Become a Coach Leader: One Conversation at a Time

By Barb Pierce

Many organizations are discovering the benefits of employing the coach approach to leadership. This approach is rapidly gaining in popularity because it allows leaders to connect more deeply with people of all ages and backgrounds. Leaders learn to communicate clearly in a language that resonates with the listener. Most importantly, leaders learn to empower others through the artful use of setting agendas for discussions, asking powerful questions that promote learning, and by providing a safe place to take risks.

If you already possess strong communications and inner awareness skills, this book will help you bring your leadership skills to the next level. If you are ready to hit the “reset” button, this book offers you new ways of thinking about communicating that will result in more authentic conversations and deeper, more satisfying relationships.
In either case, Become a Coach Leader – One Conversation at a Time provides the knowledge and skills that can help you become the kind of leader and person that you want to be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barb Pierce
• Release date: Feb 27, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310579202

Barb Pierce

A former military engineering officer and project manager in the telecommunications and high-tech fields, Barb Pierce, PCC, shows you how to engage in purposeful conversations that build loyalty and trust.Drawing on more than 2,000 hours of coaching experience, Barb has been teaching coaching skills to coaches and leaders since 2008. Based on her unique background and experiences, she has integrated a holistic approach to coaching that creates a safe foundation for exploration and growth.

Book preview

Acknowledgments

I would like to acknowledge and thank:

My family, Rob, Liam, Matthew and Emily Pierce. Thank you all for supporting the writing process which sometimes meant an absent mother, a messy house and packaged dinners. With three children and a husband, I was fortunate enough to be provided with numerous opportunities to refine my understandings about the coaching mindset throughout the writing process

John Sweetnam, my Coaching Navigator business partner and friend. John is the founding partner of Coaching Navigator and the creator of the CARA process. John is a lifetime learner and was a key originator of many of the ideas and concepts in this book.

My Royal Roads University Graduate Certificate in Executive Coaching instructors: Alison Hendren, MCC, Carollyne Conlinn, MCC, Scott Richardson, MCC and Marjorie Busse, MCC. You have created a wonderful coaching program, and my coaching improved tremendously during the year I spent with you.

My coach and friend, Sandra Bourdeau. You are a kind-hearted and wonderful person, and it was a joy to work with you.

My mentor coach, Amorah Ross. You are a masterful coach and inspired many of the ideas in this book.

My book mentor, Roger Ellerton. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience in publishing educational books.

My editor, Abby Griffith. It was a pleasure to work with you. You are a natural at applying the appreciative inquiry approach—even before you knew what it was.

My graphic designer, Janet Pashleigh. Thank you for laying out the chapters. I love your clean designs and how easy it is to convey my ideas to you even though we live across the country from each other.

My yoga teachers, Yogrishi Vishvketu and Chetana Panwar. I have learned so much about connecting with my body, emotions, intuition, energy and spirit through your teachings.

My friends and colleagues who kindly read through all or part of the drafts, or contributed their own stories: Rob Pierce, Danielle Vachon, Sarah Wall, Sandra Bourdeau, John Sweetnam, Mary Biggs, Peter Frauley, Sandy Heron, Walt Stevenson, Mike Wlotzki, Reta Currie, and Jan Sinsheimer.

Introduction

I became passionate about coaching in 1998 when I had the opportunity to work with a coach during a challenging time in my life. It was a busy year that marked many transitions for me. I had recently returned to work after having my first child, retired from the military after 13 years of service and moved from the suburbs to downtown Calgary.

I felt guilty about dropping off my infant at daycare and bewildered about how to be a leader in a non-military environment. I knew that I was more authoritative than my co-workers were accustomed to, yet I did not know how to adjust my leadership style, or how to fit in better with this new culture. While my organizational skills were appreciated and encouraged, I was initiating more changes than the organization could handle. I was getting some push-back. On the home front, we had new financial pressures with a more expensive home. All in all, I was facing more changes than I was equipped to handle. It was time to ask for help.

Fortunately the company that I was working with had a standing relationship with a coach who specialized in communications excellence. Working with her helped me get clear on what was wrong and what I needed to do about it. My coach then supported me through the process of identifying, and asking for, what I needed.

I won’t say that working with a coach was easy—it wasn’t. I was not accustomed to being honest and clear with my requests. Through the coaching process, I discovered not only how much I was lacking in self-awareness, but also how much I ignored my intuition in favor of how I thought I was supposed to behave. It’s funny how that can backfire. People prefer authenticity. By behaving the way I thought I should be acting, I had lost myself in the process.

A couple of kids later and a year of coach training under my belt, I was diagnosed with stage-4 lymphoma. This turned out to be the biggest challenge that I had faced so far in my life. I feared for my life and the possibility of leaving my children without a mother. It forced me take a close look at what I had created and what behaviors I had condoned. Most importantly, it led me to acknowledge and do something about the anger that I had been carrying over from my childhood. The experience also highlighted my less than adequate communications skills and low self-esteem. During my treatment and healing, I signed up for intensive coaching, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and hypnosis courses, during which I was able to focus inward on letting go of unhelpful behavior patterns while building up my personal resources.

The cancer turned out to be one of the best things for me (although it really sucked at the time). It woke me up to new possibilities. I started living life more fully and boldly. I lowered my defenses and became clearer about who I am, what I truly wanted out of life and how to ask for it. I became more courageous, more focused and more willing to trust, and act on, my intuition.

Fifteen years after my first coach experience, I continue to face situations that are beyond my current capabilities. I work with a coach to get through these situations more peacefully, more quickly and with outcomes that are in alignment with my beliefs and values. I now find it much easier to make decisions that support my health and well-being.

Why The Coach Approach?

Coaching skills allow you to connect with others more deeply and more intimately; this creates a foundation on which to engage in conversations that resolve challenges and achieve results without blame. Coaching skills help you to discover what is important to others and allow you to channel this knowledge in ways that propel both the individual and the organization forward. In coaching conversations, people are encouraged to take calculated risks.

In many cases, people learn coaching skills to support their leadership role rather than to become full-time professional coaches. This book is designed for leaders who want to incorporate a simple, strength-based coaching process into their leadership toolbox. This includes:

•Coaches who want to deepen the coaching experience by incorporating:

- Neuro-Linguistic Programming

- Somatics

- Appreciative Inquiry

•Leaders and managers who want to lead in a collaborative and open environment

•Therapists, social workers and counselors who want to incorporate coaching skills into their practices

•Organizational Development and HR professionals

•Teachers and school principals who want to bring out the best in their students

•Sales managers who want to increase their performance

•Facilitators and conflict resolution specialists who want to hone the unique art of conversational change

•Parents who want to connect better with their children

How the Coach Approach Has Helped Me

One of the biggest benefits I’ve noticed from learning the coach approach is that I can engage in difficult conversations before they become explosive. In most cases, having these conversations early on has resulted in greater trust and stronger connections.

Coach skills have proved to be invaluable both at work and at home. At work, I am much more confident in dealing with conflict. I can now approach difficult conversations with ease and confidence. I no longer avoid initiating challenging conversations. Instead, I take the time to connect with each of the team members, learn what is important to them and create an atmosphere of openness and trust. When things go wrong, there is already a foundation of respect, which frees us to focus on the solution—not the person who made the mistake.

At home, the coach approach has helped me to be much calmer and more hopeful in the face of teen and pre-teen madness. I don’t profess to be a perfect parent, but I believe that I am giving my children the skills and opportunities to become better decision makers. I have let them make difficult decisions, I have let them make bad decisions, and I have let them fail. Sometimes it was hard (and heartbreaking) to watch my children deal with the outcomes of their poor decisions, but I know that it will make them stronger in the end.

What is Unique About Our Approach?

We offer a simple, logical and easy-to-understand approach to productive conversations using the proven 4-step CARA coaching model. This process can be incorporated into your current leadership style and is flexible enough to be used fluidly in any conversation. You will not be bound by pre-determined questions or a rigid process. The principles are straightforward, easy to understand and they enable you to engage in challenging and authentic conversations.

At Coaching Navigator, our leadership coaching approach is based on the appreciative inquiry (AI) model. In a nutshell, AI is a method of communicating in which the focus is on the desired result rather than on the problem that led to the discussion. The process allows you to learn from past experiences but does not keep you trapped in negative associations.

The CARA model, developed at Coaching Navigator, builds on the excellence of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)—an approach to change based on creating new neural pathways in the brain. NLP explores the interaction between mind (neuro), language (linguistic) and behaviors (programming).

Finally, new coaches sometimes rely on logical thinking, and ignore intangibles like intuition and emotions. This approach can severely limit your capacity to learn, grow and achieve excellence. It also hinders your ability to connect with and motivate others. This book will help you to identify and integrate your feelings, intuition and emotions, and then translate them into conversations and decisions—even in a business setting. You will also learn techniques to calm yourself before, during and after challenging conversations to maintain your resourcefulness. This is called centering.

How to Use This Book

The book begins with an overview of coaching, appreciative inquiry and somatics. You will learn the 4-step CARA coaching process that will give you the tools to engage in any conversation with confidence. Finally, you will learn how to integrate coaching skills into your leadership toolbox—in a way that is authentic for you. Each chapter includes opportunities to reflect on what you have learned, exercises to help you integrate these lessons into your everyday life, and sample coaching discussions to give you a feel for the flow of a coaching conversation. To maximize your results, start implementing these concepts right away.

How This Book is Organized

Part 1 - The Fundamentals

Chapter 1- Introduction to Coaching and the CARA Process

This chapter focuses on defining leadership coaching, how coaching is incorporated into the leadership toolbox, and the basic principles of coaching conversations. The chapter also introduces the 4-step CARA coaching model.

Chapter 2 - Appreciative Inquiry

This chapter focuses on the principles of Appreciative Inquiry (AI) and how to incorporate these concepts into your leadership coaching. You learn what AI is, the five principles of AI, and the 4-D Cycle—a simple series of steps to facilitate a change using AI.

Chapter 3 - Somatic Coaching

This chapter focuses on helping you create more authentic connections with others by becoming attuned to your intuition, feelings and emotions, as well as those of others. You will also learn about the five levels in which change can take place and discover questions to help catalyze change at each of these layers.

Part 2 - The 4-Step CARA Model

Chapter 4 - Connection

This chapter focuses on the Connection step of the CARA process. You learn about proactive steps you can take to promote healthy connections with others. This helps you improve your relationships both at work and at home. You will also learn how to create a safe environment for discussions, how to center yourself before, during and after coaching meetings and how to develop skills to help you notice clues offered by body language, tone of voice and word choice.

Chapter 5 - Awareness

This chapter focuses on the Awareness step of the CARA process. You learn how to negotiate a clear meeting agreement to maximize efficiency, as well as active listening skills to help you guide the coachee towards awareness of her topic.

Chapter 6 - Resources

This chapter focuses on the Resources step of the CARA process. You learn how to lead your coachee to a positive frame of mind and how to use powerful questions to help her more fully explore her resources. You also learn when to use descriptive questions vs. creative questions to maximize your results.

Chapter 7 - Action

This chapter focuses on the Action step of the CARA process. You learn the accountability sequence necessary to help your coachee create and sustain forward movement.

Part 3 - Become a Coach Leader

Chapter 8 - Masterful Performance Feedback

This chapter focuses on how to deliver masterful performance feedback using the CARA process. You learn the difference between constructive criticism and constructive feedback, and how to set up a feedback conversation that strengthens relationships and creates a growth opportunity for the recipient of the feedback.

Chapter 9 - Uncovering Your Employees’ Values, Beliefs and Motivations

This chapter teaches you the skills to help you elicit your coachees’ values and beliefs. You can then use this information to ensure that your coachees’ development plans are in alignment with what is important to them.

Chapter 10 - Acknowledgment

This chapter focuses on helping you understand the difference between acknowledgment and praise, and gives you tips on how to incorporate acknowledgment into your leadership toolbox.

Chapter 11 - Become a Coach Leader

This chapter summarizes the key concepts of coach leadership, the benefits of the coach approach to leadership and offers some tips on how to make the transition towards becoming a coach leader.

How This Book Can Help You

Prior to learning about Appreciative Inquiry (AI), I—like many people—focused on solving problems. Unfortunately, I was not aware that the unconscious mind does not process negatives. For example, if you focus on not eating, the unconscious mind focuses on eating, and