My Los Angeles Days

By Michael Holmes

Moving to Los Angeles can be an eye-opening experience - especially if you're from Iowa. "My Los Angeles Days" is a collection of short stories from comedian Mike Holmes, focusing on his first five years living in Los Angeles.
The second in a series of three books, "My Los Angeles Days" highlights Mike's unusual relationships with the city's characters. From Pablo, the retired boxer who lived in his building, to Snake, a homeless man occasionally employed by the Navy who lived outside of his day job. "My Waterloo Days" is a hilarious collection of many of the stories that Mike has used to earn a reputation as one of the best storytellers on the LA comedy scene.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Holmes
• Release date: Aug 19, 2013
• ISBN: 9781467585071

Book preview

MY LOS ANGELES DAYS

By

Michael S. Holmes

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PUBLISHED BY:

Holmespun Content on Smashwords

My Los Angeles Days

Copyright © 2013 by Holmespun Content

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Crazy Ramon

Look Okay?

Snake

Sherwin Hills

Let Me Get a Cigarette

Sip of Diet Coke

Frederick

Two for the Title

Pablo

Gas Leak

Chameleon Dave Winfield

Spider Bite

Hngry Kid

Casas

Showing Off

Michiko

Christmas Crash

Shelley's iPhone

Freeway Dog

Rose Bowl Parade

Crab Salad

Get In

Mercedes v. Julio

Meshi

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MY LOS ANGELES DAYS

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Crazy Ramon

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I got a part-time job working at a Sherwin-Williams paint store in Westwood. I had worked for Sherwin-Williams in Chicago for four years before I moved so it was easy to transfer into a new store. Unfortunately, it was not nearly as easy to get along with one of my new bosses.

The assistant manager of the store was a guy named Ramon who was crazy. Ramon was very crazy. He was so crazy, he pronounced the word 'cray-cee.' Something I know well because he spent the entire day at work reminding me. "Mike, I'm cray-cee. I'm so cray-cee. Last night I had breakfast for dinner, because I'm cray-cee. Last week I parked on a really steep hill, then didn't use my parking brake and pointed my wheels towards the street. Cause I'm cray-cee."

He referred to himself as 'Crazy Ramon.' He called into work once on his day off and said, Hey, what's up? It's me, Crazy Ramon. So I said, Oh hey what's up, Crazy Ramon? It's me, Emotionally Stable Mike. There was a long pause. Then he said, "Oh man, you're cray-cee."

The general manager of the store was not cray-cee. He was a young kid in his early twenties named Jason, who made it possible to put up with Ramon. One day I came into work, and Jason was on the break room floor doing sit-ups. I asked him what he was doing because it seemed kind of cray-cee and he explained he was going to do it every day at lunch to try to get in shape.

We got to talking and, at some point, I mentioned that I had an Ab Roller. If you don't know, an Ab Roller is a wheel with handlebars coming out of each side that you roll on the floor. I had one left over from when I used to care so I told him he could have it. He said to bring it in.

I brought the Ab Roller in on a Friday and Jason used it during lunch. When he finished he set it on a shelf in the back room, five feet off the ground. I watched him put it there, so I am positive.

On Monday when I came into work, Crazy Ramon was MIA. I asked why and Jason told me that over the weekend, Crazy Ramon, while working alone, slipped and fell after accidentally stepping on my Ab Roller. He was now in the hospital with back injuries and had hired a lawyer to sue Sherwin-Williams.

I told Jason I saw him put it on a shelf. He said that was the last place he saw it, but Crazy Ramon's lawsuit claimed it was out in the middle of the floor. So I asked to see the Ab