How to Talk Western

By Don Beverly

HA humorous handbook of Western terminology for non-Westerners, various tin-horns, and wanna-be cowboys.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Don Beverly
• Release date: Aug 13, 2012
• ISBN: 9780986000911

Don Beverly

Don Beverly grew up on the shores of Lake Okeechobee in Palm Beach County, Florida, graduated from Vanderbilt University and the University of Florida Law School, beginning his career in Miami as a trial lawyer. He ultimately moved to West Palm Beach where he practices today, according to him, "as little as possible", while he pursues his lifelong love of writing, particularly about his own life experiences, which are numerous. Beverly, known to his beloved wife, Molly, and his many friends simply as "DB", has achieved national prominence as a lawyer, has over five thousand hours as a pilot, has won a multitude of state and national cutting horse championships, enjoys skiing when at his home in Fairplay, Colorado, and operating his high-performance airboat in the Florida Everglades. During this multi-faceted career Beverly has written many articles about his interests as well as academic subjects, including successive editions of his legal treatise, Florida Trial Evidence. He has also served as a Director on the Boards of Chris Craft, Inc., the National Cutting Horse Association, Kirkwood Ski Resort, Inc., the Academy of Florida Trial Lawyers, the trial section of The Florida Bar, and as frequent Chair of the Professional Ethics Committee of The Florida Bar. Beverly was named South Florida's "Best Lawyer'' in the January, 1992, issue of Palm Beach Life.In his Jake McCall Adventure Series, Don Beverly calls upon his vast personal reservoir of knowledge and experience to take a shot at the bureaucratic shenanigans which have irreparably wounded his beloved Everglades while weaving incredibly well-researched but exciting tales populated by colorful and credible characters against the backdrop of an astounding wetlands geography and environment seldom seen by humans. Beverly’s books easily earn the description "page turner", but at the same time, not always so subtly, communicate messages of national consciousness not to be disregarded.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN AS A HANDBOOK FOR EASTERNERS WHO, FOR WHATEVER REASON, FIND THEMSELVES IN THE GOLDEN WEST, THE OLE’ WEST OR JUST OUT WEST AND NEED TO EITHER PRETEND THEY'RE SOMEBODY THEY'RE NOT OR JUST WANNA DROP A FEW WESTERN TERMS IN CONVERSATION WITH MIXED COMPANY ON THE OUTSIDE CHANCE THEIR NEW WESTERN FRIENDS WILL KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE TALKIN’ ABOUT AND BE IMPRESSED.

OR MORE LIKELY, NOT GIVE A DAMN.

WARNING!

If you are incapable of speaking without an Eastern accent, 'specially New Jersey or Boston, or cannot say ya'll and ain't comfortably, frequently, and with a straight face, or think Copenhagen is a city in Denmark, don't waste your money on this book. Just go to Neiman’s in north Dallas where you’ll feel right at home and can spend lots more money than what you’d waste on this book, ‘cept when you get the bill at Neiman’s it ain’t gonna be nearly as funny!

On the other hand, if you look at the front cover of this book and think the boots and jeans the dude is wearin' are cool, you better buy this book and read it cover to cover before leavin' for Oklahoma City, Abilene or Houston. The outfit might work O.K. for a Halloween hayride back in New Haven but I doubt it'll give you a warm, fuzzy feelin' when you run into a bunch of hard tail cowpokes down around the stockyards in Ft. Worth or during the Sun Circuit in Phoenix.

So, easy enough to slip into Shepler's with your Visa card and solve the sartorial disconnect between what you look like and what you ought'a look like, assuming that is, you even understand the problem.

But if you're curious enough to read this far you must be concerned, and as the AA crowd preaches, the first step in solving the problem is to recognize you have one. Or maybe it was somebody at the bar-b-que stand who said that when they were talkin' about the Dallas Cowboys.

Either way, since we got you fixed up with Levi’s, Justin’s and a Resistol, you can try to walk the walk.

Now, the next step in tryin' to overcome some of your Easterness is to learn how to talk the talk, which is a whole lot more complicated than just changin' clothes and puttin' on a big hat. 'Cause if you show up with that new outfit from Ryon's and don't sound like you're s’posed to sound, all you're gonna do is worsen the problem 'stead of solvin' it which, as you may recall from before you bought all that stuff, was our goal. So, as I see it, you've got a choice to make when it comes to the talkin' part.

As Abe Lincoln said,

You can keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, or open it and remove all doubt!

Well, that's fairly close to what they tell me Abe said and of course, that's assuming Abe's even the one who said it in the first place, which I'm pretty sure he was since my buddy Pete over at the cattle auction told me so. And he’s even been to Washington.

Anyhow, I'm gonna figger you'll opt to do some talkin' with the locals while you're out West and so, after years of arduous and dedicated research into the vernacular, semantics and slang indigenous to the West and its heritage, this book, HOW TO TALK WESTERN, emerged.

Now, to head things off before there's a fracas, my wife, Molly, may tell you that the diligent research which I just described actually consisted of a few crumpled up gas receipts with notes on the back which I threw in the glove box of our pickup while ridin’ around out West haulin' horses. But hell, you know how wives can be when there's serious work bein' done, 'specially a complex research project like this. 'Sides, I threw away all those old gas receipts soon as I got this book done.

I just hope you have as much fun readin' this stuff as I did writin' it and if any of the people or places I mention seem familiar or remind you of a family member, could be you have a serious personal problem and need professional help of some sort.

So maybe it'll lighten up your day with a few laughs.

Thanks,

Don Beverly

Don Beverly

Copyright 2012 Don Beverly

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is a work of fiction and may well take the meaning of that word to a whole new level. Names, characters (and they know who they are), places, and incidents are the product of the author=s demented imagination or are intended only to be used fictitiously, not that anyone would claim otherwise. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is coincidental, hopefully.

All rights are reserved, even though we have no idea what they are, maybe sorta’ like a Miranda warning. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of both the author and the publisher, which will certainly be freely given if anyone ever asks.

DON BEVERLY grew up in South Florida on the family cattle ranch near Lake Okeechobee, graduated from Vanderbilt University and the University of Florida School of Law, starting his career as a trial lawyer in Miami and later moving to West Palm Beach where he and his wife Molly now live. He also maintains a residence in Fairplay, Colorado, and is a member of both the Florida and Colorado Bars.

Beverly served for many years on the Boards of Directors of the National Cutting Horse Association and the Florida Cutting Horse Association, of which he was several times president. He has won many state and national cutting horse championships and served as an N.C.H.A. Judge, twice judging the Futurity in Ft. Worth.

While travelling throughout the country with his horses, he kept notes of the colloquial terms and phrases used by Westerners and his cowboy friends, thus this humorous book sharing that collection.

Beverly is also the author of the legal treatise, Florida Trial Evidence and the Jake McCall adventure series of murder mystery novels.

The author has achieved national prominence as a lawyer and horseman, has over five thousand hours as a pilot, and enjoys operating his high-performance airboat in the Florida Everglades or skiing when at home in Colorado.

He served as a Director on the Boards of Chris Craft, Inc., Kirkwood Ski Resort, Inc., the Academy of Florida Trial Lawyers, the Trial Section of The Florida Bar, and as frequent Chair of the Professional Ethics Committee of The Florida Bar. Beverly was named South Florida's "Best Lawyer'' in the January, 1992, issue of Palm Beach Life.

Keep up with his writing and new books at www.donbeverly.com

IN MEMORY

GAY PIPER

As horse owners, we all hope to own a good horse along the way, knowing from experience the likelihood of ever owning a great horse is remote.

GAY PIPER was a great horse.

Anyone ever fortunate enough to watch him work would agree, not because he was the most handsome or had the fanciest style of working cattle, but because he had the biggest heart and always seemed to know what he had to do to win.

If he drew up early, he would lay down a run which all who came later would have to better, seemingly knowing they would try harder than they should and beat themselves doing so.

If he drew up late, it was as if he knew what he had to do to win, although it was never his style to try to beat the high score. Rather, he would simply do the best he could, his way, which was typically all it took.

For those years in the seventies when we campaigned as equal partners, Piper always paid his way and then some. He never seemed to care much about whether we had a new dually pickup or Miley inline trailer since his philosophy was pretty much the same as mine. We came to win. How we got to the arena didn't much matter.

Nor did Piper seem to think much about admiration from others since what he did came so naturally. As history will confirm, he and I both sorta' came out of nowhere. As I was often told, We put each other on the map.

So much so that I began to receive all sorts of offers to buy Piper, the most attractive coming at the end of the competition year when we were at the World Championship Finals in Amarillo. During dinner with my legendary friend, Harold Knox, I told him how tempting the latest offer was. He gave me some memorable advice about both my great horse and life in general,

You can get more money. You can't get another Gay Piper.

Harold was right! Piper and I left Amarillo the next night and drove non-stop to Jackson, Mississippi, for the first two events of the new year. After standing in a moving horse trailer for fifteen hours, he stumbled out, ate a flake of alfalfa and went on to win every class we entered. That’s heart!

Could be I learned things like that from Piper as I watched him grow older and use his big heart to overcome bad conditions, sour cattle, incompetent judges and even arthritis. He only asked that I never leave the ranch without him. When the years passed and the time came when I had no choice I convinced myself he not only understood but welcomed his retirement.

Now that my time has come, I know how wrong I was.

What I have written about Piper so far is the truth. What follows I believe to also be the truth as Gay Piper saw it and as it would have been