Punchline Joke Poetry Third Selection

By Lindsay Laurie

if you enjoy a good laugh from a punchline then i am sure you will get a kick out of these poems.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsay Laurie
• Release date: Dec 14, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301159895

Lindsay Laurie

Born in the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne in 1946 and as a child I lived at Deer Park before my family moved to Longwarry in West Gippsland. I have one brother who was born at the Warragul Hospital in 1948. For forty-five years I lived at Longwarry, being educated at the Longwarry State School and the Drouin High School. I left school at sixteen and for thirty years worked in the dairy industry at Longwarry Milk Factory, employed by four company’s working as a butter maker, dryer operator and at times either a cream room or milk room operator. I never moved but the companies did. For four tomato seasons I worked for White Crow as an evaporator operator. Ill health with a muscle wasting disease forced me to retire eventually. My sporting interests have always been Australian Rules football, Cricket and playing Basketball. I played all my football and cricket for Longwarry, but played basketball for a number of clubs. My hobbies over the years have ranged from keeping aviary birds, especially finches, growing native fruit plants as well as attempting to grow everything I could from either seed or cuttings. I am one of the founding members of the modern and very successful Longwarry fishing club that in it’s first three years won a number of state trophies. My preference was river fishing for either blackfish or the Gippsland freshwater crayfish. I have been married twice. My first marriage failed after seven years and from that marriage I have three children, Karen, Janet and Brad. My second marriage with Joy has seen a long and happy period of thirty-two years. We have three children, Teresa, Glenn and Megan, plus nine grand children, and a tenth grand child due. I also keep in constant touch with my brother Ron, who lives in Melbourne. He is a constant source of information toward my writing. From 1993 until 2010 I lived in Irymple Victoria, and today, I am back in my home town Longwarry in Gippsland and because of my disability, I spend most of my time writing about the people in my life, and of course as you will read, fictional people who I do not wish to have in my life through this Creek family. November 1 2012 Lindsay Laurie.

Book preview

PUNCHLINE JOKE POETRY

THIRD SELECTION

by

Lindsay Laurie

SMASHWORDS EDITION

PUBLISHED BY:

Lindsay Laurie on Smashwords

Punchline Joke Poetry Third Selection

© Lindsay Laurie December 2012

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

For those who enjoy a good old belly laugh.

CONTENTS

A Ghostly Tale

A Lump to Me Throat

A Pet for a Pet

Always Danger in the Sky

Art Appreciation

Back Together Again

Bed and Breakfast

Cat Tracker

Changing Touring Habits >

College Bill

Compassion

Craving for Muffins

Door Knock Appeal

Fitting the Crime

George Johnson and the Spinster

Give’us a Push

I Hate Flamin’ Crows

Intriguing Odour

Lost in the City

McHenry’s Horse

Measure for Mum

Meetings in a Park

No Food Rule

On Fire and Flood

Service at the Winnock Cemetery

Sharing and Caring

The Autumn Creek Hotel

The Lost Wives

Warning… One Nights Progression

What’ll We Drink Now?

~~~^~~~

A GHOSTLY TALE

The night is ghostly eerie when driving through the countryside.

Clouds scud across the full moon and the wind it moaned and cried;

tree foliage rolls end over end, across the tar that’s up ahead,

and I’m sure that I can feel the presence of the spirits of the dead.

Sheet lightning danced amongst the ghostly gums with finger like features,

and eyes were shining in my headlights from the roadside creatures,

I’m sure I saw an apparition floating gently from its graveyard host,

before the rain came tumbling down, and my car gave up the ghost.

I don’t care how hard it’s raining, or if lightning strikes me down,

I need to flee this ghostly atmosphere and find safety in a town,

away from where there’s werewolves, and fearsome vampire bats,

so I’ll walk as well as hitchhike, and be wary of black cats.

Two cars went by and didn’t stop, and I know the reason why,

the rain was blinding so they’d never see a soul as they drive by,

until finally a stroke of luck; a car just barely moving reaches me,

and it becomes my refuge from the driving rain… but oh golly gee!

Out of the rain and sheltered; but when I faced the steering wheel,

there is no one there behind it so, I thought this can’t be real,

for the motor isn’t running, but the car is moving still,

I am frozen to the seat and up my backbone went a chill.

And if that isn’t bad enough, as I approached an intersection,

a hand appeared and turned the wheel, to make the right correction,

I was paralyzed with terror, until I saw a welcome sight,

as the car kept moving slowly toward a lit up neon light.

I shot out like a rocket and sprinted through the driving rain,

and found myself inside a tavern, where they thought I was insane,

when I stammered out my story, of ghosts and a haunted car;

suddenly there’s only silence in the tavern’s public bar.

The publican and patrons eyed me, but they never did debunk,

the tale I told for they could tell, that I am petrified not drunk,

and so to calm my shattered nerves, and release my furrowed frown,

the publican poured double whiskies in a bid to calm me down…

… Until the entrance door swung open, and two men are standing there,

bedraggled, wet, and out of breath, with water dripping from their hair,

then suddenly with gritted jaw, one pointed where I chose to sit,

and snarled ‘that bloody idiot sat in our car, while we were pushing it!’

~~~^~~~

A LUMP TO ME THROAT

You often hear those fellas, who go bragging in the pub,

about women and their conquests, and how they’re the sexual hub,

they spruik about their exploits like