ice cream, but I have a feeling it started before that. Before we came face to face with demons, before we met a Man who would forever change our lives, before I found out my best friend was someone completely different. It might have even begun before I was born, but I think that would be going back a bit far. It’s not a short story, and though I am not really sure where is the best place to begin, I think I will start where if feels like it all started to me, at a yogurt shop downtown.

*****

You know these yoga classes have turned out to be a lot of fun. Her mom smiled at her and then jumped slightly as cold yogurt hit her upper thigh. Uh.

Yah, I'm glad you think so. She was trying not to laugh at her mom. The Yogurts good too, but I think you’re supposed to eat it not wear it. But in the end she couldn’t help laughing as her mom tried to wipe frozen yogurt off her jeans and just managing to smear it around instead.

I should have gotten a cup not a cone I guess. Her mom sighed but was still smiling. Her mom was always smiling; it was one of her most endearing qualities. No matter what happened she seemed to find the best in the situation and something to smile about. It lit her face up, including her eyes, which were that blue grey that reminded Kyra of steel, or thunder clouds, but not in a mean or cold way. Her mom’s eyes held a bit of mystery in them not menace. Her auburn hair was pulled back in a ponytail with a few escapees hanging down next to her face and accentuating her fairness. It was obvious Kyra got her dark blue eyes, naturally tan skin, and blond hair from her father and not her mother. She didn’t have her mom’s freckles either, but she did have the little moles on her arms and legs, which she didn’t mind at all. Her mom said they had the same shaped eyes but that the color was more like her dad’s. She had little white flecks around her eyes, where her dad had gold ones.

You say that every time! She laughed and felt her jeans begin to vibrate and shoved one hand awkwardly into her pocket. It was never easy getting her phone out of her pocket when she was sitting down. She had to lift her butt in order to try and straighten out her leg a bit to make it easier. If she wasn’t afraid of dropping her phone in the toilet she’d stick it in her back pocket like she used to. It was much easier to get at it that way, but unfortunately she did drop her old phone in the toilet once, thankfully before she used it, but still gross. Her mom got her a new phone, but said if she did it again she was on her own.

Hmmm, do I? Her mom said absentmindedly.

Yes! She was laughing still.

Oh Her mom just smiled and returned to eating her frozen yogurt, trying to lick it up before it dripped on her again. Even though it was freezing outside it was toasty in the frozen yogurt shop. It had become a little ritual for them on Wednesday nights. First they went to a mother daughter yoga session and then followed it up at the frozen yogurt shop next door. It was nice living so close to down town, if the weather was nice they could probably walk there even, but the weather was a bit chilly out at the moment.

Hey. She answered her phone as her mom pretended not to be listening. She had already finished her yogurt which she had wisely gotten in a cup and not a cone.

So have you asked her yet? Replied the excited voice through her phone.

No, not yet She replied.

Oh, ok. Then ask her and call me back! Click! She sighed as she tried shoving her phone back into her pocket.

What did Jo Anne want? It wasn't hard for her mom to guess who had called her. Jo Anne was her best friend and practically lived with them. So much so she had her own room at their house and spent five out of every seven days there. She was an orphan Goth girl who lived with a Christian foster family who was always trying to make her go to church and be a proper young Christian lady. They didn't much care for Kyra and her mom, but seemed to like the fact Jo Anne spent more time with them than at home. If it weren't for the monthly foster care check she had a feeling Jo Anne would be living with them seven days a week. It wasn't a kind thought, but honestly why else would they make her spend at least two days a week with them when they clearly despised her. Just because they called themselves Christians didn’t mean they really were, or at least they didn’t act like it in Kyra’s opinion. Truth was Kyra had no idea how the whole foster care thing went and Jo Anne never really spoke of it.

Kyra sighed, she had spaced a bit again and her mom was still waiting for her to answer.

Oh nothing important, she just wants me to call her when were on our way home is all.

She is so sweet, I really like that child. Her mom beamed at her.

I know, you say so all the time. Kyra smiled, she loved that her mother loved Jo Anne so much, it was like having a sister, only they never seemed to get tired of each other. They just seemed to have a connection from the first time they met. It was like Jo Anne had been meant to be her sister from the very beginning but had somehow been born into the wrong family.

Oh, do I? Now her mom was just messing with her. Her mom was probably the only mother in the world that was thrilled to bits the day her daughter brought home her new best friend and she was not only a Goth kid but one without a family and from a troubled back ground. Then again, how could you be an orphan without a troubled background? Didn’t they kind of go hand in hand? Anyway, her mom just started treating her as if she was one of her own kids and had been there all along.

Yeah, so mom. She knew she sounded nervous.

Yes dear one. Her mother was using that silly tone she did when she was trying to alleviate the stress in the air, and raising an eyebrow comically. It generally worked, but not this time.

I have a special request for my birthday. She was looking down at her empty bowl and not at her mother.

And? Her mother was all seriousness now, birthdays were important to her mother. She reached across the table and took Kyra's hand.

Kyra looked up and sighed. She’d have to go for the most direct way she knew of asking anything, quick and to the point.I want a tattoo.

Her mom just stared at her for a minute before letting her hand go and sitting back against the seat. She didn’t look upset or angry in anyway, just thoughtful. She stayed that way, just looking at Kyra for what seemed like ages.

I’m waiting you know. Her mom’s voice came as a surprise to her. There was nothing in her tone to give her any clue to what her mom was thinking. Plus that was not among the responses she had gone over in her head for the last several days when she decided to finally ask.

What? She croaked knowing full well she had a look of total confusion on her face. Her mom just raised an eyebrow and gave her one of those half smiles and crossed her arms over her chest.

Well, I assume you have some grand speech prepared in order to argue your case. She paused and Kyra nodded dumbly. That’s what I thought. I am waiting to hear it.

Oh She felt kind of silly, of course her mom would expect her to give her case before she decided. That was how her mother was when it came to any big decision. She should have expected that, but she had been so sure her mom was just going to say no. After all most parents would, sixteen is not old enough to get a tattoo without a parent’s consent, and even with it most places wouldn’t do it anymore. She had even Googled it and learned that in quiet a few states it was now illegal until you were 18, or even 21 in some instances, with or without parents consent. Here they were still in the it’s ok with parental consent stage, but the parent had to be present and it was up to the parlor whether or not they would do it. Most places were already declining to do it due to the possibility it might soon be illegal here too. Especially after the whole hubbub over the mom who let her 10 year old son get a tattoo in memory of his brother or some such thing. She’d seen pictures on the internet and wasn’t sure what the big deal was, but apparently it was a huge deal.

It had taken some time, but she had found a studio which would still do it with parental consent and had already picked out who she wanted to do it. Unfortunately, all that planning and practicing with Jo Anne didn’t do her any good. In her practice it had always begun with her mom saying no, which then triggered her big speech, but she hadn’t said no which completely threw her, and messed up the speech. Which left her sitting here, looking like a deer in head lights and rather speechless. What was she supposed to say that was so convincing it had to work?

Umm…I uh. Crap this wasn’t going to go at all how she planned.

Hmm...not a real convincing start you know. Her mom eyed her and then with a smirk on her face that never bode well she continued. Here, let me help you. Let’s go with why first.

Oh yeah, why. Suddenly her why seemed rather pathetic to her as she ran it through in her head again. I know this is going to sound lame but, well, for starters, the same reason you did. She paused at the questioning look her mother gave her.Or at least I think. Ok, maybe we should have started with what.

At least your why wasn’t because it’s cool or I’m going through a rebellious stage". Her mom smiled at her.

Yes, I’m sooooo going through a rebellious stage and so I am asking for a tattoo instead of having my buddy just give me one. The sarcasm wasn’t wasted on her mom.

I’m not so sure about that, and I am sure Jo Anne could manage if you were so inclined. She leaned forwards and rested her elbows on the table, her steel grey eyes calmly watching and waiting.Fine, we’ll start with what?

She couldn’t help it, her eyes went straight to her mother’s exposed wrists. Her mother noticed as well but said nothing.

I want the same ones you have. The wings and wrists. Now that seemed to surprise her mom, or it caught her interest at least. I’ve wanted them ever since you first got them, only I was just a little girl and … She knew she was about to cry and was fighting it.

And your father died. I know, but you were only five. Do you want to know why I got them, the real reason? Her moms voice was that supportive and kind tone that let her know she understood, or was trying to at least. She’d never really asked her mom about the tattoos, in almost 11 years, at least not the wings, she just assumed she knew. She was hurting after dad died, and it was her way of coping, or at least she thought. Her brain was running away with her again and so she just nodded in response. The fact they were still in a yogurt shop didn’t seem to register anymore, she was completely focused on her mom. Had she been thinking properly she might have waited until they had left, but she hadn’t, and now it was too late to change course.

OK Then. Her mom readjusted into a more comfortable position. When your father died I was heartbroken and didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to do something though. I couldn’t wallow around in self pity after all, not when I had you to take care of. Her mom smiled at her, but in a sad sort of way. "I knew you needed me, and I loved you so very much, even through the hurt and the pain, but your father was my better half, my smarter half, and I felt lost without him. He remembered all the important stuff I forgot. He seemed to burn away my depression when I first met him, and after we got married and I had you I didn’t even need meds anymore. It isn’t something that happens very often and my doctor warned us to be careful, but I really didn’t need the meds anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I still had my moments and I’ve been a space cadet more often than not since, but it was ok with him. Everything was always ok when I was with him.

When he died I was scared as well as completely devastated. How was I going to take care of you without him? How was I going to remember things, like to get gas for instance." She said the last in a more carefree way and rolled her eyes. They both laughed at that.

Her mom was rather forgetful and getting gas was one of her greatest weaknesses, that and where she left her keys. She had thought it was just because she had gone so long without driving, but apparently it was more than that. After her father died her mom stopped driving, she couldn’t blame her, after all, that’s how he died. They found his car in the river with skid marks on the road. They never did find his body or what caused him to veer into the river. It was just assumed he must have been swerving to avoid a deer or someone’s dog or something. The police said they believed he made it out of his car, just not out of the river. It still hurt to think back on that day. She reached across the table and took her moms hand and felt her mom squeeze hers in response.

I had come to rely on him so much. The look in her mom’s eye’s was intense, and Kyra almost wished she knew what her mom was thinking. The thoughts that fill the space left by things unsaid were always the most revealing. Her mom continued on unaware of her mental ramblings. It was like I forgot how to take care of myself. My depression was strangling me, almost like I fell into a dark pit and the more I struggled to get out the worse things became. When I hit my lowest, well, that’s when I finally got back on my meds and fell back into my old military habits in order to get by, it was like being on auto pilot. It was good I did though. If I hadn’t had all that training to fall back on I don’t think I’d have made it. That was when we fell into doing so many things in a routine, like the bedtime bathes, followed by a story and bed. I’d just lay with you until you fell asleep, holding you, afraid to let you go. As time went on things loosened back up and we made it through fine. At least I think we’re doing just fine, don’t you?

Of course I do. She squeezed her moms hand again. Though you still can make a bed tight enough to bounce a quarter on. They both smiled at that.

Anyway, Her mom was still smiling but let her hand go and leaned back with a sigh. There was a moment there when I needed something, and I just didn’t know what it was. I took out the box of feathers I keep, the ones I used to find around the house, and I smelled them for some reason. I don’t know why, but I noticed for the first time they smelled sweet, like spices, almost like your father. There was an old tea bag in the box, not sure how it got there. It was the kind of tea your father loved to drink. I remembered how he used to tease me that they must be angel feathers even though I knew they were just goose down from the park. Still, it triggered the urge for the Angel wings. For some reason I thought he’d approve. I’m not sure if there is a heaven or hell, but if there is a Heaven I am sure that your father is there with his name sake, and perhaps is even an angel himself now, looking after us. So I got the Angel wings, and then I got the knot on my wrist, it signifies the strongest knot in the world, and it represents strength. The other, as you can guess, is love. The love I have for you, your father, and now Jo Anne.

That’s beautiful mom. She couldn’t help smile at her mother.

I’m not sure if that’s a real good explanation or not. Or if it is any different then what you thought, but that is why I got them. Though I do not promote getting a tattoo in order to try and fix anything, nor am I saying it was some sort of solution to what I needed. It was just something I did on a whim, and luckily have never regretted it, but I very well could have. Now, why do you want them?

I guess there are several reasons. Originally I wanted them as a sort of memorial to dad. Then, though you never told me why about the angel wings, you did tell me about the knot and heart and I love what they represent. I want that strength and love you have, and though I know I don’t need a tattoo to have that, I want them. I guess part of me wants them probably because you have them. It maybe childish, but it is how I feel and I am old enough now to know this is no whimsical request. Tattoos aren’t easily removed, and I don’t want them to be. You were right that I could get them without your permission, but I don’t want to. It wouldn’t be the same, they wouldn’t be the same. And somehow, I feel it would sully my whole reason for wanting them.

I see. Her mom gave her that tilted head look that drove her nuts. Her mom was thinking and she wanted to know what she was thinking. Those eye’s, so penetrating they seemed to peer straight into her very being. How did parents do that?

So?

You gave a very mature speech. I’ll think about it, and no that doesn’t mean no.

But it doesn’t mean yes either. So I still have to wait, after all that I went through just to get up the nerve to ask. This is so not fair. Though it was still a relief to have finally gotten it off her chest even if the answer wasn’t what she wanted. Unfortunately, now she’d be tortured by it until her mom gave her final decision. So cruel. Her mom stood up and pulled her jacket on, it was time to go.

Fair is a relative term. And I can always just say no now if you prefer not to wait.

No no.. Kyra almost panicked. Waiting is good, I love to wait. Matter of fact, waiting is my specialty, bet you didn’t know that.

Evey laughed.

Oh, I thought it might be. Evey was impressed by her daughter even if she wasn’t willing to say it at the moment. The story had brought up a lot of feelings, good and bad, and it took determination just to smile. Then with a knowing look she added, You can call Jo Anne back now.

With an exasperated sigh Kyra rolled her eyes at her mother and then stood up. Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket she sent a text to Jo Anne that they were on their way home. She didn’t have anything to say that couldn’t wait till she got home. Jo Anne didn’t come to yoga night, not because she wasn’t welcome, but because she just wasn’t into yoga. She rather stay home and read or sew. Plus she said that it was nice having some her time while they had their time, mother daughter time that is. When Jo Anne was at her foster home she had no privacy. She wasn’t allowed to close her bedroom door because they thought she might be up to something, which to Kyra was absolutely ridiculous. Knowing Jo Anne the most she was likely to get up to was probably staying up too late lost in a good book.

As they headed for the door her mom suddenly stopped. She looked a bit wide eyed and pale, pale being a relative term since her mom was already about as white as you could get while still living.

Something wrong?

I just saw… Her mom shook herself. Nothing, I’m just seeing things is all, reflections in the glass probably. She laughed it off but it was obvious something had upset her.

O.K. Kyra knew her mom was a bit jumpy and paranoid, but sometimes she almost wondered if there was something more to it. Something her mom wasn’t telling her, something like I see dead people. OK maybe not that, she was just thinking of that movie with the kid and Bruce Willis. Still, there was something, something very real, that her mother wasn’t telling her. She looked in the direction her mom had been looking but there was nothing there, nor had she expected there to be.

*****

When they got home Jo Anne was waiting for them in the living room, curled up on the sofa, her long black hair up in a knot, doing just what Kyra expected, reading. She looked up as they walked in and gave Kyra an inquiring look. Kyra just sighed and shrugged in response.

All right girls I’m off to my dungeon. Evey smiled at them. The dungeon was the room she used as a study to work on her novels. Evey was a writer, and not a bad one either. She had several series out and made enough to support them well enough. They weren’t rich by any means, but they lived comfortably enough. The fact Kyra’s father had owned the house they lived in helped a lot. No rent or mortgage to pay, just property taxes and utilities. The truth was you just didn’t get rich off of writing, matter of fact unless you were some huge name like Stephen King, or JK Rowling, and they turned your books into movies, you best have a real job, or prepare to live a less decadent life. Right now her mom was a hot thing and so she was doing ok off royalties or some such, but that could end any moment and they all knew it.

K, don’t stay up too late mom. Kyra hollered after her.

Yeah, we kinda like seeing you in the mornings. Jo Anne added.

We’ll see. Evey’s voice reverberated softy back at them from down the hall.

Jo Anne went back to reading her book and Kyra plopped down in one of the big cushy chairs and sighed. The living room was the biggest room in the house, which wasn’t saying a whole lot, but it was comfortable. Big overstuffed furniture, a fireplace, flat screen tv, side tables and some lamps which were the only lights in the room. Behind the sofa was another open space where a table and two chairs sat and then there was a big glass window that took up most of the wall. The house was mostly an open layout so right next to the living room was the kitchen and dining room, no walls dividing anything, though there was an island between the kitchen and dining area. The open concept helped make the house feel bigger than it really was.

Went that well huh? Jo Anne didn’t even look away from her book. Kyra pushed a loose curl back out of her face before responding.

She didn’t say no yet.

Awe…but she didn’t say yes either, right?Jo Anne seemed to know her mom just as well as she did.

Exactly. She sighed and tried to relax into her chair. She loved this chair, it was like leaning back into a big old hug, warm and comforting, especially when the fire was going.

Well. Jo Anne turned her head just enough to look at her, the fire reflecting in her green eye’s making them look black compared to the flames. She didn’t say no at least. So there is that.

I guess. It should be comforting that her mom didn’t just straight up say no, and yet it really wasn’t. Now she would just feel tortured until her mom decided to give her final decision on the matter. So that possible No was still lingering over her head like a storm cloud that hadn’t yet decided to rain or move on. Gurrrr.

No really, tell me how you really feel about it. Jo Anne went back to her book. Kyra saw her smiling before she hid her face with the book.

Thanks for the comfort. And she chucked a pillow at Jo Anne who just laughed.

You know the fact she is even willing to think about it is something. Jo Anne set her book down on her lap and looked at her with a more serious expression once her giggles had subsided. Most moms wouldn’t you know.

I know.And she really did know that her mom was different than most, and she had a tendency to take that fact for granted. I just wanted a yes or no. Not a let me think about it while you writhe in absolute torture not knowing your fate.

Wow. Jo Anne laughed again. First of all I am positive she never said that! Second, your being a wee dramatic, and third, you’re so obviously the daughter of a writer. You really ought to try writing yourself.

Naw, too much effort to chance being turned down. She sighed. Honestly I don’t know how mom does it.

She’s just good like that. Jo Anne picked her book back up.

How can you read at a time like this? Kyra fidgeted in her chair.

Easy, I didn’t ask for something ridiculous. Jo Anne didn’t look at her this time but the smile on her face couldn’t be hidden behind her book.

Gee, thanks for that! She knew Jo Anne was just teasing her but as she sat there she began to wonder if it really had been silly. Did her mom just think her foolish for wanting a tattoo at all? She didn’t think she would since her mom had them herself, but what if she did? She really had wanted them since she was just a little kid, and for some reason she thought her mom would understand that need. So was it a silly childish thing to ask for? She didn’t feel it was, and that’s what mattered really. So she pushed any doubts back out of her mind. She had thought too long and hard about it for it to just be some childish whim.

*****

Jo Anne knew that the whole tattoo thing was important to Kyra, but to her it was just one more thing she couldn’t be a part of which made her sad. She wanted to be happy for Kyra if her mom said yes, but part of her hoped her mom would say no. It wasn’t very nice of her, she knew that, but she was afraid it might be one more thing Kyra and Evey shared that she could never be a part of. She loved them like family, but so often things reminded her that she wasn’t really a part of their family and never would be.

She felt bad just for thinking it even and was about to say something to Kyra about it when she thought she heard something.

What was that? Jo Anne set her book down and sat up straighter.

I didn’t hear anything. Kyra shrugged.

Really?

Really. Sometimes Kyra thought Jo Anne heard things the same way her mom seemed to see things.

Just there. Did you hear it that time? Jo Anne looked a bit concerned which made Kyra hesitate, but she still didn’t hear anything.

What do you think your hearing? Kyra didn’t even hear the neighbors annoying dog barking.

I’m not..I just.. Jo Anne stood up and walked over to the window and looked out. She wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but it sounded almost like someone was just outside the window. She moved the curtain aside just in time to see a large dark shadow move behind a bush. Jo Anne’s heart jumped, and so did she when Kyra put a hand on her shoulder.

Jump much? Kyra teased as she looked over Jo Anne’s shoulder. Oh look.

Kyra pointed to the neighbor’s dog sniffing around the shadows at the base of the bushes just outside the front of the house.

No wonder he was so quiet tonight. How did you hear that? Kyra laughed at Jo Anne. "Guess we should take him home. He must have got the gate open again.

No, he’ll be fine. I doubt he’ll wander far. Jo Anne tried to sound casual about it but she wasn’t so sure. The shadow she had just seen couldn’t have been from the dog alone. Maybe it was a combination of the branches with the dog? Though she had a gut feeling that wasn’t it either. What she did know was that one way or another a certain shrub was getting a trim tomorrow.

You sure? Then Kyra sighed. Oh right, he tried to bite you last time didn’t he?

Jo Anne recalled it all too well. Yes. Was all she said.

In that case, your right, he’ll be fine. Kyra laughed.

I swear they let him get loose on purpose. She huffed. She was almost positive the neighbors’ new wife let the dog out in hopes it got hit by a car. But that might be a bit severe, maybe she just didn’t want to clean up after it, in which case neither did Jo Anne. One thing she did know for sure was that until the neighbor remarried the dog never got out.

I think your right. Kyra smiled at her. I don’t think that woman likes poor Rufus very much.

I’m not so sure I like him much myself.

Oh but he really is a sweet dog. I still can’t believe he tried to bite you.

I’m trying to forget you know.

Oops, sorry. Kyra laughed and went back over to her favorite chair and plopped back down.

Jo Anne tried to seem just as light hearted but she still had a strange feeling that whatever she had heard was not the dog. Still she didn’t want to worry Kyra over nothing, so she did her best to shake it off and bring the conversation back to Kyra.

So are you really going to sulk until mom makes her decision? She said as she headed back to her spot on the sofa and her book.

Yes, I think I will. Kyra said with a half smile.

There is always your eighteenth birthday you know. Jo Anne ducked as Kyra’s last pillow hit her. Hey, don’t hurt the book, it’s bound to be a classic.

No wonder mom loves you so much. Kyra laughed.

Huh? Jo Anne pretended to be confused.

You’re just as nutty as she is over books. Kyra was laughing. Kyra knew Jo Anne was right after all, if mom said no then she’d just have to wait, she’d still get them, time wouldn’t change that, she knew if she had to she could, and would, wait. So would it be so bad if her mom said no? No, she knew it wouldn’t really be, but the truth was she just hated having to wait. Like most teenager her patients was in short supply.

*****

Evey had tried to work on her latest novel, she had a deadline to meet, and though she had plenty of time she hated having deadlines. Just the knowledge that a deadline existed made her feel pressured and rushed. Luckily the deadline wasn’t actually for the novel itself. Just an outline and rough synapses for the publishing company to prove she was doing something. Unfortunately she wasn’t in any mood to write tonight. The conversation with Kyra had brought too many feelings to the surface. There was just too much pain that she just couldn’t escape no matter how hard she tried. She gave up trying to focus at all and went to her room.

As she was changing into her night gown she caught a glimpse of her back in the mirror. It was a full length mirror on one of those stands that let it rotate in a complete circle vertically. Gabriel had gotten it for her after he saw her eyeing it in a secondhand shop, it had a decorative cast iron frame that she’d loved at first sight, kind of like she’d loved him. Now she looked at it with love and sorrow as her exposed back reflected on the glass surface so perfectly. She moved to see herself better and let her night gown slip out of her hands. Her auburn hair fell in gentle waves down her back and made a dramatic contrast against her fair skin, but it did not cover all the black marks scrolled across her skin. She pulled her hair around to the front and turned her head so she could examine the tattoo that her daughter wished to imitate. They were wings that cover her whole back, folded in, just waiting for the right moment to open and set her free. She reached up over her shoulder and touched the edge of a wing. They still looked new even though it had been over ten years since she got them. She thought it must be due to her lack of time in the sun, but it never seemed to amaze her when she saw them, and she never regretted getting them, but would Kyra? She was still so young.

When Gabriel died she really had to fight to keep going for Kyra’s sake. It was hard, her heart had been torn in two, and the loss was extreme. One side beat strongly and fought to keep her going with the love she had for Kyra, the other half was shattered beyond any kind of repair and wanted to pull her down into the un-relinquishing darkness. She would be lying to herself if she said she never wanted to succumb to the pain and let the darkness take her, it was a deep shame she felt, and a lasting guilt. That she could ever have been so selfish even for a moment when Kyra needed her, and loved her, and was in just as much pain, and confused to why daddy wasn’t coming back ever again. How could she have thought to slip away even for a second? She loved Kyra so much, to have abandoned her would have been so cruel, she needed her mom, she couldn’t lose both her parents. It was Kyra that kept her just out of reach of the abyss. A cute little five year old girl who loved her mother, needed her mother to be there for her, to hold her and comfort her, bandage her booboos and read her to sleep at night.

She could remember before she met Gabriel, before she had Kyra, she hadn’t worried about what would happen to her. She wasn’t even sure she cared, she had been a soldier, and she hadn’t exactly been the nicest person, though she also hadn’t been a bad person either. She just didn’t think about those kinds of things, and then she met Gabriel who burned brighter then the sun. He was so full of love for everyone and everything, and she wanted nothing more than to hold him and be a part of that fire he held within him. If anything it may have made her even more careless and more fierce at the same time. She’d have given her life to save him, and then he asked her to marry him and she thought she couldn’t get any happier than that, to spend the rest of her life with him, and yet she was wrong, there was one thing that could.

When she had Kyra everything changed, and she was so scared and yet so unbelievably happy. Having Kyra filled her with more love and happiness then she thought humanly possible! She’d thought marring Gabriel was it, but with Kyra it was so much more. Having kids is such an amazing thing and so terrifying all at once. Suddenly she cared, she cared what happened to her as well as him. What would it be like for this little baby not to have her mother or father, how cruel and unfair it would be. She looked at the world completely differently, and saw every hazard you could think of lurking around every corner! She got nervous driving on narrow roads, or leaving the city, even just a trip to the grocery store was nerve racking. She mellowed over time, and after a year or so calmed down considerably, but she was still a bit paranoid. Then Gabriel was gone, and that what if became real, and Kyra was forced to hurt in a way she’d always prayed she’d never have to. When she looked back she knew she was selfish still, because in a sad way she was glad it wasn’t her, that she at least was still here to be with Kyra. She wanted nothing more than to be there for her little girl, to watch her grow, see her get married and have kids. She wanted her to have a long, healthy, happy life and didn’t want anything bad to ever happen to her.

Sometimes she still thought she could see Gabriel, just glimpses out of the corner of her eye here and there, watching over them. She thought for a second that maybe she had seen him tonight, but it must have been mere wishful thinking, and a play of the light on glass, because it had not been Gabriel, that much she knew.

She took a deep breath, her heart was aching in her chest, and she looked away from the mirror. She scooped up her night gown and threw it on quickly and went to her phone to call up an old friend.

Chapter Two

Jo Anne sighed, she just couldn’t ever feel comfortable here. The room smelled all wrong, the wrong sheets, the wrong detergent, the lack of fresh air. The colors were wrong, the decoration not hers, all too flowery and pink, and way too many useless pillows. Nothing belonged to her here, she even had to bring her own clothes with her. If she left any here they might disappear before she returned. The dresser draws were empty except an untouched Bible. It was like staying in a hotel, a bad one.

Jo Anne was back at the Borganstierns’ for her two days of dreary torture. They really just weren’t very nice people, they called themselves Christians and yet she suspected it was just an excuse to belittle others and feel superior somehow. She’d met a lot of Christian folk and for the most part they seemed ok, even nice and rather excepting of her and her strange ways. Perhaps they thought they could convert her out of pure niceness, either way, the Borganstierns’ weren’t of the nice variety. She believed they would have fit in better with the pilgrims and the preachers who said god would damn them all for every little thing. She often wondered if they thought about burning her as a witch or at least throwing her in a river with rocks tied to her ankles to see if she’d float!

Not that that made any sense whatsoever. If you weren’t a witch you wouldn’t float, you’d drown, hence murdering an innocent. If you were a witch you floated and they got to burn you at the stake, or something dumb like that. She had a feeling no one really survived the trial by water to start with, unless they forgot the rocks and the victim knew how to swim or tread water, and then they were screwed anyway, unless she had that all backwards, history never was of much interest to her unless it came with a good story line. So she could be getting it all mixed up, but it didn’t really matter, the point was still the same.

Though now that she was thinking about the whole witch burning thing, that may have been the puritans, who were Protestants, which she thought were Christian, but maybe not. She didn’t know much about religion either, nor did she believe in God or the Devil, though she did believe in demons, demons were everywhere.

The Borganstierns weren’t demons but she often thought they might get along with quite a few of them. So she generally just hid in her room when she was with them, only making an appearance for meals or when her case worker showed up to check on her. She never lied about what life was like with the Borganstierns, she just didn’t go into detail and stuck to as many yes and no answers as she could. Yes, her basic needs were being met, no, they did not hurt her in any way, yes, she was doing fine, yes, Kyra was still her best friend, no, she did not want to talk further. Once Kyra’s mom, Evey, had asked her if she’d like to be adopted. She had wanted with all her heart to scream yes and do a jig! But instead she sadly sad no thank you and pretended like it never happened. She knew it had hurt Evey but it just wasn’t a chance she was willing to take. She didn’t care about the Borganstierns but at least it gave her a fall back in case anything ever happened. Plus two days a week wasn’t so bad, most people got two days for a weekend and it was what they looked forward to, she got five days to look forwards