I'm Ready for My Close Up

By Malacka Reed

Malacka Reed the Motivational Make Up Artist and CEO of Skai Ryan Cosmetics is a renown motivator and inspiration to children, women and men of all ages. Through her very popular motivational speeches, Malacka reveals that she has had her share of battles. Now in, 'I'm Ready For My Close Up" a strong, resilient and brave Malacka bares it all sharing her story on how she became the women of power she is today through greed, sex, violence, lies, betrayal, being broke down and abandoned by the people she loved the most. As she lets you into her past with no regrets Ms. Malacka Reed is now ready for her close up. Malacka Make Up the motivational MUA, life coach, mentor and philanthropist.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Malacka Reed
• Release date: Dec 12, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311754202

Malacka Reed

Born and raised in Baltimore City, Malacka Reed overcame insurmountable adversity to rise to success as a businesswomen, motivational speaker and author. One of two children, Malacka was raised in a housing project and faced staggering difficulties from a very early age. Drugs, violence and poverty surrounded Malacka everyday, as well as the pressures to grow up rather quickly because she became a mother at the young age of 15. With the support of her mother, Malacka was determined to not be a victim and commit to changing the course of her journey.Malacka’s creative interests began at the age of 13, when she decided she wanted to have her own cosmetic line one day. There was always an internal fire and energy Malacka possessed that always drew people in. She used this energy and connection in speaking and reading competitions throughout the city. Bringing home awards and first place ribbons only solidified Malacka’s confidence as a bonafide speaker. She loved the feeling she felt, when moving a crowd with her words and the ability to connect to each and every person in the audience. This would be a feeling that would never go away.Becoming a mother at a young age only fueled Malacka’s motivation to provide for herself and her child. Some of the routes taken were not always positive and Malacka openly talks about “selling her soul” for money and material things, as well as being raped at the age of 14. “I was a lost and broken person and did not know who I was,” says Malacka. For three years, Malacka lived a life she is not proud of BUT credits her past to the person she is today. “I had to go through what I went through to become the person I am today,” Malacka continues. Malacka does not regret being a young mother and views her three children as the reason her life has changed for the better.After coping with the negativity in her life and coming clean, someone gave Malacka a valuable word of advice to live by. Malacka was told, “You can overcome anything from abuse, insecurities, hateful rumors...get to know your higher self and let your light guide you through your storms.”Through the storm, Malacka came out on the other side and began to write a book about her life. She knew her story would motivate others with similar backgrounds and obstacles to see the light through the darkness. Malacka also began doing research on developing her cosmetic line and becoming an entrepreneur.As the C.E.O. of Skai Ryan Cosmetics, named after her third child, Malacka fulfilled her passion of becoming a makeup artist. Malacka discussed her love for makeup and said, “Makeup has always been my passion...I always said that if I could wake up every day and make women look and feel beautiful, it would be food for my soul.”As the makeup line expanded and her company became more successful, Malacka focused more on writing her first book. The words began to flow on the pages effortlessly then tragedy struck. Malacka’s mother passed away in November 2012. Malacka instantly lost her focus and motivation to write anything. After six months, Malacka heard her mother’s voice speak to her and told her to write through the pain and those were the words that gave Malacka the courage to write again. At that very moment, she knew she had to complete the book.Writing her first book as the author of “I’m Ready For My Close Up,” Malacka reveals in- depth details about her life and the obstacles that tagged along. Malacka hides no secrets from her readers and lets you into her past without any regrets. “ Believe it or not, I never looked at writing as a passion...Reading was my first love...But after writing my first book, I found that writing is more like a gift as opposed to a passion.” Growing up in Baltimore never influenced Malacka’s writing style. However, what influences Malacka’s style is the way she speaks. “I write the only way I know how and converse with my readers as if I’m having a personal conversation with them...”These personal conversations with readers definitely struck a chord because “I’m Ready For My Close Up” sold out in 20 MINUTES on Amazon.com and several media outlets, including Ebony Magazine, Bleu Magazine and NexxLegacy Radio are buzzing about this tell-all book.In addition to promoting her book, Malacka speaks regularly at high schools in Baltimore City, as well as the Boys & Girls Club, festivals, motivational speaking tours and concerts. During Malacka’s encouraging speeches, she discusses her struggles as a teen, personal insecurities and learning to stay positive. Her objective is to help others understand how to handle life tribulations. Malacka believes “the way battles are defeated is what makes you a warrior.” Malacka targets young women, children and men and offers advice in trying to achieve their dreams. In one of her speeches, found on www.MalackaReed.com, Malacka says, “Your mess is your message, so don’t get discouraged about the mishaps and misfortunes in your lives. Don’t question the storm our creator has asked you to walk through to get to greatness.” Malacka wants girls and women to “find their why” and says, “your why is the reason why you don’t quit...why you must keep going and why you must move all mountains out of your way.”Malacka views herself as a role model because her everyday focus is to motivate and empower women, children and men of all ages, whom she refers to as her Buddaflies. Malacka uses her “social media outlets, YouTube motivational speeches, life coaching and mentoring to uplift and inspire. Every morning, Malacka posts her MakUp Minute on her Instagram and Twitter pages (@MalackaReed1) and the underlining theme is to Spread Your Wings and Fly. Malacka has influenced thousands of people though her genuine and energetic speeches and uplifting words of inspiration. With thousands of admirers, Malacka knows she is being watched every day, but says, “I pay close attention to my behavior and I actually like it because every day I am becoming a better person.”

Book preview

Introduction

It is important that I give you Malacka Reed, all of me! I am no expert nor do I have all of the answers, I am just Malacka; someone who is extremely sensitive on the inside and hard as a shell on the outside. I'm a woman that experiences happiness, sadness, fear, strength, weakness, joy, pain and self-pity.

Many who know me can attest to the fact that I'm always on the defensive. It has taken most of my adult life to come to terms with who I was, who I am and who I aspire to be. I had to break free of self-doubt, guilt, shame, embarrassment, personal confusion and pain in order to blossom. So many times in my life I felt unworthy because I didn't accept myself for my struggles. I had finally broken free of the negative people, places and Malika who is my lower self and fully embrace ME! In spite of all of the turmoil, my WALK is my WALK!

Many of you admire, respect and look up to me in so many ways. I never want to feel like a fraud, I feel that I owe it to you to let you know why and how I became the woman you know and love today. I want you to understand and realize that I am YOU and YOU are me! I invite you to travel this journey with me. I'm ready for my close up, lets ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 1 • The Beginning

My earliest childhood memories began when I was three years old, soon to be four. One distinct memory that forever stands out centers around my mother and father and a long overdue romantic date that they were determined to take. I even remember the date, February 16, 1980. My parents wanted a change of scenery from their everyday life in the projects. My Dad told my Mom that he was taking her to a fancy hotel for the weekend. He promised to have wine and red roses waiting for her. Of course Mommy was beyond excited.

A weekend away: away from the kids, away from her motherly responsibilities ... Mommy could hardly dial my grandmother (my dad's mother) fast enough. My grandmother, excited to have me and my sister, Pie (Dad's other daughter who was also visiting), for the weekend told Mommy that it was an excellent time to come over.

My mother always dressed my siblings and I in nothing but the best. With pretty pink ribbons in my ponytails, a pretty pink dress, white tights, and a gorgeous white fur coat, Mommy dressed me like a doll baby. Even down to my custom made baby shoes with the black patent leather and huge gold buckle on the side straight from Van Dyke & Bacon.

With my bag packed and ready to go, Mommy sent me on my way and out the door with Daddy I went. Daddy carried me on his shoulders because he knew that I loved being as close to the sky as possible. When we finally arrived in the lobby of my grandmother's building (Lafayette project's 131 Building) I put on my best manners and pleaded with my Daddy to let me push the elevator button because I knew that my grandmother lived on the 9th Floor. Daddy always gave me my way but I didn't want to get down from his shoulders. So Daddy leaned down slightly so I would be able to push the UP elevator button. Soon the elevator came, Daddy put me down, and my Dad, another elevator passenger, and I were on our way.

That's the day my whole life changed. I looked over to smile at my Daddy and saw him slowly sliding down the elevator wall. The other passenger on the elevator knew who my Daddy was - everybody did, the Reed family was the family in that hood - and he instantly tried to assist. My Daddy, my hero, had collapsed and at the tender age of 3 years old I was afraid, confused, and scared.

But I was also smart.

I knew my Daddy, who had always been my protector, needed me to now be a big girl and protect him. Remembering that my grandma lived on the 9th Floor, I lead the way to grandma's house as two, kind men carried Daddy in. Another neighbor, a young lady, ran ahead to tell my grandmother what happened to my Daddy and her son, her buddy, and her best friend. Grandma was hysterical and my sister, who happened to be taking a bath at the time, jumped out the tub naked and ran outside. As Grandma dressed Pie, the paramedics arrived and began working hard to save my Daddy's life. My grandmother got a neighbor to phone my mommy to tell her that something was happening to 'Dumpy' and she needed to get to my grandmother's house. Quick!

Mommy was hysterical. As she raced into the lobby she saw my dad's sister, Aunt Margaret, and they both rushed to the elevator and then up to the apartment. When they entered, my uncle grabs them and takes them to the backroom. All I can remember is hearing my mommy screaming, No! No! God, please, no! Get off me! Please let me see him! Mommy got away and ran into the front room where my Daddy lay. I was right there by his side watching as the paramedics worked on him with their pump machine. I can still remember feeling afraid; feeling so scared. I now know that I was too young then to fully understand what was happening but I knew the machine wasn't helping and that my daddy was dying. All I could do was lay in Mommy's lap and let her hold me tight as I cried. Even before the paramedics pronounced that Daddy was gone, I knew that Daddy wasn't doing well. At the age of 25 my daddy had died of a heart attack and the house went crazy with grief. While my daddy was transcending to his next life I was with him - what are the odds of that?

Weeks later Mommy found out she was with child. She later lost the baby due to stress and unhappiness. Mommy never got to go out on her dream date with Daddy and her devastation was almost palatable. Mommy went into a deep depression. February 16, 1980, the day I lost my daddy, started a vicious cycle that plagued my life for years to come - the vicious cycle of losing almost every man that has ever meant anything to me.

Chapter 2 • I Am My Mother's Keeper

Believe it or not, my mother was a plain Jane who considered herself a square. She had long, natural, pretty hair a penny-colored complexion, with attractive freckles that sat in perfect places on her face. There was never a trace of makeup on Mommy's face, she never cared about the latest fashions, however she loved her jewelry. She was always very well put-together and still managed to shine like a diamond.

Mommy's perfectly chiseled cheekbones sat high on her beautiful face. She would lay her eyes on you and people would call her stare intimidating. There were times, people said, that it seemed as if she was looking right through you. Her irises were light brown, but her eyes had a distinct slant. She always looked as if she was wearing eyeliner but that was just her natural beauty.

Mommy weighed about 125 pounds and her body was like sculpted art. Her ass was perfectly shaped and I would often hear people say that you could sit a drink on it. Her legs were thick, strong, and sexy. She was often asked who her trainer was or if she ran track but she was all natural. My mother was the bomb.com! Even when she would take me to school the little boys couldn't wait just to take one look at Mommy and admire her beauty. I took great pride in showing her off. After all, I wanted everyone to see how BAD I was going to be when I grew up. My Mommy was absolutely gorgeous but she was in no way conceited, that just wasn't a part of who she was at all. I always admired my mother's beauty and I wanted to look just like her when I grew up.

A few years after Daddy's transition (passing) Mommy's family and friends encouraged her to get back on the dating scene. Eventually, Mommy agreed and one day Mommy and her friends - Gwen, Maria, and Geraldine - decided to go to the (Baltimore Inner) Harbor. Mommy put on a pair of white shorts that hugged her curves like a glove. She let her hair down, put on some red lipstick that matched the color painted on her nails and toes. Mommy looked stunning, she had a walk that could make a dead dog bark! East Baltimore was not ready. All the ladies looked amazing and Mommy looked so good that everyone started calling out Chaka Khan because their features looked so similar. Mommy got all the attention and while laughing, joking, and having a blast with her friends Mommy was approached by this dapper man named 'Reds'. Reds couldn't help but notice my mother and how attractive she was. Reds walked over to Mommy and asked her name and if she'd care to have a drink with him. Mommy was really intrigued by this man. Mommy had a thing about light-colored eyes on a man so she was really feeling him; so she slipped him her number.

Reds (I called him Mr. Reds) fit the profile and from there it happened. After some dinner dates and long intimate talks Mommy felt it was time to take things to a new level. She began to trust Reds and soon asked him to meet her children. When Mr. Reds walked into our home he couldn't believe his eyes! He must have thought that he was going to walk into a stereotypical project home. But if that was his thought he had another thing coming! My mother's home was immaculate. Projects or not, my childhood home was so clean you could eat off the floor.

The air in our home always smelled like either strawberry or pine. Signs of life were everywhere in our home and live plants lush with beautiful, fresh flowers were thoughtfully placed by my mother throughout the home. Beautifully waxed kitchen floors, carpet through-out the rest and lots of mirrors everywhere. Our bedrooms were decorated beautifully and of course they were spotless. IMPRESSED HE WAS! Mr. Reds had my mother twisted if he thought she was dirty or broke or any of the stereotypical characteristics placed on people who lived in the projects. We may have lived in the projects but we were far from being broke.

Malacka! Martez!, Mommy called to us as I was playing with my dolls. She called again as we came racing down the stairs and when we reached the bottom she said, Let me introduce you to a friend of mine. This is Mr. Reds.

Hi Mr. Reds, I said with the excitement only a 6 year-old can convey.

Hey, Martez said in his nonchalant, laid back voice.

Mommy told my brother and I that she met a new friend and she wanted us to meet him and tell her what we thought. Unimpressed, my brother Martez went back upstairs. But I - Mommy's shadow - stuck around to check Mr. Reds out. I even took it upon myself to ask him a few questions. Do you have any kids? Do you live around here? Mr. Reds said that he lived in Baltimore County and maybe he could take us to where he lives one day. Mr. Reds then asked if I was hungry. I had just had the afterschool snack Mommy had given us when we arrived home so I told him I wasn't hungry.

How about we all go to dinner?, Mr. Reds said.

Sure, I said though I could have sworn I had just said I wasn't hungry. I was really excited about going out.

Mommy gave Mr. Reds a photo album to keep him occupied while she picked out something for us to wear to dinner. Mommy was very photogenic and famous for taking sexy pictures. She was beautiful and she knew it. My mother always took great pride in the way she dressed herself and her children. Even though she was not high into fashion, as children, we were dressed in nothing but the best as my mother wouldn't have it any other way. I wore expensive dresses and shoes. My closet was stuffed with thick wool coats, furs, and dresses. Jeans were not a part of my wardrobe. My brother also stayed fresh so when we came down the stairs together Mr. Reds seemed a little taken back. He said we looked nice but if he thought that he was going to see some old raggedy ass kids; he had that shit twisted!

We all went to Philipp's Seafood downtown at the Inner Harbor. Mr. Reds said, Order whatever you like. This dude was very friendly so as far as I was concerned he had passed the first test. Philipp's was the first dinner of many. We were always dining out or at the mall.

I remember how we lived at the beach one summer.

I remember how one of his vehicles was a pickup truck.

I remember how he would let me and all my friends pile into his truck and take us anywhere we wanted to go.

Those were the fun days; because out of nowhere shit got real!

Reds morphed into a controlling, possessive, insecure maniac. He was crazy. Once he locked my brother and I out of the house for hours. Another time he tried to smother my mother with a pillow. Mommy wanted to leave him because she just couldn't take him or his erratic, controlling behaviors anymore. He put a gun to my mother's head and threatened to kill her if she ever left him.

Mommy always tried to protect us from knowing what was happening in our household. But I noticed that Mommy had stop smiling and the laughter that once rang through our household had been replaced with silence. I have always been intelligent and insightful and even as a child I had this thing about knowing when something was just not right. I knew more than Mommy thought I did. All I wanted to do was protect Mommy from this crazy man who had become a monster of the worse kind. Reds began to physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abuse my mommy; and he didn't stop there! One day my mother received a call from a strange woman telling her that she was fucking her man. The mystery caller had all the details for Mommy including how long they were dating and what they were doing. The icing on the surprise cake was that she had just given birth to a set of twins! Mommy had had enough.

One thing you should know about my mother is that she didn't take shit off of no one. She will send yo ass off in some black trash bags and make you a distant memory if you press her. And in terms of Reds, my mother was already done. One day while he was out Mommy packed all his belongings, had the locks changed, and instructed my Uncle Vernon to take all of Reds' things to his mother's house. Unaware of the information my mother had on him, when Reds arrived at our house later that day he was pissed when he tried to put his key in the lock and the bitch wouldn't twist in the hole! Reds began to kick and bang on the door like the insane maniac that he was. So Mommy called the police. When Reds saw the cops walking up with their sticks in their hand Reds bopped off.

I was a half-day Kindergartener at the time and didn't have to be to school until noon. Usually Mommy would dress me like a doll baby and walk me to school - but not on this day. After helping me get dressed, Mommy knelt down and told me with tears in her pretty, brown eyes that today I would have to walk to school alone like a big girl.

I can do it Mommy. I'm a big girl.

Yes you are sweetie.

After reminding me to look both ways before crossing the street and remembering not to talk to strangers Mommy also added this: If you see Mr. Reds, whatever you do, do not stop and talk to him. Just keep walking. I was smart enough to know that Reds was the reason why Mommy was afraid to leave the house. As I walked down the street I kept looking back and saw Mommy watching me until she couldn't see me anymore.

As I walked to school I noticed Mr. Reds car parked near the building. He said Hi Lakey. But I obeyed Mommy and waved then ran in the building. That was the end of the road for Mommy and this guy Reds but it was the beginning of my lifelong quest to always make my mommy proud and protect her from anything ugly or bad.

Things that happen to us early in life, believe me, it stays with us.

Chapter 3 • Awkward Stage

During elementary school I was known as 'Lil Malacka the Doll Baby'. I got the name from the way my mommy dressed me in ribbons, ruffles, and pretty dresses. All of the teachers loved me. I was always the teacher's pet. One of my First Grade teachers loved me so much that she asked if I could visit at her house one weekend. I was so excited that I went home and asked Mommy if I could go that very day. Mommy said I could because she knew the teacher and knew I was in good hands. I had a ball that weekend. When I returned home my mother, of course, had five thousand questions to ask about my fun-filled weekend. When I got to school on Monday I told my teacher that my mother had asked me so many questions. I even told her that my mommy wanted to know how her house looked! My mother told me I wasn't supposed to tell her that. I was a good listener and an excellent speaker. I always had a lot of mouth and was known to ask a lot of questions and tell everything.

I remember once asking one of my mother's friends if her jacket was leather or pleather? I asked another family friend, who did not have the best set of choppers, Why do you have all those teeth in your mouth? After politely requesting to sit in the lap of an older friend of Mommy's I quietly whispered, Tell me the truth. Are you a lady or a man? Your secret is safe with me. Mommy sometimes found herself apologizing for my questions. I was