The Dixie Virgin Chronicles: Catherine (Book 7)

By Peggy Webb

7 best friends aiming for the altar and willing to break every rule except Rule 4 + 7 unsuspecting heroes = a series that’s more fun than the law allows!

A dream job as circus veterinarian + a sexy writer + a missing baby elephant = mayhem for Catherine. Can her best friends stir up enough trouble to help the last of the Dixie Virgins find her missing pachyderm and land her man?

“What a refreshing series! The Dixie Virgins Chronicles are clever, witty, and good, clean fun.” Sandra Fortune, Ed. D.

“A rousing and hilarious story with never a dull moment.” Affaire de Coeur

“Peggy Webb is a comic genius.” NYT bestselling author Charlotte Hughes

• Language: English
• Publisher: Peggy Webb
• Release date: Nov 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9780989955560

Peggy Webb

Peggy Webb is the author of 200 magazine humor columns, 2 screenplays, and 70 books.

Book preview

The Dixie Virgin Chronicles: Catherine

Book Seven

PEGGY WEBB

Copyright 2013 by Peggy Webb, revised second edition, author’s cut/additions

Cover art design 2013 by Kim Van Meter

Copyright © 1992 by Peggy Webb

All rights reserved

Smashwords Edition

Prologue

From: Catherine ([e-mail])

To: Joanna, Bea, Molly, Janet, Clemmie, Belinda

Re: The circus

You’re not going to believe this! The woman who was doing the elephant act left the circus without saying a word, and I’ve been asked to take her place under the Big Top. OMG! I told the owners I’m a vet, and I don’t know a thing about performance, but they said I’m the only one who can handle the elephants. I have to admit I have a knack for the big beasts. The tigers and lions tolerate me, but Elmer and Elvira and Angel LOVE me! That’s twelve tons of pachyderm affection!

I’ve decided to give it a whirl! You know how I love sparkle, and the costumes are outstanding! Besides, we’re just a small 3-ring circus, a dying breed of Big Top shows under canvas. Ringling and the larger circuses dominate now, and all their performances are in big-city coliseums.

The only downside I can see to being part of the Big Top entertainment is that Billy Joe might see a picture of me and hunt me down. So far, I’ve been able to avoid the unwelcome embrace of the ridiculous Mr. Wainwright, much to Mother’s dismay. Still, I don’t plan to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder for the man who just won’t give up!

Gotta run! Mickey, the dear, fatherly little clown I told you about, is going to show me some tricks of the previous elephant trainer.

XOXO

Cat

From: Belinda ([e-mail])

To: Catherine, Clemmie, Janet, Bea, Molly, Joanna

Re: Star

What fun, Cat! You’ll be the star of the show! Speaking of stars, my own little Lawrence star is kicking like the devil! I’m big as a barrel, and I swear I’m going to give birth to a soccer player. Reeve is equally convinced I’m carrying a little princess and he’s treating me like a queen! I’m so happy I could burst! And I expect I will in few weeks!

XOXO,

Belinda

From: Clemmie ([e-mail])

To: Catherine, Belinda, Joanna, Janet, Bea, Molly

Re: It’s a wrap

Cat, that’s marvelous! You will shine, as you always do!

Michael and I finally wrapped up filming. Getting to know Tom Cruise beats the heck out of canning pickles and knitting pot holders. I’m totally smitten with movie making! I’ve already started writing another screenplay. As soon we wrap up the film edit here in Hollywood, we’ll be flying back to Peppertown to take a little breather. And to work on having a baby! That’s right, Belinda, I’ve got baby fever, and so has Michael. Not that we don’t work on the baby-making process all the time (happy sigh), but Michael thinks our little Mississippi house is much more relaxing and conducive to conception! I do hope he’s right. I can’t wait to be big as a house!

Hugs,

Clemmie

From: Molly ([e-mail])

To: Catherine, Belinda, Clemmie, Janet, Bea, Joanna

Re: Cat’s show

OMG, Cat! When is your first show? Is the circus coming anywhere close to Florence? I’m dying to see you perform! You’ll be SPECTACULAR!

Belinda, I’m so happy for you, and Clemmie I just know you’ll be the next Dixie Virgin to get pregnant! I’m going to light a white candle for you and do a naked fertility dance under the moon. In the privacy of my own back yard, of course, and I know Sam will get all kinds of wonderful ideas! We’re having SUCH FUN we’re going to wait a while to share our lives with a little person who demands attention almost 24-7! At least, we plan to wait! At the rate we’re going, it’ll be a miracle if I don’t end up joining the Dixie Virgin pregnancy brigade!

Sam and I both have lots we want to do. The art gallery is finished, and I’m going to plan an opening! Any ideas?

Much love,

Molly

From: Janet ([e-mail])

To: Catherine, Molly, Belinda, Bea, Joanna, Clemmie

Re: Fun

Cat, you’re an amazingly strong and independent woman! You can do whatever you set your mind to! Knock ‘em dead under the Big Top!

Oh, I wish I could see you! I lost that little patient I told you about, and it was so hard I thought I might leave the profession altogether. Dan and I are trying to find a time to get away, but his school year is not over, his little soccer team needs him, and I’ve got patients running out my ears. A weekend would be the best we can manage right now, but it hardly seems worth the time to drive to Memphis and be cooped up in the city.

Oh, I didn’t mean to be a sourpuss! Clemmie, call Belinda or me the minute you get home! Now that Joanna’s back from her honeymoon, the four of us can all have lunch like we did last summer. I’d love that!

Molly, maybe you can drive over from Florence and join us! I’ll bet the five of us could come up with a humdinger of a party for your grand opening!

XO

Janet

From: Joanna ([e-mail])

To: Catherine, Clemmie, Belinda, Janet, Bea, Molly

Re: the boat

Cat, I want to see you perform with the elephants! Now that I’m back from the MOST WONDERFUL HONEYMOON IN THE WORLD, and married to the SEXIEST, SWEETEST, YUMMIEST, SMARTEST, MOST DELICIOUS, MOST AMAZING MAN IN THE UNIVERSE, I just know I can talk Kirk into coming to see the circus!

Janet, you and Dan can have our boat, the Joanna, any weekend you want, and I won’t take no for an answer! It’s docked up at Pickwick, and you can just go up there and veg out in the great outdoors, or you can take it anywhere you want. As much as I ADORED sailing for three months, I’ll have to admit that I’m glad to finally be on terra firma.

Molly, use lots of balloons and plenty of champagne and maybe even a carousel, but no live animals. Remember my fifth birthday party where Grandfather Deerfield had live ponies that pooped everywhere!

Belinda, I want to see your big baby belly!!! I can’t wait to have one of my own! Kirk wants to wait, but it’s only because he thinks I need time to enjoy my freedom from the nuns at school. He’s still lovably stubborn, but so am I. I may just have to poke a hole in his condom!

Big Hugs!!!

Joanna

From: Bea ([e-mail])

To: Catherine, Molly, Joanna, Janet, Belinda, Clemmie

Re: Hole in the condom

Joanna, if you poke a hole in the condom, don’t tell another soul except the Dixie Virgins! Your secret is safe with us!

Cat, you don’t have to perform unless you want to! I know the costume is cute, but for God’s sake, what were all those years of school in veterinary medicine for? You’re so smart in so many ways, I’ve always pictured you having your own clinic. Janet did it with pediatrics, and I know you can do the same with vet medicine!

Still, listen to me, dishing out advice when I’m the one who needs it! Russ is ready to have a baby, and though I want kids and told him so, I still can’t get past my own daddy leaving Glory Ethel to raise Sam and me all by herself. Oh, I know I’ve made up with Taylor Adams, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten.

So help! What am I going to do?

Hugs,

Bea

From: Janet

To: Bea, Molly, Joanna, Clemmie, Belinda, Joanna

Re: Pregnant

Bea, do not get pregnant just because Russ wants you to. That’s the worst reason in the world to have a baby! Start another ad campaign, and tell him you’re too busy to think about anything else till that’s over.

Janet

From: Belinda

To: Bea, Janet, Joanna, Molly, Clemmie, Catherine

Re: Baby

Bea, I don’t agree with Janet. Once the baby is growing inside you, you’ll simply fall in love, and nothing else will matter!

Belinda

From: Catherine

To: Bea, Janet, Joanna, Molly, Clemmie, Belinda

Re: Ditto

Ditto what Janet said. Sorry, Belinda! We’re independent women, remember! You don’t even have to make up an excuse. Just tell him no.

Cat

From: Molly

To: Bea, Janet, Joanna, Clemmie, Belinda, Catherine

Re: Fun

Bea, tell him you’re having waaay too much fun to get pregnant yet. Make sure you’re in the bedroom when you tell him, and be sure to have on your sexiest outfit. Then show him how much fun he’ll be missing if you get pregnant right now!

Molly

From: Clemmie

To: Bea, Janet, Joanna, Molly, Belinda, Catherine

Re: baby

I’m the worst one to advise you, Bea. My temperature is up, it’s the middle of my cycle, and I’ve put silk sheets on the bed and doused myself with Michael’s favorite perfume. He’s racing home from the studio right this minute!

Later!

Clemmie

From: Joanna

To: Bea, Molly, Clemmie, Belinda, Janet, Catherine

Re: Virginia

Bea, I LOVE Molly’s advice. Turn Virginia loose on Russ and he won’t know whether he’s coming or going!

Cat, have you found a Mr. Perfect yet? Oh, I DO HOPE you find him soon. Your Virginia will thank you!

Joanna

Cat was smiling when she shut off her email. Maybe there’d be a Mr. Perfect for her – if Billy Joe would vanish and her past would go up in a puff of smoke – but first she had to put some spit and polish on her elephant act.

Chapter One

As Tyler West bought himself a huge cotton candy on the midway and made his way through the sparse crowd toward the Big Top, he overhead a woman telling her husband that she was bound and determined to see a circus before she died. He loved that phrase. It was one of the many Southern sayings he had added to his vocabulary since leaving the bright lights of Boston and coming to Mississippi. In fact, he loved everything about the South—the soft summer nights, the clean air, the rolling hills and green pastures, the sense that time sometimes stood still in order for man to get in touch with his soul. He even enjoyed the people who often took a righteous stance when a sensible one would do just as well.

Win your girl a teddy bear, mister?

The person who had spoken was a hesitant young man, his hair slicked back with grease and his face dotted with pimples. Tyler stopped in front of a booth filled with cheap, stuffed teddy bears.

That sounds like a fine idea to me. He gave the young man his money and a smile, then picked up a ball and tossed it toward the three weighted targets that were shaped like cats and stacked into a pyramid. He got them all on the first throw.

Gee, you’re good, mister. The young man was clearly disappointed as he handed Tyler a stuffed teddy bear. Judging by the sparse crowd, business was scarce.

One bear won’t be enough. Tyler paid for six more rounds. If I give one of my women a teddy bear, the rest of them will get jealous. Might as well win something for everybody.

Tyler won two more bears, then decided to aim off to the sides. He didn’t fancy lugging more than three bears around the rest of the day, and anyhow, he didn’t want the bears. He merely wanted to give the young man a reason to feel good about business. His next pitch rolled harmlessly across the sawdust.

Say, don’t I know you from somewhere? the young man asked as the fourth ball went astray.

Could be. I’m Tyler West.

The writer! Say... didn’t you write that story about the man who took on a whole town of bad guys and all the women thought he was hot stuff? What was the name of it?

Man of Steel.

Right! Had that big brawny guy from the TV series playing the movie lead. Boy, he was something. The young man reached over the counter and pumped Tyler’s hand. The name’s Wayne Stevens, sir, and it’s a real pleasure to make your acquaintance.

As Tyler shook Wayne’s hand, he was tempted to give some fatherly advice about pursuing a career instead of following the circus. Fortunately he remembered how it was to be young and adventurous. At thirty-five he still knew how it was to be adventurous, though his exploits weren’t nearly as daring as they had been when he was in his twenties.

Wayne got chatty while Tyler threw his last two balls.

I’ve been with this circus for two years now, and I can tell you it’s one of the finest in operation. Are you going to the Big Top?

I plan to.

Good, ‘cause I wouldn’t want you to miss Catherine the Great.

Who is Catherine the Great?

The elephant trainer. Man, she’s something else. Has those big old elephants eating out of her hand, and her just a little bitty woman. Good-looking, too. Man alive, she’s the best looking woman I’ve ever seen.

I’ll check her out. Thanks.

"Thank you, Mr. West."

Tyler left the teddy bear booth bearing his trophies and whistling, and meandered through the crowd toward the Big Top. The show had already started by the time he arrived. The lion tamer was just finishing his act. Applause from the dozen or so spectators echoed pitifully in the huge canvas tent. Tyler took his seat front and center.

He didn’t have to wait long for Catherine the Great. She was the next act, and she was every bit as gorgeous as Wayne had said. Tyler grinned with satisfaction. He was going to get his money’s worth after all.

He leaned back in his seat and watched the show. The elephants could have been standing on their heads for all he knew. He was watching the elephant trainer. Her body was lush—long-legged and slim-waisted, but with the curvy hips and generous breasts that made a man dream of many pleasures.

The fates were smiling on him today. The