The Dixie Virgin Chronicles: Joanna (Book 6)

By Peggy Webb

7 best friends aiming for the altar and willing to break every rule except Rule 4 + 7 unsuspecting heroes = a series that’s more fun than the law allows!

In book 6, Joanna is finally free of the nuns in a conservative school in Spain, and heading home to stir up trouble. She gets more than she bargained for when her guardian, Kirk, turns out to be the man of her dreams. But he’s altar shy, and she’s itching to break Rule 4. With a lot of advice from Dixie Virgins, can Joanna lead Kirk on a merry chase straight to the altar?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Peggy Webb
• Release date: Nov 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9780989955553

Peggy Webb

Peggy Webb is the author of 200 magazine humor columns, 2 screenplays, and 70 books.

Book preview

The Dixie Virgin Chronicles: Joanna

Book Six

Peggy Webb

Copyright 2013 by Peggy Webb, revised second edition, author’s cut/additions

Cover art design 2013 by Kim Van Meter

Copyright © 1989 by Peggy Webb, first edition

All rights reserved

Smashwords Edition

Prologue

From: Joanna ([e-mail])

To: Janet, Clemmie, Belinda, Catherine, Bea, Molly

Re: Free at Last!

I can’t believe I’m finally graduating! I’ll bet the nuns will faint when they have to hand over my degree! As much as I want to get back to the States to see all of you, I can’t go home yet. I’m still smarting from the betrayal of that RAT FINK Fernando. My guardian would take one look and figure it out! It would be just like Kirk to send me off again to some other Godforsaken place till I could get my act together. NO, THANK YOU! I’m going to bum around the coast of Spain a while till I feel like my old self, and THEN I’ll head home!

Oh, I can’t wait to be back in Tupelo! Light a white candle that my plane doesn’t go down over the Atlantic and I die a horrible death before anybody ever gets to discover Virginia!

Big Hugs!!!

Joanna

From: Janet ([e-mail])

To: Joanna, Clemmie, Belinda, Bea, Molly, Catherine

Re: Welcome home!

Joanna, you are not going to die a horrible death! Don’t even think about such a thing. Forget about your Virginia, at least until you decide what’s next for you. I’d suggest graduate school, and then a job and then think about Virginia!

I can’t wait to see you!

XO

Janet

From: Belinda ([e-mail])

To: Joanna, Janet, Clemmie, Bea, Molly, Catherine

Re: Party

Joanna, I’m going to throw a big welcome home party! Janet, can you help? We’ll have it here at the house. Bea, will you be able to leave the citrus grove and come? What about you, Cat? Are you taking finals or have you finished?

Clemmie, can you drive over and help me with the food, or are you and Michael in Hollywood? Quincy is getting almost too old to cook and watch after Betsy and Mark, and I still haven’t learned my way around the kitchen. Mostly, I think, because Reeve keeps me so busy in the bedroom! Happy, happy, but still no signs of a little Lawrence bundle of joy. Sigh!

It seems like you’ve been in Spain forever, and I can’t wait to catch up on everything! Let me know the minute you book your flight home so I can start the party ball rolling.

XOXOXO

Belinda

From: Janet

To: Belinda, Joanna, Bea, Molly, Catherine, Clemmie

Re: Belinda’s party

Of course, I can help!

Janet

From: Clemmie ([e-mail])

To: Joanna, Belinda, Janet, Molly, Catherine, Bea

Re: Food

I’d love to help with the food! Michael and I just got back, and we’re spending the summer in Mississippi. Our honeymoon in Australia was awesome, and he decided to stay there a few months longer and film Devil in the Deep. Of course, I loved being there with him but I got a little homesick for the States. Silly me! All my life I longed for exotic places, and now that I have them, I just want to be home, whether it’s our house here in Peppertown or the one in Hollywood Hills. Thank goodness, my sexy, handsome, incredible husband loves it that I’m a homebody!

Hugs,

Clemmie

From: Molly

To: Joanna, Bea, Janet, Belinda, Catherine, Clemmie

Re: The Big Party

Oh, I’m so excited you’re coming home, Joanna! I’ll be at the party with bells on! I’m itching to see everybody in person and get your advice about my art gallery. I want to throw a big gala for the opening, but I don’t have a clue how to make it spectacular without going over the top. I could ask Sam – he’s so good at everything – but I’m trying to prove that I can be a good business woman and stand on my own two feet. Bea, before you get your panties in a wad, Sam has not asked me to prove a darned thing. He’d be happy if I paraded naked down the street. Well, maybe, not that, but he does realize he didn’t married a staid and steady banker’s wife.

Hugs,

Molly

From: Bea ([e-mail])

To: Joanna, Cat, Clemmie, Janet, Molly, Belinda

Re: The grove

Molly, if you’d said my brother was misbehaving, I was going to give him a swift kick with my new cowboy boots! Russ got them for me at Christmas, and they’re perfect for tromping through the grove. It’s thriving, and so are we! My latest ad campaign has done wonders for the business, and Russ has been able to hire a foreman, which makes it much easier for me to get away. I’ll probably fly. The drive from this part of Florida takes too long, and I can’t bear to be away from Russ for that long. Well, maybe I could bear it, but Virginia would have a hard time!

Hugs,

Bea

From: Catherine ([e-mail])

To: Joanna, Bea, Molly, Janet, Belinda, Clemmie

Re: School, etc.

Are you kidding me? OMG, I’m coming to that party if I have to crawl!

Just finished final exams. Aced them! So happy, but nearly incoherent with fatigue. Vet school is not for the faint hearted!

But then, neither was life in New Orleans with Mother! OMG, she wants me to come home now, and settle down like a respectable lady and marry that darling Wainwright boy. If Billy Joe Wainwright is darling, I’m a turnip!

I’m looking for a job now, preferably as far away from Mother and Billy Joe Wainwright as I can get! Oh, I envy Bea and Molly. Glory Ethel is the most fabulous woman I’ve ever met. Except my Dixie Virgin friends, of course. I can’t wait to see all of you. If I just sit in the corner and blink every now and then, you’ll know it’s because that course in large breed animals nearly fried my brain.

XOXO

Cat

From: Joanna

To: Catherine, Belinda, Bea, Molly, Janet, Clemmie

Re: Plans

OH, a PARTY! How FANTASTIC!!! But you know I don’t make plans. UGH! Still, I’ll let you know when I book my flight home.

Joanna

Smiling, Joanna closed her laptop and picked her iPhone to dial home.

Chapter One

I get out of prison tomorrow.

Joanna held the phone away so Kirk’s reply couldn’t scorch her ear. Near the window, Sister Maria Teresa clutched her Rosary beads and beseeched the ceiling. Praying for patience, no doubt, Joanna thought. Either that or hoping for a last-minute miracle to reform the most reluctant student ever sent to set foot inside the Santa Maria Magdalena Colegio y Conservatorio de Arte y Musica. Joanna felt a small twinge of guilt. Poor old soul. She’d done her best; all the nuns had. It wasn’t that Joanna didn’t like them and didn’t appreciate the fine education she’d received in Madrid. It was simply that she was tired of being told what to do. No, ordered. Her guardian, Kirk Maitland, didn’t tell; he gave orders. And there were so many rules at the school that she could break one without even trying. Being a natural-born rebel hadn’t helped, either.

When the explosive response at the other end of the line died down, Joanna held her mobile phone back to her ear.

I was hoping that four years of study abroad would tame you, Kirk was saying.

Tame me? Is that why you put an ocean between us? Because I’m not tame enough for Tupelo, Mississippi? Or was that dear old Trixie’s suggestion? No sooner had she pranced into Meadow Lane than you shipped me off.

Trixie had nothing to do with the decision, and you know it. I thought you wanted to study art at the Prado. Besides, the Spanish society is protective of young girls. I did it for your own good.

I’m not a girl; I’m a woman. And I’m smothering to death in good intentions.

There was a long pause at the other end of the line. Joanna could picture Kirk, his gray eyes cool and alert, his dark hair short and neat, pondering the matter with the same intensity he brought to his board meetings. Kirk never did or said an impulsive thing—unless Joanna had provoked him to an uncharacteristic rage.

Joanna, there’s no need for you to feel that way. We’ll discuss this matter when you get home, he finally said.

She decided the time was right to break her big news, the main reason she’d called. I have a problem, Kirk. But it’s just a small one.

You said that when you were in Morocco and gave all your money to a con man who passed himself off as a penniless camel driver trying to feed a hungry family. Somehow I don’t feel reassured.

That was two summers ago. This problem is not about money. For once in my life, my bank account is bulging with pesetas. My small problem is that I’m not coming home.

There was a pregnant silence on Kirk’s end of the line. She could imagine him, planning his arguments, planning her future. She hurried on before he could get his thoughts organized. Some friends and I are going down to Marbella. We’re going to bum around the Costa del Sol for a while, further our liberal education.

Dammit, Joanna. I worry about you. You’re a babe in the woods, a wide-eyed innocent who would give the shirt off your back to anybody with a sob story. What am I going to do with you?

She chuckled. Give me a credit card?

You’d buy New York. She heard his resigned sigh, the sound of a man who knows he’s fighting a losing battle. When are you coming home?

When my money runs out. A few weeks, Kirk. Maybe longer. Don’t worry about me.

Promise me one thing, Joanna.

What?

Be careful.

She crossed her fingers behind her back. I will. See you, Kirk. As she hung up, she didn’t feel the least bit guilty about the lie. Being careful was the last thing on her mind. She’d had four years of being told what to do by the nuns. Before that, Kirk had watched over her. Not that she blamed him for being protective. She supposed it came from long habit.

She remembered the first time they’d ever met. She’d been three. The entire family had gathered at Meadow Lane to meet Aunt Sophie, her new husband, Kenneth Maitland, and her new stepson, Kirk. Grandfather Deerfield had been sitting in his favorite high-backed rocking chair on the front porch, sipping a mint julep, listening to Bach through his radio earphones and conducting the imaginary orchestra with dramatic waves of his hand. Joanna’s mother had been flitting in and out the front door, fussing over the refreshments, the flower arrangements and the deteriorating state of Joanna’s white pinafore. And Joanna had been clutching three buttercups to give to her brand-new cousin.

When the big moment came to give the flowers to Kirk, their pitiful heads had lolled on broken stems. Joanna had burst into tears. She would never forget what had happened next. Kirk had bent over her, patted her curls and told her he could fix them. And he had. When he’d taped the broken stems and closed her tiny fist around them, she’d fallen in love as fiercely as her three-year-old heart would allow.

Kirk had been fixing things for her ever since.

But she was no longer three; she was twenty-two and determined to do things her way—for once in her life.

We will miss you, Joanna.

Sister Maria Teresa’s voice brought her out of her reverie. Her English was nearly as perfect as her Spanish.

Joanna smiled. I would have thought you’d be glad to get rid of me.

Sister Maria Teresa laughed. The Lord moves in mysterious ways. I think he used your liveliness to keep some of us old froggies on our toes.

Old fogies, Sister.

See what I mean? Who will correct my slang when you’re gone? She surreptitiously dabbed at her eyes.

Joanna walked over and hugged her. Maybe the Lord will send you another Southern rebel.

Still trying to hide her feelings in laughter, Sister Maria Teresa walked Joanna through the cool stone corridor to the gates of the college; but Joanna saw the tears slide down her cheek and tunnel through the lines of her dear old face.

I’ll write. She said it on impulse, perhaps as a way to atone for all the mischief she’d caused.

In Spanish, Joanna. Sister Maria Teresa wiped her tears openly now, and tried to look stern. You must keep in practice.

Si, tu amigo.

Joanna gave her one last hug, then picked up her suitcase and walked through the gates.

o0o

From: Joanna

To: Clemmie, Belinda, Janet, Bea, Molly, Catherine

Re: Home

I turned the Costa del Sol upside down, and now I’ve got just enough money left for a plane ticket home, so I’m heading your way tomorrow! Give me a few days to settle in and soothe Kirk’s ruffled feathers and deal with that odious ex-wife of his – Trixie. What kind of name is that? It makes her sound like a Chihuahua!

Marbella was FABULOUS! I got a tan, flirted with a whole soccer team, and TOTALLY forgot about that Pig From Hell Fernando!!! See you soon!

Joanna

From: Catherine

To: Joanna, Bea, Clemmie, Janet, Molly, Belinda

Re:

Trixie sounds like a Siamese cat to me. They are so sneaky you can’t turn your back on them for one minute! Hang in there, Joanna. Lighting white candles for your flight!

I got a job offer at the vet clinic Mother uses, but I turned it down. I’m sure she engineered the whole thing! I’m still looking.

Cat

From: Belinda

To: Catherine, Bea, Clemmie, Janet, Molly, Joanna

Re: The party

A little delay works great for me. Reeve is taking me up to the Memphis Peabody for a few days – another of our honeymoon trips. We want to see if I can conceive in different surroundings. Wish us luck!

I met Trixie once at one of those fancy receptions Reeve and I occasionally have to attend. I thought she was a certified PILL!

Belinda

From: Janet

To: Joanna, Molly, Bea, Belinda, Catherine, Clemmie

Re: Stuff

Joanna, I’m glad that’s all you did with the soccer team! Fingers crossed for a safe flight.

Belinda, relax about the baby, okay! I know you want one of your own, but just enjoy Reeve and Betsy and Mark and let nature take its course!

I don’t know Trixie, but if she ever comes to my clinic, I’ll be sure to give her a shot with a big needle!

Janet

From: Molly

To: Joanna, Bea, Clemmie, Belinda, Catherine, Janet

Re: Trixie

I asked Daddy if he knows Trixie. He said yes, she was something of an over-achiever. Translated, that means she married Kirk for his money and probably divorced him for the same reason! Oh, he’s too nice for that!

Molly

From: Bea

To: Joanna, Belinda, Molly, Catherine, Clemmie, Janet

Re: The witch

Am I the only one who doesn’t know Trixie? I’d offer advice, but the chocolate cake thing turned out to be such a disaster, I’m keeping my mouth shut till I can see the witch for myself. Then, if you need help kicking her butt, I’m your girl!

Bea

From: Clemmie

To: Joanna, Bea, Janet, Belinda, Molly, Catherine

Re: Stateside

It will be so wonderful to have all the Dixie Virgins Stateside! We’re going to have a wonderful reunion, and I’m crossing my fingers that Trixie is not as bad as everybody thinks, Joanna. Oh, I hope not! I want your homecoming to be perfect!

Clemmie

P.S. I’m already making cheese straws for the party!

o0o

Joanna left Marbella on a sunny afternoon,