For the Love of Kaitlyn

By Jennifer Wirey

You never think it could happen to you. You have heard the stories from someone who knows someone who has had it happen to them. You see on the news about tragedies, heartbreaks, unexplainable events, cruel individuals, medical complications, or accidents. The thought of losing a child is an unexplainable feeling that brings instant panic. It is an unexplainable feeling that makes several thoughts cross your mind. How could this happen? Why would God let this happen? How could medicine or procedures fail with all the technology we have? Why does it happen to such good people? Why did such a good parent lose their child when so many children are being mistreated, going without food, or being pawned off because the parents put their needs first?

I knew this could never happen to me—until it did.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jennifer Wirey
• Release date: May 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311003829

Book preview

For the Love of Kaitlyn

By Jennifer Wirey

For the Love of Kaitlyn

Rivershore Books

Copyright 2014 Jennifer Wirey

Smashwords Edition.

In loving memory of Kaitlyn Jean Wirey.

9/25/2012-1/27/2013

Daughter, little sister, granddaughter, god daughter, niece, and cousin. You are forever loved and missed.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 In the Beginning

Chapter 2 Fighting for Kaitlyn

Chapter 3 Keeping the Faith

Chapter 4 Waiting for Kaitlyn

Chapter 5 Kaitlyn’s Arrival

Chapter 6 Staying Strong

Chapter 7 Emotional Roller Coaster

Chapter 8 Out of the Incubator

Chapter 9 Goodbye Ventilator

Chapter 10 Coming Off of CPAP

Chapter 11 Christmas in the NICU

Chapter 12 Saying Goodbye to the NICU

Chapter 13 Kaitlyn’s Coming Home

Chapter 14 Losing Kaitlyn; Losing Faith

Chapter 15 Into the Fog

Chapter 16 Coping

Introduction

You never think it could happen to you. You have heard the stories from someone who knows someone who has had it happen to them. You see on the news about tragedies, heartbreaks, unexplainable events, cruel individuals, medical complications, or accidents. The thought of losing a child is an unexplainable feeling that brings instant panic. It is an unexplainable feeling that makes several thoughts cross your mind. How could this happen? Why would God let this happen? How could medicine or procedures fail with all the technology we have? Why does it happen to such good people? Why did such a good parent lose their child when so many children are being mistreated, going without food, or being pawned off because the parents put their needs first?

I never could understand. The whole idea seemed so distant to me until it happened to someone I know. It became more real at that moment but still felt so far away. This could never happen to me. My heart hurt so badly for my friend Heather. Why her? Why her daughter? Why does a family so loving have to go through so much pain? Why did her other daughter have to go through life without her twin sister? I felt so helpless. All I could say was, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I knew that I’m sorry, wouldn’t take the pain away. I knew that being there for support would be better than hearing I’m sorry a thousand times. My husband, Josh, and I attended the Walk to Remember with her and her family. My heart hurt so much to see just how many people were there going through this. There were so many people, so many tears, and so many sad faces of families coming together to support each other through the unimaginable. The list of names being read continued on and on. It was hard to take it all in, and I still felt like this could never happen to me.

Once again, I was reminded that infant or child loss could happen as Josh and I attended a showing. I’ll never be able to forget the image of a small child lying in a casket. That is just not how it works. Children are supposed to outlive their parents, aren’t they? God, why did this happen? How could this happen? Any funeral has a sorrowful atmosphere, but there is something about a child’s funeral that swallows you whole. The realization that life was just beginning and it was already over is hard to take in. It was set in stone in my mind long ago how life was supposed to work. The parents take care of the kids until they are grown. Then, later in life, the roles reverse and the children take care of the parents. That was it. That is how it is supposed to be. I cried for this family and the devastation they were going through. I still felt like I was in a bubble and was safe, though, because this could never happen to me—until it did.

Chapter 1 In the Beginning

I found out I was pregnant April 12, 2012. I bought a cheap pregnancy test and went back home to take it. All of a sudden, there were two lines. I thought, This can’t be right. These cheap tests must not work right. I went back to the store and bought a different brand and got a plus sign. Wow. I screamed for Josh. We couldn’t believe it, especially with the fact that our little girl, Kendra, was only going to be one in June. I went to the doctor on April 13 and took a test to verify we were pregnant. Everything came back positive. I started bleeding and went to the hospital that night. The doctor said there really wasn’t anything they could do with how early it was, and it could be the start of a miscarriage.

I went back to the doctor on April 19 for an ultrasound. Everything looked good, and we saw the yolk sac and fetal pole. I kept bleeding on and off. I remember praying every time I went to the bathroom for there not to be any blood. On May 3, I was excited and could actually see the baby on the ultrasound. There were several appointments and labs done every week to keep a close watch. On May 22, I saw the arms and legs. The ultrasound tech said everything looked good and baby was a good size and right on schedule for ten weeks. That was the last time I went to the doctor and didn’t have any problems.

I began seeing a maternal fetal medicine doctor to check size, heart, blood flow, and sex. During the first appointment, the ultrasound tech took all of the measurements several times and said she would be right back. I stared