Punchline Joke Poetry Fourth Selection

By Lindsay Laurie

If you enjoy a good laugh from a punchline then I am sure you will get a kick out of these poems.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsay Laurie
• Release date: Dec 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301967896

Lindsay Laurie

Born in the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne in 1946 and as a child I lived at Deer Park before my family moved to Longwarry in West Gippsland. I have one brother who was born at the Warragul Hospital in 1948. For forty-five years I lived at Longwarry, being educated at the Longwarry State School and the Drouin High School. I left school at sixteen and for thirty years worked in the dairy industry at Longwarry Milk Factory, employed by four company’s working as a butter maker, dryer operator and at times either a cream room or milk room operator. I never moved but the companies did. For four tomato seasons I worked for White Crow as an evaporator operator. Ill health with a muscle wasting disease forced me to retire eventually. My sporting interests have always been Australian Rules football, Cricket and playing Basketball. I played all my football and cricket for Longwarry, but played basketball for a number of clubs. My hobbies over the years have ranged from keeping aviary birds, especially finches, growing native fruit plants as well as attempting to grow everything I could from either seed or cuttings. I am one of the founding members of the modern and very successful Longwarry fishing club that in it’s first three years won a number of state trophies. My preference was river fishing for either blackfish or the Gippsland freshwater crayfish. I have been married twice. My first marriage failed after seven years and from that marriage I have three children, Karen, Janet and Brad. My second marriage with Joy has seen a long and happy period of thirty-two years. We have three children, Teresa, Glenn and Megan, plus nine grand children, and a tenth grand child due. I also keep in constant touch with my brother Ron, who lives in Melbourne. He is a constant source of information toward my writing. From 1993 until 2010 I lived in Irymple Victoria, and today, I am back in my home town Longwarry in Gippsland and because of my disability, I spend most of my time writing about the people in my life, and of course as you will read, fictional people who I do not wish to have in my life through this Creek family. November 1 2012 Lindsay Laurie.

Book preview

PUNCHLINE JOKE POETRY

FOURTH SELECTION

by

Lindsay Laurie

SMASHWORDS EDITION

PUBLISHED BY:

Lindsay Laurie on Smashwords

Punchline Joke Poetry fourth selection

© Lindsay Laurie January 2013

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For those who enjoy a good old belly laugh.

CONTENTS:

A Blanket Marriage

A Conservation Error

A Deal in the Ward

A Thoughtful Gesture

Abbreviated Seconds

Adultery

Anticipation in the Studio

Barking Card Sharp

Candle of Life

Chance for the Dance

Clunk

Declaration of a Saint

Entitlement

Experienced Drivers

Feeding the Strawberries

Firebug

Health Food

Heckling

Henpecked

Hospital Food

Larry’s Bar

Losing Her Mind

Misleading Sign

Morally Lucky

My First Pluck

Need for the Pill

No Choice but to Give

No Magic Here

No Sharing Here

On Hands and Knees

~~~^~~~

A BLANKET MARRIAGE

Screaming from his office was loud enough to wake the dead,

by our trucking company foreman who was livid when he said,

"That useless bloody mongrel, that scum of the flamin’ earth,

has loaded up a truck with fish, and walked out on me in Perth."

"He’s met some bloody ‘sheila’, now he’s taken off to Broome,

and if I don’t take smart action, I know what’s about to loom,

the fish will reach ‘high heaven’ from their decomposing state,

and we’ll smell them here in Sydney, so there isn’t time to wait."

He looked around the listening crew, then with the grace of God,

gave subtle hints of some reward, if there is action from his prod,

to fly across the Nullarbor, to bring the ‘rig’ back to its base;

I said I’d do the job for him, if he’d compromise my case.

Stead of flying so I said, "There’s something I would rather do,

something that I’ve always yearned, and now’s my chance if you:

Instead of sending me by plane, ‘pon the train would be terrific;

I always said I’d like to ride, upon the ‘Indian-Pacific."

I could see his mind was juggling out his time against the cost,

and he wants to get the truck back even if the fish are lost.

He said he’d get the ticket and he’d book a sleeping berth;

I went home to pack some clothes, before I hurried off to Perth.

Then a ‘hiccup’ soon erupted when I made my ticket claim,

the clerk scanned through the listing, and couldn’t find my name.

She said, "There seems to be a problem, the staff have overlooked,

your name’s not in the sleeping berths; the room is double booked."

I explained that I’m a ‘truckie’ and I’m used to sleeping rough,

anywhere to sleep upon the train, for me is good enough,

but the clerk was quite insistent, and apologizing said,

she’ll advise the other occupant, I had the bottom bed.

Through Broken Hill, Adelaide, ‘Augusta.’ Rushing toward Perth,

I’d socialized