A Flutter of White Wings

By Sylvia Hammann

Dan was the love of Julie’s life. When he died, she fled her once happy home, escaping both the place and her memories. She has now returned, reunited with Dan’s parents. She moves in with them, back into the flat where she once lived with Dan. Of course, everything is different without him there … and so much has happened since his death.

When Julie left her home, she ended up in a mysterious place called Runaway in an even more mysterious house. There, she met the ghost of a woman named Lilli. Under Lilli’s direction, Julie saved Lilli’s grieving husband, Dale. Dale and Julie grew much closer than expected, but he soon died, too, leaving her with a surprise: Julie gets pregnant with his child.

Now, an old friend invites Julie back to the house in Runaway to watch over its remains. Julie agrees to return, knowing Lilli still walks the property, although she soon realizes Dale is there, as well. It almost feels as though the ghosts were waiting for Julie to come back, but now that she has, what do they want from her?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Feb 28, 2019
• ISBN: 9781504316828

Sylvia Hammann

Sylvia Hammann lives in a small town in the Gulf of Carpentaria, Australia. Now retired, she is author of Under a Morning Glory Cloud and Two White Pigeons and has also written short stories about her life.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Julie was the only passenger to alight from the bus, and as she went to pick up her luggage, she heard someone call out, Julie!

She turned and saw an elderly man waving her over. Henry! she exclaimed as she ran into his arms. Thank you so much for coming to meet me. All this is unfamiliar. I wasn’t sure if I got off at the right stop.

That’s because you’ve been away for a very long time, but Clara and I are so happy you have returned. She’s waiting at home for you. Henry put her luggage in the boot of the car. Welcome back to Marickville. He smiled.

Thank you, Pop.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she glanced out the window to concentrate on finding a familiar building before she fell apart and sobbed. She didn’t recognize anything. She had been away too long. So much had happened to her since she ran away from her home town. But now it was time to come back, face the past, and move on with her life.

Her in-laws, Clara and Henry Mathews, had wanted to throw a big party to welcome her back, but she needed to visit her first husband’s grave first. Dan had been the love of her life, and together they had planned on owning and living on a few acres of land. Dan grew up on a cattle property, and Julie was a town girl. They worked, saved, and put any thoughts of having a family aside until they had found the land they wanted. Two years later, Dan became ill and died, and in her grief, Julie had fled had from the town.

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Clara offered to come to the cemetery with her, but Julie told her she wanted to go on her own. She caught the bus into the main shopping centre to buy flowers, and she walked to the cemetery from there. She was overcome with apprehension as she walked amongst the tombstones to find Dan’s grave. Her flowers shook in her trembling hands, and she clutched them tightly as she stood staring at his headstone. It was so long since he had died. She should be over her grief, but his memory was still fresh in her mind.

Taking a deep breath, she sat down on the grave. I bought your favourite flowers, Dan. Remember we were going to grow them around the home that we were going to build on our property? Then she told him how sorry she was for not visiting him and said she had missed him so much. She was there to tell him she was ready to let him go, but his memory would always stay tucked away in her heart. She wanted to tell him everything that had happened to her, so she leaned back against the headstone to talk.

The street lights were flickering on when she got up to leave. She said a last goodbye and walked to the gate. A policeman on a motorbike was waiting there. She walked up to him and gasped. Jason! She couldn’t help it as she broke down and just cried and cried.

He pulled her to him and held her while she sobbed. Julie! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you walking across the street from the police station. The sergeant also saw you and told me where he thought you were going.

When she regained her composure, he gave her a helmet and said. Put this on and climb aboard. Hold me tight, and don’t let go. I’m taking you home.

I’m never going to let you go again, Jason, she whispered, still shocked at seeing him.

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Julie and Jason had been inseparable since her return to Marickville. She went back to work in the office at the local supermarket and lived in the granny flat at Clara and Henry’s house. It was the flat where she and Dan had lived until he died. Clara and Henry had kept it vacant for her.

They welcomed Jason in their home when he and Julie decided to live together and were content to see Julie happy again.

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Julie and Jason had been living together for only a month when she became aware that something was wrong with her health. At first, she put the symptoms down to stress. But she thought she had better go and see a doctor. She was shocked to learn she was pregnant, and she knew it couldn’t be Jason’s child. It could only be Dale’s; they had made love a week before he was killed.

Her hands shook as she sat in her kitchen, sipping a glass of wine. She needed it to calm her nerves. She was in a bit of a dilemma. How was she going to tell Jason about her pregnancy?

Oh, Dale, if only things had worked out the way we planned. You would have been so proud to become a dad. I know your wife, Lilli, wanted to have a child. I read this in her diary. But she died too soon, and now I’m having the baby you both wanted. Your best mate and I are together now, and I promise I will love and cherish this child in memory of you. I hope Jason will feel the same way.

Tearfully, she knew she had to tell Jason as soon as he got home from work. She hoped he loved her enough to understand that this had all happened before they had met up again. This was going to be the hardest thing Julie had ever had to do. She poured another glass of wine, hoping it would give her the courage to face him.

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Hi, honey. What did the doctor say? Jason asked as soon as he walked in the door.

Jason my love, kiss me, and then sit down. I have to tell you something.

Oh, as serious as that, is it? Jason pulled her into his arms.

I’m pregnant!

What? Already? We’ve only been together a month. Julie? Jason pushed her away and stared into her eyes.

I’m pregnant with Dale’s baby, Jason. I’m sorry. No! I’m not sorry. Dale is dead, and this baby is all I have left of his memory. Jason, we would never have met again if he had lived. But, Jason, I have come to love you very much, and I want us to stay together. Please say you understand, Julie begged as tears ran down her cheeks.

Jason pushed her away from him. Christ, Julie! What can I say? ‘I love you, but you’re carrying another man’s child’? Please don’t ask me to understand. You’ve just broken my heart. I need to get away from you. I need to find a way to deal with this.

Jason had tears in his eyes as he went into the bedroom and started to throw his stuff into a bag.

Believe me, my darling, Julie said. I love you with all my heart, but what’s done is done, and I can’t change it. Please don’t leave me. I have only just found you again. She was sobbing now.

I’m sorry, Julie. I can’t stay with you now. I need to leave.

Jason walked out the door carrying all his belongings. He didn’t look back, but Julie could tell he was weeping, and her heart was breaking as she watched him walk to his motorbike. She closed the door. She had never felt as alone as she did at that very moment.

Oh, Jason, my love. I will never forget you, but I am going to have this baby, and I will carry on by myself somehow. She rubbed her stomach. It’s going to be just you and me, baby. Julie yelled up at the ceiling. And you’d better help me, Dale! She hoped his ghost could hear. Then she threw herself on the bed and sobbed some more.

Clara came into the flat and heard Julie sobbing hysterically. Julie! What is the matter? Clara gathered her in her arms and held her. She waited until Julie calmed down.

Clara, Jason has left me.

Oh, you poor dear. Do you want to tell me what happened?

Julie sat up. Yes, and I hope you won’t be disappointed in me too. Clara, I don’t know how I will cope if you and Henry choose not to support me.

You know Henry and I will be here for you whatever happens. Now I am going to make some coffee. You go wash your face, then come into the kitchen and we will talk, okay?

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Clara put a cup of steaming coffee in front of Julie and sat down. Take a couple of sips first to calm down, and then you can tell me what has happened between you and Jason.

Clara, I am pregnant, but it’s Dale’s baby.

Clara stared at her. Oh? was all she said. Clara looked nervous as she took a few quick sips of her coffee. Then she calmly told Julie to start at the beginning.

Remember when you and Henry came to visit me after I bought that property near Runaway? Julie asked. I never told you why I bought it, even though it was what Dan would have wanted. On my own, I would never have bought that land, but the ghost of Dale’s wife made me buy it. This would never have happened if I hadn’t run off, and I’m sorry about that, Clara, but I was so stricken with grief that I had to get away on my own.

Yes, my dear. Henry and I understood that, and we are glad you came back to us. But?

Yes, well, after driving and driving, not knowing where I was going, I ended up in the small town of Runaway. I had no idea where I was, so I went to buy some road maps at a grocery store. An old woman was behind the counter. She gave me the creeps as her eyes followed me around the shop. I bought three maps and put them on the counter; she picked them up, cast two aside, and said, ‘This is the only map you will need. It will show you where to go, and then you can stop running. My dear, I lost my husband too, and this town has healed my grief. When you get there you will be healed as well.’ That’s what she told me, Clara! This woman knew all about me. I ran out of that shop, went straight back to my motel room and stayed there for the rest of the day. Next morning, I left the town and drove until I came to a fork in the road. I didn’t know which one to take, so I stopped to decide. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a voice told me to go left. It was weird, as I was the only one around, but I heeded the voice. I turned onto the left road and kept driving and driving. I was getting more worried by the minute because there were no houses along the road. There weren’t even any vehicles on the road. I seemed to be all alone.

Julie stopped and took another sip of her coffee. Just at sunset, she continued, I saw a house just off the road. I drove in to ask if I could park inside their fence for the night. There was no one there except for a black horse with a white face hanging around the house. The front door was open, and I went inside to have a look. The house was abandoned. Everything was still there, although it was covered in dust. It was as if whoever owned it had just walked out. It was going to be a cold night, so I decided to sleep upstairs in one of the rooms. I chose the master bedroom. It was a lovely room with a good view of the valley around it. Clara, I am not lying! During the night, I was visited by a ghost of a young woman. She begged me to save someone. Save him! she kept saying. I later found out she was referring to her husband who was still alive, but who was killing himself with alcohol. I was so scared that I said I would. That man was Dale, and the ghost was his wife.

Clara got up to pour more coffee, and Julie continued. The next day I drove up to a small dwelling not far from the house, and that’s where I met Millie and Jack. They told me they had worked for Dale and Lilli but had stayed on the property after Lilli died. Jack had had also encountered Lilli’s ghost, but he had never told Millie. He asked me not to mention it either. Jack told me how Lilli died. He said that Dale had been so overcome with grief that he’d just walked off the property and started drinking. He became an alcoholic and it nearly killed him, which was probably what he was trying to do, but the ghost of his wife wanted to save him and bring him back to their home. Her ghost chose me. When I found Dale, I could see he needed help. His mother, Frances Kerr, couldn’t help him, and I didn’t think I could either, so I tried to run away, but Lilli wouldn’t let me. I drove away from the town, but every road just kept bringing me back to where I’d started. I knew then she wasn’t going to let me go until I fulfilled my promise. It seemed that, from then on, I had no control of any decisions I made. I was compelled to buy his property even though I don’t think she meant for me to marry Dale. But Frances talked me into marrying him. She was desperate to help her son. She believed I could help him better than she could, so she sold me Dale’s property at a price I could afford. I agreed to the marriage only if we kept it a secret. I know I should have told you and Henry, but it’s too late now. I think we sent Dale away to a hospital just in time. He was very ill. Jack and Millie came to live with me. Only Jack and I knew her ghost lived in the house as well, but she left us alone as long as we stayed out of the master bedroom. You’ll remember that I kept it locked.

Yes, said Clara. And I didn’t want to tell any of you, but I saw her ghost a few times. I tried to talk to her once, but she just smiled and faded away.

Weren’t you afraid of her, Clara?

No, I liked having her around. She was waiting for her husband, and I think she wanted us in her house.

Yes, I felt that too. Even Jack did. I thought all those improvements we made on the property, including painting the house, were my ideas, but after Dale died, I found Lilli’s diary. Everything I had done was exactly what she and Dale had planned to do themselves—even the colour of the paint on the house.

Clara stood up and stretched. I’m going to take a cup of coffee to Henry. We can continue our talk as soon as I get back.

When Clara returned, Julie said, You and Henry were there when Dale came home, and I’m glad you both were with me at the time. We were a happy family for a while, weren’t we? And Jason and Dale became good mates. Yes, we were happy. I became very fond of Dale, and it was so good to see him taking an interest in getting his—I mean my—property up and running again. He was fine while he stayed away from Runaway, and I think he was beginning to have a fondness for me too. One day he joked that, together, we could make the land into the cattle property it had once been, but Dale belonged to Lilli, and she wasn’t going to let me have him. When he went back to Runaway with his mother, she told him we had been married. He was shocked and felt he had been tricked. He began drinking again. Lilli knew and appeared to Jason one night when he stayed with us. She came to him begging him to go get him. She was looking for me, but I had seen her gliding out of Dale’s room, and I ran and hid under Jason’s bed. Poor Jason got the shock of his life. If he had never believed in ghosts before, he surely changed his mind that night! Jason knew who the apparition was because I had told him about her. He promised Lilli we would bring Dale back. I knew I had to go and get him and bring him back to satisfy her.

Julie took a deep breath. Clara, it broke my heart to see the state Dale was in. His drinking buddies gave me a hard time as I tried to drag him out of the bar. It was a good thing Bill Davis, who owned the pub at the time, was there to fend them off. When Dale, in his drunkenness, told them all to leave his wife alone, they really started to abuse me. I didn’t care what they said, but Jason happened to be there too, and he heard what Dale said. I didn’t want anyone to know that we were married. Everything got back to normal again when Dale came home, but then we had to go back to Runaway for Frances and Bill Davis’s wedding. We were all worried about Dale, but he was on his best behaviour and drank very little. He was still ill from his recent relapse.

Clara sat quietly as Julie told her story. After the wedding ceremony, Frances and Bill left on their honeymoon. Dale and I had to decide what to do about our relationship. I did offer to give him a divorce. I told him he could even have his property back, but he wanted us to stay married. He believed that we could help one another. We liked each other well enough, so our marriage should work. I agreed, and we made love that very night. I went back to the property with Millie and Jack. Dale said he had some business to see to at the bank and would come home in a few days in my car. He didn’t make it. On his way home, he rolled the car and was killed. I am so glad Jason was still in Runaway. I don’t know how I would have coped if he wasn’t there to help me. Later I found out about Dale’s business with the bank. He had some money left from his inheritance from his father. He used all the money to pay off my debts. I guess he must have loved me. It was all so sad, but Dale is with Lilli now, and their ghosts reside in that old house. They will probably always haunt anyone who trespasses on the property. After all, it was theirs in the first place. Anyway, that’s why I had to sell. I don’t think I could have shared the house with them, but that was no excuse. I could have run the property from Runaway, but I’m just a town girl. What do I know about breeding cattle? Besides, I was all alone. Everyone had left me. I had no idea Jason had been transferred to Marickville. It was so good to find him again and to discover that he still wanted me. Now he has gone too. Learning that I was pregnant with Dale’s baby was too much a shock for him. Julie’s coffee had gone cold, but she drank it anyway.

Jason will come back after he gets over the shock, Julie.

No, Clara, I know he won’t, but I’ll cope. I have a baby to think of now. Julie started to sob again. She tried to stop, but the tears kept coming.

Come and sleep in the house with us, Julie. Don’t stay in the granny flat on your own.

I’ll be fine, Clara. Don’t worry about me. I hear Henry calling you. Thanks for listening to me.

Henry and I will be here if you need us. May I tell him about the baby?

Yes, and you can tell him whose baby it is and that he won’t be seeing Jason around here anymore.

Clara kissed Julie’s cheeks. Henry will be sad to know Jason left, but I bet he will be happy about the baby.

I love you both, Julie whispered. You’re the best in-laws any woman could wish for. She quickly wiped the fresh tears away. It’s time to get tough and face the future, Julie girl. I’ll call you in the morning before I go to work, Clara. Julie managed a smile.

CHAPTER 2

Julie later found out that Jason had gone to a small town called Lakefield, somewhere up north. She knew he wasn’t coming back. She had to get on with her life and think about her baby. She was lucky to have Clara and Henry nearby, and they were overjoyed about the baby even though it wasn’t their grandchild. They told her it didn’t matter, as they had loved Dale too. Julie continued to work until she was eight and a half months. She stayed at home then to await the birth of her baby. He was born two weeks early, just after midnight on a Saturday.

Julie’s baby boy was worth all the pain she endured giving him life. Your daddy would have been so proud of you, she whispered to the tiny child. And I vow to protect you with my life. Oh, I just love you to bits. Julie cried as she kissed his little head. Her wonderful friends were there to support her, and she knew she could call on them to help her with any problems she encountered as she reared her baby on her own.

Julie stayed home for four months enjoying motherhood, but soon the bills started piling up, and she realized she had to return to work. At first, Clara looked after little Thomas, but as he got older and started crawling, Julie had to put him in day care. Clara had to spend more time caring for Henry, as he was becoming frail in his old age. Julie was managing just fine by herself, although she felt lonesome during the nights, and she often thought about Jason. She spent many tearful nights.

Thomas was the image of Dale. His laugh and antics reminded her of his father, and at eighteen months old he even walked like Dale. Henry and Clara loved the little boy who bought so much joy into their lives. He was their grandson. Julie never went out, and her friends knew that, if they wanted to see her, they would have to come to her house. She had many visitors, so she was never lonely.

One day she received a wedding invitation in the mail. It was from her cousin, Gloria Page, who was getting married to Constable Phillip Holmes. Julie knew her cousin had been seeing someone, and she was surprised to be receiving an invitation so soon. Gloria called and begged her to come, and Clara insisted that Julie had to go to the wedding. She would take care of Thomas, so Julie had no excuse to refuse.

On the day of the wedding, Julie’s friends came to collect her so they could all go together in one car. One of them had to stay sober to drive, they told her. Julie was glad to be going, even though it also made her sad. She noticed how happy her cousin was and how much she loved her man and that brought back a lot of memories.

You are coming to the reception, Julie, aren’t you? Gloria asked.

Of course she is! Julie is coming with us, Lenny Watts said. He and Julie had known each other since they were children, and he was the driver of the car in which they would all travel to the reception.

But I need to go home and check on Clara and Thomas, insisted Julie.

Then we’re all coming with you. Otherwise you might decide to stay home, Lenny said, and her friends laughed.

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Julie and her friends were the only ones left in the park where the marriage had taken place. Someone opened a bottle of wine and started to hand everyone a glass. They laughed when they noticed that the happy couple had left. To the bride and groom wherever they have gone! said someone else.

Julie was enjoying the company and accepted a second glass and then a third. Hey, I think we should head off to the reception now, people, before we get too drunk to find the place, Lenny Watts said.

Or we might get pulled over for DD, said someone else. They all laughed holding up their glasses.

Not tonight! The police are all at the wedding. Julie, did you say you had to go somewhere? Lenny asked.

Yes, Lenny. Can you drop me off home so I can check on my son?

They piled into the car, and Lenny drove Julie home. He told the others to be quiet so as not to wake up the neighbourhood. Julie crept inside. Thomas was asleep in his cot, and Clara whispered that she was fine.

Julie left and hopped back into the car, giving Lenny a thumb up. They were all a bit drunk by the time they got to the hotel. Couples were already dancing when they walked in the door. Lenny pulled Julie onto the dance floor and waltzed her around the room. We should do this more often, Julie. He laughed. The music ended, and Lenny went to find them a drink. Julie saw the bride and groom and went to speak to them.

Julie, do you remember Jason Wilson? asked Gloria. He came all the way from Lakefield to attend our wedding. She turned to Jason. I’m so glad you could make it, Jason. Then she looked at Julie again. And this is Rebecca Coles. Rebecca is a friend of mine. She travelled down with Jason.

Phillip, the groom, said, It’s a shame you both have to leave tomorrow, Jason. It was obvious that he didn’t know that Julie and Jason had once been an item. Jason didn’t answer; he was staring at Julie.

Julie smiled and shook Rebecca’s hand, and then, because she was a bit drunk, she had the courage to go up to Jason and give him a kiss on the cheek. Hello, Jason. You’re looking tanned and healthy and as handsome as I remember. It must be the tropical climate. She laughed and didn’t wait to see his reaction. Instead, she turned to give Phillip and Gloria big hugs as she wished them a happy honeymoon. Then she went to join her friends.

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Jason was pleased with her friendly welcome. As she whirled off across the room, he felt an ache in his heart as he watched her and her group of friends hit the dance floor. He had been both surprised and nervous at seeing her.

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Julie was having such a good time that she didn’t give Jason another thought. She danced late into the night. Her group was the last to leave the hotel. Lenny drove all of them home and dropped them off one by one. In her apartment, Julie found Clara asleep on her bed. She kicked off her shoes and went into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Clara woke up and told Julie she would go upstairs to her own bed.

Thanks, Clara. I love you. Goodnight, Julie whispered.

Julie took her coffee into the lounge and sat down to relax and think about the wonderful time she’d had. It had been a long time since she’d had so much fun. She heard a knock on the door and wondered who could be calling at half past two in the morning! When she opened the door, she was surprised to see Jason standing there. Jason! was all she could say.

Julie, sorry it’s late, but can we talk?

I really don’t know what we can talk about, Jason, but come in. I just made a cup of coffee. Let me get you some. Julie fixed his coffee and set it on the table. Come and see my son. Then you can decide if we have anything to talk about.

She led him into the bedroom and over to the cot. Meet my son, Thomas.

Jason stared at the little boy. He reached down and stroked his hair. Dale … he said. Julie, he looks just like Dale.

Yes, he is Dale’s son, but you knew that. That’s why you left me. Come, our coffee is getting cold.

I’m so sorry, Julie. I was a fool to leave like that. I have wanted to call you, but I never had the courage.

It doesn’t matter, Jason. You have someone else now, so forget about us. Thomas and I are doing okay.

No! I don’t have anyone! I could never love anyone but you, Julie. Seeing you tonight made me realize I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Give me another chance! Let me love you and your son. I promise I will never let you go again.

I think those were my words once, she said. And anyway, who is Rebecca Coles?

A good friend. She made me come to the wedding, and now I know why. Gloria told Rebecca about us and told her you would be there. I don’t know what they were thinking, but I’m glad I went. Rebecca said I should come and talk to you before we headed back, but I am forgetting you might also have a man in your life now. I noticed you and Lenny Watts were having a good time.

Oh, Jason, Lenny is the best mate anyone could wish for, and you will like him too. No, we are not an item. Julie yawned and put down her cup. Jason, I need to get some sleep and so do you. If you’re leaving in the morning, you should go.

Julie, can I call you? he pleaded as he went to the door.

She followed him and said, Yes, if you want to.

He stopped and turned to look at her. I’m so sorry, Julie. I hope you can forgive me and let me back into your heart. I love you. He pulled her to him and kissed her.

Goodbye, Jason. She whispered as she shut the door after him. If only he knew how much I want him to stay.

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Jason went back to his motel but couldn’t sleep. He lay on the bed thinking about Julie and her son. Dale would have been so proud. Jason thought about Dale and realized he still missed their friendship. He couldn’t feel jealous of Julie and Dale’s relationship even though, at the time they were together, he had been fond of Julie. It had only been after he and Julie met up again that he really grew to love her. He hoped she would give him another chance, and he promised his dead friend he would love his son like his own. Jason dozed off and was awakened by someone calling out to him.

Jason! Jason!

He sat up and looked around. The room was in darkness, all was quiet, and yet Jason could have sworn it was Dale’s voice he’d heard. He lay back down but was too disturbed to go back to sleep. He got up, showered, and dressed. It was light enough outside for him to drive over and say hello to Clara and Henry. He knew they would be hurt if they knew he’d come back and hadn’t stopped in to see them.

Henry was happy to see him and made him come in and join them for breakfast. Clara told them she would go and see if Julie was awake. They didn’t know Jason had come to see her last night. Clara came back carrying Thomas. She told them Julie was still sleeping and she’d found Thomas awake and wanting to come with her. Henry took him from Clara and introduced Jason to