Blue

By Bella Black

Alton State University is home away from home for Cam, Kennedy, Shawn, Morgan, Parker and Q. This story chronicles their senior year and the highs and lows that they will experience over the next seven months. From unwanted pregnancies to secret addictions and near-fatal confrontations, how will the friends make it out unscathed by the realities of their own truth?

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Apr 14, 2014
• ISBN: 9781619279391

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Chapter 1–Aborting the Past

I just can’t with you anymore, Parker. Morgan shook her head in disbelief at her childhood friend. Just when I think you’ve learned your lesson you go and make the same mistake…not once, but twice! What’s really going on?

Parker rolled her eyes. I know you care, but I don’t need the lecture. I don’t need your judgment. Just support what I got going on if you’re really my friend.

I’m just saying, you have got to slow down or use some other form of birth control besides jumping off of Shawn’s dick when you think he’s about to cum, retorted Morgan.

Obviously that shit ain’t working.

Parker sucked her teeth.

And let’s not forget that I really don’t have $425 to keep giving you, when you can avoid these types of situations all together. I’m your friend, not your personal banker. Don’t you realize that doing irresponsible shit like this could prevent you from having kids whenever you do decide to have them?

Parker continued to get dressed for class.

I mean is sex really that serious?

Here we go again. Parker grabbed her belt.

I’m not saying Shawn is a bad guy or anything, but if all this sexing is just leading to abortion after abortion then you might want to give it up.

I just want to satisfy my man so he won’t go looking anywhere else, sighed Parker. I can’t screw his brains out in the beginning of our relationship and then decide that it’s something I just don’t do anymore. The minute I stop putting out, he’s going to start conjuring up all kind of drama about what he thinks I’m doing with someone else. We all can’t remain a virgin like you.

What does me being a virgin have to do with anything? Parker stopped brushing her hair. You aren’t having sex yet, so you can’t speak on it.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if Shawn wants to get it from somewhere else please believe he is going to get it from somewhere else. It ain’t no ass like new ass and that’s real. Morgan chewed on her nails.

All I’m saying is that if he can’t respect the fact that you don’t really want a sexual relationship anymore then maybe you need to let him go. You can’t stop living your life the way you want to because of some nigga. You should have learned that from Brandon.

Hearing his name turned Parker off.

Cam stays in my ear about finally getting in my panties but I’ m not having it. Because it’s about me and what I want.

But what if he cheats on you?

I can’t worry about him cheating on me. All I’m responsible for is me. If I’m not supposed to be with him God will reveal that to me.

It’s not that easy, Morgan. And besides, what’s the big deal? Shawn and I are only having sex with each other. It’s okay if we don’t use condoms from time to time.

Morgan sneered. "From time to time or all the time? You sound ignorant as hell right now. Did you and Shawn decide that or did he make the decision for the both of you?" Morgan shook her head.

Parker scowled. What is so wrong with me pleasing my man?

You can please your man. I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with this, she said pointing to her stomach.

Cam and I aren’t making babies all the time and then looking for ways to pay for abortions. Besides, Shawn already has a baby and Lord knows you don’t need one.

Whatever, Morgan Grimes, let’s fucking go.

Why are you going to class anyway? Didn’t the doctor tell you to stay off your feet for the next week?

Adamantly, Parker responded. Look, it’s bad enough that I even have to go to summer school; why is it so difficult for you to understand that these professors don’t give a damn about my abortion? Pointing her finger at Morgan, she continued. The only thing that they even remotely care about is that I’m present when they take attendance. I’m just a social security number. I’ve been through this before. You shake the shit off and keep moving.

* * * * *

Growing up in the hood had not prepared her for college. Somehow she had managed to make it to her senior year but struggled every step of the way. The professors appeared to want to help the students, but most were there for a paycheck. Parker tried several times to study with classmates, but it was painfully evident that no one wanted to help the only black girl in the class. This upset Parker so she stopped looking for study partners and tried to teach herself. Unfortunately this method didn’t work and Parker found herself on academic probation. With her counselors help, Parker was able to finally get back on the right track. Her first two years at Alton University were a blur. Right before leaving for school her world was turned upside down. She fell into a state of depression but hid it well. She didn’t tell anyone what happened to make her feel so hopeless. The more her past haunted her, the more she wanted it all to be over.

****

She fell into her cabinet knocking over numerous perfumes and lotions. The room started to spin out of control but it was a good spin. She wiped the drool from her mouth and took the needle out of her arm. The drug pimped her every thought, action, and life. She was good at hiding it. One hit a day was all she needed. But everyone had their vices, right? Weed. Lean. Crack. It’s all self-medication. Why was heroin so different?

"I’m not a junkie", she whispered to herself as her chest heaved up and down. Living in the moment felt beyond awesome.

Cam knocked on the door. Morgan, what’s going on in there? He opened the door to find her huddled up in a corner.

He shook his head. "You are a fucking junkie."

She squinted her eyes and tried to see who it was. Hey baby, she sluggishly said. He snatched her up and sat her on the toilet.

He splashed a few drops on her face. Are you crazy? Do you want our friends to find out? You supposed to only do this shit at my house.

Morgan wiped her brow and took off her shirt. Babe it’s hot in here! Open a window or something!

You getting high when you supposed to be waiting on me. Why did you send me that text when you knew you just wanted to get high?

Cam took a towel and threw it at her face. He stormed out the bathroom with an attitude.

It was only a matter of time before she would be exposed.

Chapter 2-Cut From the Same Cloth

Parker’s mother didn’t make the situation any better. She merely assumed Parker wasn’t applying herself.

What I don’t understand is how you haven’t even decided on a major but yet and still you managed to get on probation. You just lazy as hell with yo’ stupid ass, she used to say. I knew you were gonna get down there and disappoint me. I’m letting you know this much though, if you get kicked out you ain’t coming back here, so you better have a plan B.

Parker glanced at the frame containing the picture of her mother and her when she was younger. She took the picture out the frame and tucked it inside her drawer. It didn’t make sense why her mother hated her so much. It had been this way for as long as she could remember. She bent over backwards to please her, but no matter what, she viewed her as a failure.

Morgan headed for the door. Parker followed her out and thought about their friendship. They met during their freshman year in the dorms. Over the years they became very close. Parker was the closest thing Morgan had to a sister even though she had a blood sister.

Just promise me that you’re going to take better care of yourself, Parker. Promise me you’re going to use a condom, take the pill, get the shot, or at least use the patch. There are more than enough contraceptives out there and I don’t wanna see anything happen to you. Morgan grabbed her friend’s hand and squeezed it. Abortion shouldn’t even be an option at this point.

Parker agreed. As they walked to the shuttle she tuned Morgan out and thought about her life. She knew Morgan was right, but wasn’t in the mood to hear that shit. She had so many things on her mind that she couldn’t think straight. Sometimes she felt like giving up on life.

* * * * *

Please don’t forget that you have a quiz on Wednesday over chapters 12-16, Professor Phillips yelled. Half of the class was gone before he even made the announcement. Parker hated her Biology class. She didn’t understand how she was going to get all of that reading done in two days. She bent down to grab her book bag and was immediately thrown off by the pain in her lower abdomen. It was new all over again.

Parker sat back down and grabbed her stomach. She felt dizzy and her mouth was dry. She now wished she had listened to Morgan and stayed home.

Professor Phillips walked over and picked up her book bag. He startled Parker when he touched her hand. Are you alright?

I’m fine, she muttered. Just feeling a little light-headed.

That time of the month, huh?

Excuse me?

I’m…I’m sorry, I just saw you holding your stomach and I just assumed --

Well, you assumed wrong, Parker snapped. Excuse me, she said as she grabbed her bag.

Believe it or not, Ms. Daniels, if you wanna talk, I’m here.

Sure, whatever…

We also have great counseling servi-.

Look, I said I was fine. What more do you want? Professor Phillips removed his glasses. This is your second time taking the course and I want to help you pass the class. You are on the verge of failing.

Parker blushed.

My office hours are Mondays and Wednesday’s from 2-4. Like I said before, I’m here.

Silence flooded the room before she quickly made her exit.

* * * * *

Parker walked in on yet another squabble between her roommates. They meant the world to her but got on her nerves at times.

Who cares if he cheats, don’t all men cheat? As long as he is taking care of me, what difference does it make? It’s okay every once in a while. Just don’t make the shit a constant thang, and don’t get disrespectful with it. I know you don’t really think a nigga gon’ be satisfied with the same pussy all the time, do you? With her hands on her hips, Karma looked at Parker wanting her to agree.

Parker didn’t know what to say or what Karma even expected her to say, so she simply smiled and headed upstairs towards her bedroom. Before she slammed the door behind her, she heard her other roommate, Kennedy, yell out about how good men still existed and that everyone wasn’t the same. Blah. Blah. And blah.

Parker fell onto her bed and the entire room began to spin. She felt miserable. Having the abortion the first time wasn’t too difficult; she had to go through with it. She had no choice. She knew what she wanted out of life and planned on getting it.

Every female should be allowed at least one abortion. That’s what she told Morgan as they sat in the clinic the first time.

But this was her second abortion from the same man and she felt alone. This time it had taken a toll on her. She killed off a part of her soul that she would never be able to get back. Parker was exhausted and she didn’t know how to begin the healing process. The abortion, school, family, and her past was taking a toll on her mentally, physically, and financially. Parker was tired and knew that giving up is what everyone expected her to do.

She wondered why her life seemed more difficult than everyone else around her. It was as if she was the only one that went through the shit she did. Was it possible that her existence meant nothing to anyone? What did God have planned for her life? Why did she have to learn everything the hard way? She didn’t want to call and ask her mother for the money to pay back Morgan, but she had no choice. The phone rang on the other end several times before she hung up. Her phone rang. She looked at the caller id then picked up.

Hello.

Parker, this your mom. You just call here?

Yeah, Ma, are you screening your calls or something now?

Whose house is this, Parker?

Yours, Parker grunted.

Okay, then don’t ask questions that don’t concern you.

I was just wondering why you didn’t answer the first time I called.

Because it’s my house and I answer the phone when I get ready. What you calling for anyway?

Parker got quiet.

No, don’t get quiet now. What do you want?

How do you know I didn’t call to see how you or Chase were doing?

"Because you never do. The only time we hear from you is when you want something.