Strong Women Survive: A Guide to Surviving Divorce and Thriving
By Lori Ressa
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About this ebook
In this soul baring narrative, the author reveals her plan of how she successfully turned a shocking and unexpected divorce into a new life for her and her daughter. Going from happily married, to a single mom almost overnight, the author was left with an infant daughter, a business in a struggling economy and a ton of debt. Left with nothing other than the strong urge to survive, she put a plan in motion that kept her from losing everything and gave her the strength and courage to build a new life. A life where she could still be a stay at home mom, keep her home and business and raise a happy and healthy child. During the roller-coaster ride of her four year divorce, she learned techniques and systems that helped her to not only forge ahead but to come out stronger than before.
Lori Ressa
I am a single mother of an amazing little girl. After going through a very tough divorce I decided to follow my passion, helping women succeed in life. With this passion I have created Strong Women Survive the website and my book, “Strong Women Survive: A Guide to Surviving Divorce and Thriving.” My day job is in retail. I run a retail shop Lavender Fields and I am an Interior Designer and Web Designer. I wear many hats to support my little family and I love what I do. If I have had some sleepless nights, it has all been worth it. My other business, the Business of Bliss, www.bizofbliss.com, is where I offer consulting services to inspire women to follow their dreams of opening a retail business.
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Strong Women Survive - Lori Ressa
The Big D Word
Divorce is an ugly word. The big D word. No one ever thinks they will get divorced. I didn't. It was not even a thought. My husband and I talked about growing old and gray together, how our love could never die. After all, this was my soul mate. We lived together, worked together and spent every moment together. He was my best friend. We were a team…until it suddenly fell apart.
Growing up, I never even knew anyone who got divorced. I got married thinking it was forever. Then, it ended. My love story was over. But, this is not going to be a sad story. Although my marriage ended, my new life began. This is my story, and a guide to living well during and after divorce. To finding you
again. A new beginning. A fresh start at life. It is not so bad after all. I survived it and came out happy and healthier. I learned a lot of valuable lessons. Lessons that have made me much stronger than I was when I was married.
Divorce can get ugly, no matter how amicably you split up. I am not here to be the negative voice; I am simply telling you that there can be some low points in your divorce. Expect them, prepare for them, and if they do not happen at least you were ready. This is why I stress to work on getting healthy and strong, and to be prepared for any low points. You may get lucky and get right through it without any valleys. I did not, unfortunately, and had to endure some tough times. There were days when I did not have money for diapers, and days I thought I could not get up and face it all. He would not pay child support until I filed a court order. I had the added worry that he would abduct my daughter to Mexico, as he was threatening to do. I had to get Orders of Protection and spend days in court. I also had his new girlfriend stalking me and creating all sorts of trouble in my life. All the worst things that can happen during a divorce happened to me. Everything. I was dealt one new nightmare after the next.
When I tell you things got low, they were bottom of the pit low. How did I get through it? With everything I am telling you in this book. This is what worked for me. A little bit of this and a little bit of that, and it all came together to get me through one of the toughest times in my life. The toughest time in my life was losing my parents and most of my family; however, this was a close second, and a roller coaster ride for four years.
Somewhere during the 15 years I was married, I started to lose my own identity. Although I was fulfilling my dreams by starting two businesses, purchasing our first home, and having a beautiful little girl, I still lost my identity and did not find it until after my husband left. I forgot who I was before I met him. I became really sick with Lyme disease during our marriage, and went from fiercely independent to dependent on my husband for almost everything. He was there for me through my illness and was very supportive during my marriage, but he also wanted control and liked the idea I was dependent on him.
I had to, as I often say, learn to walk again and stand on my own two feet. I had to become independent again: learn to live alone, run the business alone and, most of all, care for my daughter alone. To make it harder, it was during a tough economy and business was down. It was tough, really tough at first; but, I am going to tell you how I did it, and hopefully give you ideas and inspire you on how you can do it, too. Nothing is impossible. Once you turn your thoughts to positive ones and stop pining over what is now gone, what remains is this incredible feeling that you are a strong, beautiful, positive, unstoppable woman.
Where to start? Simple. Get organized, so you can think straight. Don't overlook this: a disorganized house, apartment or office can make your thinking disorganized and freeze forward motion. For me, getting organized required a list. I took out my trusty black and white composition notebook and started to write down a list of what I could handle alone, and what I needed help with. (Funny how I always rely on this from school years! To me, there is something comforting about composition notebooks, and I use them for everything.) I remember that evening like it was yesterday. It was a turning point. He was out having an affair, and I was home with an infant. That was is it! I was not going to sit there and take it. I made a plan and that list was the start of my new life. I was taking the power back and, once I said that to the universe, the power was back in my hands. Now, I could begin the real work of getting my life back on track.
No matter what is thrown your way, please be strong and know you can and will do it. It may not feel like it now, but you can and will get through it. It may feel hopeless; you may think your situation is worse than others and that you cannot possibly take the steps in this book to get through it. Stop. Don't think like that. Change your thinking to change your life. When I lost a close friend to death in my early twenties, I asked my mother how she went on when my father died. She said, The alarm goes off, you get up and there are bills to pay. You do it. You get the strength to move on each day, and you do it.
So can you. The alarm will go off tomorrow. You will get up, and your bills will be there, your children will be there and your job is waiting. Divorce is not the end of your life: it is a new