Bride To Widow

By Monna Ellithorpe

These are my words, articles and journaling that I have written over the last 4 years and 4 months since his death, trying to learn to cope with my loss, my world falling apart, loss of home, loss of a sense of a belonging and the hopeless feelings I had as if there was a hole in my stomach that would never go away. A part of me also died that morning.

Hopefully my words can give help and comfort to someone else who is going through the same pain, heartbreak and loss.

Monna Ellithorpe, December 2012

• Language: English
• Publisher: Monna Ellithorpe
• Release date: Dec 11, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301826278

Monna Ellithorpe

Author of: Bride To Widow [Kindle Edition) Easy Double Wedding Ring Quilt Pattern [Kindle Edition] Easy Double Wedding Ring Quilt: Made Quick & Easy (Paperback Edition) 50 Quilting Tips For Beginners and Experienced Quilters (Paperback Edition) 50 Quilting Tips For Beginners and Experienced Quilters (Kindle Version)

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The Beginning of the End – August 2008

August 7, 2008 was the beginning of the end for my husband and I. I wish I could just sleep away the month of August from now on.

We were planning our wedding for August 13, 2008. It wasn’t the first for either of us, so it wasn’t going to be a big affair; just a few family and close friends.

After serving 30 years in the Army, Rea (pronounced Ray) was not in the best of health but his health had been declining at that time.

In looking back now, I realize both of us didn’t want to face reality that he was very sick.

I took him to the doctor on August 7, 2008 and he was admitted to the hospital on that same day. Again, we didn't realize or want to even think of the possibility that he would have to stay for a few days and that our wedding would never take place as we had planned or worse yet, that he would never be coming home at all.

August had always been a good month for both of us. His birthday is August 1st, mine is August 13th and 2 years earlier in August of 2006, we had starting living together and the date of our marriage was also going to be in August.

Instead August has turned out to be a month I will now dread for the rest of my life.

We did go ahead with the wedding. We were married in his hospital room on August 15, 2008 with my daughter, my 2 grandchildren, my best friend of 40+ years there and a friend of my daughter's who married us.

Considering how sick my Rea was and the pain he was in, we were both very happy and he suffered through the pain to make that day very special for both of us; especially for me because he always wanted me to be happy and he looked out for me in every way possible.

After the ceremony and everyone had gone, I could see the toll it took on him to try and ignore the pain. He was given pain medication and I left my new husband to let him sleep.

I came back later in the evening to be with him. I didn't care that this, our wedding night was not a normal wedding night.

I was just so proud and happy to be Mrs. Rea Bradley Ellithorpe but also so worried that he did not seem to be getting any better, even though the doctors were saying he would pull through and be okay to come home in a few days.

Saturday, August 16, 2008 was not a good day for Rea. I could see that he was exhausted, still in a great deal of pain and the fight for life was draining from him. He had told me when he first went in the hospital that no matter what happened he was going to hang on until we were married.

I had this fear that once we were married, he would not be able to hold on much longer. I thought that maybe if we did not get married that some way it would make things all right and he would still be with me. I still did not want to believe that he would never come home.

He wanted his hair cut and I contacted his best friend Jerry who came and cut his hair for him on Saturday afternoon. They were able to spend some time together. Through the pain and agony, Rea and Jerry laughed and clowned around as they always had. Rea was exhausted and we left.

Jerry went home and I went home myself to get some rest. I was going back to the hospital the next morning, Sunday, 8/17/2008.

Around 5 pm on August 16, 2008, Rea called and asked if I was coming back that evening.

Thankfully, I listened to the little voice within me. I just sensed something in his voice, so I drove back to the hospital to spend the night with him.

Those last few hours between 6 pm, August 16, 2008 and 3:15 am, August 17, 2008 is something I will probably take to my grave