Sacrifice

By J. L. Campbell

Guilt is a bitter enemy when you sacrifice one precious gift for another.


Dane’s two-year-old daughter is the center of his world, and doubly precious because of her health challenges. When he discovers a son from a previous relationship, his world implodes. No matter what path he takes, everything he holds dear is at stake, and life will never look the way it did before tragedy knocked at his door.

Between family drama and her weight issues, Sophie is struggling to cope. Then, her greatest fear becomes reality when she loses her daughter. Making it from one day to the next seems impossible, her trust in Dane is at an all-time low, and so is her morale. All she has is her faith, an unlikely stopgap, and the hope that everything will fall together rather than apart.

****** Sacrifice is inspirational fiction that features a couple grappling with profound loss that can end a marriage. It brings a message of faith during a time when so many are dealing with unexpected losses of one kind or another.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Writer's Suite
• Release date: Nov 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9789768307125

Book preview

well.

1

T hanks, but no thanks.

Amoy’s refusal six months ago still haunted Dane daily.

Her response to his proposal had been stoic, which could have fooled him into believing she was fine. That’s what she wanted him to think. The pain in her eyes had been like a gut punch, which hit especially hard because he was going through his own issues.

Dane’s conscience tried to tell him that his refusal to acknowledge her son was punishment, but he brushed it aside. Though his intellect knew better, his heart said something else.

A bald man in pale blue scrubs stopped in front of the seats where Dane had settled next to Sophie. Her hand crept into his and he squeezed it, more for her reassurance than his. No matter how the hospital dressed up the building with plants and comfortable furniture, it was hard to forget why there were there.

Mr. and Mrs. Whitby?

Dane sat up. That’s correct.

I’m Dr. Lopez. We’ve stabilized Nyla but I can’t stress enough the importance of doing the next surgery as soon as possible. He paused and cleared his throat. The longer we delay, the more likely it is that she’ll develop severe complications.

We understand. Dane glanced at Sophie then back at the doctor. We’ll get in touch with Dr. Millwood.

The doctor with an olive complexion and silky, jet-black hair filled the awkward pause while rubbing the back of his neck. That’s for the best.

Thank you, Dane said, as Sophie swiped tears off her cheeks.

This endless cycle of hospital visits and consultations with Nyla’s cardiologist had been their lot since her birth two years ago. After a routine doctor’s visit during Sophie’s pregnancy, their obstetrician had ordered a fetal echocardiogram. He relayed the bad news a few days later that their baby had a heart defect.

They prayed their way through the remaining four months and hoped for the best.

After Sophie delivered the baby, their relief was short-lived. Their joy turned to ashes when the medical team wore concerned expressions and went into a whispered conversation just out of their hearing.

When can we see her? Sophie asked, cutting into Dane’s memories.

Another half-hour to forty-five minutes, the doctor replied.

How soon can we take her home? Dane asked, praying this wouldn’t be an extended stay.

We’ll be in a better position to say tomorrow. A slight smile curved the man’s lips. She’s a fighter so I imagine it will be sooner, rather than later.

Dane acknowledged his comment with a nod.

When the doctor walked away, Dane angled his body to face Sophie. I’ll get some things and be back here within an hour. Will you be okay?

Sophie sniffed and wiped her swollen eyes. Make sure you bring her bumble bee.

Her request pulled a faint smile from him. She wouldn’t allow me into her room if I didn’t.

The combination support cushion and plush toy was Nyla’s favorite, next to a beige bunny with super-long ears that Nyla had named Harold or ‘Harra’ in her baby speech. Her grandfather’s name was Harold, and he was always delighted when Nyla pointed to him and the rabbit and said his name.

Try not to worry too much, Dane warned as he stood.

Sophie’s smile was shaky. I’ll try.

Say a prayer instead.

She rubbed her forehead and got to her feet. I think I’ll go for a walk and get a cup of coffee or something.

Gently, he said, Then you won’t sleep for a week. We can’t have that.

She fell in step with him, and he cupped her elbow.

I’m just trying to stay alert for when Ny wakes, she said.

He guided her to one side of the corridor and stopped. What I don’t want you to do is stay awake all night watching her. As you’re always telling me, ‘God’s got this.’ He tipped her chin toward him. Prove to me that you believe what you say and rest when you’re tired.

She smiled, but the gesture didn’t light her eyes. Tears flooded them again, and he drew her into a hug. In times like these, he wished he knew what to do to heal Sophie’s hurt. She blamed herself for Nyla’s condition, and telling her that she wasn’t at fault didn’t make a difference. Sophie had convinced herself that having a child at thirty-eight was partly the cause of their daughter’s condition. They both knew that many women opted to delay having children until later in life, but Sophie still didn’t ease up on herself.

Maybe this has more to do with you than her.

He stifled that thought and allowed Sophie to hold on to him as long as she needed. He smoothed her short hair and dropped a kiss on her ear. When she stood back, she looked better. Her melanin-rich skin still glowed, and her eyes were brighter. He gave Sophie a handkerchief and slid an arm around her. Tell you what we’ll do. I’ll bring you a sandwich and something to drink from home. You haven’t eaten all day.

She sighed, and he kissed her softly. I’ll be back as soon as I can.

Okay. I’ll call if anything changes.

He left her standing inside the hospital’s sliding doors and strode to the parking lot. When he sat inside his Audi Q7 SUV, he gripped the wheel for a few seconds and settled his thoughts before driving off. They lived in walking distance, but he’d been away from his home office when Sophie called to say she’d taken Nyla to the hospital.

Within five minutes, he stood outside their two-story townhouse. Their decision to purchase had to do, in part, with proximity to the best children’s hospital in Orlando. Their lives revolved around Nyla’s illness and they were now used to that being the case.

On his way inside, his cell phone rang. He fumbled in his haste to pull it out of his pocket, but the call wasn’t from Sophie. His heart settled into its regular rhythm as he answered, Hey, Steve, what’s up?

His friend’s deep baritone matched his strapping physique. Just checking in with you to see if you’ll be at men’s fellowship tonight.

As he ran up the stairs, Dane said, Won’t make it. Ny’s in the hospital again.

I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll tell the guys and we’ll say a word for you and the family.

Thanks, man.

Each month, he only made the Wednesday evening gathering once or twice, but enjoyed the rapport with the men from the Divine Mission Worship Center.

He called his mother to update her, then slid the phone into his pocket and went into Nyla’s room to gather the items Sophie requested. Dane lifted the three-in-one comfort bumble bee and squeezed it to his chest. The toy carried a powdery scent he identified with Nyla. On his way past the chest-of-drawers, their family portrait stopped him, and he picked it up. In it, Nyla was four months old, but looked more like a newborn.

One of the symptoms of her condition—Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome—was breathlessness, and Nyla’s struggle tired her easily. That meant she didn’t feed enough to gain weight. Aside from sticking with the recommended high-calorie formula and waiting for the next surgery, they couldn’t do much else at the time. Many nights, they stood over Nyla, hoping the bluish tinge to her skin would fade to a healthy shade of brown.

Dane stroked her cheek through the glass, wishing it was within his power to switch places with Nyla. Their little girl was the best of both her parents. The perfect expression of their love for each other. He replaced the picture and rushed to his bedroom to get Harold. Because of Sophie’s illness, they hadn’t removed her crib from their room.

He went to the closet and retrieved the bag that stayed packed in case they had to remain overnight at the hospital. This time, he avoided looking at the photo that captured Nyla at six months.

Sophie’s reluctance to go ahead with Nyla’s second surgery had almost ended in tragedy. That time, the hospital was home to their little girl for nearly two weeks. He closed the door on the past and left the room. At the bottom of the stairs, he took a detour to the kitchen.

Sophie stuck to self-imposed rules that dictated what she put into her body, so he was limited in what he could buy at a fast food restaurant. Plus, the close proximity to the children’s hospital meant going in the opposite direction, which didn’t make sense.

While he heated the latest veggie-mush Sophie had taken to eating, he got a bottle of coconut water from the freezer.

He dropped his tie on the stool at the counter and fixed the sandwich, wishing he hadn’t skipped lunch today. The Lord knew he was tired of these frequent hospital trips, but he wouldn’t complain aloud. Especially not after the disgraceful way he’d acted with Amoy months ago.

He’d asked God to forgive him. Now if only he could forgive himself for disowning the son he didn’t know he’d fathered.

2

Sophie tore her gaze away from Nyla, whose breath hitched as she slept.

In the doorway, Dane smiled and walked into the hospital room covered in the same disposable gear she wore. The space catered for two patients although the bed parallel to Nyla’s was empty, for now.

Dane laid the items he carried on the other chair while Sophie stood and stretched her back.

His gaze went to Nyla, while on his way to her, which was what Sophie expected. Sometimes, she wasn’t sure which of them he loved more. He was overprotective with both of them, but when it came to Nyla, he went to extremes. Like avoiding their church family by taking Nyla outside when he saw people approaching. Dane often quipped that they appreciated the concern, but would rather avoid any cooties.

He hugged her, then kissed the corner of her mouth. When he pulled back, he studied her face. You need rest.

A yawn betrayed her and she laid both hands on his chest, comforted by his warmth and concern. We know the drill, so …

He touched the small of her back, which was still stiff. You want to go eat while I stay with Nyla?

Yeah, I should. I’m running on empty.

Frowning, Dane said, You need to take better care of yourself. Go and eat, love.

While she pulled out the sandwich and the drink, Dane settled in the chair she’d vacated and ran his thumb over Nyla’s small hand.

Tears washed Sophie’s eyes and she swallowed hard to move the painful swelling in her throat. If Dane was her heart, then Nyla was her soul.

She wished there was something she could do to make her baby’s life better. Beyond the quality of their provision as parents, and what the doctors could do, she was out of options. Guilt made her look away from Dane and Nyla. Tomorrow wouldn’t go by without them having a talk with her doctor. Sophie had to walk out her faith by doing exactly what she didn’t want to, and trusting Nyla would come out alive on the other side of surgery. She’d procrastinated long enough.

Last night at home, they argued about her reluctance to schedule the surgery, despite his promise to Dr. Millwood weeks ago. Something inside would not allow her to give permission for that last surgery. Plus, her mother wouldn’t hear of it. Nyla had gone through too much already, she claimed, slowly shaking her head.

You’re going to wait until something drastic happens and we have bigger problems, Dane had said, his jaw clenched in a hard line.

You know how I feel about putting her back under the knife.

And you know how I’ll feel if we don’t do anything and … He didn’t finish his thought, but withdrew into silence and the atmosphere had been tense.

Nyla’s spell of breathlessness later in the evening made them forget about their differences. Relief came only after it was clear that her medication was working. This morning brought on another episode and here they were again.

She said a prayer as she walked down the hall and into the elevator.

On the ground floor, she sat at the far end of a huge space furnished with single sofas positioned in pairs. The glassed-in area gave the impression of being outdoors, which Sophie needed at that moment.

She unwrapped the sandwich and bit into it. The chickpea filling, seasoned with onion, dill, and celery was tasty, but her taste buds longed for food more along the lines of fried chicken. Knowing that her hips would expand beyond what she could stand to see in a mirror, Sophie didn’t follow her cravings where they led.

Dane would be shocked if he knew she had that kind of yearning and sometimes indulged. She’d tried to convince him to make healthier food choices, but he resisted her efforts to change his diet. He didn’t interfere with her meal plans for Nyla, because he understood the importance of feeding her a balanced diet. Now and then, he defied Sophie and let Nyla indulge in ice cream and cookies. Dane insisted that she live some life, as he put it.

After she drank the last of the coconut water, she threw away the rubbish and stood in front of the glass, staring at the lights dotting the night sky. What she wouldn’t give to be home in bed, but she couldn’t think of leaving. Neither would Dane.

Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket. With grainy eyes, she checked the display then swallowed a sigh. Hey, Mama, all is well?

I’m checking in to see how my grandbaby is doing.

She’s asleep and doing okay, for now.

Child, you need to think positive. She will continue to improve, as always. She paused, then added. You have to trust in God. Yes, doctors have knowledge and all but considering the risks … my prayer team and I will be storming the throne room for all of you.

Her mother’s words didn’t bring the usual dose of comfort. Sophie’s nagging worry put her in a place where she didn’t feel settled enough to offer her own prayers, so she had reason to be grateful for intervention. Thanks, Mama. I appreciate every moment you spend praying on our behalf.

It’s what God told me to do and I know He’s able.

Yes, He is, Sophie said softly as she walked alongside the glass to get her blood moving. If she stood still any longer, she’d fall asleep.

By the way, her mother said, You need to talk with your cousin.

What has Ashley done now? Sophie asked while smoothing the back of her close-cropped hair.

Sheila tells me she’s planning another trip to Jamaica. That girl can’t keep a job and when she does get one, she only stays long enough to earn money to spend it on her pleasure.

She’d had that conversation a hundred times with Ashley, but it didn’t make a difference. Her cousin would do exactly what she pleased. She had no children, no husband, and her motto was to enjoy her life until God took back the breath He gave her. In her mind’s eye, she pictured Ashley’s dark-brown eyes squeezed tight in an infectious grin.

You know she won’t listen to me. Aunt Sheila needs to stand on her feet and speak with her daughter instead of complaining to you about her.

I agree, but Sheila asked me, so I’m telling you.

Rubbing her eyes, Sophie bit back a yawn. Fine, but with our situation, I don’t know when that will be.

Family is important, her mother groused.

Sophie sank into the nearest sofa, laid her head on the backrest, and closed her eyes. These conversations with her mother always took a turn into exhaustion. That’s when she usually did what Mama wanted, simply to ease the pressure.

I know that, which is why my first responsibility is to Nyla and Dane.

You can get another husband, but you can’t get another—

Don’t go there, Mama. She sighed, hating herself even as she spoke words that didn’t serve her purpose. I’ll talk to Ashley, but don’t expect a different result.

All I want you to do is try.

I will.

Thank you, baby. I’ll let Sheila know. Mama’s tone was now jovial. Call me later and let me know when they’re releasing Nyla.

Sophie shook her head. Her mother had called with a specific aim in mind and once that was achieved, everything was right with her.

A glance at her watch confirmed that she’d been away for fifteen minutes. She wouldn’t be missed for another few, so she speed-dialed Ashley’s number.

Hey, cuz, what’s up? I hear Ny is back in the hospital. Ashley’s cheerful voice lifted Sophie’s spirit. At nearly forty, Sophie was a year older than Ashley, with whom she’d been close since childhood.

And I hear you’re about to make Aunt Sheila’s hair fall out in clumps.

Ashley released a peal of laughter. They’re like a tag team. She’s been complaining to Aunt Reeney, who’s now leaning on you to set me straight.

You guessed it, Sophie said with a chuckle.

I don’t know why Mama can’t just let me be. She knows I’m not cut from the same cloth as Virginia. She let out a dramatic sigh. You’d think she’d be satisfied with having one daughter who’s living the Christian life, although Virginia looks as if it’s getting the better of her.

Sophie stifled laughter. You’re going straight to hell.

Nah, you’ll be there to pull me back at the last moment. Seriously though, Mama needs to give this a rest.

The frigid temperature made goose bumps pop out on Sophie’s skin and she moved one hand up and down her arm. Why are you going back to Jamaica this time?

Laughing, Ashley said, The same reason I went last time. Clive.

So, this long-distance thing is still going strong?

You betcha.

Sophie frowned. I hope you’re not sending this guy your money like some—

Aunt Reeney is rubbing off on you. For your information, Clive has a job and has never asked me for a cent.

Okay, fine, but isn’t it costing you to fly there? And what about your job? How are you going to manage?

You’re getting just as boring as Aunt Reeney and Mama. When I work, I save my money, which is why I haven’t moved out of Mama’s house.

One day she’s going to get fed up with you.

By that time, I’ll be with Mr. Right and settled down to wedded bliss like you.

Her words cast a shadow over Sophie and her gaze went to a woman sitting on the other side of the visitor’s area. She looked