Forget Me Not

By Harlee Mills

Looking in her eyes he could see one thing, love. But what was it underneath that? What part of her past had he never seen? Was there anything she could tell him that would hurt them now? Their love was strong enough to defeat her past before, could it now defeat not only James, but the other issues he would bring into their lives.

Three years after fleeing from Scotland to protect the love of his life Jordan and Hayden decide it is time to return.
A new journey in their life begins as they learn to fight the past that caused them to flee in the first place. Would the revelation of secrets and the introduction of new monsters tear this family apart or make them stronger?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Harlee Mills
• Release date: Aug 6, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476176611

Harlee Mills

Biography Harlee Mills was born in 1975 in the small town of Niles Michigan, the youngest of 4 kids. At the age of 1 her family moved to Texas where she still resides. Growing up with dyslexia made writing very difficult, but thanks to her highschool English teacher she caught the writing bug. After being inspired by a poem to write a love story the short work blossomed into a transatlantic love story spanning two books, Remember Me and the follow up Forget me Not (due out later) When not writing she is busy being a mother of 4.

Book preview

Prologue

There are always those moments in life, where a word or a movement, a look or a whisper; can connect two souls. Like the unforgettable instant when you look into the eyes of your true love and you begin to live for the very first time. At those moments, you wonder why you haven’t found them before. As if the rest of the world just doesn’t matter anymore. Yes, this was definitely one of those moments for Hayden; she had never had any doubt that not only was he her one, but he was her only. The first time she saw him at seventeen she knew she was in love; he had completely stolen her heart. He re-entered her life at twenty-six, and she was more than ready to give him everything she had and more. In one of her greatest moments of sorrow in life he was the one that took her into his arms and helped make it all better, protecting her from the rest of the cold cruel world that had always seemed to haunt her. He was her knight in shining armor, and these were the moments that always reminded her of that. His chest rose and fell in almost a rhythmic way as he slept soundly; it always relaxed her to watch him sleep. She couldn’t resist it any longer; slowly her finger tips brushed at the hair on his forehead. Hayden leaned in and kissed his lips lightly. His eyes slowly fluttered and a content smile crossed his face as they finally opened.

Good morning, He moaned seeing that she was watching him. Jordan rolled from his back to his side and kissed her lips lightly.

Good morning my love, She smiled back at him. I didn’t wake you did I?

Yes, but please feel free to wake me up like that anytime you like, He said as he stretched. What time is it? Jordan rubbed his eyes then took his glasses off the nightstand and slid them onto his nose.

Early, Hayden lay back onto her pillow as his eyes focused on the clock next to the bed.

Baby, he looked at her. It’s only five thirty in the morning, why are you awake? Hayden gave him that whimsical smile, when she was ready to be sarcastic, but just couldn’t pull it off with him.

Well, She tilted her head sideways grinning at him. You see something happened just over seven months ago, and since that night, I just haven’t really had a decent night’s sleep.

HA HA, Jordan remarked sarcastically. I was there remember, and I have slept fine for the last seven months.

Yes, but you don’t look like this. Hayden motioned down over her large growing belly. You must admit, this makes it hard to sleep. I sleep on my stomach and I end up like a bloody see-saw, Jordan let out a burst of surprised laughter, sometimes the things she said truly did surprise him. If I am on my side, I end up with bruised kidneys. She grinned as his hands began to rub up her legs. And let’s face it, on my back I feel as if I am about to be overwhelmed and smothered. Hayden dramatically choked on the words; he chuckled as he lowered his lips to the top of the curve in her stomach and kissed it gently.

Seven and a half months down and only two to go. He smiled as she looked up at him, their eyes locking. Hayden loved it when he looked at her in that way; it made her heart beat faster, but in the excited way. You are so beautiful, he whispered softly.

Flattery will get you nowhere Mr. Anderson, Her eyes sparkled and danced as she giggled.

By the looks of things, it already has, he slid up the length of her body and kissed her lips again. The baby growing inside of her kicked hard directly under the place where Jordan had placed his hand.

Okay, we get the point, she groaned rubbing her stomach. Jordan sat up next to her and took her hand in his. No kissing, Hayden leaned over and whispered in Jordan's ear. If only he or she knew how they got there in the first place. Jordan laughed halfheartedly; his face covered with a look of worry and deep thought. Something wrong? She asked noticing the apprehensive look on his face.

The doctor is sure that you can take this trip right, and that everything is going to be okay?

Yes Jordan, he was sure when you asked him, and when I asked him, and then when you asked him for the fifteenth time. We are perfectly fine to take this trip and I really want to go home. She pleaded.

Okay babe, we are going to go home, I am just trying to be cautious. I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby, and you know how it is with Scotland. When he said the words he wished he could suck them back in, the corners of Hayden's mouth turned down as her eyes tightened with frustration.

How is it? The question struck him odd, of all people Hayden should know what he meant by that.

Babe, I want to go just as much as you do, but when we left you were… He hesitated to say the words.

In the midst of a huge battle with depression, she finished the sentence for him. I am over that now, so why are you worried?

Why? He looked at her. Because you are pregnant with our baby.

Is that really why? Her eyes creased even further as she stared at him.

Hayden, He knew what was coming and was trying to avoid the conversation entirely. I have been with you through every step of that battle. I held your hand and talked you through the nights you couldn’t sleep. I more than anyone in your life I know that you are strong enough to handle this trip, please believe me when I say it has nothing to do with… She looked at his lips curling as if it was actually painful to say the words. With him, he finally said.

With Jame… Jordan quickly leaned over and kissed her lips again. Hayden giggled playfully as he put his nose to hers. Problem Mr. Anderson?

Don’t say his name, not in our house, he whispered. Don’t say it ever, unless you are telling me he has been killed or made into one of his prison buddies girlfriends. Hayden burst out with a giggle at the thought. Then you can say it, but other than that, he isn’t allowed here, got it? Hayden smiled at him reassuringly.

With that thought in mind there is absolutely no reason at all for us not to go home. Because if he isn’t allowed then he can’t hurt me anymore. Jordan shuddered remembering a time when going home wasn't such a welcoming thought, for either of them. He remembered the night they had decided to leave. Hayden had been missing the entire week before and when she had finally returned he was just glad she had called off the divorce. They decided to get away, the honeymoon they hadn’t been able to take. He took her to Spain, they spent two weeks relaxing in the sun, remembering what it was like to be young and in love. After the return home they spent a week talking about leaving just for a short time, waiting out the time before the trial, examining every issue they may have faced if they decided to stay. The original plan was for them to return to Texas just a few months, let things calm down. They spent three months building her spirits for the return for the trial. It only took a week to realize that she couldn’t handle it and they told their families that they were moving, not forever, but for a while. Jordan tried hard to explain to her family that Hayden was sick and needed help, beyond that, she needed distance. The doctors they had dealt with compared what she was going through to post traumatic stress syndrome. Before leaving she had nightmares that woke her up screaming violently. They worsened on the rare occasion that he couldn’t be with her. When they moved to Texas they had calmed and finally stopped; returning only briefly when she had discovered she was pregnant. Besides, she said interrupting his thoughts. I really want to see my mum and I cannot wait to meet our new nephew. Jordan smiled and rubbed her legs again.

It is going to be nice to see everyone again isn’t it. Hayden nodded. Well, Jordan sighed slightly as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. I guess we can get an early start then seeing that we are both up. Hayden started to get up as well but Jordan stopped her. Stay there honey, I will get you your breakfast.

Thank you, she beamed sliding her legs back up on the bed. Her hands habitually starting to rub the curve of her stomach again, she sighed slightly as she saw the suitcases stacked in the corner. It is all going to be different now, I promise you. An hour later those suitcases were in the back of the cab that waited to take them to the airport. Hayden took a good look around before walking out the door of their small apartment.

Ready? Jordan said as she joined him outside the door, he pulled the door shut behind her and led her down the long flight of stairs.

Ready, she smiled back as they got to the car. She snuggled against his shoulder as the cab pulled away from the building. All of her anticipation was bubbling inside of her; she was ready to go home, reclaim a life left unfinished. Hayden watched their block disappear behind them as they drove away. The small suburb vanished next from her sight as the airport came into view she clutched Jordan tighter. There he was, her knight in shining armor ready to protect her again, and it was only because of him that this was possible. They smiled contently at each other as they boarded the plane that would take them back to Scotland. The flight would take far too many hours to start worrying now, so she sat back and relaxed as the plane took off. After the first eight hours the worry began to kick in, there was something she hadn’t told him, something she knew he would be better for knowing. Did she wait, or tell him now? Hayden looked out the window and prayed for the answer to come to her. Was there anything that she could say to him that would change them now? Married, three solid years, a baby on the way, but here it was again that part of her past that always surfaced. He leaned in and kissed her head gently as she placed her head on his shoulder.

Want to talk about it? He asked sensing her mood change. Hayden looked at him nervously; was she really that much of an open book to him?

I wish we had never left, she admitted reluctantly.

Texas? He asked a bit stunned. Hayden shook her head.

No…Scotland. He smiled at her reassuringly.

Don’t worry about that now, he whispered. We will wait to see what happens.

Two weeks prior:

The sky seemed unusually dark that day, as if even the sun didn’t dare break from the clouds that hung around it. The rain was unceasing in its fall to the earth and even the wind seemed still and quiet. The only movement was the dead dark leaves that battered against the cold gray brick wall that stretched for miles. It was obvious that life came to a halt here. The silence that hung in the air was broken by the slightest of clicks and the sound of the small metal door hissing open. Minutes later a lone figure shrouded in a long dark coat limped through. James looked around the bleak surroundings as he pulled a cigarette out of his coat pocket and lit it up. There was no welcome for him, just a bleak day of rain and mist. He had been inside for three years now, by luck he was put up for parole. He dropped his small bag of belongings down at his feet and wondered what remained inside. He knelt and looked in it. He chuckled to himself as he opened his wallet. They took it he knew they would. His picture of her was gone. He took a slow long drag off of the cigarette and let the smoke curl from his lips. This was his life now, and she was gone. In the distance, an old car approached him quickly; a grin grew on his face as it got closer. The girl giggled excitedly as he got in and leaned over to kiss her.

Ready to go home? She beamed, he laughed hard as she tore down the road.

Absolutely, there is no place like home.

Chapter One

The roar of the plane’s engine had lulled him to sleep hours ago, Hayden however was not as fortunate. She sat staring into space until he moved slightly. Hayden slid her hand over his and interlocked their fingers, Jordan as if by instinct squeezed. Hayden smiled at the idea that even in his sleep Jordan would hold her hand. A break in the clouds caught her attention outside the window and she turned to look. Below her the lush green hills broke through the clouds, covered in a thick layer of mist that made them glisten in the occasional ray of sunlight. Hayden placed her hand to the window and smiled at the sights below her.

Never get tired of seeing that, she sighed breathlessly. The same thought had been nagging at her the entire time of the flight; it came back to her now as she realized they were very close to landing. There had never been a time before, either coming or going, that Hayden didn’t have a reason for the trip. Her father’s illness and death, escaping her past, returning to what she believed was her fated future with Jordan, but there was nothing this time. No hasty pick up in the airport, or a rush to a specific place, no sadness, she really didn’t even fear her return this time as she had done in times past. This time was different, this time she just really needed to be there. She didn’t know whether to blame her own hormonal outbursts or if maybe he was just homesick, but two months before hand he had made a suggestion to go home. Hayden didn’t take the opportunity to let him think twice, she jumped at the chance. After talking to his bosses and several conversations with her doctor, they were given the green light to take the flight. Hayden adjusted herself in the seat in a futile attempt to get comfortable.

You need a pillow miss? The stewardess asked on a trip past.

No thank you, Hayden whispered in reply. She smiled and nodded and Hayden watched the overly cheery woman walk on. I'm padded enough thank you, she muttered to herself when she knew the woman was out of earshot. The baby let off another torrent of kicks causing her to shift again. Hey, there is no reason for that, she groaned. You should be sleeping.

So should you, A tired voice said beside her. She turned to see Jordan smiling at her sleepily.

Not tired, sorry. Jordan sat up in his chair; lightly with his fingers he pushed the tendrils of loose hair out of her face.

Did you get any rest at all hun?

A little, she shrugged. I will get some sleep later, I am too wound up.

When later? You know that when we land all you will want to do is catch up. He protested but her smile told him this was fight that he wouldn’t win.

Knowing mum, she grinned. And you, it will be insisted upon. Jordan noticed her voice lacked the eagerness she had earlier. Her eyes wandered back to the window. Jordan scooted closer to her his instincts to nurture and protect her had kicked in again. Are you excited? She asked softly. Jordan was preoccupied with rubbing her stomach; he didn’t really hear the question.

Why wouldn’t I be excited about the baby? Jordan knew the minute the words left his mouth that he had the question wrong. Her head slowly turned back to him, her face a cross between amusement and annoyance.

What was that? She said sarcastically.

Nothing… He tried, but she scowled at him. It was about the baby. He admitted, Hayden grinned at him. I know, sorry one track mind. Am I excited about what?

About being back…here? The tone in her voice made him think that what she was really saying was ‘wake up, don’t be daft.’

About being home? He said again stating the obvious.

Yes, there was annoyed giggle in her reply.

Of course I am honey, aren’t you? Her face said it all; he knew her lips were going to say yes, but there was a part of her wanted to say no.

I don’t know, she said, he was surprised by the answer.

You don’t know? he adjusted his glasses and looked at her, trying to understand her response.

Excited may not be the right word for how I am feeling. I think it’s better to say that I am ready to be here. I mean really ready to be here.

But you’re not excited? His hand slid over hers again and she smiled. He looked at their hands and then back at her. Honey?

Maybe I am it’s just that… She paused as if to sort the words out in her own head. Maybe you were right…Scotland always brings up these emotions in me, I was thinking about it I have no real reason to be back here now.

Sweetheart, he smiled reassuringly at her. This time we have the best reason of all for being back here.

We do? Hayden laid her head on Jordan's shoulder. He reached up again and brushed her curls with his fingers. Softly his lips kissed the top of her head causing her to smile. Can you tell me please? It has been bothering me for hours, and a reason would be good.

We are here because we both really want to be. Hayden turned her head and looked at him, the smile growing broader on her lips. Their eyes connected in the way they did from time to time, and suddenly she felt safe and sure he was right. He always had a way of bringing her courage to the surface.

Your right, Hayden finally said. I suppose that’s the best reason isn’t it? Hayden jumped slightly when the captain announced that they were landing.

Yeah, it is! He assured her. They both fastened their seat belts to prepare for landing; Hayden sat back clutching his hand tightly. You alright? He chuckled, her face brightened immediately, as did her voice.

Yes I am, she said confidently. He carefully helped her from her seat as the other passengers around them allowed her off in front of them. They stepped off the plane hand in hand, and took a moment to look around. Jordan couldn’t help but feel the way he had when he had come home to realize she was here waiting for him. She could tell from the look on his face that he too needed this trip, this place.

I am so glad we decided to do this, he said snuggling her closer.

It’s good to be home, she whispered.

Yes it is, He agreed.

The tiniest of hands can be known to cause the biggest damage, no matter how many precautions are taken; a two year old can always find a way to cause destruction. Five chubby little fingers wrapped around the can at the lowest point of the tower and squeezed. For a moment the young boy paused as if he was thinking ‘what will happen if I do this?’ Obviously curiosity won out, his eyes got big as he pulled and the rest of the cans began to tilt then fall, Rue’s head snapped up from the till as she heard the clatter.

Jonathan, she sighed walking towards the baby. His eyes welled up and filled with tears then he let out a wail of sorrow and shame, of being caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. It’s alright little one, she sighed again. You do know how to get into things don’t you.

Nana… He sobbed and added a quivering lip that stuck out a mile.

That will be enough of that, she said squeezing his nose lightly. We are trying to keep things tidy for your Uncle Jordan and Auntie Hayden, so there is no need to destroy my can towers, she said kneeling down to pick up the cans.

Everything alright mum? Michael asked walking in from the backroom. Immediately the young boy ran to him burying his head into his legs, Michael reached down and rubbed his back softly, and then sighed as he saw the mess his son had created. You are up to no good aren’t you? He grinned at his son.

Just like another young boy I used to know. I was trying to explain to your son that we are not in need of any messes on today of all days. She said in a slightly annoyed tone as she looked at her watch. Jonathan waddled back towards her his arms held out to her; Rue couldn’t help but smile. She hugged him gently then went back to her stacking. She managed to stack the lower cans back on the table before a resonating boom shook the backroom of the store and Rue threw her hands into the air. Michael cringed and then began to shake his head. His mummy is causing enough of them all on her own. The bloom of smoke began to billow out filling the store, the sound of Shelby coughing echoed through the back.

SHELBY! Michael yelled. WILL YOU EVER GET THE HANG OF THOSE BLOODY CANDLES WOMAN?

IT’S NOT MY FAULT! She squealed back. Her face covered in soot from the small explosion she had created.

Typical, Rue moaned as Michael went to the back. She began to follow but then turned on her heels quickly. Behave yourself Jonathan! No more messes. She scolded as she walked to the back. Jonathan watched his father and grandmother walk away then his eyes shifted to the cans; he scooted over to them on the floor then began to squeal gleefully as he slammed them together.

They had been driving for nearly an hour and a half; Hayden stretched slightly in the seat as she watched the scenery whiz by outside. She hadn’t been home in three years and it was all coming back to her now. He patted her hand gently and then grabbed the steering wheel again.

It was nice of your father to leave the other car at the airport for us, Hayden grinned. Jordan had a few problems when they first got into the car.

It has been three years since I drove here, he sighed as he steered the car to the correct side of the road. My dad told me that three weeks is a very long time to rent a car, and the car just sits in the drive because mom never drives anymore. Jordan jumped as he realized he was yet again gravitating to the wrong side of the road. Damn, this is going to take some getting used to. He groaned, as Hayden rubbed his hand. I will get the hang of it right about the time we get to go home.

I can’t wait to get there, Hayden bounced in excitement. I want to see my mum, and my brother, and my sister in law and little Jonathan.

You don't have to wait honey, he motioned in front of him; there on the horizon was the silhouette of the town. Almost an hour earlier than we are expected as well, won’t it be fun to surprise everyone. Hayden giggled and jumped as the glove box began to ring. Hayden opened it and pulled out the phone that had been tucked inside.

Hello? She answered trying to suppress her laugh.

OHHHH, you are home! She heard Jordan's mother almost scream on the other end. George they are on the ground. Hayden was laughing almost uncontrollably as Jordan pulled the car to the side of the road so he could talk.

Hi mom, he chimed as he took the phone from Hayden.

How far away are you? She bubbled with enthusiasm. Hayden was still laughing from the passenger seat of the car. Patsy was a contagiously happy person; just hearing her at points put Hayden into a better mood.

About fifteen minutes. Jordan chuckled again.

Let me talk to her, Patsy squealed again. Just drive and get here! Jordan handed the phone back and got back on the road, the smile on his face growing as he listened to his wife and mother chat with each other.

Of course I will talk to him, he heard Hayden say.

Well hello there, he heard from the phone now as his father took the phone away.

Hi dad, how are you? Hayden continued to giggle.

And how is my beautiful daughter in law? Hayden blushed.

I am wonderful, thank you. Jordan could feel his own excitement building as the main street appeared before them. We are almost in town, are you coming to see us?

Well I have one more project to finish, that should give you enough time to settle in just a bit, but then we are coming… you hear me? Jordan laughed at his father’s loud resonating voice. I want to see that bright smile of yours!

We will see you soon then. Hayden said as she hung up the phone. Jordan slowed to a crawl just down the street from the store. He pulled the car to the side of the store and ran around to help Hayden out. Hayden stood and stretched then habitually began to rub her stomach.

Look at this place. He sighed as they took a few minutes to look around. Just like the day we left. They walked to the front door and peered in, they saw no one.

Inside the store there was a bustle of activity as Rue, Michael and Shelby tried feverishly to clean up. The smoke had finally cleared, but they were still bumping into one another as they bustled around the backroom.

This isn’t my fault! Shelby protested as she cleaned the coloring off of the counter. I just cannot make candles. I swear to you I am following your instructions to the letter, I am just cursed when it comes to the blasted things.

Then for my sake and the sake of the store just… stop... trying. Rue was trying to push the glass from the table into the trash without cutting her fingers. You won’t have much left to inherit if you continue like this. Shelby grumbled at her as she started to scrub at the large stain left on the counter. Has it stopped smoking yet Michael? She yelled over her shoulder. Michael was standing outside under the small awning, hunched over the smoldering pan. He rolled his eyes and shook his head in frustration. The rain splattered off the awning and dribbled down his head causing his hair to stick to his head.

Yes mum, it’s stopped. I just would rather stand out here in the rain and catch my death of cold. Rue scowled at him.

There is no need to be sarcastic, she barked back. Some day you are going to pay for the words you say to me when that little one in there starts mouthing off to you, you mark my words. The clatter of glass and the roar of the water in the sink was enough to drown out the sound of the door chime that came from the front.

Jonathan continued his symphony of squeals and clatter from his seat at the front of the store. There was a push at the front door and he stopped and stared up at the strangers who walked towards him.

Go boom, he muttered. There was a laugh from the stranger in front of him that caused the boy to laugh as well. He held the can up so that it could be seen. Nana boom, he said again. A pair of hands reached for him

Hello there little man. the person said as he cautiously put his own up to be picked up.

Yes, I do think it’s best if I make the candles from now on Shelby; twelve years is more than enough time to ‘learn’ to make them. Rue snickered. Mandy is a quick study we will leave them to her. Not like her sister though, Hayden could do it all. It will be so nice to have her back even for a short time. Rue smiled.

Fine, I will just stick to… Shelby stopped and looked at the odd look on her mother in laws face. She had gone from smiling to completely still, almost holding her breath. She looked around to see if she could notice what it was that she was suddenly worried about. What? Shelby asked.

Hush girl, Rue scolded.

I said I would just stick to helping run the store.

Hush, just listen. Rue dropped the glass and stepped towards the door listening again. The panic on her face seemed to grow the closer to the door she got.

I don’t hear anything, Michael said coming back into the store. He dropped the pot in the sink then walked to where his mother was. He pushed his hair back off of his forehead and brushed the water that was standing on his shoulders off.

Exactly, Rue said in a worried tone. Who exactly are we missing here my boy, think. He stopped grooming himself and looked around the room counting heads as he went. An even more panicked look covered his face as his gaze went lower to the floor.

JONATHAN! Michael exclaimed dashing towards the front of the store, he stopped instantly as he walked through the door. He almost didn’t recognize Hayden sat on the floor of the store with the young boy in her lap; he pulled at her long red hair. She looked up at Michael smiling. He hadn’t seen his sister in three years, except for pictures. She looked grown up, not like the silly little girl that used to follow him all over the place. Michael knew in his mind that Hayden was an adult; a grown woman with a child of her own on the way but it wasn't until that moment that his heart accepted the fact. Look at you, he gasped.

Some things never change here do they? She gestured towards the cans spread all over the floor. Hayden looked around at the smoke that hung in the air.

Can boom, Jonathan added, the tone in the baby’s voice made Hayden giggle.

Yeah they did, Hayden agreed with him.

Things don’t change much here, but aren’t you a sight for sore eyes though, He walked slowly forward and held out his hand to her. C’mere you! He whispered as he slid the boy from her lap and helped her to her feet. I never once thought when we were kids that I would miss you as much as I have, he finally managed to say as he hugged her tightly. I actually thought it would be impossible for me to think about me wanting my kid sister around. All of that changed when you were gone though.

I know big brother, I know. She held him tightly. I missed you too.

Yeah, those are the words I was looking for. He laughed as he pulled her back into an embrace. There was a scurry of feet from the back as Rue came into the store.

Is he alright Michael? Rue asked as she entered from the back. She stopped and gasped. If Rue had a camera available she would have taken a picture; her children didn’t show affection to each other very often, but this moment was more about a family coming back together than any stupid fight they may have had in the past. Michael let go of his sister and put his arm around her shoulder.

Look what I found! Michael joked; Hayden stepped towards her mother, with arms wide open and tears forming in her eyes.

Hi mum, Hayden said