Lying on the Ground Looking Up

By Richard Charron

A story of thirty years of drug and alcohol abuse while simultaneously managing a successful career and raising a family. Richard strives to balance the road to success with his insatiable need to medicate himself with the use of alcohol and prescription drugs. Ultimately the devils catch up with him and he is forced to deal with the reality he is a hopeless drunk, proving there is hope for all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Richard Charron
• Release date: Apr 30, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301164806

Richard Charron

Biography of Richard Charron Richard is a 40 year veteran of the Recreation Vehicle Industry. The majority of those years were spent in the retail sales arena having owned and managed several large dealerships. Mr. Charron spent his latter years in the manufacturing segment as a Southeastern States Sales Representative for several major manufacturers. Richard debuts his writing career with an autobiography depicting his 30 year struggle with alcohol and the difficult but rewarding road to recovery. "Lying on the Ground Looking Up"

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LYING ON THE GROUND LOOKING UP

One voice said, I think he’s dead, while the other said,

No he’s alive, I just saw him move.

Thirty Years of Functional Alcoholism

and the Road to Recovery

Richard Charron

Copyright 2013 Richard Charron

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Foreword

The title to this book was inspired by a conversation with one of my sons at a family gathering. As he shared pictures taken from a recent trip to his birthplace, he inquired if I remembered these places. After several attempts to jog my memory regarding one particular building, which he insisted I should remember, he jokingly said, Picture yourself lying on the ground looking up and maybe you will remember it. My wife and I laughed, unsure of exactly what he meant. Was he implying that I spent so much time on my back drunk that I might remember it better from that position? My drinking had never before been the subject of family conversation either in jest or serious discussion. It was a somewhat disquieting moment.

Arriving home later that evening my thoughts drifted back to a time when we were living in Charlotte NC. After dropping my wife off for a medical appointment, I parked my car and wandered across the street to a neighboring park. It was a glorious day with white puffy clouds and bright sunshine; a perfect day for lying on the grass, gazing at the clouds as they rolled by. Numerous large oaks framed my vision, blocking out any peripheral distraction. With the sound of a few birds chirping in the trees and nothing else to distract, I found myself totally at ease and able to concentrate on happy thoughts. It had been years since I allowed myself the luxury of such total relaxation. I began to think of my childhood, my children, where I had traveled and even where I was headed. The clarity of thought I experienced at that moment was extraordinary.

Speaking with that same son on the phone several days later, I quizzed him as to what he meant. He didn’t recall making the statement nor could he conceive having done so. Regardless of the comment or what other thoughts it inspired, what ultimately arose from this incident was the perfect title for my book. After many years of drinking and drugging I was finally able—with the help of treatment, AA and a higher power—to lie on the ground and look up towards the future with the clarity and serenity made possible by the absence of harmful and toxic distractions. Much like the strong oaks steered my thoughts to a bright future, so then does my sobriety.

Table of Contents

Foreword

Preface

Prologue

PART ONE

SUCCESS AND FAILURE

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

PART TWO

RECOVERY

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Afterword

From the Author

Preface

"A story of addiction and the successful road to recovery."

The following pages chronicle years of brazen, out-of-control alcohol and drug use, while simultaneously maintaining a family and enjoying the fruits of my business success. My narrative describes life run amuck, refusing to acknowledge a deadly disease in which the end result was certain disaster. The collision of events eventually led to acceptance of the problem and my decision to finally address it. My story demonstrates that recovery is possible, regardless the depth of despair. There will be hurdles to jump, tough decisions to make as well as a reevaluation of wants and needs. However with the help of others, a new life of long lasting serenity is within grasp. Difficult life changes are required, but the resulting benefits will exceed expectations.

Except for their individuality, most addicts lead parallel lives. Differentiated only by social and economic status, our collapse into the abyss always follows the same course. We all drank or drugged to excess and in one way or another paid the price. Recovering addicts lead similar parallel lives distinguished only by the methods used to stay on course. Secrets to beginning life anew, are no less than the total abstinence of drugs and alcohol. Addicts by nature tend to overdo everything, including work. One drink is never enough, one cigarette turns into three packs a day and in many cases, mine included, work turns into twelve-hour days. The same tendency applies in the recovery process and can be equally destructive. Keeping it as simple as possible is the key to mending. In these pages I will describe what worked for me and how it can work for anyone.

Some of my recollections are comical while others are sad and humiliating. The humorous anecdotes are not intended to minimize the seriousness of the disease but to illustrate the warped thinking of the alcoholic mind. I agonized for years over writing this journal, weighing the embarrassment to family and friends versus the benefits I might provide a struggling addict. Ultimately I decided that if I could offer hope to just one person, it would be worth the effort. Certainly some readers will see their lives reflected here to some degree. Others may have to dig a bit deeper to recognize themselves. For those who have a friend or a loved one so afflicted, rest assured there is hope. "If alcohol or drugs are causing problems in your life chances are they are the problem."

I have asked for and have been forgiven by most of my family and friends for the myriad of heartaches I caused. Some chose not to forgive and never will. This book won’t alter their feelings in the least. For them, the pain and humiliation will never cease and for this I am truly regretful.

Included are some of my childhood experiences to further illustrate that while we are unique to some extent, we nonetheless share common life experiences. Older readers will undoubtedly better relate to my childhood and may even enjoy the trip down memory lane. Hopefully others will account for generational differences, yet still recognize the similarities.

No matter your lifestyle, genetics, physical condition or social status, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I often speak to recovering addicts possessing many years of sobriety. Many remain fearful of a moment they may slip. Returning to the nightmare they once inhabited would be hell. In my opinion this is a healthy, realistic fear. My advice is always the same: do not allow alcohol or drugs to occupy space in your life even if it involves lifestyle changes. I assure you, mind-bending drugs in any form are not welcome in my proximity. This is not an overnight process but a rather gradual one, resulting from a strict adherence to a program of recovery, worked one day at a time.

Addiction can only be overcome when a person is truly ready and not before. You can’t lead another down the path to sobriety, if they are not willing to come along. For years it was thought that denying access, providing medication or geographical changes could cure the disease. It is now clear that only when the addict is, sick and tired of being sick and tired, will the road to recovery begin. The word cure is used tongue in cheek of course, as there is really no cure for addiction. The best we can hope for is to develop a way of life; a serene happiness that can only survive in the absence of drugs and alcohol. Ultimately any potential threat to that serenity will be the motivating factor for continued abstinence. Not all will have the courage needed to recover, and to them I offer my heartfelt sympathy and prayers.

My drunken behavior was never the topic of discussion, nor was it glorified by friends and family. In today’s twenty-four-hour media coverage, we watch movie stars and athletes celebrate their achievements by indulging in activities guaranteed to destroy the very success for which they endeavored. Our young people emulate these celebrities at an alarming rate, failing to realize they are altering the course of their lives. They will never recoup this lost time, one in which they could be building a foundation for their future. Idol worship is not relegated to adolescents, but to career seekers as well. For many, the new normal is overindulging in drugs or alcohol over the weekend, or for an evening, in order to appear cool. Wow, did I get wasted this weekend, is now acceptable water cooler conversation. Drug testing by most major corporations has helped, but true addicts know how to beat the system. The irony is corporate drug testing in many cases is insurance company required and not ideologically driven. Alcohol is not treated as a drug, therefore no testing will pinpoint a lurking problem. There is no test of which I am aware that will detect a hangover, the result of which could cause severe injury on the job. Unless imbibed on the job, alcohol is basically given a pass. It is impossible to quantify the time and assets wasted annually as a consequence of the over-indulgence in mind-bending drugs. I would like to have do-overs on decisions I made while partially impaired, or nursing a hangover.

I did my best to remain pithy and to point out the benefits of sobriety, as compared to a life of false euphoria. My alternate use of the terms alcohol and drugs are intentional. While alcohol was always my drug of choice, there is no discernible difference in the effects of either. Hopefully, anyone struggling with this insidious disease will recognize themselves in these pages. Alcohol was always my drug of choice, as it was legal and could be taken in public without shame or guilt. I was, however, no stranger to other drugs whenever alcohol was not available or convenient.

In Part Two, I discuss the tribulations of recovery. I dwell a bit on success to illustrate that a new and better life is attainable if you will only remain on course. Good fortune certainly played a part in my life but just having the clarity of mind to realize opportunities when they presented themselves, was a gift that only sobriety could bring.

Prologue

I rarely frequented the same restaurant twice. In most cases, I was alone or with a recently acquired friend, usually someone I met in a bar, who offered to take me home recognizing I was too impaired to drive. Stopping for coffee and something to eat was the only enticement needed to accept the ride. Seldom did the same friend repeat this offer as the outcome was predictable. Comments from an adjoining table concerning my bad manners would be made and the fun began. Tables would tip, chairs shoved, blows exchanged and I would make a hasty retreat before the police arrived. A phone call the following morning from that well-meaning friend, or someone who had witnessed the action, would usually be the first sign I had done it again. My memory of the previous evening was non-existent. In most cases, recovering my car the following day was the first inclination as to where I had been. As a fairly well-known local businessman, with enough contacts in the right places, rarely did I face any legal repercussions. Occasionally I offered and made restitution for any damage, managing to soothe things out with a promise never to return. Understandably, the promise never to return was a constant request.

My blackout periods occurred more often and required less alcohol or drugs to induce. I normally had no recollection of where I had been, who I was with, or even how I made it home. That I was able to walk, let alone drive, was a wonder. Even more remarkable was the enabling patience of my wife and four children who waited for me at home. The impact my drinking and associated behavior had on my family, would be the defining moment of my recovery. Remorseful, I realized I could not go on destroying other people’s lives to satisfy this insatiable, insidious desire. I was determined to control this destructive behavior before it ruined everything for which I truly cared. Recognizing determination alone had not worked in the past, I knew it would not work this time either. Other methods such as just drinking on weekends, just drinking wine with meals, or just drinking beer were also of no avail. Clearly something had to change or I believed I would die.

**********

The argument as to whether alcoholism is or isn’t a disease and whether or not it is inherited is an important debate. To a practicing alcoholic, however, it is of little or no importance.