Dumped: A Guys' Guide to Breakin' Up and Movin' On

By Kurt Callum

Men have been left in the wild and completely on their own with no books or resources to help them through a breakup. "Dumped" is by a man, for men and addresses the unique, gender-specific feelings, questions and challenges men face during this emotionally difficult time.

Written in a funny, engaging, sometimes embarrassing and brutally honest format these anecdotes and personal stories range from the hilarious to the embarrassing; from the grief-stricken to the pragmatic, and they are just as compelling as they are practical.

Touching on topics as diverse as anger management, strip clubs, therapy and porn, "Dumped" seeks to dispel the myths surrounding the way men handle breakups and elevate the discussion in order to help men get through this tumultuous period in a way that is healthy, responsible and male. For women, it's an unfiltered, invaluable and insightful look into what really goes on in a man's head and heart. Surprises guaranteed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kurt Callum
• Release date: Aug 27, 2013
• ISBN: 9780992047511

Kurt Callum

I'm a hopeful romantic, obsessively practical, sports and video game loving (and playing) guy with a compulsive need for travel and adventure. I consider myself a regular dude and live in a city near you - if your definition of near is within 5000 miles.

Book preview

To whomever is reading this, if you are the dumpee do not despair. This guide will help you lick your wounds (or get someone else to), heal your heart (‘cause us guys have 'em too), and get you back into this messy game of love (which we all like to play – bodychecks and all).

If you are the dumper, put down this book and back away from the table. This isn’t about you anymore. We respect your decision and your inherent right to make it, but we’re still in the first two stages of grief (denial and anger) and will be for a while (or at least until chapter 4), so let us be. Oh, and one other thing – GO F*** YOURSELF!

INTRODUCTION

I decided to write this book about a day after I got royally dumped. It was a term a good buddy used (yeah I know, niiiiice) and it stung like a sonofabitch, but it was accurate nonetheless, once I had come to terms with what had just happened.

But before I get into my story and the lessons I hope we can learn from it, I think a couple of definitions would be useful.

dumped, dump•ing, dumps

verb transitive

1.To release or throw down in a large mass.

2.To empty out (a container or vehicle), as by overturning or tilting.

3.a.To get rid of; discard

b.Informal. To discard or reject unceremoniously: dump a boyfriend.

4.To place (goods or stock, for example) on the market in large quantities and at a low price.

5.Slang. To knock down; beat.

verb intransitive

1.To fall or drop abruptly.

2.To discharge cargo or contents; unload.

noun

1.Vulgar Slang. An act of defecating.

Once again, and particularly with that last definition, niiiiice!

With that out of the way, let me just share a bit about the format of this tome.

This book, while called DUMPED ('cause it’s a catchy title), is about getting over relationships. The information contained herein is designed to be useful to all guys going through a breakup, whether that breakup is from a short or long term relationship, including marriage. The goal of this book is to use my own experience and the collective wisdom of our fellow men to discover how to deal with such life altering moments with a sense of humour and in a way that is healthy, responsible and male.

In many ways, it’s reclaiming or reframing this sense of maleness or masculinity, that informs the seed of this book. In fact, it’s that male thing that got this whole project started.

When I got dumped I had a tide of overflowing emotion and felt I needed somewhere to turn and someone to guide me through the mess my life had suddenly, overnight, become. But I didn't just want advice that was for men - more importantly - I wanted to hear another voice that was male. Am I allowed to feel this way? Is crying weak? Is anger bad? Have any other men felt the way I'm feeling or is it just me? Problem was, when I went to the library, the local mega-book store or the Internet, there was all this information specifically geared to women, and none - zippo, nada, zero, zilch - for men. This really confused me. And pissed me off. I remembered being surprised 5 years earlier when I had separated from my wife, but I figured in the interim, surely someone would have had the wherewithal, or just the balls, to write and publish something for us guys. But nope, it just hadn’t happened.

Frustrated beyond belief I decided I’d read all the women's help stuff anyway and see if it would apply to me. While some of the information was useful (like learning the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), I truly believe that men and women are so different in our emotional lives - not any less feeling mind you, but just...different - that we need information, advice, and a format that is unique to ourselves. Hence this book!

This book is divided into 12 chapters - one for each month of the year, and yes, just like a 12 step program. I mean, let’s be real...I’m writing a freakin’ book here that needs to sell and everybody and their dog has heard of the 12 steps. That, and 12 steps are simple, concise, have a beginning, a middle, an end, and most importantly - a goal.

This book starts in November because that was the first month after my breakup, and ends in October of the following year. Of course, these months are arbitrary for you and they could just as easily start anywhere as long as there are 12 of them in a row!

Within each chapter you will find an account of my own personal experience during that month, plus some questions, some from me and some from other men I’ve interviewed, that need to be answered in order for us to cope and move forward.

In addition, each chapter ends with a bunch of stuff that I think will help you through the month. A quote (to motivate and heal), as well as movies to watch (to learn, laugh and take your mind off things), and alcohol to drink (to keep it interesting). I was thinking of including a porn site of the month (as we know we all use it), but figured you have this area covered and hardly need my help. The only note I’ll make is to not feel guilty or allow anyone else to make you feel guilty for using porn. It’s here to stay and serves a useful purpose. There's also a playlist with tunes that I think will help put an