Short Free Sample: The S&M Feminist

By Clarisse Thorn

Clarisse Thorn is a feminist activist who has been writing about love, S&M, sex, gender theory and relationships since 2008. She's been published all over the Internet, from The Guardian to Jezebel, and has given lectures at universities and museums across the USA. Here, she's compiled fourteen of her best articles from 2008-2012. This is a free sample — the full version is much awesomer!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Clarisse Thorn
• Release date: Apr 11, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476185477

Clarisse Thorn

Clarisse Thorn is a feminist, sex-positive educator who has delivered sex-related lectures and workshops to a variety of audiences, including New York's Museum of Sex, San Francisco's Center for Sex & Culture, and universities across the USA. She created and curated the original Sex+++ sex-positive documentary film series at Chicago's historic feminist site, Jane Addams Hull-House Museum. She has also volunteered as an archivist, curator and fundraiser for that venerable S&M institution, the Leather Archives & Museum. In 2010, Clarisse returned from working on HIV mitigation in sub-Saharan Africa. Her writing has appeared across the Internet in many many places, from The Guardian to Jezebel. She blogs about feminist sexuality with a focus on S&M at clarissethorn.com, and tweets @clarissethorn.

Book preview

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The S&M Feminist:

Best of Clarisse Thorn

FREE SAMPLE

Buy the longer version at:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/166178

In paperback: https://www.createspace.com/3878670

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Clarisse Thorn

Smashwords Edition

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clarissethorn.com

@ClarisseThorn

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This free ebook is copyright 2012 Clarisse Thorn. I certainly have mixed feelings about modern copyright law... but I've put an enormous amount of time and effort into my writing, and I make my living as a writer. So I ask you to please respect my time and effort, and observe copyright laws as they apply to this ebook. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. In other words, you're welcome to share it with your friends. Also, check out the Electronic Frontier Foundation at [ http://eff.org ], a nonprofit that protects free speech on the Internet and does lots of awesome work around copyright issues.

Cover image copyright 2002 Clarisse Thorn.

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Also check out Clarisse's awesome book

Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser!

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There's a huge subculture of men who trade tips, tricks, and tactics for seducing women. Clarisse Thorn, a feminist S&M writer and activist, spent years researching these guys. She observed their discussions, watched them in action, and learned their strategies. By the end, she'd given a lecture at a seduction convention. This is her story -- and her theories about feminism and seduction to boot.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/144451

In paperback: https://www.createspace.com/3830583

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If you're afraid of pain, you have to find out what pain is.

~ Marina Abramovic

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I'd like to thank all the brave pioneers of the BDSM community, for exploring the reaches of human sexuality, and coming back with maps.

~ an unsourced quotation offered by one of Clarisse's blog commenters

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I think of Clarisse as the John Stuart Mills of sexuality.

~ one of Clarisse's ex-boyfriends

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People's ability to understand their own emotional and physical experiences and sensations is limited by what is safe to ask or know, what systems of interpretation they have received for screening that raw material, and whether they find it possible to connect with anyone who thinks differently about these matters.

~ Pat Califia

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Abuse of power comes as no surprise.

~ Jenny Holzer

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Notes, Acknowledgments and Resources

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For this free sample, I chose 14 articles that I most wanted to get out there. But since I started my blog in 2008, I've written dozens of articles, and I'm not afraid to say that a lot of them are really good. You can buy the full Best Of Clarisse Thorn on Smashwords here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/166178

It's available in paperback here: https://www.createspace.com/3878670

I had a privileged upbringing. My education and safety nets are the biggest reasons I'm able to do the work that I do, and I try not to forget that. I have been blessed with parents, friends, and lovers who have supported me both emotionally and intellectually. Since this is a Best Of my blog, I want to particularly acknowledge the commenters who have contributed their perspective to my blog, and the other bloggers who have responded to me and cross-posted my work. There are too many to name, but thank you all so much.

I try to keep my writing as accessible as possible. One way I do that is by avoiding jargon and by using terms that I think most people will recognize. I often write S&M instead of BDSM, for example; and when I'm using technical S&M language like top or bottom or scene, I try to define the words as I go along. But sometimes I slip into jargon by accident. Also, plenty of S&M terms are super useful, and giving a quick overview of S&M language can go a long way towards describing S&M culture. Hence, I have included a Glossary at the end of this book. Many of the terms in the Glossary aren't terms that I use in this book, but you might find it useful or interesting anyway. (I also included a few terms that come from other subcultures, such as polyamory or queer studies.)

I've received a lot of feedback over the years informing me that I'm the gateway drug into feminism for some readers. That's kind of cool, but I want to make it clear that if you're just now getting into feminism, there's lots of other stuff to learn before you draw any conclusions. Feminism is a huge, varied, rich movement with lots of history, schisms, and discontents. Also, in case it needs to be said, I'm not the only feminist who does S&M. There are others, some of whom love my work and some of whom disagree with me frequently.

One advantage of the blog format, as opposed to more traditional formats, is that each post can contain tons of hyperlinks -- and each article has comment space, so there can be fascinating discussions that explore each topic more deeply. (Of course, there can also be silly, boring, or offensive discussions.) As soon as a blog becomes moderately successful, it develops its own community of regular commenters, and mine is no exception. Facilitating and moderating these discussions can be amazingly fun and interesting. It can also be stressful and exhausting. As a commenter community evolves, it shapes how other people read the blog's articles and comment on them; sometimes the community will develop norms or tendencies that make certain people feel more comfortable -- or less comfortable. I've tried to control this with my blog so that it's a welcoming environment for most people, but I have such a diverse range of commenters that it's sometimes quite difficult.

I bring all this up because, if you're intrigued by some of the articles you read in this book, I encourage you to check out the original post. In this book, I've made a lot of hyperlinks into footnotes, but not all of them. More importantly, if you look at the original post, you can read the comments. But my commenter community has changed over time. Sometimes it's more feminist, for example, and sometimes it's less feminist. So just be aware, if you read the comments, that the range of opinions may not reflect any group that would assemble elsewhere on the planet; that a different community might produce really different comments; and that other articles might have really different discussions.

If you've already read my incredibly awesome book Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser, then thank you! (Bonus points if you can pick out all the parts of Confessions that I pulled verbatim from articles included in this book.) If you haven't read Confessions, then please check that out, too. https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/144451

Paperback copies of Confessions: https://www.createspace.com/3830583

I powered this ebook almost entirely with my own strangely obsessive energy, so you can blame me for any mistakes. If you find coding errors, broken internal links, or whatever, then I invite you to email me and let me know so I can update the file! I'm available at [e-mail].

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BDSM Resources

BDSM is a 6-for-4 deal of an acronym that stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and/or Masochism. Some people call it S&M, B&D, leather, fetish, or kink. BDSM can mean very different things to different people, and there are a lot of activities that can fall under the BDSM umbrella; such activities might include spanking, Master/slave role-playing, handcuffs, cages, rape fantasies, razor blades, or all kinds of other things.

I mention a lot of resources in the articles that I've included in this book, but I wanted to include an overview at the beginning, too.

Hands down, I believe that one of the most important resources within the BDSM community is the Kink Aware Professionals list. If you are seeking medical, legal or other professional help for a problem that is influenced by alternative sexuality, there is probably someone on the list who can help you. When I was going through my own complicated and difficult BDSM coming-out process, I tried two therapists from the KAP list. One of them didn't really get me, but the second was wonderfully helpful -- so, if you're looking for a therapist, don't be afraid to shop around until you find the right fit. The list is here: https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html

Books

My personal favorite beginner BDSM books are The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. If you look for those books on Amazon.com, you will also see a lot of interesting related books in the Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought section. I remember liking Jay Wiseman's SM101, although I know some people who have mixed feelings about it; a number of people recommend Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon, but I've never read it myself.

If you're thinking of coming out to a loved one, I recommend the book When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine W. Liszt. I've also heard good things about the Parents of Alternative Sexuality pamphlet by Dr. Amy Marsh.

If you, like me, are particularly attracted to the idea of needle piercing, there's a great book called Play Piercing by Deborah Addington.

If you're more interested in getting a feel for common BDSM philosophies and what the BDSM community is like -- an anthropological perspective, one might say -- then there's a book by Mark Thompson called Leatherfolk, and a newer one by Staci Newmahr called Playing at the Edge.

Online

I usually direct total newbies to this BDSM 101 page by Franklin Veaux: http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

As it happens, the same writer has a good Polyamory 101, too: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

There are a lot of websites on BDSM, and they aren't all carefully edited or moderated; so if you can manage it, then I suggest you try to get hold of one of the above how-to books. That said... overall, one of the best online BDSM resources is FetLife.com, the kinky social networking site. Once you have an account, you can join a huge variety of discussion groups about BDSM. FetLife is not a dating site; it’s more like a kinky Facebook (seriously). I think that there are important problems with how FetLife is structured. For example, there’s no way to search for past topics, which is ridiculous; this means that the research process for finding discussions is incredibly weird. The BDSM activist maymay has written intelligently about many issues with FetLife: http://maybemaimed.com/2011/03/20/fetlife-considered-harmful/

But the fact remains that FetLife is a huge gathering place.

Another good online resource is the amazing sex education site Scarleteen.com. Scarleteen offers a ton of advice on a ton of sexual topics, and has its own message boards.

The site KinkAcademy.com has received some good reviews, and features video tutorials by some people who are pretty well-known in the community. You have to buy a membership, though.

The BDSM writer Ranai from Germany has labored long and hard to make an amazingly comprehensive, international, multilingual directory of kink resources. I haven't gone through it extensively, but every time Ranai comments on my blog she's brilliant, so I'm sure her directory is brilliant too. Here's the directory: http://ranai.wordpress.com/kink-resources/

There are so many BDSM blogs that I could never count them all. I want to direct special attention to Kink Research Overviews, an abandoned but still excellent blog that profiles the sparse and scattershot research on BDSM: http://kinkresearch.blogspot.com/2009/10/welcome-to-kink-research.html

In Person

If you've decided that you want to start attending workshops, discussion groups, parties, or other BDSM events in person, please keep in mind that not everyone is going to mesh well with their local BDSM groups. If you don't like your local BDSM group, then don't force yourself to participate! That said, I generally encourage people to get into their local community, because it truly can be an amazing resource -- it's way more than just a place to meet partners.

If you make an account on FetLife, you may be able to join groups for your area (for example, if you live in Chicago, then you should look for Chicago groups), where local issues or events will be discussed and publicized.

For those aged 18-35, many major cities have branches of The Next Generation, a.k.a. the local kinky youth group.

Otherwise, just Google around. It's much easier these days than it was for our parents.

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Lectures, Workshops and Events

I'm not just a writer -- I also give lectures and workshops, and organize events. Here's a short list of some of the lectures, workshops and events I offer:

* Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser. There's a whole subculture out there devoted to teaching men how to seduce women. Over the last few years, these underground pickup artists have slowly surfaced into the popular consciousness, with the help of bestselling books like Neil Strauss's The Game and hit reality shows like VH1′s The Pick-Up Artist. I spent two years doing on-and-off research into these Casanovas. In this lecture I discuss my experiences talking to pickup artists, learning their techniques, understanding their community frameworks and norms, and eventually giving them tips on how to seduce women... all of which culminated in my book, Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser: Long Interviews With Hideous Men. This presentation was originally created for a lunchtime talk at the Center for Gender Studies at the University of Chicago, and I can deliver it in 90 minutes or less.

* Leadership in the Bedroom: A Sexual Communication Workshop. Down-to-earth tips and ideas on how to communicate clearly about sex. This workshop was originally requested by the University of Illinois at Chicago, but I've given versions of it at other venues as well. It was one of the first workshops I ever designed, and I'm currently working on streamlining it and making it more interactive. I can do it in an hour, but it's really better with two hours.

* BDSM Overview. Imagery deriving from bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism (BDSM) is becoming commonplace -- and we all know (or think we know) what a dominatrix is -- but most people don't have much idea of what BDSM actually involves. Although it is increasingly accepted as an alternative sexual orientation, BDSM remains surrounded by stigma, scandal and occasional legal action. This presentation covers the basics of BDSM (however, it's not a how-to lecture -- you aren't going to learn how to use a whip, though you'll learn where to go to find out!). I prefer to poll the audience to see what they want to cover on top of that -- BDSM history? cultural landmarks? BDSM & feminism? legal issues? I've got it all! I have given this lecture more than any other. It can be squished into an hour, but I prefer two hours.

* Sex-Positivity for Everyone! Including the Mens! What is masculinity or male advocacy as a movement, and how is it in dialogue with contemporary feminism? Can it be incorporated into feminism, or can the values of the sex-positive feminist community speak to its concerns? What does positive, productive talk about masculinity sound like? I talk about all this in a short lecturette and then facilitate small discussions on kinky male sexuality, men in the pickup artist community, and men who buy sex. This workshop was originally requested by the University of Chicago, and based on feedback from that experience and others, I have been adapting it. It should take about 90 minutes.

* The Sex+++ Film Series at Jane Addams Hull-House Museum and related film screenings. I have now overseen many many screenings of sex-positive documentaries, and facilitated followup discussions afterwards. In the past I have done this primarily to accomplish my own activist educational goals or to raise funds for