Shattered (Shattered Hearts Series)

By Nicole Banks

Jasmine

I’m broken.
Damaged goods, if you will.
I’ve tried to escape my past, but it leaves me exhausted—wanting to end it all, because there’s nothing left for me.
Until him.
Until he comes home and sparks something inside of me I thought had been ripped away from me.
He’s my best friend’s brother, and there’s a line we shouldn’t cross, no matter how much his touch heals my broken parts.

Angel

I was finally home, hoping to escape the guilt and nightmares that clung to my skin—but one look in her sad brown eyes tells me the ghosts of my failures aren’t as far away as I hoped.
She’s the one thing my messed-up mind clings to, and I know I shouldn’t cross that line with her, but the solace I find in her arms is too tempting to resist.

***WARNING:This novel is intended for mature readers only.
Novel contains a rape scene. While the content isn’t overly graphic to some, reader discretion is advised.***

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nicole Banks
• Release date: Feb 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301297221

Nicole Banks

Nicole Banks graduated with a Bachelor’s in forensic psychology from John Jay College. She was born and raised in New York. She loves writing, music and dancing. Shattered started as a school assignment for one of her free writing college courses and it has morphed into so much more. She is currently working on Volume 2 of the Shattered Series. Nicole's book won the 2012 Professional Publications Facebook Writing Contest.

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 by Nicole Banks.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, organizations, events, and products are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

Printed in the United States of America.

Editing by Rosemi Mederos

Formatting by: Champagne Book Design

Cover Design by: Emma Rider at Moonstruck Cover Design & Photography

Photography by: Reggie Deanching

Cover Models: Araceli Velazquez

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Acknowledgments

Author’s Note

Epigraph

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

About the Author

My Mom and Monsta: I love you. Thank you for believing in me and for all your support.

Short Stuff and Mama Gina (aka the wives): You two are the most wonderful people I’ve ever been graced to know. Our love of books has definitely inspired me to push for this dream to come true.

We will run the world! We have scripts to follow; chop-chop, ladies. Let’s make all our dreams a reality.

Author’s Note

This book is completely fictional.

It contains adult themes

This novel is intended for mature readers only.

In all, it’s better to be broken down to our lowest point than just broken a little. For when we are at our lowest point, we have no choice but to surge forward.

—Unknown

PLEASE DON’T DO THIS. I don’t want this.

Oh, but you do. You think I haven’t noticed the way you like to tease me these past few months? You’re mine, Jasmine.

Get off me. Please.

Shut the fuck up!

No! No, just stop, please, just stop. Why was this happening again? Please, just let me go.

I can’t, Jasmine. I own you, now and always. He rubbed his hands through my hair. Don’t worry, my sweet girl. I’m going to make sure you never forget that.

Yo, Jas, get up!

I jerked awake, taking a second to find my bearings. I looked around, trying to figure out exactly where I was. The hazy fog I was in started to lift, and I realized I was in my room, safe.

It was only a dream.

It wasn’t happening again.

He was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. We made sure of it.

So why the hell did I keep having these nightmares?

It was bad enough I had to live through it. I went to therapy—tried everything to drive out those memories of that day, but I could never seem to escape it. He was always there on the edge of my subconscious reminding me I could never truly escape him.

Jas, why are you sleeping? It’s not even ten yet. We have a party to go to, remember? Why aren’t you at least dressed?

Because I had no intention of going to yet another party where I did nothing but stand around twiddling my thumbs. I hated it. As much as I used to live for them, now it just seemed like they were another way for me to feel suffocated.

I’m not going, Kris.

Um, yeah, you don’t really have much of a choice. You and my brother have kept in touch with your little letters since he left. She put up a hand, quickly cutting off whatever protest I had. What? You didn’t think I knew? Anyway, you’re not gonna sit here and miss an opportunity to see him. So, let’s go—in the shower.

I groaned; she knew about the letters.

It wasn’t that it didn’t make sense for me and her brother to keep in touch while he was overseas. We’d all been friends together since we were in diapers, so it made sense for us to talk. But I wasn’t sure that writing to your best friend’s brother every single day since he left was normal. I didn’t read too much into it, but I knew if Kris knew just how much we actually kept in touch, she’d get some funny ideas and try to sniff something out that wasn’t there to begin with.

I’m not going, Kris. I repeated myself. Her brother was home now, I could see him any time I wanted. No one would be looking for me at this party; it really didn’t matter if I went or not. Give Angel my best. I’m sure I’ll see him tomorrow.

She crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. Nope, no and no. You and I both know you want to see him tonight. But, she shrugged, if you’re really not up to partying, we can always stay in and work through that dream I just woke you up from.

I threw the sheets off and stomped past Kris. She was sporting a smile from ear to ear because she just won, and all it made me want to do was throttle her.

She was about five foot three, if I was being generous, and could barely see over anything. But she managed to see everything I hadn’t been able to say these past couple of years when the world was trying to bury me. I was grateful that she wasn’t the type of friend who pushed for answers I couldn’t give and instead just waited for me to come to her.

The way I was feeling tonight after that dream, I knew everything I had been holding in would have eventually slipped out if we had a girls night in. I didn’t want to burden her with secrets I kept. I couldn’t. The last person who knew the truth had gotten hurt and I didn’t want that to happen again.

Two hours in and I was already regretting coming out tonight.

Kris’ brother wasn’t here yet, which was totally typical of him. He could never get anywhere on time. Most of the people here ignored me, through no fault of their own. I chose to shut everyone out. I never saw the point in getting to know someone again because I couldn’t trust they wouldn’t try to hurt me.

Kris was off being her crazy self—center of attention and dancing in the middle of the dance floor. I had the much harder task of holding up the wall, which was my usual position any time Kris had been able to drag me out of the house. I stayed in the background, trying to disappear and not be noticed.

Once upon a time, I had been just like Kris. I was always in the middle of everything with her. We were dubbed the Terrible Two because of the mayhem we used to cause. Now, she was just the Terrible One, missing her sidekick.

I let out a breath, debating how quickly I could make it to the front door and back home before Kris realized I was gone. I’d shown up, stayed longer than I wanted to, and it was time to go. I really could see her brother anytime I wanted now.

The front door swung open, and more people poured into the party, currently blocking my exit. My groan got caught in my throat, and my thoughts scattered as the man of the hour finally graced us with his presences.

He was six foot three with emerald green eyes, which if you looked deep enough, allowed you the tiniest glimpse into what he was thinking. He had light caramel skin and a toned, muscular build. He looked incredible. He was big before he left for the Marines, but now he seemed impossibly large—he made the house feel smaller.

Power radiated off of him in waves. He definitely had a don’t-fuck-with-me vibe going, and when I was younger, I would have been the first one in line to mess with him, just to see if I could piss him off. Now, seeing him command the attention of the party without even speaking gave me a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I watched him make his way across the floor, greeting people. Something was different about him tonight, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But then he smiled at someone, and I was taken back to when we were younger. It was like looking at the kid I once knew.

His smile could light up an entire room. If you had a bad day and you saw his smile, every worry was forgotten. His smile got him into trouble, but most of the time, it got him out of trouble too.

I noticed after a while that his smile wasn’t really reaching his eyes. Those eyes looked so haunted. He looked guarded, as if he was afraid something would jump out and attack him at any second.

I saw him walk up to Kris, and she practically jumped into his arms. Finally, her big brother was home after what had seemed like forever. She beamed with happiness at the sight of him, and he was just as happy to see her.

He kissed her cheek and scanned the party. I’d bet he was taking stock of all the girls he could bed for the night. From his letters, the last time was a very long time ago for him, and where he was stationed, the girls were few and far between.

His gaze fell on me, and his heart-stopping grin splayed across his gorgeous face. I couldn’t help myself. I was grinning too and waved at him like a fool.

Angel made his way over to me, eating up the distance purposely with his long stride. Letting my little sis dress you, I see. He laughed and I didn’t realize till that moment how much I actually missed it. He was familiar to me in a way that felt safe—something I hadn’t felt in years.

She’s not—maybe she did, tonight. I smiled. What gave it away? This really isn’t Kris’ style. I had on denim shorts and a tank top that bared my stomach. It was pretty tame from what I used to wear, but a vast improvement from always being covered up.

He chuckled. The last two times I was here, you were in sweats and it was the middle of the summer. His gaze roamed over my body, and I felt a slight pull in my stomach. It didn’t scare me, but I wasn’t all that eager to decipher the feeling either.

You look good, Jas. There was something in his tone that made me want to step back and retreat off into a corner somewhere. I swallowed past the uneasy feeling that was trying to wrap itself around me and take me prisoner again.

Angel was safe.

I tried to hold on to that feeling from only moments ago. Thank you for the compliment. I clean up nice, don’t I?

You definitely do. I’ll give you that.

Oh shit, two compliments in a row. Ladies and gentlemen, hell is freezing over. I tried to lighten the mood hoping to put us back on the same level we were moments ago, when he was still safe. But when Angel chuckled the sound hit me in places that were foreign and familiar—places I thought for sure had died along with everything else after my incident. I could’ve sworn I was feeling something spark between us, but I didn’t trust myself to be sure.

Angel pulled me off the wall, drawing me closer to him. His big hands cupped my face. I was tall—about five foot eight, and I came up to his chin. I barely had to look up, but when I did, I sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes were a storm brewing beneath the surface. There was so much pain and guilt and maybe something else, but I couldn’t figure it out.

I didn’t know it till I saw you, but I think I’ve missed you the most. He leaned in, resting his head against mine. I hadn’t been this close to someone of the opposite sex since the incident. The feeling was overwhelming—both good and bad. I held my breath, waiting to see what he would do.

It’s crazy. After all this time, you still smell like raspberries. I wish— Angel cleared his throat, stopping whatever he was going to say. He took a deep breath before he stepped back, giving me room to breathe, and I sucked in as much oxygen as I could without making myself dizzy. I was hot and lightheaded, and the room seemed to spin around me in a blur, but Angel remained in focus.

He rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes scanned the party before they fell back on me. Come dance with me, Jas.

It took me a minute to realize he’d just spoken and what he said wasn’t a request. Had I imagined what was brewing between us?

Earth to Jasmine. You didn’t hear me? Angel chuckled. Let’s dance.

I shook my confusion away. You don’t dance. I don’t dance anymore either.

Angel arched an eyebrow in my direction. Oh, Love, you have no idea what I can and can’t do. Don’t make me beg for it.

I don’t care if you beg me or not. I’m not dancing. I’m sure all these girls here would be eager to dance with you. I stepped back into my space against the wall, wondering what was going on with Angel tonight and what was going on with me for that matter. I’m good right here, Angel.

Angel stepped forward, invading the safety net I always found standing against a wall and away from everyone. His hands were on my hips and I felt it then, a little zap that made my heart race with something other than fear.

I didn’t come here for them, Jasmine. I want you. One song, one dance. That’s it. Please. Those green eyes of his bore into mine, almost begging me to see what he was saying underneath the words he spoke.

But all too quickly the seriousness in his gaze was gone, and it was replaced with a smile that made him more adorable than necessary.

The music started to change, and I could hear the first notes of a reggae song blaring through the speakers. Right away I recognized the tune, it was one of my favorites: Ricky Blaze’s Just You and I.

Angel started moving his hips in time to the beat and pulled me off of the wall, away from the safety of being invisible. I couldn’t hide if we moved closer to the dance floor. We’d be the center of attention, something I wanted to continue to avoid. If no one saw me, no one could hurt me.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell Angel to chill—to make some lame joke about his attempt to show me he could dance now, when he pulled my hips closer to his. My body stiffened at first, my mind automatically trying to go back to that time I just wanted to forget.

Calm down, Jas.

Angel is safe.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and my mouth went dry, trying desperately to keep myself from falling down the rabbit hole of memories. I wish I could take a torch to them and watch them burn out of my mind, erasing any sign they existed at all because if they didn’t exist, I could go back to being a normal girl who could enjoy a simple dance.

Angel stopped moving. Hey, what’s wrong?

Nothing. I just really don’t…. I let out a breath. I can’t dance.

His hands were back on my face, and there was a softness now to him as he watched me, searching for answers I could never give. Before I left, you and my sister used to own the dance floor. I miss that energy. So many times I wanted to join you guys but I didn’t. I’m home and I can join you now. It’s just one dance, Jas. Whatever’s going on in your head, let it go. Close your eyes and do what you do best and feel the music.

Angel—

No, Jas, you were a stubborn kid, and there wasn’t anything you couldn’t do when you set your mind to it. This is the same thing. Close those pretty brown eyes of yours and let the music take you.

He didn’t move. He was waiting for me to take the reins. He was letting me decide which way this was going to go, but I wasn’t moving. I couldn’t and I knew if we stayed here like this long enough, the song would end and the moment would be gone.

I lost a lot of moments over the years.

I was fearless in my youth, and I’d been reduced to the shell of a girl I used to know. I looked in the mirror in the mornings and physically saw the same person I had always been, but inside I knew I was damaged.

And that damage birthed a girl who no longer had enough trust in herself to be fearless in the choices she made.

If this was before my incident, I would have relished this opportunity with Angel. I wouldn’t have even hesitated to drag him to the dance floor and run circles around him. But now, I couldn’t get my brain to relax out of its flight-or-fight response.

The song was coming to an end, and my mind heard the tunes of retreat—yep, my flight response was working overtime tonight. I began to back up and pull myself out of his hold. His hands went back to my hips, keeping me rooted in place, and I swallowed the uneasiness I felt.

Angel is safe, Jas. You have to relax.

I heard him chuckle. Tsk, tsk, Jas, did you really think it would be over that quickly?

I squinted my eyes, wondering what he was up to. He had that stupid grin on his face that told me he was up to no good. What did you do? I whisper-yelled at him.

All he did was laugh and that’s when I heard it. The song was on repeat, which meant this was planned.

Well, if you had just danced with me when the song first came on, the DJ wouldn’t have repeated. And before you ask, yes, this will go on all night if you don’t start moving. Now, Jasmine, are you ready to let go?

I laughed despite myself. Angel was relentless. If it wasn’t for the fact that I wouldn’t hear the end of this from Kris, I wouldn’t have budged. I could be just as stubborn as they could. But I’d much rather deal with this than go up against her rampage. She was a pint-sized person, but piss her off, and