Stranglicious

By Todd Brabander

Two stories, seven essays, and a list.
Topics range from food carts, to self grooming disasters, to granting wishes to dying children.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Todd Brabander
• Release date: Jun 21, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465941343

Todd Brabander

Todd Brabander is an author, musician, and artist from Portland OR. His projects range in style from comedy, to absurdist, to horror, and usually have a Pacific Northwest flavor. His work aims to capture a twisted and often humorous view of the normal world. He has been in several music groups, had his writing published online, and has publicly displayed visual art. He is a big fan of the Oxford comma.

Book preview

Stranglicious

Two Stories, Seven Essays, And A List

TODD BRABANDER

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2011 Todd Brabander

www.todd13.com

License Notes

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page

25 True Things About Me

An Argument For Being Microchipped

An Open Letter To Larry

The Answer Is No

Music Piracy And You

What Happened To Mrs. Von Trapp?

I Decided To Pluck All My Hair

Taco Truck

Three Dollar Bill

The Wish Granter

About The Author

25 True Things About Me*

1- My dream is to join the Navy someday.

2- I have been on America's Most Wanted two different times.

3- I have an affinity for eating glue.

4- I have six fingers on my left hand.

5- I eat stray cats I find around the neighborhood. If I've cooked for you then chances are you have as well.

6- I begin each day by eating a sleeve of Saltine crackers.

7- I don't have a job, I spend each day administrating an elaborate black mail operation.

8- I invented glass.

9- As a result of a lawsuit I can get free Taco Bell whenever I want.

10- I have published a few books under the name Dr. Suess.

11- I have four wives and 19 kids.

12- I once got a speeding ticket in a hot air balloon.

13- I am allergic to Oreos.

14- I own 20 acres of vineyards in New Zealand that I received as an award for being the Best Porn Star of 1994.

15- My favorite restaurant is The Sizzler.

16- I sometimes hang out at the emergency room to practice my CPR skills.

17- I grow corn in my apartment.

18- Due to a rare condition, I have to continually drink wine in order to stay sober.

19- I am afraid of unicorns.

20- I don't celebrate groundhog's day. My family doesn't believe in it.

21- I read the entire newspaper everyday.

22- My nickname is The Tornado.

23- I have never lost a game of tennis.

24- I believe that gentleman should always wear gloves while driving a motorcar.

25- I was born in Belize. My mom is Aunt Jemima and my dad is Dracula.

*These things are not true.

An Argument For Being Microchipped

OK you hippies, hear me out.

I have a solution to all our problems, and it is