The Gods Are Angry

By Joey O’Brien

The Gods Are Angry is a quick peek of what bartenders deal with and see from behind the bar on a daily basis. Joey O'Brien and the rest of the gods have come together and compiled quotes with their views, insights and humor to help people understand that bartending is a respectable profession or to humiliate the ones that just don't get it. This humorous, enlightening, educational and pretty much run-on sentence book should be a must read for people, before they go out and make idiots of themselves.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462848546

Joey O’Brien

Joey O'Brien grew up and started his career in the bar industry on the East coast. His adventure across country landed him in the west, where he pursued his career in bartending. After 25 years of being on both sides of the bar, his observations and uncanny storytelling comes from his various experiences throughout his bartending career. He continues to bartend to the dismay of some of the clientele.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Joey O’Brien.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011911738

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4628-4853-9

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4628-4852-2

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4628-4854-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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98355

Contents

1. The Beginning Of The End

2. Calling Fellow Bartenders: Braggarts Need Not Apply

3. Name-Calling: That’s Just Not Right, But It’s So Fitting

4. The Many Hats We Wear

5. All Aboard To Idiotville

6. Big Shots And Little Penises

7. Where Are All The Good Men?

8. Misperceptions, Posers, And I’m Not Your Fucking Babysitter

9. Internet And Cell Phones

10. First Time In A Bar And Those Fancy Fucked-Up Drinks

11. Happy Hour: Beat The Clock And Cheap Date Night

12. Tipping And What Do I Get For My Birthday?

13. Take This Job And Shove It!

14. The Final Tab

With all kidding aside, I would like to dedicate this book to all the underpaid and underappreciated bartenders out there. The ones who work hard and the ones that I have worked with that thought of saying something when a jackass moment occurs, but never got a chance to for some particular reason. That reason probably would have gotten them fired, so I will say it for you. Your voice shall finally be heard. Finally, a dedication to Eric Schroeder for not giving up on me and also Kandace King Martin, a bartender and friend who told it like it is whether you wanted to hear it or not. She is greatly missed.

Love,

Joey

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Before I jump right into this book, there are certain people that have to be thanked, especially my wife Wendy, who stood by me all the way. There has to be a medal named after her for all the crap she had to put up with. Gimme a second, I’ll come up with one. The ICTIA Award, which means I Can’t Take It Anymore Award. Or the GYAIG Award, which means Get Your Ass In Gear Award. Either one will do, or just combine them. Probably not a good idea—so many letters all together would even confuse Vanna White. That right there is a mental breakdown waiting to happen.

But let me get back to my thank-yous. I would like to thank my somewhat-adopted children Anthony, Katie, Logan, and the rest of the Champp’s crew. Thank you very much for giving me the courage, and Jameson Irish whiskey, to start writing this book. Really didn’t need the courage; the Jameson did just fine. Next, I would like to thank Dennis Leary for all your help. Even though you didn’t know that you were helping me. Your social views and humor definitely struck a chord with me. The true passion you have for your work, family, and charitable events is refreshing to see. Maybe it’s the East Coast—Irish upbringing that we both have had and endured. By the way, I bought your book Why We Suck, and it was absolutely fucking hilarious—so, technically, I’m actually helping you. It’s funny how that works out. Anyway, back to my thank-you list: my parents (Bob and Carol), the Dan Patrick Show and Nation, Chelsea Handler, and Stephen Colbert. Again, these people had no idea that their humor, sharp wit, and the ability to tell it like it is was the guidance I needed to direct our passion and frustration to all those out there that really needed a swift kick in the ass or dose of reality. Again, I thank you. To my friends, not-so friends and you know who you are, and especially God—for without him, all this would not be possible. Hey, if all the overpaid superstars out there can use it when they get into trouble, so can I. The only difference is that I mean it when I say it. Thanks, Stan and Ruth, by the way. Special thanks to Tony, Anna, Cindy, and Jill for putting up with me and letting me be myself. Not easy to do when you have a high-strung Irishman as your bartender. And finally, I would like to thank the people that made this book possible. The dipshits, ding-dongs, ding-a-lings, numbnuts, jackasses, and the all-time favorite: the overbearing pain-in-the-ass bitch. Now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of really nice people that made the book too, but wouldn’t you really want to hear about those people that I just described in the sentence before? Shit, I know I would. I would like to find out if I was one of the people that I just described. Well, if you read this far, don’t stop now. Grab a cocktail and enjoy.

FOREWORD

After I read the book, I felt that it was uniquely Joey. He has an entire chapter dedicated to his colorful names for choice patrons. I never got around to asking whether or not those names were universally accepted amongst bartenders. After being acquainted with Joey for three years of his lengthy career tending the bar, his book is completely in line with what I’ve come to know of him.

The Gods are Angry is a book that offers a raw perspective of working within the service industry. In his book, Joey uses his uncanny demeanor to provide the reader with an unrestricted glimpse into the minds of those that bar flies take for granted. The best part of the book, if you know Joey, is that he writes how he speaks. In reading Gods, one can almost hear the words spilling from Joey’s mouth. This puts his book on a personal level to those whom he knows, as well as those that understand the words written on the page.

As Joey will explain, being a bartender requires the talents seen in many professions. Bartenders must be intelligent, quick learners, good listeners, able to handle almost every situation that is laid in front of them and most of all have the ability to be three steps ahead of everybody else. They must also be patient with customers and employees, but also themselves. When it comes to mixing drinks, everyone is an expert. Like Joey says, though, it’s up to the bartender to maintain control; to be confident in his or her ability. Bartending isn’t rocket science, though there is a hint of chemistry.

Joey doesn’t claim to speak for everyone. As you’re about to find out, few would have the courage to say the things that he has to say. Although this is his book, he is quick to acknowledge that many of his friends, mostly fellow bartenders, encouraged him and provided corroborating details of similar people or instances.

If you are easily offended, this book probably isn’t for you. Joey’s attitude and willingness to thoroughly explain his thoughts is unique. Some people don’t want to hear what he has to say. Joey doesn’t care. Everyone has to work for their money; bartenders are no different. You had better be prepared, as you are about to find out why the Gods are angry.

PROLOGUE

Well, I’m glad to see you came this far, and I haven’t pissed you off yet, and that’s fantastic. Unfortunately, there will be certain portions of this book that are going to piss you off—male, female, or any other gender, creed, race, or culture. I will apologize right now. Sorry. Wait a minute. I’m not sorry; you bastards deserve to hear the truth. Kind of like pouring fresh lemon juice over a freshly opened wound. Just a stinging bit of reality to get you back to a place called common sense.

Now before I get started on my literary tirade, I will fill you in on a little background information. The title of this book may come across a little forward, bold, or just plain presumptuous. There’s a reason that this title was chosen. Years ago, Finlandia, which